Title: Moving On

Author: Raven Shadowrose

Rating: M

Pairing:?/?

Summary: Dixie has been left broken hearted by Cyd's departure from the Holby team, what happens when Cyd is replaced by Hannah Darbyshire and Dixie takes a liking to her. Will she end up with even more of a broken heart or will she find the happiness that she has been searching for?

Disclaimer: I do not know or own any of the characters from Casualty, all original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.

Author's Note: This story will contain will contain some femslash, if you do not wish to read it then by all means back away slowly the way you came, other than that enjoy the story and reviews are appreciated :)

Thank you to chan. nelson444, olivia. c. king1 and beethovenRIP for your comments.

The characters have taken over the asylum... From now on each chapter will be in the POV of a different character. Dixie being Dixie, decided that she wanted to go first, enjoy :)

Chapter Fifty-One... Kathleen 'Dixie' Dixon.

I settled myself down in my chair, the noise and activity of the busy station was going on outside my office door. I've come in here to do a little bit of reflection, I can see all of the people that work for me running around outside and doing their jobs. I know that I can trust them all to do their jobs and rely on them to be professional. I am proud of them all and I have come to call some of them friends, one of them is definitely more than a friend to me. Jeff, Polly and Cyd are my friends and like family to me. Hannah is more than a friend; she's my lover, my partner, my future wife and one of the best things that has ever happened to me. After my mum died and my dad abandoned me I was left alone, I didn't have anyone, I need my friends, they are my only family and I count my blessings every single day. I thank whoever it is that is up there for them all. I love them all dearly and I am glad that they are in my life.

Jeff is a good man, he likes his naff jokes and can sometimes act very immaturely with practical jokes but I wouldn't have him any other way. He cheers me up when nobody else can, I wouldn't have anyone else as my partner at work. Jeff is my best friend and I love him, I know that he loves me too. It sounds strange to say that I love a man but I love Jeff. Our love for each other isn't romantic and it never will be but we will always care for each other, even if we argue occasionally and he annoys me from time to time. We look out for each other at work, I know that I can count on him to be there when I need him to be. I can count on him to make me laugh when I need it too. He has been so supportive of my relationship with Hannah and I love it that he is happy for me. I just wish that he would find someone to be with, he deserves someone to love him after everything that he went through with Lucy. He is my Jeffrey and he gives some of the best hugs in the world. Anyone that wants to go out with him will have to go through me and if they hurt him then I will get them and make them suffer.

Polly is a sweet girl, though there are times that I think she is hiding something from me. Sometimes I look at her and she seems distant and has a sad look on her face. I remember the first day that she started with us and was just an observer; I just knew that she had it in her to be a wonderful paramedic. Polly is very kind and caring, I've seen her with patients and she has a natural ability to make people feel safe and cared for. I know that if I was unwell or hurt then Polly would be very high up the list on the people I would want to treat me. I am glad that Polly is living with Jeff, she will look after him for me now that I'm not living there with him. Polly is the perfect partner for Hannah, I was worried about them when they first started working together but they look after each other just like me and Jeff do. It is good for Polly to have someone like Hannah around, Polly has found a friend in Hannah. I hope that Polly has confided in Hannah about whatever it is that makes her look so sad from time to time.

Cyd, I don't really know what to say about her, she's still one of my best friends and I'm glad that she's back on the team. The weeks after she left Holby were hard for me, I missed her so much, it hurt that she didn't return my feelings. I was scared that nobody would love me, I was so ready to give up love forever because love had only ever caused me pain and heartbreak. I loved my dad and he abandoned me, I loved my mum and she died, I loved Cyd and she ran off the minute that she found out. I thought that my heart had taken too many beatings and there was nobody that could heal it again. Jeff was my rock through those long days, he let me talk, cry and work through it for as long as I needed to. I was glad to have him there, he just held me close and gave me the comfort that I so desperately needed. I don't know what I would have done if he wasn't there, he helped me by just being there for me, just like he's always there for me when I need him.

Cyd was partly the reason that I kept letting Lena back into my life and into my bed, if I couldn't have Cyd then I would go to someone that would willingly let me sleep with them. I was stupid, I thought that by going with Lena that I could stave off the feelings that I had for Cyd. It didn't work, Lena only ever wanted sex from me, she couldn't give me the love that I so desperately craved and needed. The day that Cyd got injured I knew I had to tell her about my feelings, I didn't expect her to run from me like that, I thought that she would be all right with it. I put the advert into the vacancies section for Cyd's replacement with a heavy heart, it was then I knew I had to admit that she wasn't coming back, that I had to let her go.

That brings me to Hannah, I know it is cliché but when she walked into my office I almost forgot how to breathe and everything that I had gone through with Cyd nearly disappeared. I just thought that it was infatuation, that I thought she was beautiful and gorgeous and that's all there was to it. I thought that I was trying to replace Cyd with Hannah, that I was just putting my feelings for Cyd onto Hannah. As I got to know Hannah I realised that it was more than infatuation, I was falling in love with her, because she was Hannah. I had tried not to fall in love with her but I couldn't help it, Hannah had worked her way into my heart and I was well and truly in love with her. Hannah stopped me from getting hurt when those yobs threw a brick at me, my heart did very funny things when I looked at her from that moment on. I realised that I had truly fallen for Hannah when she told me that I looked beautiful at the Halloween party, those few words made me feel good and I still remember them even now.

I had to go into the bank with Hannah, with those men holding guns and shooting people, I wanted to tell Hannah no, that she couldn't go in there but I didn't, she had volunteered and there was nothing I could do to change that. I was so tense and aware that Hannah could get hurt, when she said those nice things about me after the shout I lost control of myself and I thought I had well and truly blown it, that she was going to leave me. I still can't believe it that she came after me and told me how she felt. I have replayed that bit in my mind several times over the course of our relationship, it means so much to me that Hannah loves me. It all turned out good after I kissed her and I'm so glad that it did. I thought I had lost everything but I gained the love of my life instead.

It has been a long road but I like the position that I'm in at the end of it. Every night I get to go home with the woman that I'm in love with, I share a bed with her and get to wake up with her in my arms every morning. It is perfect, the difference in our ages doesn't matter, she loves me and that is what matters. There's another picture that has joined the ones on my desk, it is a copy of the one me and Hannah had taken together by her dad when we went to Yorkshire for the wedding. Hannah's dad loves me, it is nice, I like knowing that he thinks I am good enough for his daughter. Lawrence is happy for us and he talks to us on a regular basis, he is properly on the mend and he will be back at work shortly. He has started to refer to me as his daughter-in-law already, it makes me feel warm and happy. Hannah is relieved that her dad is healing and getting better, the court case has a date now but Lawrence won't let Hannah be there. I have to agree with him, they will show pictures of his injuries and I know that it would upset Hannah. I just hope that woman gets put away for a very long time for what she did to him.

Someone knocked on my door and I looked up to see Jeff stood in the window, I waved him in and he shut the door behind him. 'Hey princess.'

'Hey Jeff.' He sat on the end of my desk and played with little rubix cube that I kept there. 'What's the matter?'

'Why would anything be wrong?'

'You only fiddle with my rubix cube when you have something on your mind.'

'You know me too well Miss Dixon.'

'I should do, we've been friends for years.'

'That we have.'

'So come on, what's on your mind Jeff?'

'Honestly, I don't know.' I stood up and went over to where Jeff was still sitting on the edge of my desk. He was still playing with the rubix cube and trying to get the colours right.

'Jeffrey Collier, talk to me.' I put my hands on top of Jeff's, took the cube from him and put it back on my desk. I held Jeff's hands in mine. 'Talk to me.'

'You will think I am being daft.'

'Try me, Jeff when have you ever known me to think that you are daft?' Jeff was worrying me, what was on his mind?

I stood in front of Jeff and squeezed his hands. 'Dixie, I've been feeling a bit lonely lately.'

'Lonely how? Is this because I moved out?'

'No, that's not the reason why. I see what you have with Hannah and I've come to realise that I need someone in my life.'

'I see, why didn't you tell me?'

'Because I didn't want to make you feel bad or guilty over being happy.'

'Come here love.' I put my arms around Jeff and held him. 'You're my best friend Jeff and I understand.' I pulled back and kissed Jeff on the forehead. 'You're a good man Jeffrey Collier and one day you're going to find a lovely woman that will see you as I do.'

'You promise?'

'Yes, I do, now give me another hug.' I rested my head against Jeff's as he hugged me.

'Princess?'

'Yes Jeffrey.'

'When you marry Hannah, am I still going to be your best man?'

'Of course you are.'

'Thanks Dixie.'

'Jeff, you know that I love you and I wouldn't pick anyone else.'

'I love you too princess and I'm glad you're happy.'

'One day you will be happy and settled with someone too, you do realise that anyone you start dating has to be approved good enough by me first.'

'I thought so, I wouldn't have it any other way.' Jeff laughed as my radio went off, signalling that we had a shout.

'Come on handsome,' I said and picked up my coat off the back of my chair. 'Time to go and save the world again.' I linked arms with Jeff as we waked to the ambulance, I meant it, one day my Jeffrey would be happy with someone, once I had decided that they were good enough for him of course.