The reviews for the last chapter were AMAZING! I really loved reading each and every one of them because you all had such different opinions on what YOU would have done if you were in Ally's place. I have a pretty open mind so it was really cool to see that some of you didn't agree with Ally's actions, and some of you did. I debated on whether I should post that chapter or not because of the big twist, which was Austin not feeling the same way and working hard to make Ally happy again. While some of you are now scared of where this story is heading, I just wanted to give you guys a friendly reminder that this is an Austin & Ally story, and Auslly is definitely still end game. There are just going to be some twists and turns along the way. Quick Raura moment before we start: Did you guys hear that Ross said in a J-14 magazine interview that him and Laura are like a MARRIED COUPLE? I practically fangirled for over an hour while my mom stared at me like a lunatic. Okay, here we go!
"So let me get this straight: Austin knows that you love him," Trish stated quietly as we observed our notes in the composition notebook. The facts on platonic friendships seemed endless. There was still so much to cover, but plenty of time luckily lay ahead, so this comforted me. My inner dork was absolutely determined to ace this project.
I nodded. "Yes."
"And... he's not freaked out about it?" she asked. "This is weird! And totally unexpected if I'm going to be completely honest with you, Ally."
I sighed, flipping through a page or two and taking out my pencil to fix a few grammatical errors that Trish had made. "So am I. The weirdest part is that he wants to," I paused, putting air quotes with my fingers, "make it up to me."
Trish's eyebrows rose before she started chortling. I bit my lip and couldn't help but smile at her reaction.
"What's so funny?" I asked.
"It's just... He's so accepting of the fact that you like him, that's all. It's really uncanny because in most situations," Trish said, flipping to a certain page in our notebook to show me evidence, "when a best friend confesses, the other reacts by either feeling awkward or feeling confused, thus making the friendship disintegrate."
I placed my forehead into my palm. "I don't understand it myself," I groaned. "What should I do?"
"Before I can answer that, I need to ask you this: how do you feel about him after confessing?"
I snapped the notebook shut, pondering my mind for what words I should use in my answer. I breathed, shaking my head. "To be honest, I still feel hurt. Most of me is hurt simply because he's been so blind this whole time, but I can't really blame him for that because I did put up a front. The rest of me is angry over other reasons, like the fact that he didn't tell me about his demo dealing with Kira's dad."
Trish frowned. "Demo dealing? What demo dealing?" she asked, folding her arms. I leaned in closer to her.
"It's hard to explain," I whispered. "But Austin's biggest dream has been to become a performing artist, a singer. We used to day dream about it all the time when we were younger."
I smiled, my mind flashing back to a reminisce.
"My name's Austin Moon and I'm gonna sing a song for you!" he exclaimed, jumping out of my closet sporting sunglasses and a guitar strapped onto his shoulders.
I giggled, clapping. "Woohoo!" I shouted, watching him sing a song that had repetitively been playing on the radio. I watched his face light up as he sang, his feet swaying to the beat inside his head, his fingers strumming themselves against the strings of the guitar. Performing was second nature for him. When he was done, his cheeks had suddenly turned pink and he flopped down on the carpet next to me.
"What do you think?" he asked.
"That was amazing," I encouraged.
He sighed, leaning against the side of my bed. "Someday, I'm going to make it."
I beamed happily, a rush of emotion overcoming my nine year old body. "I believe in you."
He turned to look at me and grinned. "There's no way I can make it without you. Always remember that," he said.
I snorted, rolling my eyes and playfully shoving his shoulder. "Okay, Mr. Mushy Pants. C'mon, my mom's making mac and cheese for dinner!"
"Ally?" Trish said, bringing me back to the present. I chuckled nervously, clearing my throat.
"That's always been his biggest dream," I murmured. "I'm just... I can't believe he didn't tell me, you know?"
She nodded. "He's an idiot. Take my advice," she sighed, "and enjoy the fact that he's going to make it up to you, but try to move on. There are more fish in the sea Ally, trust me."
I nodded, smiling sadly at the fact that she was probably right. "I know. Let's just hope I find him sooner than later," I mumbled before averting my attention back to our notebook.
"Enjoy the fact that he's going to make it up to you, but try to move on." Trish's words echoed in my head throughout the day as Austin's small but sweet gestures seemed to be strewn throughout my daily routine at school. When I opened my locker to retrieve my Spanish notebook, a small Post-It had been stuck onto the inside of the locker door.
It was a badly drawn picture of a dancing jar of pickles. A laugh escaped my throat and I peered over my shoulder, curious as to how he had managed to sneakily place this inside without me catching him. I shook my head in disbelief, wearing a smile on my face as I shut my locker door, folding the Post-It and tucking it carefully into my jeans pocket.
When I opened my Calculus notebook to begin taking notes later on in fourth period, a photo fell to the floor and slid underneath the desk of the person sitting next to me. Dallas, I believe his name was. He looked up at me and leaned over to fetch the photo. A smile grew on his face as he examined the picture before handing it back to me.
"You guys look good together. Is that your boyfriend?" he asked. I shot him a confused glance as I turned to look down at the photo.
Austin had wrapped an arm around me as I pretended to pull away, my head tilted back as the sun blazed red in the background. It had been taken during one of our frolicking days at the beach during the summer. His mom had bought him a Polaroid camera, and he'd taken too many pictures to the point where I yelled, "Go away paparazzi!"
I felt my face heat up. "No, he's my best friend," I said, and the words surprisingly didn't seem too painful to say anymore. I flipped the photo over and my fingers ran themselves over his messy handwriting scrawled onto the back in pen.
Austin and Ally
:)
"Right," Dallas smirked sarcastically. I opened my mouth to prove him wrong, but decided it was too useless to even try. As strange as all these little gifts were for a girl who had just been friend zoned, it was actually working. My heart didn't feel weary or torn or distraught at all. I was smiling.
I was happy.
During a Physics lab, my phone buzzed. My partner seemed too busy texting herself to even help me, so I decided to oblige and take a glance at who had messaged.
To: Ally
From: Austin
1:45 pm
What do flies wear on their feet?
I blinked, wondering whether he had finally lost it or was truly asking me, because sometimes Austin was not the sharpest tool in the shed.
To: Austin
From: Ally
1:46 pm
Idk, what?
I nudged my lab partner. "Hey, can you grab that tube over there and hand it to me?" I asked.
"But it's so far," she whined. I glared and got up from my chair, realizing that in order to finish this lab, I'd have to work on it myself... as usual. I frowned as I poured the sulfate carefully into the tube. My phone buzzed.
To: Ally
From: Austin
1:47 pm
Shoos.
A giggle escaped from my mouth, and a few classmates stared at me oddly, but the joy running through my veins felt too good to hold back. I looked up at my partner, who was still twirling her hair and texting, probably about frivolous topics such as clothes or shoes. A surge of confidence grew inside me as I walked towards her, nearly slamming the test tube in front of her.
"Can you please put down your phone and help me with the lab? I would really appreciate it," I deadpanned. She stared at me with wide eyes before slipping her phone into her bag, swiftly nodding.
"Yeah, sure," she murmured. For awhile we worked in silence, me taking observational notes while she worked with the test tubes. What she said next affected me for the rest of the day.
"I was waiting for you to say something to me," she sighed. I looked up and was surprised when we both smiled at one another in agreement for the first time all year.
Another surprise awaited for me at lunch. I gushed to Trish about the small gifts Austin had been leaving for me to enjoy throughout the day.
"He really is a good friend," I said.
"But isn't it hard, knowing that he's leaving these cute little gifts as just a friend and not something more?" she asked, dodging a football that whizzed past her face. "Footballs belong on the field, you meat heads!"
I chuckled before answering. "This is going to sound weird, but no," I admitted, shrugging my shoulders. "Maybe we really are better off as friends."
She pouted. "I can agree to disagree." As we entered the cafeteria and made our way to the usual lunch line, two hands covered my eyes. I panicked and elbowed the stranger in the stomach, quickly turning around to see who the culprit was.
"Austin!" I gasped as he doubled over. Trish let out a small laugh and I glared at her. She bit her lip, hanging her head down to suppress the laughter. "God, are you okay?"
He nodded, standing straight up while rubbing his belly painfully. "Remind me to warn any future robbers that you have wicked self defense," he gulped. I rolled my eyes.
"What's up?" I asked. He grinned and handed me a familiar looking paper bag. "In-n-Out!"
"I know you've always wanted to try the burgers there so I got my mom to send some over here for you," he explained. I broke out into a peal of squeals and leaned in to hug him. At first my body froze, unsure whether this was okay, whether this was breaking the boundaries or not, but when he wrapped his arms around me I decided that this gesture was fine. I slowly pulled away.
"Thank you," I said. His eyes seemed to grow softer and his smile brighter. I waited for the butterflies in my stomach to appear, but their presence seemed faint.
"Austin!" a voice called, and Kira jogged her way towards us, a few loose strands of hair escaping from her bun. "Hey Ally!"
"Hi," I mumbled.
Her eyes moved to the In-n-Out bag and her mouth formed a small "o" as she gasped. "In-n-Out? Where did you get that?"
"Austin brought some for me," I replied, then realized how misguided that sentence seemed to sound. I watched Kira's spirit deflate a bit as she turned to face Austin.
"Did you get anything for me?" she asked. He quickly grew uncomfortable, his Converse tapping against the floor at an unsteady beat.
"Not today," he admitted. "But next time for sure!" His hand moved to wrap itself around her shoulder, but he looked over at me and quickly dropped it. I sent him a look along the lines of there's-no-need-for-that. He replied with I-wanted-to.
I bid my goodbyes to the both of them as Trish and I walked over to where Dez sat. The red head's eyes grew in excitement at the In-n-Out bag.
"Sharing is caring," he said nonchalantly, looking at me with pleading eyes. I sighed, handing him a french fry.
Trish cleared her throat. I laughed in disbelief and gave her one as well.
"But the burger is for me," I promptly defended, and the two sighed in defeat. I turned around, scanning for Austin and Kira. I spotted them sitting at a separate table, her yapping away, clearly excited about something. His eyes immediately locked with mine and he sent me a small smile. Kira slapped his arm, probably scolding him about not paying attention, and I giggled. His eyes met mine fleetingly one last time before he fully averted his attention to her. I let out a deep breath and drew myself back into Dez's theory about aliens.
"They exist! I'm telling you guys!" he exclaimed. Trish shook her head at him, but I could make out the secret smile on her face that showed she secretly thought his ranting was adorable. I searched inside the paper bag for napkins and instead found the receipt. I had apparently been order number one, and above the number Austin had scribbled, in crayon nonetheless, a few extra words.
You're my
#1
I smiled and felt Trish's arm nudge mine.
"You alright? You're kinda glowing," she whispered.
I nodded. "I think for the first time in awhile... yeah," I replied, happily tucking the receipt into my pocket along with the Post-It.
It's the way you walk
It's the, it's the way you talk
It's the way you brighten up my life
It's the way you hide
Hide behind your silly lies
It's the way you try to sing along with me
It's the way you try to be my everything
It's the way you try and try again
A small smile curves its way to my lips, and I sigh in satisfaction as I put down my pen. These days, life seems brighter, better, and my heart seems enlightened by the fact that secrets no longer linger in the air. My phone buzzes, and I sigh, wondering if it is who I think it is.
To: Ally
From: Austin
12:30 pm
What kind of tree grows in your hand?
I shake my head. He's been sending a lot of these lately, the kind of jokes that are stupid to him but hilarious for me. My fingers listlessly type a response.
To: Austin
From: Ally
12:31 pm
A palm tree.
I can imagine him frowning at my reply.
To: Ally
From: Austin
12:32 pm
How did you know?
A chuckle slips from my mouth at his epic fail.
"Ally? Can you come down here for a second?" my dad calls from downstairs.
To: Austin
From: Ally
12:33 pm
Gtg, text you later.
"Coming!" I shout, putting my phone down and running quickly to the kitchen. "What's wro-"
I freeze at the sight of the woman sitting at the table. Her wavy brown hair, cheerful smile, and safari hat make my heart leap with joy.
"Mom!" I yell, running towards her and ambushing her lap, wrapping my arms tightly around her neck. I bury my face into her hair, engraving the scent of wild blue berries and perfume into my mind. "What are you doing here?"
She pulls me away to properly get a good look at my face. "I missed you too much to stay in the wild. I need to be with you during your last year of high school!" she sighed, cupping my face into her hands. I grinned.
"I missed you, too," I replied, then turned to my dad. "You knew about this?"
He shrugged his shoulders, a sheepish smile plastered onto his face. "She wanted to keep it a surprise," he chuckled. "You know your mother."
She shot him a teasing look. "I see you haven't changed, Lester," she joked. "How is Sonic Boom doing?"
"Well," he stated. "Ally takes a shift every now and then."
"Every weekend," I clarified. "Oh! Who's watching the store right now?" I panicked, getting up from her lap and making my way towards the door.
"It's closed for today, Alls," my dad answered. "We are all going out for lunch today."
I blinked. "But... I mean..." I stuttered, unsure of how to say this.
"Honey, just because your dad and I are separated doesn't mean we're not a family anymore," she said gently, instantly reading my mind. I smiled, nodding my head as I looped my arms through the both of theirs.
"Thanks for reminding me," I laughed, never feeling more whole than I was in this moment. My mother and father may be separate, may not be bound to one another, but they were both mine, and I felt lucky to belong to both of them.
I hadn't laughed with both of my parents in years. The passive conversations over TV dinners with my father and phone discussions with my mother could not compare to the roars that sounded from our table right now in the middle of Olive Garden.
As I dug happily into my pasta, I observed them both, the twinkle in their eyes and the fact that their cheeks were turning rosy from laughing so much. I tried to imagine what they used to be like when they were still in love, but only faint flashes of holding hands and the occasional peck on the cheek came to mind.
What marveled me was how two people could fall out of love as easily as they fell.
"Ally, sweetie, are you alright?" my mom asked. I nodded and smiled.
"I just have a lot on my mind," I murmured. "The dinner is great. Thanks, Dad."
He beamed in his seat, and my mom patted him on the shoulder. He hadn't pulled out his wallet for a fancy dinner in quite awhile. During their arguments in the past, I remember my mom yelling at how cheap he was and how he needed to learn how to be more giving. I pinched the side of my stomach to stop myself from thinking about such bad memories when the present was seemingly better.
"It's the least I could do," he replied. "You're working so hard in school. She really is." My mom let out a laugh.
"Of course she is," she sighed.
"She gets that from me," they simultaneously claimed. I cleared my throat uncomfortably as they shot one another conniving looks.
"Anyways," my dad continued, "did Ally tell you that she's going to be in play?"
She turned to look at me, her eyebrows rising higher by the minute. "I don't believe so," she said. "Alls, when did you overcome your stage fright?"
I shrugged my shoulders, shifting in my seat. "I wouldn't say overcome. More like..." I hesitated, searching for the right word. "...visibly moved."
They both looked at me incredulously, and I decided to interpret my phrasing in a clearer way.
"I just decided maybe it was time for me to step into the lime light. I don't want to have any regrets when I graduate high school," I explained. She nodded quickly in agreement, sending my dad a knowing look.
"That's actually one of the reasons I came back home, Alls..." she softly began. An uneasy feeling settled into my stomach and I didn't like where this conversation was heading.
"Now college is-" my dad stated, but she quickly cut him off, shooting a glare in his direction. He sheepishly grimaced. Lacing her hands together, she sent me a smile.
"We want to help you figure out where you want to go after high school, honey. We're here to guide you through it all," she said. I looked down at my plate of pasta and suddenly my appetite flushed itself down the drain. I shook my head, feeling fickle.
"Alls, college is very important. A business degree is-"
"Lester, I told you not to push the business degree," she hissed under her breath. "Whatever you want to major in is your decision. We just want to-"
"We?" I laughed bitterly. "You mean, you and dad?"
She sighed. "Yes."
"Why now?" I asked.
"We just thought that now is a time where guidance is most needed in your life," my dad reasoned.
"You both think I need guidance now?" I spat. "I needed guidance years ago, when you two got divorced!"
"Ally," she breathed, but I continued.
"Why did you leave us?" I asked her, my voice wobbling. "Right after the divorce, you left for your spontaneous forest trip in the wilderness."
"Honey, that was the past, alright? You can't go back," my dad murmured.
"You can't go back, but you can't forget either," I replied, getting up from my chair. "I want to go home."
Later that night I crept downstairs, something I hadn't done since I was ten, to eavesdrop on their conversation in the kitchen. I listened to the kettle moving around on the stove, probably my mother making a cup of coffee. A chair scraped across the floor, which I assumed was my dad taking a seat at the table. My ears strained as I managed to catch snippets of their sentences until I was fully focused enough to hear the entire discussion.
"Did you know she was this affected by the divorce?" I heard her whisper, a small slurp which followed, probably her taking a sip of the coffee.
"No," he replied. "When you left... she was a little sad for a few days, and she missed you dearly, but I thought it was typical divorce after effects for kids."
"I feel like it's my fault," she choked. "The divorce has clearly made her traumatized for the future. Has college always been a touchy subject for her?"
A moment of silence ensured, and I imagined he was nodding his head. "She doesn't like to talk about it, not even with Austin."
She sighed. "How are those two lovebirds?" she chuckled.
"There's been some tension between them for the past month or so. Austin's dating that Hawaiian girl... what's her name..."
"Kira?" she asked. Another moment of silence, probably him nodding again.
"Yeah, her. Kira is a nice girl, but it just pained me to see Ally hurting. Lately, though, she's seemed happier, livelier. It's a relief," he sighed. I bit my lip. I really was an open book.
"Someday that boy will come to his senses," she laughed. "I think another reason she's scared for college is because of Austin."
"I know," he sighed. "Those two are inseparable. Austin doesn't like to think about being away from her either. They've both grown so close..."
I decide that this is enough eavesdropping for the night, and I crawl back up the stairs and into the safety of my bed, burying myself into the blankets and comforters. Soft footsteps head towards my room a couple minutes later and I pretend I'm asleep. A hand gently strokes my hair.
"Ally," a voice whispers, and I know it's her, but I feel too weary to open my eyes. "I know you're not really asleep."
Shoot.
I have no other choice but to drop the act and sigh in defeat. She grins and I can't help but crack a small smile.
"You know," she mumbles, "I used to do the same thing when I was your age."
I stay stubbornly silent.
"I understand if you're angry with me," she continues. "If you're angry at your father and I... it's reasonable. And it's hard to forget the past, trust me, I know. But I wish you had told me how much you were hurting."
"I didn't know how," I mumbled. "I wasn't entirely depressed but... you not being here anymore with us in the house... it wasn't the greatest feeling."
"I know, honey," she sighed, smoothing down my hair. "But I want you to know that I'm still here for you."
"I'm sorry I flipped out at the restaurant," I apologized, sitting up to hug her.
"You're my little girl," she murmured, wrapping her arms tightly around me. "It's going to be okay, I promise."
Promises are hard to keep, I want to say. But for once I decide to have faith in her words and trust that perhaps everything will fall into place the way she claims it will.
"She's back?" Austin asked the next morning as I walked into the campus. I sighed, running my fingers through my hair, and I wouldn't be surprised if a few strands fell out from stress.
"She's back," I confirmed. He was the first person I had gone to during the divorce, so it only made sense that he be the first person to know that my mother had returned. He was, after all, my best friend.
"So... is this a good thing or a bad thing?"
I wrapped my thin cardigan tighter around my shoulders. While Miami's temperature was still pretty warm, a cold breeze was beginning to flow in the mornings. "A good thing," I answered. "I missed her."
"I know you did," he replied softly, rubbing my shoulder comfortingly.
"She wants to talk about college," I stated. He froze.
"Oh."
"I think maybe it's time I start thinking about where I want to go," I said slowly, the words sounding funny as they came out of my mouth for the first time.
"Th-that's good," he stuttered, but his smile was faltering by the second. I stopped him, grabbing his arm so that he would face me.
"Hey," I said carefully. "Lighten up. Haven't you been waiting for me to talk about this?"
He chuckled. "Yeah, but... it's weird, just thinking that in six months we'll be..." He can't even finish his sentence.
"I know," I whisper, squeezing his hand. Suddenly his arms are wrapped tightly around me, catching me completely off guard. "Austin... we'll be okay." I lean back to stare into his eyes, spotting an emotion in them that I've never seen before.
Fear.
"You promise?" he teases, lending me his pinky. The doubt disappears from his eyes so quickly that I think for a moment I might have just imagined it. I roll my eyes and giggle, linking my pinky with his.
"Promise."
OH SNAP. Ally's mom is back! I actually wasn't planning on her return at all, the idea came to me while writing this chapter and I was like: Ooh, okay, why not? I really wanted to bring a strong mother-daughter dynamic. I think this chapter was fairly sweet, what with Austin finally doing his part for Ally, and Ally having a heart to heart with her mom. What did you guys think? Don't be afraid to leave a review and let me know how I'm doing, and to leave your opinion! Or tweet me, this option is now available as well. You guys are all SO AMAZING, I really, truly can't thank you enough. I hope you're all having a good remainder of summer, and for those of you who are already back in school, I say keep your head up and make it a good year! Oh, and thank you for all the get well wishes, I'm feeling much better. LOVE YOU GUYSSSSS.