Here it is! Chapter 22 :)

Chapter 22, The Boy.

I watched the sun rise above the crumbled walls of Suna by myself. Everyone is packing to leave this morning. They will all be returning with us to Konoha. Tsunade has sent out a few people to help them travel safely, and also so Gaara and I can get back to the village before many realized we ever left. A footstep behind me had me turning around.

"Ryuu? Is something wrong?" I asked, looking down at the boy. He is maybe nine years old. Not much younger than the Twins.

He shook his head, but continued to stand there. I smiled softly at him and held out my hand, not at all surprised when he took it. I walked him back towards the others, who were just coming out of the basement to stretch before their long journey. Shikamaru and Ino should be arriving any time to bring them home. I brought him over to where Kaori was helping Aya strap her son to her back. But Ryuu didn't let go of my hand, he didn't want to travel with them. And from what I have observed, they do not want him along with them.

"He is a menace," Kaori had told me. "He doesn't know how to do anything and makes everything harder for everyone."

I held tightly to his hand and lead him right past those women towards where Shikamaru and Ino have just arrived. "Ino!" She glanced over, smiling when she saw me. Good, I am glad she remembers my new face. "Ryuu, this is Ino. She will watch over you on your way to Konoha, okay?" Ino smiled down at him.

He shook his head, tugging on my hand. I bent down so he could whisper in my ear. "Why can't I travel with you?"

I smiled and smoothed his hair from his face. "Because I need to leave right away with the Kazekage. But I promise I will be at the gates waiting for you when you get to Konoha, okay?" He scowled at the ground. "And I don't want you to give Ino any trouble at all, alright? There will be a surprise for you if you are good for her." He glanced up at me, a little light back in his eyes. So that is the trick. "But you have to be good. And you have to make sure to help anyone who needs it, okay?" He nodded, reaching for Ino's hand. When hers was within his grasp he reluctantly let go of mine, frowning. "I will see you in Konoha." I waved to them as I walked off.

Gaara was waiting for me, having just finished giving Shikamaru instructions. "Ready?" I nodded, not meeting his eyes. Gaara went to put his arm around my waist, but I took a step back, holding out my hand to him. I know that he can transport me just as well with my hand in his grasp. He took it and the sand swirled around us.

"About time you two got back!" Tsunade huffed. She took another swig from her bottle and set it down on the table with a clunk.

Sakura sighed. "Tsunade-sama, you were being so good about drinking... What happened?"

Tsunade smirked and pointed at me. "That, my dear, is what happened."

I rolled my eyes and walked out of the room without a backwards glance at any of them. It would be nice to find Jiraiya-sama. I wouldn't mind having another heart-to-heart conversation with him about things I need to get off my chest. Why has he, of all people, become my confident? I sighed at myself. I have no idea what I am doing anymore. Sure enough, though, as soon as I walked out of the Hokage tower, there he was. Leaning against the wall with his privet smile.

"Need to chat?" Jiraiya chuckled.

I rolled my eyes but smiled anyway. We walked down to one of the only remaining training fields. This is the one that I first sparred with Kakashi on. So long ago that was. It seems like more than a couple lifetimes ago. What am I doing here? Trying to save the world? Is that some kind of joke? It seems like things are only getting more complicated the longer I stay. I killed Ryuu's mother. And Gaara is Ryuu's father. And now Ryuu is somehow attached to me? What happened to my children? It is them that is supposed to want to hold my hand any chance they get. Not Ryuu. He should hate me. I killed his mother.

"What's going through your head?" Jiraiya asked softly.

I glanced over at him. "Gaara has another son. Ryuu. He is Matsuri's."

Jiraiya nodded, encouraging me to go on.

I scoffed at myself. "And all of this time I thought Gaara would never go for someone like her. What was he thinking? He should have known she would only want to get pregnant to have power over him! I guess that backfired on her alright." I sat down next to a tree and glared at the ground in front of me. "I shouldn't feel angry. I'm the one who left him. And he tried to move on. I get that. I understand that. But why do I feel so angry?" I looked helplessly up at Jiraiya, hoping he could give me some sort of reason. Or that he could tell me I am being stupid and I need to stop being angry. I need to say it is something a small kid would feel.

But he just stood there, leaning against a tree watching me. "You have every right to be angry. In your view, you did not leave him. You were taken from him. Correct?" I swallowed hard. "When you came back here you thought everything could go back to the way it was before. You wanted everyone to welcome you with open arms. Most have done that. But you expected Gaara to be waiting for you to come back. You didn't want to think that maybe he had moved on, gotten with someone else. Kira, sweetheart, you need to let go of him."

I felt the tears and put my head down, pulling slightly at my hair. "I can't," I whispered.

Jiraiya placed a hand on my shoulder. "It is not a can or cannot situation. You have to. Once you do, you can do what you came here to do."

I shook my head, trying to keep in the tears. How can I do that? How can I just let him go? I waited ten whole years to be able to see him again. Somehow, deep down, I had always known I would get a second chance. Maybe it was just a hope that is now reality. My chance is here. But why can't I take it? A sob tore through my throat and I pressed my face tightly into my knees.

I can't let him go.

– –

Here he comes. Matsuri's son, his hand tightly locked with Ino's. Ryuu was searching all of the faces that waited at the gates, looking for mine. Why is he so attached to me? Is it because I showed him a small kindness by smiling and talking with him? Is that how Gaara was when he was that age? I stepped around a few people and waved to him. The way his eyes lit up had my heart clenching.

I killed his mother.

"Hi Ryuu," I called to him. He ran over, hugging me tightly. "I told you I would be waiting here for you." I messed his hair and smiled down at him.

He looked up at me and stood back, reaching for my hand. I let him hold it as I lead him away. Tsunade wants to meet him. We walked though the streets with everyone looking at us. Staring. Just like they used to do to me. At least they do not whisper. I would not be able to stand that treatment towards a child. We reached the Hokage tower and entered. I brought him right up to Tsunade's office.

He hid behind me as we entered, his hand tightening on mine. I just rubbed my thumb against his skin, hoping to calm him as much as I could. There is no reason for him to be afraid. I will protect him from anything. Even Gaara. I didn't glance at the red head as I walked Ryuu over to Tsunade's desk, pulling him around to stand in front of me for her to see him. Tsunade looked him over carefully, then her eyes moved to mine.

"Tsunade-sama, this is Ryuu." I smoothed back his hair and smile down at him when he looked up at me. "With your permission I would like to watch over him for the time being."

There was a squeak as Gaara turned in his chair to look at me. I could feel his eyes like hot coals burning my flesh.

Tsunade took a deep breath and sat back, staring at the boy. "He is from Suna, Doe. You will need to ask the Kazekage for that kind of permission. I hold no objections, though."

I wanted to punch her. How can she leave such a thing to him? Of all people! But I simply turned to looked over at Gaara, who was scowling at me. Ryuu is definitely his. They have the same scowl. Will Gaara ever accept this child as his own? I don't see how he cannot. They have the same attitude. I gave Ryuu's shoulders a reassuring squeeze. I met Gaara's eyes head on. And I lifted my chin, trying to show I will not take no for an answer. I killed his mother. And now I will take care of him. A chance Matsuri will never have.

Gaara stared at me hard. "Do as you think best," he said slowly.

I nodded and took Ryuu's hand back in my own. "Come on, Ryuu, I will show you where you will be living now."

– –

"Goodnight, Ryuu," I whispered as I closed his door.

Having two bedrooms in my new apartment is actually very handy now. He can have his own room, his own area. I walked out onto the small balcony off the living room and smelt the flowers Ino had given me to put out here. I picked off a dead flower and dropped it off the side. I hope having him here is not a mistake. I know there is no way I can make up for killing his mother, but I hope I can bring a little more light into his life. His own family hated him. His aunts wanted nothing to do with him at all. Is that why he is so quiet?

I felt him standing behind me, appearing out of thin air. I hadn't felt him coming, nor had I heard him. He was just there. I slowly turned and met his eyes with my own. "What do you want, Gaara?" I asked in a hushed whisper. I do not know if Ryuu is asleep yet. For all I know he felt Gaara, too, and is listening right now.

"Why is he here?" Gaara asked. His voice was blank, monotone. "Why are you being so kind to him?"

I scoffed at him. "He is a boy, Gaara. A boy that has never known anything but distaste and hate. But you know all about how that feels, don't you?" His jaw worked back and forth. "I will not let him grow up without anyone here for him. I am not his mother, and I cannot bring her back. But I will not let him suffer."

He crossed his arms over his chest. "What about Jessica and Yukio? They grew up without their mother."

I felt a stab in my heart. I don't get how that is my fault. "But they had a father who loved them." Yes, I hope that hurt you, Gaara. I hope you realize that you cannot ignore this child now that you know he is yours. "How can you do this to him? Why do you want him to grow up without anyone? Do you want him to turn out like you did? Do you want him to be a monster? You had your siblings. He doesn't have that. How can you do this to him?"

His stare turned into a glare. "I do not know what you are talking about."

"Bullshit!" I yelled at him. I quickly reminded myself Ryuu is trying to sleep. "Do not lie to me, Gaara."

His jaw continued to work, but he said nothing.

I cannot believe him. I do not understand him. He knows the pain of growing up alone. How can he put that off onto someone else? Gaara lost his mother at birth, Ryuu just lost his. It is harder losing something once you know what it is like to have it. I felt a shock, like cold water splashed on my face. Is that why I cannot let go? I felt what it was like to have Gaara's love, and I felt what it was like to lose it. I could so easily get it back. All I have to do is kiss him and it is mine. He is mine.

I turned away from him and stared out at the moon. Is the real reason I want to take care of this child because I want to feel like I am closer to him? Ryuu is Gaara's son. He is apart of Gaara. If I can have Ryuu, will he be enough to allow me to let Gaara go?

"Kira," Gaara whispered in my ear. So soft. I barely caught it. But it sent shivers down my spine. It has been so long since he whispered my name. His hand rubbed my arm, his other brushing my hair over one shoulder. I stood there, trying to ignore him. But when he lightly kissed my neck I knew I had to stop him.

"Stop," I whispered, moving away from him. I put my back against the railing and held up my hand when he tried to move closer. "We've been over this before, Gaara. I am only here for one reason."

Emotions swirled in his eyes, so fast I could not tell what they were. "You cannot tell me you do not want this." He reached out and ran his hand over the side of my face, then traced my eyes with his fingertips. I turned my face away.

"I think you should leave." It was hard to say those words, but I knew I needed to say them. Ryuu is inside. I need to think of him. I am the one who will be caring for him now.

"Show me your face," he whispered. "Show me what you really look like." He took a step closer, grabbing my hand when I tried to push him away. "Show me." He stepped closer yet, coming so close my breasts brushed against his chest. I leaned back against the railing, trying to put space between us. "Please. Show me."

I shook my head. "You need to leave. Now."

His hand tightened around my lower arm. His face ducked down, his hair covering his eyes. "Don't do this to me, Kira," he whispered. When he looked back up at me I could only see pain in his eyes. "Do not do this to me. I have been patient. I have given you space. Please, do not keep pushing me away."

I swallowed hard. "I am telling you to leave."

His eyes hardened, his hand tightening. "I won't."

I tried shoving him away from me, but he didn't move. We cannot do this. "Leave now or I will get Naruto."

Gaara scoffed, moving closer yet. "He does not scare me. And he cannot keep me away from what is mine."

That pissed me off. "I am not yours!" I hissed at him. "I am not something that can be owned!" I shoved him as hard as I could at his chest, bulging my muscles so I had more force. If it wasn't for his sand he would have smashed into my apartment. "Get out." I walked past him and shut the door, closing the curtains so he could not see in.

A whole bunch of swear words tumbled out of my mouth as I set to washing the dishes. I can't believe him! How dare he thinks I am "his." I am not something that can be tossed around as a possession. He makes me so mad! A plate slipped from my hands and I jumped out of the way before it shattered and cut up my feet. But it never shattered. I opened my eyes that I hadn't realized I closed to see it flouting in the air. Sand set it back down on the counter.

I was about to scream my head off at Gaara for not leaving when I saw Ryuu standing in the doorway of the kitchen. His expression was that of worry. Oh my god. Was that him who just caught the plate? With sand? And Gaara dares say that child isn't his? I smiled at him. "Thank you, Ryuu." I took the plate and wiped it off, putting it in the cupboard with the others. "Why aren't you in bed?"

He shrugged.

I sighed and leaned against the counter. "You need to talk to me, Ryuu. I can't help you if I don't know what is wrong."

He looked down and shuffled his feet. "I felt someone here," he whispered. "I was making sure you were okay. You sounded angry."

I smiled a small smile and walked over to him, ruffling his hair. "Yes, I'm okay. You don't have to worry about me. Now, go back to bed. When you wake up in the morning I will make you something yummy to eat, okay?" He nodded and went back to bed. When he reached the bedroom door he glanced back at me, a frown on his face. But before I could decipher where it came from he was already in his room, shutting the door softly behind him.

I sighed and rubbed my face hard.

I'm ready for bed.

But bed is obviously not ready for me. I walked over to the door, which someone is now knocking on, and opened it with a small glare. Naruto grinned at me. "What do you want?" I groaned. I let him in and swung the door shut behind him. "Be quiet, though. Ryuu is sleeping."

He nodded and went over to the couch, flopping down. "I just had a nice chat with Gaara."

I groaned again and sat on the couch next to him, laying my head down on the arm. "And?"

He shrugged and was silent for a few minutes. I had almost fallen asleep when he started talking. "What he did was wrong, and I told him that. In fact, we got in a fight about it. See, right here is my proof." Naruto pointed to his chin, which was all red. Probably from Gaara's fist. "But you can't keep lying to him. Wait, wait, wait!" Naruto held his hands up defensively when I went to yell at him. "I know you have feelings for him. I know you always have had them. I can see it. He can see it. Everyone can see it. You need to tell him. Telling him doesn't mean you have to do anything about them. But do not lie to him."

I sighed heavily and rubbed my face hard. "You know if I say those words to him he will never leave me alone. Right now I can keep him at bay. Because he thinks I have changed and therefor my feelings could have changed." I shook my head and rubbed my face again. "I am here to fight. That is it. Naruto, I have no doubt I will die in this war. That is why my babies do not know who I am. That is why Gaara has never, and will never, hear those words from me."

Naruto shifted. "You aren't going to die," he whispered.

I scoffed at him and sat up, looking at him with a raised brow. "Do you honestly believe that? Naruto, when people find out who I am, which they will on the battle field, I will be their target. I only hope I can kill enough people to tip the tide in our favor. Think about it, I'm the one person in this world who can do anything. You have no idea how far my range has grown."

He shifted again, frowning at his feet. "You may become the enemies biggest target, but you are also going to be the most protected once everyone finds out who you are. Do you really think everyone will leave you on your own once they realize who you are?" I sighed again, closing my eyes as I laid my head down. "Everyone still talks about you," he chuckled. "I was laying in bed the other night with Hinata and she brought something up that reminded us of you. We couldn't stop laughing. You always brought smiles to everyone's face."

I swallowed the guilt and kept my eyes closed. Maybe he will think I fell asleep and leave.

Naruto stood from the couch and stood in front of me. I could feel his breath on my ear. "Whatever your decision," he whispered, "I will always stand by you. Even if that means beating the shit out of Gaara. Goodnight, Kira." He kissed the side of my face and was gone.

I sighed and stretched my legs out. The couch is just as good as my bed.

Naruto has finally declared his loyalty to Kira. Now what? Tell me what you think! :)