Pieces Together 10

She is looking at me, but at the same time, her eyes are vacant and seem focused elsewhere. Her hand is making vigorous strokes down the sides of Argo as she brushes the horse. I look down at my feet, shuffling in the dirt; I just don't know where to begin. Xena is silent, her gaze has shifted back to Argo but her body remains stiff.

'Xena, I can't let you return to everything you've been working so hard to get away from.' I can barely find my voice at first, but soon the words just rush out. 'I'm going to help you get past this; even if you hate me I won't see you turn evil again.' Xena continues to brush Argo; no sound or even hitch in her movement to show she's been listening.

'Please, say something.' If I have to beg, I will.

'Just leave it.'

'Xena..' She turns quickly on her heel, eyes narrowing as she faces me.

'I said leave it.' She growls. Unconsciously I take a step back as I see the rage glowing in her face.

'Please don't.' She wants revenge and I think she'll go to any extreme to accomplish it.

'I have to.' Sadness washes over her, the anger dissipating for a moment.

'Let me help then.'

'No!' Xena swings back around, throwing her saddle on Argo's back. I take my chances and hedge forward.

'It was my fault that this happened.'

'And it was because you couldn't manage to fight off a few soldiers.' She pulls the strap tight, buckling the saddle and turning to face me again. 'And you think you'll be anything but a hindrance?' Her words sting; they more than sting, they gauge deep marks into my heart.

'I know you don't mean that.' My words are choked. She wants me to get angry, to push away so she doesn't have to.

'You said it yourself, you're a bard not a warrior. I don't really need a bard for this.'

'How about someone who loves you?'

'Don't you get it?!' Her brow scrunches up as she leans in closer for emphasis. 'This is not your battle to die for.'

'If it's yours, then it's mine.' I reach out, grasping her forearm in as tight a grip as I can manage. She's shaking her head and trying to pull away from me. 'Xena, I'm tired of this; you think I won't follow you?' She sighs, silently giving up. 'Please?' After a moment she shakes loose from my grasp.

'Fine.' She says, jumping onto Argo's back and taking off with a yell. I know I shouldn't go with her because I have my own child to worry about; but there's no way I'm going to let her do this herself. I hope death isn't waiting for us at the end of this journey.

'You shouldn't do this.' Cyrene is pacing back and forth in the kitchen, trying to do her best to dissuade me from going with her daughter. The sun is beginning to set and Xena hasn't returned yet.

'Just promise me you'll take care of him.' Cle is sitting on top of the table in front of me examining his toy as if it's something he's never seen before. This is hard and I think it will be too easy for me to just back out and let Xena go alone.

'Of course dear but he needs his mother, not an old woman to take care of him.' Her palms slap against her thighs.

'You know I can't stop Xena from slipping back into the darkness if I'm not there to stop her.' Cyrene shakes her head and goes silent.

'I fear that I will lose both of you.' She whispers, sitting down slowly into her chair.

'I will do everything I can to make sure we both come back alive. '

'What will this accomplish?'

'Maybe nothing, but it's something Xena has to do. I don't think she'll rest now until Cesar is dead.'

'He won't rest until I'm dead. Might as well give him what he wants.' Xena's voice is low as she appears out of nowhere.

'You dead?' Cyrene asks, tears brimming in her eyes.

'One of us has to die mother, or this will never end.'

'But what about Gabrielle?'

'She's an adult.' There's sarcasm dripping in her voice.

'But…'

'I don't want her to come, but she insists.' She throws a glare in my direction, finally acknowledging my existence. 'We begin training in the morning; I can't have you come if I'm going to have to watch you every second.' She turns away, disappearing into the darkness of the hall. It feels like she hates me, but even if she does I cannot let her go alone; I'd never forgive myself.

TBC

Continued in These Pieces Don't Fit.