I confess, Entry #35 may have been slightly influenced by my own (rather severe) case of arachnophobia...

Entry #35: Camping Trip [or, "Attack of the Killer Arachnid"]

After about an hour of awkward silence, Clint finally got up to put out the fire, and Tony and Steve began to walk toward their tent. Natasha had a tent all to herself, and so did Thor. Loki claimed that he snored so loudly it shook the walls of the palace, and nobody wanted to take a chance on the smaller demigod's propensity to tell tall tales.

Loki, Clint, and Bruce were all crammed into one tent, much to the discomfiture of both Loki AND Clint. Bruce couldn't have seemed happier, however, and calmly rolled out his sleeping bag. "I'm going to bed now," he declared, "because I have plans to get up early tomorrow and go fishing. Have you ever had fresh fish for breakfast?"

Clint laughed, buttoning up the shirt of his purple pajamas. "No, actually, but I wouldn't mind trying some."

"Then prepare yourself for Fried Fish Soufflé, a la the world's greatest cook, Dr. Bruce Banner."

"Really? You're the world's greatest?"

"Well, I'm a better cook than Steve."

"That's not saying much," Clint accused, wriggling into his sleeping bag and pulling the half-finished mystery novel he had thought to bring along out from under his pillow. Loki just stared at the two of them from his corner of the tent, fiddling with a loose thread on his ten-percent-off plaid pajamas.

"True enough, but I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. Goodnight." And with that, Dr. Banner rolled over to block out the lamplight and immediately went right to sleep.

Clint and Loki both stared at him for a moment.

"Well," Clint finally whispered, "I guess being forced to practice all those relaxation techniques finally paid off…"

Tony tried in vain to text Pepper while Steve amused himself by making shadow puppets and fiddling with the rechargeable lantern. After several minutes, Tony irritably tossed his cell phone aside. "You'd think," he grumbled, "that if SHIELD can track Loki with a satellite, I could at least get some decent reception up here!"

"Mm-hm." Steve had gone back to making shadow puppets on the wall, and was now attempting to act out the entire battle with the Chitauri. The flying, serpentine aliens, however, required the use of his entire arm.

Tony had finally unzipped his sleeping bag and was just about to crawl in when he suddenly froze, staring at intently at a spot on the wall. Then he recoiled, scrambling backwards and reaching behind him for the door. Unfortunately, it had been zipped closed. "OHMYGOSH! Spider-spider-spider! Kill it! Kill it!"

Steve quickly vacated his sleeping bag and hurried over to the hysterical Tony. "Mister Stark! Calm yourself! The first rule when dealing with an emergency situation is not to lose your composure."

Tony huddled against the tent, teeth chattering. "Right. Don't lose your cool. Just keep calm. Breathe. Don't freak—LOOK! THERE IT IS! IT'S CLIMBING UP THE WALL!" Still babbling hysterically, Tony grabbed Steve by the shoulders and began shaking him.

Steve wheezed, "Alright, alright! The important thing here is not to panic!"

Tony slowly released Steve, and then nodded, his eyes steadily widening as he watched the eight-legged menace scale the tent.

"Now, we need a plan—" Steve began in his most polished 'Captain America' voice, but Tony interrupted him.

"The plan," he said through clenched teeth, "is that you murder it."

Steve sighed. "Okay. I'll take care of it, but I'm gonna need a little help."

Tony briefly took his eyes off the spider to glance nervously at Steve. "Help?"

"I need you," Steve instructed, "to hold that lamp up so I can see what I'm doing… and I'll destroy the enemy with my shoe."

Still emitting various noises of disgust, the genius slowly reached out toward the rechargeable lamp. Once his fingers had grasped the handle, he quickly resumed his crouch by the still-zipped door.

"Okay," Steve whispered. "Hold it up real high for me, and hope that this thing isn't a jumping spider…"

Tony made a face. "Jumping spider?"

"Don't worry. It's probably not," Steve reassured him, grabbing one of his hiking boots and slowly advancing. "Awfully big, though."

"Just kill it!" hissed Tony from his position by the door.

Steve moved in until he was less than a foot away. "Nah, that's not a jumping spider." Then he whacked the wall with his shoe. The whole tent wobbled.

There was a moment of silence as Steve examined the bottom of his hiking boot, and then glanced around the tent. His wandering gaze paused at a spot about two inches away from Tony's bare feet. "Holy mackerel! It was a jumping spider!"

Pandemonium ensued.

Stark let out a yell that probably woke every living creature within a fifty-mile radius, and then tried to smash it with the lantern. The light-bulb suddenly flickered out, and the entire tent was plunged into darkness. Tony attempted to make a swift exit, but couldn't find the tent zipper in the dark. "Get me outta here!"

"Mister Stark! Remember the first rule of—"

"Just shut up and find that spider!"

"Calm down."

"Not until that thing is—what the—ohmygosh I think it's on my leg! Kill it! Shoot it! Somebody get me a flame thrower!"

In the midst of his impromptu hokey-pokey, Tony somehow managed to upset the entire tent, which, instead of merely collapsing, began to roll sideways.

"NO! Dr. Banner's tent is over there!" warned Steve in a stage-whisper. "Just sit still!"

There was a moment of silence as the two superheroes tried to prevent the tent from rolling any further.

"Good… now… crawl the other way!"

Between their combined efforts and Steve's thoughtful instructions, they somehow managed to get the tent upright again. After feeling around in the dark for several moments, Steve discovered the lamp that Tony had tried to use as a club. Miraculously, it still worked, and when he flipped on the switch, they found their tent to be in complete disarray.

"Did we kill the spider?" Tony panted, glancing anxiously around the tent. There was a moment of silence as they both searched their sleeping bags and examined the walls.

"Well… if it isn't dead by now, it deserves to live," Steve admitted ruefully.

Oh, the horror of camping out in the great wide open spaces... I doubt Tony would survive a night in my backyard.

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~Alassiel