Chapter Forty-three
Clearing Up…
Renji left Tatsuki's apartment and headed down the stairs.
"Damn it," Renji said to himself.
When did I turn into the villain again?
Turning around he headed back to Tatsuki's apartment. He was locked out so he had to knock. Surprisingly she answered letting him back in.
"You don't want to be alone," he said.
She mumbled something but continued eating the frozen yogurt ignoring him.
"I'll just sit here and read until you talk to me," he said picking up one of her magazines.
She almost choked as she watched his face turn red reading the magazine.
"You guys read stuff like this," he said surprised.
"Depends on our mood," she said taking the magazine from him.
"Alright I know things are more complicated for us but I think of you as my girl-
"So what I'm like another crazy girl…that is so annoying I'm just like Cassandra in this magazine article…did you know I scored an eleven," she said tossing the magazine on the table.
"First I have no idea what you are talking about. Second you are brave…scary right now and maybe a little crazy to want to be a part of all this Shinigami business when no one is pressuring you to do so. You can just live a normal life. Maybe you can't take the emotion out of my decision or even understand why right now-
"There is no normal you said so yourself. If you're my boyfriend there just is no normal," she said.
"Then you're no Cassandra. Who cares about normal? You'll just keep asking me to come along and I'll say no every time," he said.
"I won't stop asking and you won't stop telling me no," she repeated.
"Still want to be alone," he asked.
"No. You make so much sense and I'm so irrational and I hate that but I don't want you to leave. You think you worry about me but I'm worried that I can't be there with you," she said.
"I'm here with you now," he said.
"Point taken," she said setting down the empty cup.
"We're good," he asked as she turned to face him.
"Yes," she said.
He kissed her knowing that he had to leave soon. She knew it too somehow.
"Your eyes give you away. It's heartbreaking you know," he said.
"I know you have to leave. This time it's for a while because you didn't try to go grocery shopping…it's something you do when you plan to stay," she looked away.
"I'm sorry," he didn't realize that he did that but it was true. One of the things they loved to do lately was hang around the market. There were so many things he wanted to try there. Visits to the farmers markets were fast becoming a regular occurrence for him when he visited Karakura.
"Forget apologies," she said hugging him.
"Close your eyes," he asked and she did.
She felt a little ridiculous that there was a long silence and she sat there eyes closed waiting.
"You said it before that we are soul mates. That means that you are the other half of my soul. You probably wonder why your eyes are closed but you can feel it without seeing me at all. I wanted to leave you confident in that," he said and she felt his hand caress her cheek.
How dare you do this to me…make me feel this way, she thought keeping her eyes closed. Knowing he was telling her goodbye for who knows how long.
"I don't know what to say," she whispered.
"That unexplainable force that so many people search for endlessly…it is love filled only partially and intermittently by our friends or family. Those we meet along the way but never whole or complete.
Completion is hard to put into words the way I feel about you but I'd say you're the end and beginning of what I am was and always wanted to be. I love you. I've loved you and I will love you forever," he finished.
His lips met hers and she knew the second they parted he would be gone.
He was gone. All she felt was happiness. She never felt so loved and she knew Renji wasn't one to give romantic speeches like this. It took her breath away and she wanted to remember every line. If she were a journal writer like Orihime she was sure she'd go on for days writing about it.
Certain calm settled over her and a smile fixed on her face. She rubbed the tears from her cheeks…his tears for sure lingered there. No wonder he wanted her to close her eyes, she thought.
Standing up she went to her window to stare at the night sky. Light pollution hindered her view of the stars but she imagined that she could see the clear sky for miles.
000
Rukia's apartment was quiet. Renji stood outside the door waiting as everyone shuffled in exhausted from their trip. Coming from Tatsuki's place a lot was on his mind but he had to wonder what it would have been like to go with all his friends on a weekend in the city.
The others quickly filled Renji in on how much fun they had spending the weekend in the city. They did so much in only three days.
"There's a lot of food in the fridge," Rukia turned and said as she tossed the keys into a bowl, "so if anyone's hungry go ahead."
It was pointless to let all the food go to waste while she was back in the Seireitei. Orihime flopped onto the couch. Renji helped himself to the refrigerator joined by Uryû. Everyone else grabbed seats.
"I think we'll all just stay here if that's alright with you," Orihime asked.
"Yeah I just think I need to rest a while," Rukia said walking towards her bedroom.
"I want to talk to you about something," Ichigo followed after.
"You want to talk that's interesting," Rukia teased and kept walking.
"Shut up," Ichigo said embarrassed.
Orihime giggled and joined the food party at the refrigerator. Sado said nothing flipping through the channels on the television.
000
Rukia fell back on the bed and closed her eyes.
"I'm really tired. Too tired to talk," she said.
"That's alright I'm a little tired too anyway," Ichigo said.
"You didn't really want to talk I know that much," she said.
"It's not what you're thinking get your mind out the gutter," he said.
Her eyes flew open and she laughed and pulled on his arm. He crawled into bed beside her. Lying on her side she just stared into his eyes.
"You can just go on ahead and sleep," he said kissing her forehead.
"But…we only have a little time," she said.
"I'll be alright. You can't force yourself to stay awake," he said pulling her close to him.
"Talk to me," she huddled into his embrace.
"I can't just come up with something to say. I'm tried too you know," he said.
"About anything…at least I can sleep to the sound of your voice," she said.
He wasn't sure if that was a compliment or not.
Before he knew it she was asleep. He left the room to talk to the others. Everyone had taken up sleeping positions on the floor and couch. Renji stood vigilant outside part of him wanted to leave and return to Tatsuki.
Ichigo quietly left the room and joined Renji on the balcony. The coolness of the night air cleared his head and woke him up.
"Her spiritual pressure's extremely low. I think it's time," Renji said looking out at the night sky.
"I know Renji, take her back and make sure she's alright. The others will understand and it will be easier this way," Ichigo said.
"You don't even need to ask," Renji agreed.
"Still I …something feels wrong," he said.
"Since that time I learned about Sôsuke's betrayal I haven't felt this odd about the decisions of the Central 46. I know what you're thinking but we don't have a choice. She'll…fade if we don't get her back. It's no use keeping her here so weak and vulnerable. Let her regain her strength. I know anything about Rukia it's that she will come back…for you," Renji said.
"Thanks for doing this," Ichigo said.
"Believe me I'm doing this for her but I can't agree with everything she's putting herself through with you," Renji said.
"Whatever you want to tell yourself," Ichigo said leaning on the railing.
"Deep down-
"Yeah whatever blah blah blah," Ichigo said tuning him out.
Renji glared at him for a second. Grinning he asked, "So what are you going to do?"
"World keeps spinning," Ichigo said straightening up, "I have to continue school and do all the usual."
The situation was unusual to say the least. To think Rukia wasted all her time studying along Ichigo. A student in the human world; Renji really failed to see the point. In his mind she would be better served studying up on her skills as a Lieutenant.
Or maybe it was more complicated now. He could see both sides and his own life started to resemble Rukia's. He could see himself studying along Tatsuki. Watching her compete in Karate tournaments, going shopping for groceries and spending time with Tatsuki gave him insight into that world.
"I'm going," Renji announced after a beat.
Renji went into the room to get Rukia. If he lingered he would start to over think things. Ichigo followed after leaning against the walls of the apartment. No words were spoken as he watched Renji carry her sleeping away in his arms. He could have sworn that Renji was taunting him with that look as they left the apartment.
"Orihime you can stop pretending your asleep now," Ichigo said leaning over the couch.
Orihime jumped and struggled to a sitting position. Was he angry, no that's just the way he always looks, Orihime thought. She was doing that thing she did once again. 'Once more jumping at the sight of my shadow; how ridiculous,' she imagined him saying.
"I'm sorry I didn't want to-
"You don't owe me any kind of explanation," he said.
"Alright," Orihime said.
"I wouldn't mind having some company though. If you're up for it do you want to take a walk," Ichigo asked.
Orihime stood up and nodded. She quickly glanced over the others and made her way to the doorway. Grabbing a jacket she followed after Ichigo.
"We never really talked this out Orihime," Ichigo said.
"I knew that Rukia was having trouble staying here. But I thought that you knew all that," Orihime said doing her best to keep up with Ichigo's pace.
"That's not what I mean," Ichigo said.
"Well…um what are you talking about," Orihime asked.
Ichigo had big plans in the back of his mind so he took his time to answer. The conversation was almost needless because he was so sure they all changed. Still he had to tie up any and all loose ends before he took the next step. After all Orihime hadn't moved on with Uryû in the three-year time gap nor did she move on with anyone else and her feelings were still left unresolved. Renji was clearly only Rukia's friend no matter how many times Ichigo teased the subject where Orihime told them once they shouldn't date each other but even that was unclear. Ichigo wanted to just clear things up finally while they were both able to talk like this.
"Ulquiorra told me some interesting things about you. I guess I should have guessed a lot of things just from your behavior. You've always let me know how you feel by your actions.
In high school everyone knew that you liked me. Then college came and time after time Rukia would pull away from me telling me that she couldn't bear to hurt her friend. You feel more than friendship for me, don't you," Ichigo asked.
"I…things have changed," Orihime said.
Ichigo stopped walking and turned to face her.
"How have things changed," Ichigo asked.
"It started back when we first went to rescue Rukia. We were separated and I was paired off with Uryû. The whole time I spent with him we became closer," Orihime said.
"But you still thought of him as only a friend," Ichigo said.
"True but then when we came back I continued to be friends with him and all of you. Yes I told Rangiku about my feelings about you. I was jealous of Rukia but she became one of my closest friends at the same time.
When we trained together she saw me as an ally while everyone told me that my abilities were not ready for combat. Ulquiorra gave me the choice of who to say goodbye to I was torn. I did come to you and I did tell you that I was in love with you.
When you came to rescue me I was so happy that you believed in me enough to come after me. As time went on we didn't grow closer. No matter what happened I could never force that. Even when…Rukia left you dated other girls. Never once did you look towards me," Orihime said.
"The way you feel about me is out there now. I –
"No," Orihime said stopping him, "I do love you Ichigo and I have for some time I'll admit that I'll probably always feel that way. But I love you as a friend now. That is where I am now we're adults now. I've made peace with my feelings."
He felt a little better finally talking about this with her. After all everyone insisted that they needed this discussion. It was shameful that it took this long to have this talk.
When he returned with his memories she had no choice but to accept that he was with Rukia. Things were thrown at her so quickly. He had disappeared for years only to return with a ring on his finger.
The memories of the Orihime that existed before he left never had the chance to say everything she wanted to him. He had to make sure to do things the right way this time around.
"Can I ask one more thing," Ichigo said starting to walk again.
"Sure," Orihime said catching up to him again.
"How do you feel about Uryû," Ichigo asked.
Orihime blushed.
"Right now things are good with us. Why did he say something to you," she asked.
"No," Ichigo answered.
"Oh."
"He's in love with you. Anyone can see it. We've been competitors in many things over the years. I announce I want to go to medical school and he decided to become a surgeon. I learn a new fighting technique and he unveils some hidden Quincy art," Ichigo said walking on.
Orihime smiled to herself at the description.
"We constant rivals but when it comes to you there is no rivalry. I've understood for a while now his feelings. I know he understands the way I feel about Rukia too. Even as he claims to hate all Shinigami he would risk his life to protect Rukia because of our friendship. I feel the same way about you that's all," Ichigo said.
It all made sense to her. Ichigo would never pursue her because in his eyes she was Uryû's love.
"I haven't always shown it…I guess I just sort of realized how I feel. I can't explain it but that day we were moving from my apartment it hit me. It's scary realizing that you care so much about someone. My answer is I do love him," she said.
"You two should really talk it out before you go away to Australia," Ichigo said.
Orihime thought the conversation between her and Ichigo would be one of consoling him. Here he was telling her to confess her feelings to Uryû before she left for Australia. But what difference would it mean to tell him. Wouldn't it be cruel to him if she told him how she felt only to leave?
"Trust me it will make a difference if that's what you're thinking," Ichigo said.
"I guess I understand why you're telling me all this now," Orihime grinned at him, "you're tying up loose ends mister and I think I know what you're up to. You have to wait until I get back too so I can throw a party."
Ichigo blushed. How Orihime managed to figure out what he was thinking, was a mystery. She was already insisting on an engagement party.
"When she comes back I want to ask her. So you're the first to know Orihime. What gave it away," Ichigo asked.
"Well you aren't too hard to read sometimes. Tatsuki says that a lot anyway. At first I was confused but as you started talking to me tonight I just had this feeling. Then I just started thinking of wedding cakes that I could make. I pictured the two of you enjoying my greatest wedding cake and well I just…I knew," Orihime giggled.
"You saw wedding cakes from that conversation," Ichigo said scratching his head.
"Yeah, um I did," Orihime smiled.
"I want it to be for real this time. We were alone the last time. It meant everything to me but I want to do it right the way I would have if things went differently," Ichigo said trying to explain his feelings.
"You really don't have to explain anything to me. I think it's really about time. Rukia really wants it too I'm sure she'll pick a wonderful cake too…oh I'm sort of craving cake now I'm sorry," Orihime said giggling.
Ichigo wasn't sure he wanted to know more. This girl was so strange but he was glad to have a friend like her.
"What are we all going to do without all of you girls," Ichigo asked.
"You sound like Kon," Orihime joked.
"No I don't," Ichigo frowned.
Orihime laughed at him.