After such a long time I have finally finished this chapter! Rene123, I must say, you inspired me to get it done :) I hope you all enjoy!

Chapter 13, Youji.

The next day I found myself leaving Jessica half way through our run to meet up with Gaara in the mountain. I ran and ran and ran, slowing to a stop after it became to much. Gaara can find me, I don't need to look for him. I sat down and then fell to my back, stretching my arms and legs out as I breathed deeply. I've gotten my whole run in for the day. No need to train now. Maybe I should just go back down to my bed and sleep the day away. That sounds like a perfect day to me!

But just as I was thinking that I heard the rustle of sand. I glanced to my left and let my eyes slowly travel from Gaara's boots to his head, taking in every inch of his new body that I have yet to fully burn into my mind. His blank face, though, has been burned in my head since I first saw him. The way he talked so calmly to me that night. How he explained who he was, that I was safe. I remember his face perfectly. I remember his hands on my legs to keep me from kicking. I remember how he let me ride on his back because I was hurt. I also remember how I brutally stabbed him to get away. But he still tried to let me know I was safe.

He was always kind to me.

I took a deep breath and let it out all at once, pushing myself to my feet. My dress is different today, I'm not wearing what I normally wear. I have on a pair of those shorts Sakura used to wear under her skirt, the kind of spandex ones. And a tight tank top. Clothing that wont restrict my movements, and that will help with keeping me from over heating. The only bad thing about both is that they are black.

"Ready when you are, Kazekage-sama," I smirked and spread my feet, lifting my arms up into a ready position.

Gaara's face didn't change, and his arms stayed folded across his chest. He no longer wore his Kage robes. He is wearing some kind of leather vest and thick looking pants. I've never seen him dressed this way. It's kind of sexy.

The air rushed out of my lungs as I was slammed into the ground by sand. My back throbbed from being hit, but I was up in a flash, jumping and ducking out of the way of the next attacks. Jerk! I thought. Of course he waits until I am fully distracted to attack! I caught sight of the smirk between dodges.

I tried to clear my head, moving on nothing but instinct. I don't know how much I can do this by thought, so I will have to test myself. I waved away a sweep of sand, but it took a mental thought to do. It should all come by instinct so that I can think of other things while I'm fighting. Like what to do once I win the fight. A cylinder shot up under Gaara, but he must have had some idea about it because he was able to dodge. But it gave me a moment to recollect myself, then I was attacking him and he was on the defensive side. I used the wind to blow the sand around, out of Gaara's control at times, to blind him, used earth to shake his feet so he didn't have good balance and used the perspiration on his skin to make his breathing seem harder.

Then I jumped at him, using physical attacks rather than elemental.

I kicked towards his feet, then faked and brought my other foot up towards his face. But Gaara grabbed my ankle and held it tight, leaving me upside down in front of him. I used his strength against him, knowing he would hold me up, and bent my knee until I was almost sitting up straight before I twisted, bringing my full weight down towards the ground to break his hold. I landed on my hands and knees, but quickly rolled out of the way to avoid another sand attack.

We continued like this for well over an hour. By the time I was to tired to move the land around us was completely destroyed. I let his sand catch me, not moving, laying limp to show I give up. He set me down and bent down over his heels as he breathed deeply, trying to catch his breath. I laid on the ground where he had set me and tried to slow my panting down. Every part of my body aches.

"You are better than I thought you would be," Gaara admitted.

I smiled faintly. "Thank you. You, too."

He snorted at that. I heard a slight thud and opened my eyes to see him stretched out on his back with an arm over his face. What a baby. I'm not that strong. He can't possibly be worn out right now. But then I remembered something Kakashi said. Shukaku is still inside him, which could be why he is so worn out right now. If Shukaku went on such a rampage as he did when I left, what could he be doing to Gaara now that I am back? He probably wants to crush me. I sighed. I'm tired of people wanting to crush me. Can't someone just want to give me a hug? Or shake my hand? That would be nice. Yes, that would be wonderful.

"Does it hurt?" I asked in a hushed voice.

"Hn?"

I hesitated. What if I'm wrong? What is Shukaku isn't hurting him? I decided I'd rather look a fool than never know. "Shukaku. Does he hurt you still?"

Gaara was silent. I was sure he wouldn't answer when I heard him whisper, "Yes. Very much."

I bit my lip. And it's my fault. "I'm sorry..."

I heard Gaara sit up but I didn't look over at him. We were both silent, thinking in our own worlds. I rolled on to my back and watched as the stars started to poke out of the darkening sky. I hadn't realized how late it'd gotten. What is everyone doing right now? Hinata and Naruto are probably at home getting their kids supper and then baths before bed. Sakura and Kakashi are probably going out to eat, him treating her. And Kiba? What is he doing right now? What about the others? Tenten, Neji, Lee, Shikamaru, Ino, Choji, Shino? Where are they? How are they? I haven't seen most of them. Temari and Kankuro are most likely dealing with the twins at this point, wrestling them into eating and sending them to bed. Something Gaara and I would have been doing if this never happened. I'd kiss them goodnight and go watch a movie with Gaara before we went to bed.

"And the twins?" I asked. "Does Jessica and Yukio feel any of it?"

I recognized the sound of Gaara messing his hair with his hand. "Sometimes. If Shukaku starts fighting me for control they can feel it. They've saved me from losing more times than I can remember." His answers held no feeling in them. Just facts he was saying.

I finally sat up and looked at him. He was looking at the ground with his arms hanging over his knees. "Do they ever wonder?" I whispered. I felt the tears in the back of my throat and had to push it down hard. Gaara's eyes lifted to mine, his lips turning down in question. I swallowed. "Do they ever wonder about who I was?"

His eyes stayed steady on mine. "No."

The word hit me hard. I had to look away or he would see the water in my eyes. I bit back a sob and clamped my teeth shut hard. How can they not wonder about me? I'm their mother! They've never asked about me? Not even once?

"Because I never let them forget."

His words took away the sudden pain. I looked at him. "What?" I asked stupidly.

This time he did look away. "I never let them forget who you are," He said. "Were," he quickly corrected. "I told them every night stories about you. Temari and Kankuro helped, remembering things I hadn't yet. Telling things they experienced with you that I did not. They never once asked because I told them everything before they could."

I've never felt butterflies in my heart before, but I feel them now. It's exactly like the feeling you get in your stomach, but in your chest and more intense. I put my hand to my chest just to make sure my heart didn't fly right out of my body.

"She's been asking about you more," he said. I glanced over at him. His face was turned up towards the sky. "We all knew when you entered the world. The twins more than anyone. They both came in and crawled in my bed, begging for another story. I-" his voice cut off for a second, but he continued. "I felt it. But I couldn't believe it. I had seen you die. I heard your last breath." Gaara fell silent as he stared at the moon. I kept my eyes on him. "For ten years I've tried to build a better view of you for the twins. And I succeeded in it. Jessica has been coming to my room every night for the last two weeks asking about you. Last night she asked why you never hated her for what she did to you." I saw the frown that formed on his face. "I had no answer for her."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Because she is still my baby," I whispered. I wanted to scoff at the deep sound of my voice, obviously choking with tears. "Its not something that can be explained. I will always love my babies, no matter what happens. They could be aiding Oto and Iwa and I would still love them with all my heart."

I cried quietly into my arm, hoping Gaara would leave me alone for a moment. But the second I felt his arm around my shoulders, my sobs got louder and I knew how badly I wanted him to hold me. Gaara put his other arm around me and drew me to his chest, allowing me every opportunity to pull away. But I didn't. And soon I had my face in the crook of his neck with my hands fisted in the leather of his vest covering his back.

Why is this happening? He didn't have to tell me that. He didn't have to say anything to me. But he did. He told me how much my babies need to know about me. He told me everything I needed to know. That they love me. And by telling me that, he told me something he would have never said out loud.

Gaara loves me.

My arms tightened around him and I pushed my forehead tighter against his neck.

And I love him.

– –

I jerked a little when a ray of light hit my eyes. I slowly opened them as I sat up, looking around. How had I fallen asleep? The ground all around is completely destroyed. Trees laying in awkward fashions, chunks of earth are piled up, and scattered everywhere. There was a noise behind me. I turned to see Gaara putting his arm over his face to block the sun, not two feet from me.

I know, for a fact, nothing happened last night.

I must have fallen asleep crying. That's all. And he was just being nice and letting me sleep. I wonder how long it has been since he slept. The black around his eyes is really, really dark. I stood up and cracked my back as I bent backwards. My whole body is sore. I just want to curl up next to him and sleep the day away. But I know I can't. And neither can he. We both have to train, or I'm not going to get anywhere.

I walked over to him and nudged him lightly in the side with my toe. He didn't move. I nudged him a little harder. He grunted, but did nothing else. I smiled a little. What a baby! I kicked him lightly this time, then a little harder when I got nothing out of him. I was about to kick him again when his hand lashed out and grabbed my foot, his angry eyes glaring up at me.

I smiled brightly. "Rise and shine!"

He grudgingly let go and got up himself.

I stretched out all of my sore joints and muscles, preparing for today's harsh training. I'm hoping Gaara will create obstacles for me to go through. That would be challenging, not knowing what is going to hit me next. At least when I can see him I have some sort of idea where the attack is coming from. He still hasn't gotten rid of the twitching in his fingers every time he uses the sand. Must be some mental thing he never notices.

But my plans were foiled when I heard footsteps coming our way. I pulled out a kunai and slipped into my ready position. Who could be all the way up here? Surely Tsunade wouldn't send anyone!

But to my amazement it was Jiraiya who walked through the trees towards us. I slipped the kunai back into my pouch and waited for him to walk over to us with a smile. Gaara's arms were folded across his chest as we waited.

"Good morning!" Jiraiya called from across the clearing. He slowly made his way over. "Doesn't the sun feel wonderful?"

Gaara's eyes narrowed. "What are you doing here, old man?" Has he been hanging out with Naruto to much? Maybe them living in the same village isn't such a good idea...

Jiraiya just laughed. "Why, Kazekage-sama, I came to take over Kira's training for the day! Tsunade needs you back in the office, something about battle tactics for the oncoming war. I volunteered to help Kira train. No need to worry, she is like a daughter to me." He winked at me with a smirk.

I felt my cheeks grow red, but thankfully my mask hid it. What an idiot. I just sighed loudly and dramatically. He chuckled. Gaara's eyes slid over to me. I pretended to be busy brushing dirt off my black shorts to notice, but I felt them on me. Burning into my skin. I heard the swish of sand, and when I looked up, he was gone. Just like that. Creepy.

"What are we going to do?" I asked.

Jiraiya smiled and sat down with his legs crossed. "We are going to sit and talk." He motioned for me to sit in front of him. I rolled my eyes and did so. "I've been thinking lately, and there is something that has come to mind that I think would be a good idea to share with you."

I brushed my hair out of my face and hugged my knees to my chest. "And what would that be?"

Jiraiya's eyes closed as he thought, his face turning completely serious. "When you use the elemental forces, you do not create anything out of thin air, if you will. You use what is already there, correct?" I nodded. Where is he going with this? "To use the wind, you simply stir the air around you. To use the water, you use what you have on hand and make it do your bidding. Fire and earth, those two are completely different. The fire isn't there before, is it? And the earth doesn't expand on its own, hm?"

I frowned. "I don't get it."

He shifted a little. "Think back ten or more years ago. When you fought with Iwa at Suna, you learned you could use earth. Those cylinders of earth did not come from the ground, or there would have been big holes. You created them, to an extent. My theory is that you duplicated the molecules in the ground and made those cylinders large enough for your purpose."

"Like I cloned the rock or something?"

"Yes," he said hesitantly. "There was already something there for you to work with, it didn't come from empty space. If you learn to do that without the visual aid, it could become very useful to you. Another thing, if you can use the elements and change them to do what you want them to, what else can you do?" He reached to his side and picked up a stick, holding it long wise over his wrist with the point at his palm. "Could you change this stick into something else? Can you learn to make weapons from scraps around you?"

This got me thinking. If I had an arrow, could I change it enough to make it into a sword? That would definitely make the weight on my body less, not to mention it could confuse the enemy when I hold out an arrow to them without a bow anywhere in sight. I never knew Jiraiya-sama was so smart! Though I guess he would have to be to be a legendary Sannin. What else could I do with my powers?

I took a deep breath and held it for a second. This is going to be a long shot. "Do you think," I paused, knowing this will sound stupid, "I could possibly change myself?" I stared at him hard, waiting for any kind of reaction.

He definitely thought on it. "I think you could. You aren't, again, creating anything out of thin air. You are changing what is already there. Yes, I think with enough practice, you can." He cleared his throat. "But I want you to concentrate on making this stick into a kunai. For now, anyway." Jiraiya placed the stick in my hand and waited. "Take as much time as you need. Just make sure there are no eyes around, other than mine. This will be our little secret," Jiraiya winked at me and in a puff of smoke disappeared.

I sighed loudly. This isn't going to be a simple task. Maybe I should start on trying to figure out how I do it with sand? I looked at the ground in front of me and lifted a chunk out and set it on my hand. I closed my eyes and visioned it changing, growing bigger and bigger. It was suddenly to heavy and crushed my fingers under it as it fell. I gasped with pain and flung the rock away.

Okay, I thought to myself, time to get serious.

I held the stick in both hands, focusing on it. I had visioned the rock when I changed it, so maybe that is what I need to do with this stick. It was only a few seconds before I felt the shaft of the stick smoothing, growing thicker in my hand. Now, what am I going to do about the blade? I searched within the stick but found nothing that would help me.

I tossed the wooden handle on the ground and glared at it. This isn't going to work! I can't make something out of nothing! Jiraiya said so himself! I need to start easier. Something much more simple. I glanced at the piles of snow still hanging around. Snow is water. One in the same. I stared at it hard and concentrated, turning it into a blob of water that floated just above the ground. There. That is one step in the right direction! Now I made the blob bigger, using nothing but what was within its depths. It grew and grew, and pretty soon I felt the beads of sweat forming on my body from the mental strength it took to hold it up.

I raised my hands towards it, moving them this way and that, shaping my creation into the head of a dragon. The dripping teeth, the blazing blue eyes, shiny scales, sharp spikes. It looks perfect, but I know without the ability to control it, my water dragon is completely harmless. We both stared at each other, challenging.

With a huff I let go and watched it splash against the ground. The water splashed over me, soaking into my clothes and sending chills up my back. I sat in the puddle and stared off at nothing. How am I going to do this? How can I save the world all by myself? I am one person. Did I think of that before I came here? No. The thought of Gaara and the twins was to much to give up. Coming here, to this haven, was to much. The love story I came up with the ten years I was away. Gaara's and my love story. How romantic it had seemed then.

But now?

Now it seems like it was all a dream. More so now than it ever had.

Waking up next to Gaara this morning was a dream come true for me. But that is just it. A dream. We cannot afford to distract each other. We both have a long way to go before we are ready to fight in this war. Right now, this very second, people are out there fighting and dying. People I never knew, people I will never know their names. They are dying so we can have a chance to perfect ourselves so we can win. I shouldn't be here. I should be out there with them, fighting and killing and protecting those who cannot fight.

That is why I need to figure all of this out. I need to stop the death.

A rock in front of me lifted and flew towards a tree, shattering the bark.

"I hate this," I whispered to myself, grabbing at my hair.

My mind somehow brought up the image of Mika. She was surrounded in flames, screaming as her skin sizzled. I shuddered and pushed the image away. The next one that came to mind was even more frightening, though. The image was blurry at first, but as it took form, showing me its contents, I wanted to peel my skin off just to get away from it.

The picture was of Anne. Anne holding Jessica's hand as they watched the destruction of the world. Fire everywhere, screams of death, the smell of burning hair and flesh. The smell of the dead. The blankness of Jessica's face is what bothered me the most. Like she didn't care. But I know her better than that, it's how I know this image isn't real. It's just a picture

Just an image.

A snapping twig startled me. I whirled around and to my feet, the water from the ground and on my legs was in the air ready to strike upon command. But it was only Naruto. The water fell again, splashing.

"Naruto! Don't ever sneak up on me like that." I sat back down on the ground and tried to slow my heart rate.

He chuckled as he came over, his hands linked behind his head. "I snapped the twig so you would know I was there, silly!" He sat down in front of me with his goofy smile. "Sorry we're late, we couldn't find you."

I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to push away everything I had been thinking. "We?" I did a quick glance around, finding no one.

Naruto's grin widened. "Don't freak out, okay?" A nervousness filled my insides. Naruto looked towards the woods and waved. "Come on out, Youji!" I watched the woods, looking for the smallest sign of movement, but saw nothing. "Oh, come on, Youji! She isn't going to hurt you," Naruto chuckled. "Don't be such a baby!" Of course the name was ironic, since "Youji" means "baby."

I was about to glance at Naruto, but a movement caught my eye. Just then, out of the bushes, came a tiny little head. Big black eyes watched me closely from under bright red eyebrows. My heart skipped, then races. Renjiro!

"Renjiro!" I jumped up, but the head was gone in a flash.

"Wait!" Naruto grabbed my arm before I could run after the little fox. "Kira, Renjiro is dead. He died nine months ago. Youji is his daughter, a runt like him. The youngest. But she is also the smartest, a little shy, but she is very smart. I'm sorry to tell you this. Renjiro is dead, Kira."

My heart contracted and I gasped, loosing the air in my lungs. He's... dead? No. No, Renjiro can't be dead! My little baby! Tears filled my eyes. No, definitely not. Not my Renjiro. Naruto's arms wrapped around my shoulders and he hugged me closely to his chest. Renjiro did so much for me. He was always there, no matter what I said or did. He never left me. But I left him. I abandoned him. And now he is dead. I'll never see his cute little face again. I'll never feel the warmth of his shaggy red fur.

"It's alright, Kira. It's alright," Naruto soothed. "He died of old age, peacefully. Youji stayed with him the whole time, he wasn't alone. It's alright."

I shook my head. No, it's not alright. I should have been there with him. I should have been there to comfort him. I feel so guilty. I haven't even thought of him since I came here. Not once. Why? Why had I forgotten him, out of everyone, why Renjiro? Why does he have to be dead?

"He lived a good life, Kira. When you left us, we didn't see him much. But he brought Youji to us when she was born, and he didn't leave after that. Hinata made a bed for them in our house, they were free to come and go. When he died, he was happy. He had his baby girl and us, and he knew you didn't want to leave him. He knew that." Naruto squeezed my shoulders tighter. "Youji will be with you now, I think he wanted that. He brought her to us so we could train her like you trained him. Come on, Kira, don't cry. Please, don't cry."

Nine months. If I had been here nine months ago, I could have seen him. I could have seen my Renjiro. Nine months!

I felt something nudge my leg, and when I looked down, I was looking down into the same eyes that belonged to Renjiro. Youji nudged my leg again, looking up at me with her head tilted. I bent down and pet her, smoothing out her soft fur. She pushed her head against my hands. Its like she knows I'm crying about her father. Like she knows what Naruto was saying and now she is sad. Did Renjiro ever tell her about me? Does she know who I am? I rested my head against her side and continued to cry. She didn't move, she just stood there while I cried. And Naruto watched us with a frown.

My baby Renjiro is gone.

Poor baby Renjiro :( How do you think Kira will get along with Youji?