It has been long enough since I have last updated, I think! So, here you are!

Chapter 23, Never.

Jessica glanced to the right, her concentration slipping. I grabbed her chin and turned her eyes back to mine. Her brow lowered in concentration, but it wasn't long before it slipped and she looked to the right again. I sighed. Maybe bringing Ryuu to watch wasn't such a good idea. Jessica can't concentrate and Yukio keeps glaring at him. The twins are sitting near me, Ryuu no where near them, but within their sight. And that's all they need to have their concentration slip. But Ryuu won't leave my side. He doesn't trust anyone else.

"Alright," I stood up. "Ryuu, come here please." Jessica and Yukio stood up, too, watching as he slowly made his way over. I waited until he was standing next to me to speak again. "Yukio and Ryuu, I would like you two to spar. No blood." I took Jessica's hand and we walked a safe distance away. "Begin!" I called to them. Jessica and I sat on the ground to watch them. They began fighting each other, using only hand to hand for the time being. "Now, Jessica," I said softly to her. She looked at me. "I want you to manipulate the air around them. See if you can make them float without their knowledge of it. You will need to concentrate very hard to achieve this. Begin."

Jessica's eyes closed and her hands sat palms up on her knees. She took a deep breath and began to concentrate, her brow turning down into a frown.

I felt a hand on my shoulder without even realizing someone was standing behind me. Gaara lifted his hand when I looked up at him. He nodded away from the three kids and started walking away. I stood and moved away from them, hoping my movement didn't distract them at all. I followed Gaara a little ways off, but still within sight of all three encase something went wrong and they needed me. I was still watching them carefully, also keeping a careful eye on Jessica. There is no telling if the boys could get out of hand and accidentally hurt her.

"Why are you having him train with them?" Gaara asked, trying to keep his voice blank.

I smiled to myself. "What? Do you not like all of your children training together? I thought it would be helpful if they had something in common."

I heard the sound of his leather vest stretching over his muscles as he crossed his arms. I could almost hear the sound of his teeth grinding together. "And if he hurts them?" He ground out. "What then?"

"Then they will heal. And he will learn." I was about to run over to them as Ryuu was thrown to the ground by Yukio, but he was up and back at it before I could shift my weight to my other foot. I could feel the anger rolling off of Gaara. I turned to look at him for the first time since two nights ago when I shut him out of my apartment. He has trimmed his hair a little. He looks a lot more like the Gaara I remember ten years ago. "They are children. What they have known all their lives before now can and will be changed. You were about their age when you changed, correct? If I remember right, you were a couple years older. You are in no position to say that boy can not change. So don't you dare label him like that."

Gaara's jaw muscles twitched as he stared out at the children.

I stared at him hard, knowing he was watching me from the corner of his eye. "They are all your children. All three of them. Ryuu can command the sand, did you know that? Did you know you have a son who is so much like his father it is scary? He came out to see if I was okay after you left. He was worried you had hurt me." Gaara looked at me this time. "Do you want him to grow up like you did? An outcast. Hated by everyone around him. Labeled as a killer. Without a mother or father. I cannot bring Matsuri back. But I can try my hardest to be there for him. You knew who your parents were. He doesn't even have that."

I walked away from him, leaving him with this anger and his thoughts.

I was surprised to see the boys start to lift off the ground. I stood away from Jessica, so I didn't break her concentration. That is something she needs to work on. Staying focused is hard for her. She needs to learn how to work with distractions. When she is in a battle, no one will stop so she can concentrate. I am hoping by using the boys as practice dummies will help. They do not stand still, it is harder for her to lift them off the ground. And the fact that there is two of them, separate bodies moving in separate directions.

The boys clashed with each other, but being careful not to draw blood from each other. They are doing good at following my directions.

Suddenly both of them were tossed a dozen feet up in the air, just as they clashed, wrestling with each other. Jessica stood, her hands out towards them as she glared with her concentration. She is getting good. I watched as they floated around the sky, oblivious to the fact their feet are no longer on the ground. It is almost like they are swimming to attack each other now. All they can see is the other one and the need to over power them. Just like their father they need to have the upper hand. They can't let the other one win. I sighed. They are going to be a handful.

I could see Jessica's strength getting sapped from her body. The were starting to drop. I loosened my hands, ready to catch them if she accidentally dropped them. But she didn't she carefully lowered them until they were two feet from the ground, then she dropped them hard to get their attention. Not enough of a fall to hurt anything, but enough to bring them out of their fight. The two of them looked around to see what happened. Jessica fell to her knees, trying to catch her breath. I walked over and placed my hand on her upper back.

"You did a magnificent job, Jess," I smiled down at her. She smiled back at me and sat back on her legs, looking over at the boys. "You two did great," I called to them. "That is enough for today. I'm sure you will both have some nice bruises to show off tomorrow. Shake hands and come over here." They did so grudgingly and shuffled their feet until they came over to where Jessica and I were. "What did you two learn?"

Ryuu looked down at his feet, his face blank. Yukio crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the ground. So much like their father. It was Yukio who spoke first. "I learned that I need to train more. There is no way this guy is at the same level as me."

Ryuu glared at him. "Same level? I'm much better than you are!" This is the first time I have heard him speak loudly. "If they hadn't stopped us I could have beaten you!"

Yukio glared at him. "No you couldn't have! I had the upper hand, and you know it. Five more minutes and I would have had you begging for mercy!"

I smiled to myself and stepped in between them. "Now boys, none of that. You are teammates, and teammates do not fight. They help each other learn to get better." I turned my eyes to Jessica. "What did you learn today, Jess?"

She smiled brightly at me. "I learned I can make people fly!" Her smile slowly went away, though. "But it takes a lot of concentration. I need to keep practicing so I can do it without thinking to hard about it someday. And I need to learn how to use my powers while others are trying to distract me."

I nodded, proud of my little girl. "Good, very good." A movement caught my eye. Gaara was walking over, his hands swinging loosely by his sides. Has Mr. Tough Guy finally given in? "And, you, Kazekage? What do you think could help these children learn?"

He glanced down at his daughter. "I think Jessica is right, she needs to keep practicing." He looked at Yukio next. "And I think Yukio needs to learn how to think everything through before he hits. Muscle does not always win in a fight. Brains almost always comes out on top." Then his eyes landed on Ryuu. Gaara was silent for to long of a second. Ryuu looked down, a scowl on his face. "And I think Ryuu needs to learn how to use others weaknesses against them."

I felt my eyes widen. That is not what he needs to learn. "How so?" I asked a little harder than I meant to. The anger between me and Gaara does not need to be shown to the children.

Gaara is looking at me now. "Like you said, Doe, others do not play fair."

I locked my jaw. So many things I want to yell at him right now. How dare he! They are children! It hasn't come to that. And if I can do anything about it, it never will. What I said was only meant to scare everyone into accepting what is happening. The adults are the only ones who need to learn to fight dirty. It is something the children should never learn. Not at this stage. "That is all for now," I said between my teeth. "Why don't you three run along. I need to have a chat with the Kazekage."

Yukio ran off the instant I was done talking. Ryuu kept glancing at me as he slowly walked off, probably heading towards the apartment. Jessica ran up to Gaara and wrapped her arms around his leg. "Daddy," she whispered. He looked down at her and brushed some hair from her eyes. "Don't be mean to Doe-sensei. She is only trying to help us." After she said that Jessica was off running in the direction her brother had gone in.

I fisted my hands by my side to keep from out right attacking him. "Don't you ever, ever, tell him that again." I hissed at him.

"Why?" A mocking look came to his face. "He is my son. I can say whatever I want to him."

"He is a child. You do not say that shit to a child." I popped my knuckles, trying to contain my anger. Why does he always piss me off so much? Does he do it on purpose? I ran my nails along my arm, leaving red marks. I need to find something to hit before I go mad with my anger. How does he do this to me?

Gaara scoffed and raised his chin, crossing his arms over his chest. The way he was looking down at me set me off. That's it. I can't take it anymore. I walked over to him, my feet heavy on the earth. Before he knew it, my fist connected with his jaw and sent him to the ground with the power I put into it.

"You are such an ass," I hissed at him, pulling my fist back to punch him again.

But Gaara was up and blocking my attacks. I moved to kick him, but he grabbed my ankle before I could fully swing my leg at him. I twisted my body and brought my other foot around, using his grip on my ankle to propel myself. Gaara spun me around, trying to grab me to pin my arms. But, nope, I'm not going down so easily. I jabbed my elbow into his stomach, and his grip loosened on me. I spun out of his grabbing range and tried to punch him again, but he knocked my hand away. His hand grabbed for me again, but I quickly spun, using his shoulder to push myself up into the air and behind him. I kicked him from behind, sending him to the ground once more.

"Don't you ever try that crap in front of them again," I hissed at him. Gaara stared up at me with wide eyes from the ground. "And never, ever, think I can't beat your ass."

I spun on my heal and strode off, leaving him on the ground to wallow in his shock and anger. There isn't anyone I can't beat when it comes to my babies. I will kill anyone who tries to hurt them. That much has been proven.

– –

"Ryuu! Come eat!"

I set a plate of food down on the table as he sat down, looking at it hungrily. "Thank you," he whispered as he started shoveling it down his throat.

"Slow down, you can have more if you want it." I laughed. I went back into the small kitchen area to get myself some food but there was a knock at the door. I took a sip of wine before I went to answer it. "Yes?" I opened the door only to want to slam it on the person who was standing there. "What do you want, Gaara?"

He wasn't looking at me. He was looking off to the left. There was a whisper and he was nudged from behind. I peeked around him to catch sight of red tinted brown hair. Gaara cleared his throat to bring my attention back to him. "I have come to apologize to you," he said. He still wouldn't look me in the eye.

"Is that so?" I couldn't hide the amusement if I had wanted to.

Now he looked at me, a small glare in his eyes. "Yes. I do believe I was out of line earlier this evening." Gaara gritted his teeth, trying not to say what he was obviously being forced to say. There was another whisper and he was nudged again. "I am sorry, Doe. Please accept my apology."

I lifted my hand to hide my smile. He glared at me hard. He is so wrapped around that little girls finger! She could get him to do anything if she wanted to. "I accept, for your sake," I whispered the last part. "Would you and your little commander like something to eat?" Jessica squealed and was already sitting at the table when I turned around. I laughed and grabbed her a plate of food. "Are you hungry, Gaara?" I asked, setting the plate down in front of her. "I made more than enough for us all."

He declined, moving to sit on the couch in front of the TV.

I sat down the the children and ate and talked with them. Ryuu seems to be warming up to his sister, talking with her here and there. I tried to keep him in the conversation, but he put himself in it more than I ever thought he would. I am proud he is warming up to everyone. I even got to see his smile. Jessica shared a few stories from when she was growing up. The pranks her and her brother played on their Aunt and Uncle. I was laughing so hard at some of them I started to cry.

Soon we were all sitting on the couch watching a movie Jessica picked out. Both the of kids fell asleep before it was over. I ran my fingers through Ryuu's hair, lost in thought about the small boy asleep with his head on my lap. Did he even know his mother? Kankuro said Matsuri left Suna after Gaara told her off for the rumors. Did she already have Ryuu by then? I can't imagine just getting up and leaving my kid behind. The night I killed her she was bothered by something. Could she have been wishing she brought Ryuu with her?

Jessica sighed in her sleep, bringing me from my thoughts. I looked over at her and Gaara. Gaara had her nestled in his lap, her arm around his neck and her face on his chest. What a daddy's little girl she is. Where is Yukio tonight? He didn't come over with them. And he hasn't shown up. Maybe he is doing boy stuff with Kankuro tonight. I am glad they can be their own person. One of my friends in New York had twins and they were inseparable. They did everything the same and never left the others side. What kind of life is that? No, I'm glad the twins are how they are. They are perfect the way they are.

I sighed lightly and shifted slowly, trying not to wake Ryuu up. I felt Gaara's eyes on me the second I moved. He would never be here right now if it wasn't for Jessica. I wouldn't allow him to be. Naruto is wrong. I cannot tell him. I cannot let him go. How will I be able to go on if I see him with another woman? I will be crushed. I can't let him go. But I cannot be with him. Why must I have this inner turmoil? Why must I act like a small child who doesn't want to give up their blanket?

"We should get them to bed," I whispered. I shifted again, trying to lift Ryuu to bring him to his room. But the boy was suddenly weightless and floating in the air. I looked over at Gaara to see him holding Jessica in his arms, already standing. I lead the way to Ryuu's bedroom and pulled down the blankets for Gaara to set him under. I pulled the blanket snug around his chin. "Goodnight," I whispered. "Sleep well."

I closed the door and turned around, not at all surprised to see Gaara still standing there. I walked over to him and and looked at my little girl. My little girl who doesn't know I am her Mommy. I brushed back a strand of her hair and smiled gently at her. She is so beautiful. Yukio is going to have a hard time when she starts dating. I can already see the protectiveness he has over her. I ran my fingers down her cheek. She has definitely changed. She was a horror of a child when she was in my womb. She wanted nothing more than to hurt me.

Did my leaving change that in her? Because I was not around for her to hurt, did she grow into a sweet girl? It saddens me to think she used to hate me. Because I wouldn't allow her to be near her father. But Jessica is so much like me. I don't understand how it mattered. Yukio is like his father, yet he was always the nice one, trying to stay out of his sisters tantrum fits. And when I first saw them, that day in Tsunade's office, Jessica had put a sunk in his bed! Obviously there is still that little devil within her. I just haven't seen it since then.

I looked up into Gaara's eyes, knowing he was watching me. He isn't the mean Father that hates his other son. No, definitely not. He is nothing like his father. He just feels threatened. He feels that Ryuu will destroy what he has right now, because Ryuu's mother is Matsuri and that is what she tried over and over to do to him and I.

Before I even realized, his lips were against my forehead. "Goodnight," he whispered.

And he was gone, Jessica with him.

When morning came I brought Ryuu to the academy and left him with Iruka, who to my surprise is graying. I never thought he was that much older than I. After I left I went straight to Tsunade's office. My mind is thinking, I hope Gaara isn't there. But my heart is screaming, please let him be there! I know leading him around like I am is not a good thing. And I know he doesn't like it. But, if I tell him my feelings, he will think that is an okay for whatever he wants. So how could I ever say those words to him?

I sighed angrily and ran up the many steps to the top floor. The door opened as I reached the top and out came Temari. I haven't had much time to talk with her at all. Seeing her right now I have a strong feeling of home sickness. I miss Suna. I smiled at her as I passed, she only looked at me with a confused frown. I quickly entered Tsunade's office and shut the door behind me. To my hearts contentment, there is Gaara, sitting at his desk flipping through some paperwork. Does he ever stop doing paper work?

He looks so similar to the way he looked ten years ago. And when he looked up at me with those piercing green eyes I had such a strong sense of deja-vu. I sighed mentally. Tsunade is no where to be seen. Temari had been in here talking with her brother. Great. So now I am left alone, in this room, alone, with Gaara. Did I mention I am alone in a room with Gaara? Yeah, we are here, all alone, just the two of us, in this empty room. Alone. Just me and him. Just the two of us. Just me standing here staring at the floor and just him who is now standing up and walking over to me. Yup, just the two of us.

Gaara reached out and turned me so I was facing him. "I am guessing I am not the one you came here to see."

I shook my head, trying not to look at him.

Gaara's hand touched my face. "Then why haven't you left?" He tilted my chin so I had to look up at him. His green eyes pierced into my soul.

How can I possibly tell him? How can I not tell him? This man has made so many things in my life so very complicated and hard to deal with. I was forced by Konoha to leave him after the plague and because of him it was something overly hard to accomplish. And I was back with him in the end. I tried so hard to protect him and Suna, yet both were taken away from me. Ten years ago I gave birth to his children. It has been ten years since I have actually hugged him. Ten years since I have freely smiled and laughed with him.

I took a shaky breath and tilted my head ever so slightly. I tightly closed my eyes, hoping to block off his entrance into my heart.

I felt his thumb trace my lips.

I couldn't force myself to move away from him. I couldn't force myself to push him away. Is it because we are finally truly alone?

He must have been holding his breath because I never felt it before his lips touched mine. Gaara kissed me gently, pulling back only slightly to see if I would pull away. When I did not he kissed me again. Shit, this can't happen. I need to stop this. I reached up around his neck and fisted a hand in his hair, pulling his face away from mine. His eyes held slight humor when I looked into them.

"You're such a jerk," I whispered, tightening my hand in his hair.

He smirked. "You are such a brat."

Brat? I felt my eye brow raise. Despite my tight hold on his hair he leaned down and kissed me again, much harder this time. His hands were on my back, pulling me until I was flush against him. I can't stand this man. I really can't. But I can't get enough of him. He is everything I want. My other hand involuntarily ran up his chest and gripped the back of his neck, pulling his face harder against mine.

"Hey Gaara, what's with all of these-Whoa. Never mind." Kankuro slammed the door shut, jumping me enough to shove Gaara hard and take five steps away from him.

I couldn't help but stare at him with big eyes. As if that just happened. Kankuro will never let it go, either. Shit. What did I just do? Gaara frowned. "Do not regret what makes you happy," he whispered.

I took a deep breath and turned away from him, looking out the window to try to distract myself. I do not want to cry. Not in front of him. I have never regretted him. I will never regret him. How could I ever regret him? He is the only one who I have loved with all of my heart. Gaara's hands slid down my arms and he rested his chin on the top of my head. No, I can never regret him. I turned to face him, putting my face into his neck and wrapping my arms around his torso. Never ever. Gaara hugged me tightly to him.

I have never, and will never, regret Gaara.

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