Pieces Together 2

I think she feels awkward in this new role. Family is just not a concept she is used to, her childhood was just too long ago. Her stance, her face when she thinks I'm not looking; all tell me she wants to escape. Love can't overcome all of her emotional blockades, she has to bring some of those walls down herself.

'The militia is going to be going north for a few days.' She says casually as she brushes Argo. 'Village is having trouble with raiders and they need our help.'

'Are you going?' Cle is asleep in my arms as I gently rock him back and forth.

'No.'

'Why not?' She turns, trying not to look frustrated.

'I can't leave you two. It's only been a few days since you gave birth.'

'Xena. Go, we'll be fine. I'm sure Cyrene will make sure we're ok, she's here nearly every minute of the day as it is.' She sighs. 'Go on. I know you're dying to get out there.' I smile but she frowns at my statement.

'It's not that I don't want to be here…'

'Xena, it's who you are.' I would never dream of forcing her to stay.

'Are you sure?' She's fighting between feeling guilty and feeling relieved.

'Yes.' I reach up, cupping her cheek in my hand. 'We'll be fine.' Finally she smiles.

'We shouldn't be gone long. A few days at most.'

'Just be careful.' Leaning down, she kisses me on the lips.

'Promise.' She takes off in a run towards the house to get her things.

We haven't had time to get used to this whole thing. I still feel awkward in this relationship, still all so new. I have no doubts in my feelings, but sometimes I doubt the logic. How long can we possibly last like this? If it was just the two of us on the road, then only death would separate us. But now, her restlessness and barricades constantly pull her away from me.

'Oh, there you are dear.' Cyrene comes walking out to the pasture where I still stand. 'So she's going away for a few days?' Her fingers rub against Cle's cheek.

'Yeah. It'll be good for her.' I'm not sure I want to know the answer, but I ask anyway. 'Is my mother still here?'

'Yes.' She gives me a sad look.

'Why? She refuses to come see her grandchild again.'

'Well, I think she's just trying to get used to the idea of everything.' She puts a comforting hand on my shoulder. 'It's a good sign that she hasn't left.'

'Yeah, I guess.' As I gaze down at my child, I wonder if Cyrene will be the only grandparent he knows. Even if Xena and I weren't together, she would have adopted my child as part of her family.

'I can stay here if you need me.' Cyrene offers. I'm not sure what it'll be like when Xena is gone. I haven't been left alone with Cle for more than a couple of hours; what will days be like?

'No, but thank you. I think we need some alone time anyway.' Ducking my head down, I kiss Cle's forehead. He gurgles in his sleep, arms shifting a few times.

'Why she would want to leave this beautiful baby to go fight, is beyond me.' Cyrene mumbles.

'Well, he isn't hers Cyrene.' It's the truth. She doesn't have the same attachment as I do, or a father would.

'Yes well, that shouldn't matter.' She looks at me defiantly.

'But it does.' I give her a reassuring smile, as Cle begins to stir. 'Looks like it's almost time to eat.' Cyrene follows me around the barn and back to the house. Xena is just coming out, saddle bags and weapons in hand. She looks nearly ecstatic, a renewed vigor apparent in her stride. Cyrene shakes her head at her daughter, not saying anything.

'Don't have too much fun.' I grin at her. She screws her face up like that couldn't be further from the truth.

'You're going to check in right?' She looks at her mother sternly, but Cyrene isn't fazed.

'Yes dear.' Xena cocks her eyebrow up in question.

'We'll be fine.' I interject, but Xena is not so sure.

'Don't leave the farm. Mother will bring you anything you need.' She kisses both mine and Cle's forehead. 'Promise me.'

'I promise.' Jeesh, if she's so worried, why is she so happy to leave? Xena is off down the road within minutes, barely a goodbye before she left. Cyrene leaves, promising to come back with food so I don't have to cook. Now, it's just me and Cle, sitting in this empty house.

Cle begins to fuss in my arms so I pull the top of my dress down, allowing him to suckle at my breast. Sitting on the front porch in my rocking chair, I feel at peace despite the lingering loneliness. The peace is shattered though, as my mother comes walking up. She stands in front of me, silent as her eyes stare down at her feeding grandchild.

'Hello mother.' I can't help that I say this with a deep sigh.

'I've come to tell you I'm leaving.' Her voice shakes with hesitation.

'You didn't need to do that. Cyrene could have told me.' I stare at her with the best passive face I can manage.

'I'm sorry Gabrielle.'

'For what?' I wish she would just leave, not drag this out.

'For not being the mother you need.' I shrug my shoulders at her.

'I love you, you're my mother. But I'm disappointed and saddened at your choice in actions.' She winces a little, as if I hit her.

'You are already a better mother than I ever was.' Her fingers caress my cheek a moment before she turns, walking away for good. I cry, mourn for the loss of one family just as I start a new one. My only hope is that Lila doesn't react the same.

He's so tiny, so vulnerable. Cupping water in my hand, I pour it little by little down his body. His arms and legs are moving around as he voices his dislike of being washed. I've been wondering what to tell Cle about his father. Do I say anything at all, or do I just tell him that Perdicus died a hero?

I've completely forgotten about his family; surely they've heard by now that I am carrying their son's child. I won't deny them the opportunity to know their grandson, but I'm afraid their reaction will be just like my mothers. Maybe I'll just message them, tell them everything and let them decide after that. I am in no mood for more rejection right now.

Finishing the bath, I wrap Cle up in a cloth and bring him close to my chest. I'm trying to remember all the stories I heard when I was a kid, and some I've learned since. I'm sure he has no idea what I'm saying, but the sound of my voice seems to sooth him.

I carry my little bundle in my arms, walking around the house as I tell the story of a magical horse. He makes noises and fusses, but soon is lulled to sleep. Finally, my thoughts turn to Xena. She is probably the best warrior I know, but still I worry, I always have. I hate being left behind, but now I have a more important mission.

After settling Cle down in his cradle, I sit down, attempting to write for the first time in months. I won't be able to tell stories of Xena's heroic deeds anymore, it's just not the same if I'm not there to witness it. I think for once, I might write my story. It may not go down in history as something significant or important, but that doesn't matter to me. So where do I start? The beginning, with my childhood? Maybe just start at the point Xena enters my life; that is when the true adventure began.

Taking out a piece of parchment and my favorite quill; I slowly scribe the journey I have made and the journey I continue to make. My life is only just beginning. While it may not be as exciting as battle giants or God's, it is the most important journey I have made thus far.