Act One, Part Two

With a smile and nod of thanks, Artie flipped a coin to the cab driver, then followed Jim up the stairs to the door of the office building. "I'll get that for you," he said, hurrying to grab the doorknob. As he held the door for Jim to carry the case inside, he murmured, "They're all still with us. I wonder if the cabbies have caught on to what's going on."

"I didn't see anyone new added," said Jim. "Did you?"

"Not…" Artie took one final look around before letting the door close behind them. "Not that I noticed." The two agents stepped up to the guard manning the reception desk and showed their credentials. After checking the IDs carefully, the guard said, "The door to your right, gentlemen," and buzzed them through.

The colonel's secretary Mr Keeley greeted them as the two entered the anteroom upstairs. "Good to see you, Mr West, Mr Gordon. Please be seated while I announce you." The secretary tapped on the inner office door, then stuck his head inside and spoke briefly.

Immediately Col Richmond appeared in the doorway. "Oh good! Jim, Artemus, come right on in." They all made way for Jim to haul the case straight to the desk, where he set it down gently. "And the Phoenix is inside?" said Richmond.

"We believe so, yes," said Artie. "The quality of the materials and the workmanship look right, at least."

"If it's not the genuine item," added Jim, "it's an excellent imitation."

A chuckling, querulous voice piped up then, saying, "Oh, I'll be the judge of that, James!" And a man stepped forward, holding out a hand in greeting. "How are you doing, Jim, Artemus? And how is this little bird doing as well, hmm?"

"Good day, Professor Montague," said Jim.

"Let's open up the case and you can see for yourself," said Artie. "I, uh, trust your trip here from Denver was pleasant?"

"Uneventful, at least," said the little professor. "The monotony of the train ride gave me the opportunity to catch up on some reading. I perused the most delightful monograph, gentlemen, on the art of identifying various types of tobacco by their ashes - can you believe it? - written by a, by a young fellow over there in England. Most curious name he had, most curious, only I've quite forgotten what it was. Sherwood…? No, no, that's not it…" He nattered on to himself as Jim and Artie used the keys they had acquired from Memphis and the countess to open the case. "Oh, yes!" said Montague suddenly. "And for that matter, on the trip I met…"

"Professor," said Richmond, gesturing for the little scientist to rejoin them.

"Hmm? Ah, yes, the Phoenix!" Montague accepted the gloves from Artemus and donned them, pulled out a loupe of his own, and was soon happily engrossed in studying the precious treasure.

"Gentlemen." Richmond drew his two agents off to one side. "Anything to report?"

West and Gordon spent the next several minutes catching their boss up on all that had happened to them so far pertaining to the Phoenix. Richmond nodded, asking questions at intervals, until the professor's cry of, "Oh, how delightful!" interrupted him. "Col Richmond, come and see!" Montague exclaimed.

Richmond, along with West and Gordon, returned to the desk where the little professor gleefully wound up the Phoenix and put it through its paces. So enchanting was the little creation, even for those who had seen what it would do before, that none of the four noticed the knock on the outer office door that Keeley went to answer.

"Isn't it marvelous?" said Prof Montague with satisfaction as the final panel of the orb gently settled back into its place, completing the cycle. "Oh, gentlemen, let me tell you, between the craftsmanship involved and the materials of which it is made, there is no doubt in my mind that this is in fact the genuine article, and the work of that master artist Leonardo da Vinci himself!"

"I already told you that," came a forlorn voice from the door. All four men turned to see Mr Keeley's apologetic face framed in the doorway, the woebegone form of Bartholomew Memphis right beside him flanked by one of the armed guards.

"I'm sorry, Colonel," said Keeley. "I was about to inform you of Mr Memphis' arrival, but…"

Richmond waved that aside. "No matter, no matter. Mr Memphis, do come in. I'm Col Richmond. And is the countess…? Ah, yes. Please, do enter as well, dear lady." He nodded a thank you to the guard who had escorted them up, dismissing him, then turned to the new guests and said, "Mr Memphis, Countess Zorana, may I present Professor Montague."

The little professor shook hands warmly with the little curator, who escaped from the handshake as quickly as possible. Montague then turned his attention to the lady, his bright eyes under shaggy gray eyebrows sparkling as he murmured something complimentary in French and bowed over her hand.

Jim, Artie, and the colonel all exchanged clandestine grins over the professor's effort to charm the countess. She smiled graciously at Montague and slipped her arm through his, drawing him over to where the Phoenix lay openly on the desk top out of its protective case.

And Memphis continued to look mournful. "I am wounded, gentlemen," he said dolefully, "that you have brought in some outside expert to authenticate the Phoenix. My word is not good enough for you?"

"Oh no, it isn't that," said the colonel quickly, turning to his agents.

"No, of course not," added Jim. "It's just that…" And he turned toward Artie.

"It's… it's just that, ah…" Artie smiled at the man for a heart-stopping second. "Oh, it's just that, you see, Professor Montague here is a dear old friend of ours. He was one of Jim's instructors back when he was in college before the War. Right, Jim?"

"Right. And he, uh…"

"…happened to be in town," Artie said, laying a hand on Memphis' arm. "You see, the professor there just loves anything that has to do with gadgetry. But he lives in Denver, far from Washington DC, and there was no chance that he would be able to view the Phoenix during its time there. But as he was going to be here in San Francisco just as the Phoenix was passing through…"

"Right," said Jim. "We invited him here to have a brief private viewing. He was thrilled beyond belief with the invitation."

"Yes, uncontrollably excited!" added Artie, earning from Col Richmond a frown, as well as an opportunity to read the colonel's lips framing the words "Shut. Up."

"Then this professor's presence here is not a sign of, of mistrust against me?" asked Memphis warily.

"No, of course not," said Artie affably, throwing an arm around the smaller man's shoulders. "Not for a moment!"

As Artie drew Memphis over to the desk to join the professor and the countess, Richmond leaned close to Jim and muttered, "Artemus is certainly hamming it up."

"Yes sir. But Memphis is buying it."

Richmond took another look. "Well, I suppose he is." The colonel skirted his desk and headed for the safe in the corner. "And now, gentlemen, Countess," he said as he knelt to work the combination, "if the professor will kindly put the Phoenix back into its case, we can store that lovely treasure overnight right…" He opened the safe. "…here."

In a matter of minutes the case with the Florentine Phoenix was secured within the safe and the colonel was moving his guests out the door. "We'll see you in the morning then, Mr Memphis, dear lady," said Richmond cordially. Keeley saw them out, and the four who remained in the colonel's office took a collective sigh of relief.

"You truly suspect the pair of them of plotting to obtain the Phoenix?" asked Montague.

"Oh, Countess Zorana, certainly," said Artie. "After all, she's a member in good standing of the Point-a-Gun-at-Artie Club."

"Oh, my word!" exclaimed the professor. "How appalling! But the curator. What of him?"

"Well," said Artie, glancing at Jim.

"It's not so much that we suspect him," said Jim, "as we suspect her of having plans to manipulate him into helping her acquire the Phoenix."

"A beautiful woman like that can be very persuasive," said Artie.

"Yes, yes. That's what we endeavor to teach the new class of recruits at the Academy every year, gentlemen, every year. And yet so many of them fail the Saloon test time and again. Tsk-tsk-tsk…"

"The, ah, Saloon test, Professor?" asked Artie.

"Oh yes," said Montague, his eyes sparkling with pride. "You remember my Living Room, of course, don't you, Jim?"

"Very well, Professor. You may recall that someone reconfigured it with live explosions to put me to the test."

"Oh. Yes. Quite." And again the professor clicked his tongue. "But, well, be that as it may, we've come up with an additional test for our recruits. A saloon, or barroom. Our young men must learn to either hold their liquor or know their limits, and the Saloon tests them on that, as well as on, ah…"

"On their susceptibility to the fairer sex?" Artie surmised.

"Precisely, Artemus! We present them with the opportunity to learn how to withstand the wiles of a cunning woman. And, ah, all too often, our young men succumb instead. Oh, dear dear dear."

"But they're learning to spot a honey trap," said Artie encouragingly. And when the professor only grimaced in reply, Artie added, "Aren't they?"

Richmond cleared his throat. "Well, gentlemen, it's already…" He consulted his pocket watch. "…nearly a quarter of five. I suppose you'll all want to have some supper, and then you and Artemus will be taking turns guarding here in the office tonight, Jim?"

"Yes sir. I'll take the first watch, and Artie will relieve me at about one in the morning."

"Fine, fine. Keeley will be here until you return."

"Yes sir." The agents shook hands with the colonel, then Artie turned to the professor. "Would you care to join us for dinner?"

"Oh yes, that would be simply… Ah, wait. No."

Jim and Artie each raised an eyebrow. "No, Prof Montague?" asked Jim.

"No. I, ah, I was letting it slip my mind, but I already have a dinner date this evening."

Now Richmond's eyebrows arched as well. "You do?"

"Oh, yes. I was going to mention it earlier, I believe, and then I lost track of my train of thought. Heh, train! Curious that I would use that expression, gentlemen! For you see, I met the most charming young lady on the train in from Denver. Lovely little thing. Said I reminded her of her dear uncle Arthur. She had such an odd name, though! Her first and last names seemed to be, ah, synonyms for each other. Most unusual thing…"

"Synonyms, Professor?"

"Why, yes, Jim. Isn't that odd?"

"What was her name, Professor?"

"Oh dear! That's just the problem, Artemus. I've completely forgotten! I'll just have to ask her this evening when I meet her at, ah…" His voice trailed off and he merely stood there, blinking and frowning.

"You've also forgotten the name of the restaurant at which you're to meet her?" put in the colonel.

The professor's scowl deepened. "My dear colonel, contrary to the stereotype that seems to exist for learned men such as myself, I am not absent-minded! I wrote everything down in my note…" He reached confidently into a pocket of his coat.

His face fell. With increasing desperation he patted at the rest of his coat pockets for a few moments, then smiled in relief as he discovered a battered old notebook in the hip pocket of his pants. "There! And as you can see, I wrote everything down right here." He flipped through some pages, then pointed. "There it is."

Richmond looked at the note. "Yes, I see the name of the restaurant, but not the name of the young lady."

"Hmm? Oh." Montague frowned, his brows knitting. "Well. No matter, no matter. When I see her, it shall come to me, I'm sure."

"Professor," said Jim, "would you like Artie and me to escort you to the restaurant?"

"James, I assure you that I am quite capable of finding my own way there by myself!"

"Now, now, Professor Montague," said Artie, "we're not implying anything of the kind. We'd just like to…"

Montague turned and wagged a finger in Artie's face. "Oh, I see how it is! If you're not implying that I'm a doddering old fool, then you must have in mind to steal the young lady from me! Well, it's not going to work!" A beatific smile lighting his face, he said, "She told me she delights in the mature man, saying that gray at the temples is a sign of wisdom, and that crow's feet speak of a long life of laughter, and that a querulous voice is a voice that sets her girlish heart aflutter." He smiled and gave a happy sigh, a faraway look in his eye.

Artemus stared at him for a long moment. "Ah, Professor, I, um…" He glanced at Jim and the colonel, his eyes twinkling. "I happen to know that you're not as mature a man as your gray temples show. You are, in fact, at least five years younger than I am and…"

Montague's mouth dropped open. He snapped it shut again, spluttered for a moment, then brought forth a rebuke of, "Why, Artemus Gordon, I'm surprised at you! You of all people should know better than to blow the cover of a fellow Secret Service man!"

And with that, the little professor swept from the office and away to keep his dinner date with the young lady whose name as yet escaped him.

Richmond, West, and Gordon all chuckled among themselves. "Imagine dear old Prof Montague with a girlfriend!" said the colonel.

"And a lovely little thing too," said Artie.

"A charming young girl who finds gray hairs and crow's feet attractive." Jim shook his head.

"Oh now, Jim, I've met a few younger ladies who appreciate a more mature gentleman, you know," Artie offered.

"Yes, I've noticed a few times when you've been disguised as an old codger and had to beat off the sweet young things with a stick," Jim agreed.

"But Prof Montague?" said Richmond in bafflement. "He's more curmudgeon than anything else. Deeply involved in his gadgets. Reading that monograph regarding tobacco ashes on the train. No offense, but what on earth about our good professor would have captivated this young lady of whom he told us?"

And then the penny dropped. As one, all three men lifted their heads and stared at each other, their laughter vanishing in a heartbeat. "What on earth indeed!" Richmond exclaimed.

"We were just talking about it," said Jim.

"Yes, the honey trap!" cried Artie. "Whoever this girl with the synonymous names may be, she must have gotten wind of the Phoenix!"

"Colonel, do you remember the name of the restaurant in the professor's notepad?" Jim asked briskly.

He certainly did and repeated it for them. Wasting no time, West and Gordon made hasty farewells and dashed off to follow Prof Montague to his assignation, leaving Col Richmond frowning at the safe in which lay the Florentine Phoenix.