A/N: I'm so sorry that I haven't been updating! I wrote this chapter, but then I kept procrastinating on editing it because I hate writing dialogue and there's a fair amount of it in this chapter. I would sit down, pull up my document, look at it for ten seconds, and then close it again. Yeah... Anyway, no promises on when the next update will be, but I have been thinking of writing a different story (just a few chapters) until I'm more inspired to work on this. :)d
I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Even though nothing is happening in the arena I stay glued to the screen all night, never leaving, never looking away, never giving in to the exhaustion that overwhelms me by around three in the morning. I'm too scared that if I fall asleep something will happen to Katniss, and I'm even more scared of the nightmares that closing my eyes will inevitably bring. So I stay awake, my eyes wide open, several candles burning by my side. My mother sits next to me, her eyes trained on the screen, but I don't think that she is processing the events displayed there. I think she's slipping away into her own grief filled world, and I don't know what to do to save her or bring her back. So I just sit next to her, hugging her tightly, and feeling entirely useless.
Around five in the morning, there is some real activity in the Games. A girl - I'm not sure of her District - has settled down several hundred yards away from Katniss's tree and is snapping branches of of trees, presumably to use for a fire. Not smart.
A little box in a corner of the screen displays the low temperature in the arena, so the girl's actions are understandable, but surely she knows that anyone in the arena would be able to see the smoke from her fire. Then it would be a simple matter to track her down.
I stare intently at the girl, dread filling me. The careers will easily locate and kill the girl now, and Katniss is only four hundred or so feet away from her. It seems impossible that the careers could get so close to my sister and without noticing her presence.
A shot of Katniss reveals that she is awake and shifting in her sleeping bag, although I can't tell is she is aware of the girl near her. I strain my eyes but am still unable to figure out if my sister has noticed her company. She stays awake though, occasionally shifting her position slightly, for about two more hours. I'm just thinking that maybe they haven't been discovered, maybe Katniss can just go back to sleep, when the image on the screen sudeenly changes to reveal the career pack sprinting towards the girl's fire. A blond boy, I think Cato, stabs the girl who lit the fire. There is a piercing shriek, and just like that, she's gone. Thirty seconds ago I thought she was going to live and now she's... just gone.
I close my eyes for a moment, and when I open them a shot of Katniss fills the screen. I'm straining my eyes, desperately trying to see if Katniss is awake, and if the career pack has spotted her. But I don't have to wonder for long. They all start jogging straight towards my sister. I let out a small scream as they head for her tree. They can't have seen her! If we can barely see her, even with the aid of the Capitol's fancy night vision gadgets, how is it possible for them to have seen her? But maybe they haven't! They stop under the tree that Katniss is in and start arguing about something. I don't know what, but after a little bit Peeta walks back the way that they came.
When he reaches the girl, the screen suddenly cuts back to Katniss and we don't have to watch him kill the girl. After twenty seconds or so, the cannon fires. Why didn't they show her death? They love reveling in every contestant's gory ends, why not hers? And then it occurs to me. Peeta must not have just killed her. Maybe he apologized first, or maybe he closed her eyes after she died, or both. Either way, the Capitol would never show something like that to Panem. That must be what happened.
And then it's over, and we see Peeta walking back towards the careers, breathing heavily. As Peeta nears the pack, his gaze tilts back and, just for a moment, just when he is staring straight at Katniss, a small smile crosses his face. Then it's gone, and he hurries to join his fellow tributes and lead them away from the tree just as dawn breaks and the sun peaks over the horizon, shrouding the arena in various shades of orange and yellow.
I knit my brows together, too relieved by the fact that Peeta didn't point out Katniss to his companions to contemplate why he didn't. I relax, leaning back against the exposed springs of the couch and closing my eyes. I allow myself to drift off, secure in the knowledge that the careers are moving away from Katniss and that the Capital audience should be happy for a short while because of the recent death.
...
It feels like I have only been asleep for a couple of minutes when I feel my mother shaking my shoulder, rousing me. "What?" I ask groggily. Then my eyes fly open. "Is Katniss okay? What happened? She is okay isn't she? I mean, she's alive?!"
"Relax, Primrose. She's fine. But it's time for school," my mother whispers. I guess she isn't slipping away into her own world after all.
"Oh..." I trail off. The last thing that I want to do is go to school, where I won't be able to watch Katniss live, and where everyone will look at me in the way that makes it obvious that they pity me, but at the same time are also almost scared of me. I've seen the way that people look at the family member of tributes before, like they're unclean, like they're too stupid to know how they are viewed. Like they're scum. It's sickening.
I wipe my hands across my eyes, trying to keep my eyelids from drooping, and stand up, my legs wobbly. I grab the couch for support until I can stand on my own. I'm so tired, I'm almost asleep on my feet, but I force myself to go through my morning chores. My movement is stiff and when I look in the mirror my eyes are bloodshot and there are dark circles under my eyes. I look like a zombie, and I resolve to get more sleep tonight. Hopefully Katniss won't be being chased by the careers this evening.
As I walk to school, I ponder Peeta's actions throughout the Games. He told the entire world that he loved Katniss, he shook his head to keep her from going into the bloodbath, and now he has joined the careers and is leading them away from Katniss. If they found out that he was knowingly leading them in the wrong direction, they would kill him on the spot. So why did he do it? There can only be one possible answer. He must really love Katniss. His declaration during his interview must have not been a lie, and now his plans to die for her in the arena. I'm shocked. Not surprised that Peeta is doing it, but astounded that he loves Katniss. I had always assumed that Katniss would just be single for her entire life, or if she wanted to marry, she'd marry Gale. It had never even occurred to me that other people might be interested in her. She's a wonderful person, but she's just too sullen for most people. It's hard for me to grasp the fact that now she has two boys interested in her.
I'm startled to realize that I'm have already standing outside of the red brick building covered in coal dust which is my school. After a long pause I walk in, trying to keep my steps as light and quiet as possible so that I go unnoticed. It's doesn't work. The second that I enter the doors, I feel like I am being assaulted by voices. People whisper as I walk past them, and I hear Katniss's name repeated several times. I straighten my shoulders and try to ignore the barrage of voices that are growing bolder. Someone comes up to me and asks me how it feels. I look at her, considering glowering at them, but then decide against it.
"It's hard," I tell the girl honestly. "I'm so worried about her every second, but I'm okay. I would prefer to be left alone, through," I add. I think that if I'm honest with everyone, it might help. Well, if I'm somewhat honest. I would obviously never tell them what I think of the Capitol, or how terrified I am every waking moment.
The girl backs off a little, looking apologetic. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry. It's just... You know. We feel bad for you. Please tell me if there's anything I can do to make you feel better."
I smile a little, small and sad. I size the girl up, taking in her strange features that state that her parents were likely from a different district. She has shoulder length blond hair, which is normal for district twelve. But her eyes are a striking green, her skin is incredibly pale, and her face is angular, but not starved. She about average height, and she looks fairly fit, although it's clear that she is well fed. I get the impression that she lives in town, not in the Seam. Her clothes reinforce my feeling that she comes from a merchant family. She wears a plain white shirt and a blue skirt that brushes her knees. A blue headband and shoes tie the look together, and I feel certain that no one from the Seam could afford clothes like hers.
"I'll be fine, but thanks. What's your name?" I ask her. She seems like a nice person, and I like how she backed off as soon as I asked her to.
"I'm Winter. And I know your name. I guess the whole District does by now," she smiles to show that her remark wasn't meant offensively.
"Yeah, I suppose so. And I'm sorry I was kind of blunt and unfriendly when you asked about Katniss. It's just really hard. I'm so scared, and it's easier to talk about other things."
"Okay, well if you want to talk about other things or not talk at all, that's fine. Also, I wasn't offended by your reaction. I understand," Winter tells me, sounding sincere.
"Sure you do," I snap, offended. "It must be so easy to imagine what it feels like to lose your sister and have it be your fault. Of course you understand my problems." I realize that my voice is rising and hastily try to quit down. "Sorry. It's just... hard."
"Prim, I did go through it," Winter says softly. "My brother was reaped when I was last year. I could have volunteered for him, but I told myself that he had a better chance than I did. And well, you know what happened. We didn't have a victor last year.."
I gasp. "I'm so sorry! I had no idea."
"It's fine. I wasn't telling you for sympathy, but because I want you to know that I understand exactly what you're going through. If you'd like, we can meet up after school and talk. But like I said, it's fine if you don't want to talk to me. I didn't talk to anyone while my brother was in the Games. I still don't as much as I used to. Watching my brother kill other innocent kids, it changed me. I don't know if I can ever be as caring as I was before. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it to keep going, to go on living in a world where things like this happen. But I always think of how wonderful he was. He wasn't a killer, even though he had to kill in the Games. I remember him as he really was, and it helps me to keep going. Prim, you have to remember how Katniss used to be, no matter what happens in that arena. You can't let the Capital break you, because it takes so long to get it together again."
I just gape at Winter. It sounds like she went through exactly what I'm going through. "Wow, I guess you do understand," I laugh in an attempt at lightening the mood. "And yes, I would like to meet up after school."
Just as Winter opens her mouth to respond, a teacher steps out into the hall and bellows at us to get to our classrooms. School starts like that every morning, because we don't have a bell like some of the richer districts. I give Winter a small smile before walking off into my classroom. She goes into a different room, and I notice that she's one grade ahead of me. Thirteen.
Time seems to drag as I desperately wait for lunch, needing to see the update on the Games. Katniss could be dead right now, and I wouldn't have any idea. But finally, it's lunch time, and as I sit on the floor eating my dried rabbit and berries, I desperately watch for updates. The screen shows that Katniss is fine, although the announces say that she is dehydrated. I'm terrified that she won't be able to find water, but there is nothing that I can do about it, and after only a couple seconds of her being on-screen, the cameras turn to other, more "interesting", events. I suppress a shudder as I hurry back to my desk without finishing my meal. Somehow, it lost it's appeal.
A/N: Okay, so that story I mentioned. I've been toying with the idea of writing a collection of one-shots (maybe two or three) that are Prim's POV for memories like her dad's death, or Katniss singing The Hanging Tree. Please let me know in a review if you want me to, and if I get at least five requests for it I'll write it. :) Also, I'd appreciate requests for any other memories that you'd like me to write.
Oh, and I'd also appreciate it if, if there's anything about my writing that bothers you (too many typos, not enough dialogue, badly written dialogue, etc), you'd let me know. Thanks! :)
One last thing (sorry this is so long). I'm going to change my username to Saphira/Saphira12/Saphira42/Saphira(insert random numbers here), depending on what's available. :) It's going to mess with links to my author bio. Just a heads up. :)
Please review!