Chapter Forty
After The Show…
Tatsuki made her way to the patio and sat on the patio chair next to Huyu. He reached over and handed her a long neck bottle of some beer that she couldn't recognize because the label was gone and she wasn't a beer drinker or much of a drinker at all.
"Promotions took off the labels. We can't endorse any beer or drink," he said sipping on a bottle.
"Makes sense…you could make real money if you did though all those beer ads are ridiculous," she said twisting the bottle in her hands.
"Sake seems like a better bet for us," he said.
"Soft drinks are better because some of the fans can't drink," she said.
"That is right but why not both…anyhow we never really had a chance did we," he asked.
"To sell soft drinks," she asked puzzled.
"No I mean you and I never had a chance did we," he risked looking at her as she stared out at the Karakura night skyline.
"I didn't give you all of me. My time, energy and passion were elsewhere so I see that now. Looking back I wasn't there emotionally the way I could have let myself be," she answered.
"You're still my muse," he said.
"That's cute," she replied smiling at him.
"I'm serious. If it weren't for that dude you're so wrapped up in…it might have been us," he said.
"Tell me you moved on," she said.
It was a bother that he still loved her. Part of her always felt it was unfair to him that she fell in love. Renji wasn't part of this world but Huyu always saw himself competing with him for her heart. It was a losing battle before it even began as her heart was long ago claimed.
Finally he spoke after sipping his beer, "You're not for me and I know that but I'll always love you. That's why I can't hang out with you and just be friends.
That dude is absolutely right to feel wary about us out here but this is the last time I'll put myself in this place. That boyfriend of yours is…I've had that look more than once and I think every guy out there knows it. Simply because you women can't see how amazing you are…you can't see how amazing you are."
"Are you trying to convince me that I get noticed as much as Orihime? I'm not that clueless about guys. I think-
"Doesn't matter what you try to say you just can't see it from our vantage point. Maybe you're not ready to see it so you try to intimidate us with the threat you can totally kick our ass," he said throwing his head back in laughter.
"You hardly seemed intimidated by me back when I first met you," she countered.
"Without a doubt it was love at first sight and I was terrified of you...you can kick my ass. Not that you'd harm me with brutal strength…but that you'd kill me with words…Rejection that is the greatest thing that all of us fear," he said.
Rejection was a strong word to use and she felt the pain in the word even as he said it now.
"Yeah right," she chuckled to break some of the tension.
"You need to seriously spend more time looking in the mirror. I mean it you're beautiful," he said.
"I've heard all the songs but you sound less poetic with that beer in your hand," she said.
"I just can't woo you in any way…oh well what do you think of the rest of my songs," he asked.
"I've always loved your music. The funny thing is most of the songs aren't about me at all are they," she asked.
"No and I would correct you and say loosely based on you," he replied.
"Then you can't call me a muse," she said.
"Go on this world tour with me and forget that other guy. You can forever be my muse," he said.
She stood up ready to go back inside, "There are so many girls out there that would scream at me for this but I have to say no."
"You can't fault me for trying," he said standing up, "The way you look tonight and just talking to you again now is reason enough for me to try."
"I'll keep praying that you find another muse," she said looking at him. She meant it she wanted him to be happy.
"The press will have a field day with whomever I decide to date. No it is better to just be abstract and keep them guessing," he said.
"That cover song that you played by U2 really felt emotional tonight," she said thinking of the lyrics to the song.
"Electrical Storm, which is some song I love the guitar on that. I'm a huge fan you know but I'm kind of surprised that you noticed. You see through everything," he said.
"What?"
"I'm hyper aware of your situation…have been for years so much so that I think I'm going insane. I know you'll never tell me what is going on but I know there is something else. There is something not everyone can see or even understand.
When we were together it was like that. I always felt there was something more to you and Renji is just so strange I know there is something else there. Even all the friends you have here tonight…really quite strange," he said.
"How so and why do you think that song relates to my relationship at all," she asked.
"This is my way of saying goodbye to you. The way you couldn't say goodbye to me," he said.
She knew he was still upset at the way she left California without a word. Leaving things unsettled and the way she suddenly left was clearly bothering him still.
"I owe you an apology I never intended to leave like that," she said.
"You owe me nothing we ended things long before he swept you away from California," he said.
"But I was always going to leave Renji has nothing to do with it," she said defensively taking notice of how Huyu refused to even mention Renji's name.
"No matter," he said waving it off continuing, "I also wanted you to know that I understand how hard you have it you don't need any added drama from me. The song…well interpret it anyway you like…The sky is really something else."
Holding the door open for her to go inside he had an accepting look on his face. He looked like one who solved some great mystery and reengaged the party as if nothing had happened.
Cutting off any more questions she might have had Keigo popped up from seemingly nowhere to tell her about some pop star he happened to meet. She listened half-heartedly watching as Huyu sat down inside.
Keigo was just grateful to have some material to report on. It still amused her that he continued to be so enthusiastic about everything while she was starting to wear down.
The night had been long and she had enough on her mind still thinking about what Huyu said. He wasn't spiritually aware. The hollows that roamed the skies never registered with him all the years they were together yet tonight he spoke as if he had knowledge of them.
Something in her look must have worried Renji who was suddenly at her side asking questions. She answered that she was fine and that nothing was wrong but she continued to think about all Huyu said.
He was aware that something kept her apart from Renji. Could he know about her spiritual awareness? He never said anything before to her.
How much did Huyu know? She thought back to the concert, the conversations she had with him about her relationship and their final goodbye. He knew a lot perhaps as much as any human can know.
"I've had more than enough to drink and I think I'm just tired," she finally said.
"You've had enough. What about him," Renji asked.
Tatsuki searched the group of them. Sleepy, angry, sick and happy drunks mingled with the blissfully sober crowd. It was definitely time for them to head on home.
Keigo wasn't sober enough to conduct an interview so she'd have to use her influence to help him out latter. Without another word she stood up and attempted to assemble her friends so they could go home.
000
Tatsuki's apartment was filled once again. This time her family decided to have dinner at her place. Her parents' home was destroyed by an unexplained phenomenon and the cousins, aunt and uncle decided to tag along.
"Sweetheart," her mother's voice rang out and Tatsuki looked up busy with the kitchen preparatory work.
"What is it mom," she asked.
"There is someone at your door," her mother answered.
"Go on and answer it mom," Tatsuki said.
Tatsuki's mother opened the door and stared down the young man in front of her. Bright hair, but she was used to seeing that. Tattoos, well Tatsuki did have that artist streak in her. Attitude…or at least he looked like he had one, she liked that it gave him an interesting edge. Well-built, thank goodness for that she couldn't picture her daughter with skin and bones. Finished analyzing him she waited for his explanation.
"I must have the wrong place," Renji said.
"Wait a minute young man. You must be the one…I knew it my daughter…," she trailed off.
"I can comeback another time," Renji said and was promptly ignored.
"Tatsuki," her mother called out.
Tatsuki heard the voice and froze. How would she explain Renji's arrival to her family?
"Sweetheart what is it do I need to ask him to leave," her father said breaking the frozen spell she was under.
"No daddy…he's just unexpected is all," Tatsuki said taking off her apron and washing her hands.
The longer her mother stood with him the closer their small-talk conversation would turn to future grandchildren. It made Tatsuki smile to know that her mother seemed to really like him. That stars in her eyes look Mrs. Arisawa had never crossed her features with any other guy she dated.
"The grocery list," her father asked.
"Huh," she questioned.
"That isn't your writing and I notice everything remember," her father said pointing out a list on the refrigerator door.
If her father paused to look closer he would notice the strange descriptions of junk food that Renji wanted to try but had no awareness what it was called. She made things worse pretending not to know what he excitedly described.
"Right daddy, I got to go," she replied quickly rushing to the door.
"I'll just go help your father in the kitchen," her mother said as Tatsuki arrived at the front door.
"Right mom," she said shutting the door behind her.
Renji looked apologetically her way.
"Renji what are you doing here," she asked.
"I didn't know you were having family dinner night here and it's not Sunday," Renji replied.
"There was an accident at the house. My family…oh that had something to do with the Soul Society didn't it," she asked.
"I'm not sure what you are talking about. I only came to see you. Don't always assume something supernatural is happening," he said.
The door suddenly opened invading their privacy.
"Don't leave us wondering invite him in already," her father ordered.
"Sir I was just leaving," Renji attempted to excuse himself.
"Nonsense I'm Tatsuki's father," he said shaking Renji's hand, "come on in…young man."
"It's Renji…Abarai Renji, sir," Renji said.
"We'll come on in Abarai-San," her father said.
Tatsuki introduced him to all the wide-eyed family members. The questions began almost immediately.
000
"So how did you two meet," her mother asked after dinner.
"High School," Renji answered.
"So what number is he," her cousin asked.
"Shut up. Renji wasn't like those guys," Tatsuki said glaring at her insensitive cousin.
"Number what are you talking about," her father asked.
"It's not like what you are thinking daddy," Tatsuki tried to explain extremely embarrassed.
"Yeah not like that at all Ichigo is number one and they never-
"Can you please shut up," Tatsuki said storming away from the dining area to her room.
Too embarrassed to look at anyone she can only remember the heated gaze she sent towards her stupid cousin.
"Hey I was just joking," she heard him call out as she took all her anger out on her door slamming it shut.
Sliding to the floor she could barely see through her anger and humiliation. Her entire family acted like morons.
They didn't see how precious her time with Renji was. And after all how could they. She wondered when she started crying as a teardrop hit her wrist.
"Sweetheart will you let me in," her father asked just outsider her door.
"Daddy," she said swiping at the tears.
Mr. Arisawa walked in the room and sat on the floor opposite his daughter.
"You talk to me…we've always talked Tatsuki. You love this young man," he asked.
"It is complicated daddy," she said leaning her head back so the tears would stop falling.
"That's not an answer," he said.
"I love him," she said.
"That's good he seems like a good guy. I told him I'd talk to you. He wanted to come here but I know you don't want him to see you like this," he said.
"He's still here," she asked relieved he didn't run off after her cracked behavior.
"Yes outside the door. Whatever the reason you never told us about him…I understand. Don't worry about your cousin he's always been that way and you've never backed down in the past. Besides your mother adores this one tells me that you'll grow old together," he said.
Tatsuki looked at him rolling her eyes and nearly laughing at that.
"Mom said that," she asked.
"Yeah you know your mother. She knows you never want to talk to her about such things," he said.
"What makes you so sure that I'd want to talk to you about such things," she asked.
"Just talk to your mother some time you'll be surprised," he said.
"Yeah daddy thanks," she said and scooted towards him hugging him.
"I'll let him in," he said letting her go.
She nodded at him and got up to sit on the edge of the bed. Her father left the room.
"Sorry I acted so childish," she apologized as Renji came into the room.
The look of concern on his face was so sweet she didn't deserve it. She was teased by her cousin nothing really happened that she deserved such worry from him.
"You are dealing with a lot and I'm pleased that I came here though. I still want to know about this number system," he said.
"It is really quite stupid…like I said childish," she said.
Renji sat next to her on the bed. The jealousy monster threatened to emerge any second now.
"Indulge me," he said.
"I ranked the boys in class from weakest to strongest. One day the teacher found the note. I had to read the list in front of the class. The teacher of course misunderstood what it meant too.
My cousin won't let me live it down but all my classmates knew what it meant and ignored it. Since you said we met in school my cousin ran with that making fun of me…Tatsuki's List a way to drive away every guy I like," she said.
"So Ichigo was the toughest," he asked.
"No he was ranked one because I beat him up the most in the dojo. I had a formula and everything. To make Ichigo feel a bit better I added a zero to the list," she explained.
"I'm not convinced I buy this explanation. Admit it you had a crush on Ichigo," he said.
"Wh-what!"
"You heard me and you know I don't care about some number ranking system you had when you were a kid. So want to go rejoin your family," he asked.
"I'd rather hang out with you here," she said.
"We never talked about that night at the concert," he said suddenly.
"When I talked to Huyu he had a lot to say but it is like I said…his goodbye," she shrugged and looked at him.
It was important to her that she didn't take this issue lightly. Clearly it still bothered him if he brought it up now in the midst of a discussion about her past crushes. Ignoring the conversation with Huyu was her fault. She should have told him about the conversation that night.
"I didn't feel jealous or anything I just felt bad for the guy," he smiled at her.
"Felt bad for him, right," she rolled her eyes and chuckled.
"He's not in your life. Not as a friend and not even as an acquaintance. He's surrounded by people who hardly know him…and they take full advantage of all his life has to give," he said.
"You only see the business part. Huyu has people in his life for sure and the band is his close friends. The man you see on stage is just the business part," she said.
"The songs are too emotional to be described as business," he argued.
"So I'm not in his life but in his mind he made art out of our story however brief it ended up," she said.
"I am a little jealous of that," he frowned.
"Well there are other things in his songs. Far off places he told me he dreamt of and worlds in his imagination. He once told me that those worlds could exist and that anything was possible. He said the dreams could be real and I argued for imagination above this reality he believed," she said.
"Something else happened that night," he prodded.
"He seemed to know about the supernatural things that surround my life. He didn't come out and say it but he's aware of all the crazy things in my life," she explained.
"I suppose one would try to find out everything about the person they love. He really did love you," he said.
"I know but why-
"There is no need for him to expose your secrets, or dig up anything more about you. He is satisfied with the way you two ended things," he reasoned.
"That is why he invited me on tour," she asked.
"I didn't know that…he really isn't over you then," he asked surprise on his face.
"Don't look so serious about it I'm sure he was just throwing it out there. Besides we have been over for so long now. You know he also said we could never be friends so you're right I am out of his life," she said.
They sat in silence for a while. Neither one of them wanting to say the obvious thing question that came to mind: If things ended between them would they be able to keep up their friendship.
"There are plenty of others for me to be jealous of too you know," he said.
"Keigo was…is going through something and he was drunk-
"That night maybe but…you'll never understand. Come on let's go," he said.
"Never understand what," she asked.
Renji wasn't the jealous type but what he felt was something unexplainable. Those guys in her past the guys in her present were really only a step away from her at any moment. She was the girl who could never really understand how the guys who called her friend wanted so much more.
"The girl next door has magical powers," Renji mimicking a quote from a movie they watched.
"You have to stop watching Orihime's movie collection," Tatsuki said folding her arms and rolling her eyes.
She loved that he remembered that movie. The movie quickly became one of her all-time favorites. It was a sappy love story that made her tear up every time. She watched it so many time she had it memorized but to her knowledge Renji only seen it one time.
"I'm just saying that you have admirers even if you aren't aware of it. But for now just get going," he said.
"Fine I'm going. My mother must have promised you desert or something," she said.
"She did," he replied.
"We better go then," she said.
They were just standing next to each other staring in each other's eyes. He had been gone for a while and she really missed being this close to him.
"I really missed you," he said.
"I know," she said.
He kissed her. She kissed him back. He started to pull away but she wasn't done she pushed up on her toes drawing on bottom lip and struggling to hold his face to hers. He nearly chuckled and lifted her up in his arms mirroring what she started.
"Have you forgotten yourself love," he said.
Setting her down on her feet he grinned as her eyes flickered open and heat rushed to her cheeks. She did forget herself.
Your family is right outside the door idiot.
"You are right so go," she said pushing him towards the door.
They rejoined the dinner party. Her cousin apologized before leaving and gave her a hug. Her aunt apologized at least twenty times hugging her tight and telling her to take care.
After desert and the end of fairly competitive game of hearts, her parents finally said their goodbyes. Her father promised a get together soon and seemed as impressed with Renji as her mother was.
000
"Your parents seem like happy folk," Renji said.
He started helping her clean up the living room. Her parents would have stayed to help but she insisted they were guests and she could handle it. Her mother mentally applauded as Renji said he would help.
"The insurance company is paying for my parent's suite so they are quite happy," Tatsuki explained.
"I never wanted to involve your family but tonight I just realized how idiotic that is," he said.
"Renji you-
"You love them and I guess I never really allowed myself to see how much," he said.
"Then can you tell me it doesn't change anything between us," she said.
The water just ran over the dishes and she was terrified to turn around and see his face. She couldn't stomach the heartbreak if he were to try to break up with her now.
"It changes everything," he said.
Her heart seemed to stop beating. To cry and turn around begging him to change his mind would be pointless. She needed to accept that this day would come. It was over for them.
Some magical force that she knew was love brought them together and now drove them apart. Like the giant scales that had previously balanced out leaned more towards her family.
"I can finish up the dishes on my own," she said.
She felt his hand around her waist and it confused her more than anything else. What kind of breakup was this anyway, she wondered.
"Can you see the dishes with tears in your eyes," he asked.
He reached over and turned off the scalding hot water. She hardly noticed how red her hand had turned.
Renji picked her up and sat her on the kitchen island. She may have squeaked or made some ridiculous noise she couldn't be sure. His hand wanders on her thigh and his lips gently kissed her tear-stained cheeks. Her eyes closed once again and she sighed with relief.
Still unsure of what he meant by everything changing she was lost. Once again he made her forget it all.
Suddenly she was left sitting on the island eyed closed looking ridiculous as he finished washing the dishes.
Damn you Renji.