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Chapter 17 - Reassurances
"Grandmother" Arwen exclaimed, her surprise coming through clear in her voice, her blue eyes opening wide.
"Not who you were expecting?" Galadriel questioned with a raised eyebrow and a smirk on her lips, she looked stunning stood there framed in the doorway, her infamous golden locks fluttering slightly in the warm breeze around her unblemished perfect skin.
"Um, no of course I was, please come in" Arwen stammered opening the door wider so that her grandmother could enter her chamber. As she turned away from the door she quickly spotted the dirty cape and bag that she had discarded in centre of the floor and hurried over to pick it up and put it on the mirrored side-table.
Galadriels gaze followed her as she moved around the room, a kindness spread across her features as she waited till Arwen had finished her fussing and had pulled on a pale blue linen dressing gown over her nightdress, tying the silk belt into a loose bow . Once she was done Galadriel walked over to one of the padded chairs on the balcony that looked down to the forest floor below and slid gracefully into it.
"I asked them to keep everything the way that you had left it" she told her, motioning with her hand for Arwen to take the chair opposite her. She moved at once, hoping that Aragorn would not be ready just yet or would have seen her grandmother ascending the stairs to her room. It was a silly notion however that she should feel awkward if her Grandmother saw Aragorn come to her chamber. After all they had been travelling through the wild for many weeks now, anything could have happened between them, but here back in what almost felt like reality the proper formalities and customs seemed to have reawakened in her.
"Thank you" Arwen replied once she too had settled down into her chair, plying a piece of damp hair away from her forehead. The chair was more comfortable than it looked and the muscles in her legs twinged then relaxed as they came into contact with the soft silken seat cushion.
"How are you feeling?" Galadriel asked after a pause, the moonlight casting a wavering shadow across her face as it came through the branches of the trees above.
"I am well, I have only suffered a few cuts and bruises" she told her, making the extent of her injuries seem better than they really were so as not to alarm her. "After all we have been through we are lucky that none of us have come away with any broken bones or deep injuries, the dirt of travel made many of the injuries appear worse than they are, the best thing for them was a warm soak in the bath" She said with a smile.
"You should still go get a poultice in the morning, to make sure they do not become infected" Galadriel told her in a motherly tone.
"Of course" Arwen agreed, more to keep her happy than of her own concern.
"However that was not my meaning when I asked how you were feeling, although I am of course grateful that your injuries are minimal" Galadriel said smoothing out a crease that had formed on the white skirt of her dress.
Staring at a spot on the stone floor she mulled over the question for what seemed like an eternity, but no words seem to be able to form in her mind, why was that? Why could she not think of how to express how she felt in words? What made it harder was that she did not want to appear weak in her Grandmothers eyes, she might then think that she could not handle continuing on with her journey. On the other-hand she did not wanted to appear so nonchalant about it that Galadriel would think her unkind.
"I am not quite sure how I feel yet, for me the grief is still too near" was the answer that she chose upon in the end and it was not entirely false. There was still a void of numbness within her concerning his death, as though it had happened in a dream and he was fine and would come strolling through the doorway at any moment. However there was that other part of her that brought her back to reality and told her to accept it and move on.
"I understand" was all Galadriel replied pressing the matter no more. "Tell me, what has occurred on the journey so far?" she asked then and Arwen told her everything.
At first she was unsure of how to start, how could one fully explain the immense trials that they had faced over the weeks but she started with remembering every detail no matter how small. The memories soon bombarded her as she recalled them from one to the next. The crossing of the ford with Frodo was the strangest, it seemed almost like another lifetime before they knew what they would be undertaking. The Crebain, Caradhras , The creature in the pool, Moria, Balins tomb, the Balrog, Gandalfs fall, emerging into the light after the darkness, the unknown creature that had followed them to the borders of Lothlorien. By the end of it she did not know how long she had been talking but the roof of her mouth was dry and her cheeks were wet with tears. So much for not appearing weak she thought wryly to herself. But Galadriel did not appear to mind, she stood from her seat and went over to a sideboard pouring a silver jug of water into a matching goblet that sat alongside. Instead of returning to her own seat she came and sat next to Arwen on hers, handing her the cup and putting a soft arm around her shoulders.
"You are all very brave" she said once Arwen had taken an few small sips and wiped her face with her fingers.
"I do not feel very brave" Arwen confided in her, her sense of pride all but forgotten now that her tears had fallen once more.
"There are few men in this world that would have been able to stare danger in the face as you all have, whilst keeping their sanity in check, you are all heroes in my eyes" Her grandmother said soothingly stroking a hand down the back of Arwens hair as she had done when she was just a girl.
"But you need not go any further" she told her "No one can fault you if you should choose to stay here, you have already done more than enough".
She absorbed what she had said for a moment, her grandmothers hand still running up and down her back. In a way she felt disappointed, betrayed, she could not imagine Galadriel having said the same thing to Aragorn or Legolas. Was it because they were men? or because she saw her as weak in general? She was about to push away from her and begin the accusation when another thought came to her. If their roles were reversed, and Galadriel was the one undertaking this quest then would she not want the same thing? To protect her kin at all costs. After what had happened to Arwens mother Celebrian, Galadriel could not be blamed for being overly cautious. She would not wish to lose another member of her family at the hands of orcs, or of any other evil creature of this world. Many times in Moria Arwen had remembered the plight of her mother and she had struck at the orcs in hatred as though they had been the ones that had forced her to undying lands. A sickness rose in her still when she remembered the near fatal poisoned wound that she had received. But no matter how much she feared the same fate, the need of their quest was greater than her.
"I must carry this through to the end, to break away from the fellowship now would be to weaken it" Arwen explained logically. "If I were to leave then the others may see this as a sign that we are doomed to fail, I cannot bring down morale even further than it is already" she said , thinking back to all the lighter moments she had spent with the group so far, away from all the fighting and skirmishes to the precious moments shared in between. They had all grown closer as a team that was for sure, from the band of misfits that set out from Rivendell to the organised force that had arrived at Lothlorien, they had all bonded.
"Your father wishes for you to return home" Galadriel informed her quietly just above a whisper.
"He has wanted that from the start, if it were up to him I would never have left" Arwen said with amusement, " he believes that I am trying to prove myself to someone, and in a way that is true. But it is not the person he believes that I am trying to impress. Of course I want to help the others in this but the only person I am doing this for is me. So that I can be content in the knowledge that I did everything that I possibly could".
"I am very proud of you" Galadriel said after a moment and Arwen looked shocked at her Grandmother for the second time that meeting. She had expected her to scold her and almost command that she stay here like her father had done. But instead she had her support, and her praise.
"Thank you" Arwen choked out as another tear slid silently down her face, she was surprised that there were any left she had cried so many in the last day. That small statement was just what she had needed to hear as though it reinforced everything she had set out to achieve.
"Now, no more tears today" Galadriel said wiping it away with her thumb "You must get some rest, would you like me to send up some food for you, or will Aragorn be bringing some with him?".
"I uh..." Arwen stammered the formalities rearing their head once again "I am not sure if he..."
"You forget that I have my ways of knowing everything my dear" Galadriel laughed. "I do not mind if you dine together in your chamber, just be sure that he returns to the others before sleep takes him" she continued standing up from the chair and then bending over to plant a light kiss on the top of her forehead. "I shall see you in the morning" she said as she made her way over to the door.
"What are you doing this evening? Arwen enquired after her.
"I thought I may go and take a look in the mirror for a time" Galadriel replied as she opened the latch and stepped outside into the corridor.
"Goodnight" Arwen said to her as she followed her over to the door to shut it behind her.
"Goodnight dear one" came the response and she walked away quietly, her bare feet padding on the stone floor.
She leant against the wood of the door for a time her head tilted backwards, relishing the silence and calm. It had been so long since she had no tasks to accomplish, such as gathering wood, patrolling the perimeter of the camp or filling up the water-skins, that she felt out of place in the room where she had often spent many hours, sewing, reading or just pondering. Once this quest was over would daily life seem pale in comparison? How would they all adjust back into normality? But she was getting ahead of herself, who was to say that they would complete this mission, and if they did how many of them would make it back?
A light knock on the door behind her broke her from her thoughts. Just in time, before she worried herself into a stupor once more.
This time instead of opening the door in a hurry she made sure that she looked calm and collected before opening the latch. Pulling her hair, which was nearly dry now behind her shoulders and making sure that her dressing gown did not show too much of her white alabaster skin underneath. But throughout all her efforts to appear as reserved as she could muster, she could not stop the beaming smile that covered her face when she opened the door to reveal her love, a basket of food in hand.