Dear readers of this story,

I was totally overwhelmed with all your sweet reviews and encouragement over the last chapter! Words cannot express how grateful I am!

I suspect, however, that you'll all hate me after reading *this* chapter... well, maybe not really. ;-) But-I promise, next chapter *isn't* really that far away, if things are going as planned. Well, you never know. But I'll try not to leave you hanging for too long. OK? OK? ;-)

I hope you're all enjoying the summer, unless you live on the opposite side of the globe from me, of course.

Love, always,

BoMD

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The bedroom had become a bubble of darkness, its wavering walls closing in tighter and tighter around her and Howl on the bed.

It was starting to sink in.

He was slipping away.

It was inevitable.

She should have been screaming… crying her eyes out… calling his name over and over… but she didn't. Somehow she felt oddly calm… slowly realizing that there was nothing else she could do… but wrap her arms around him, holding him tight… her face pressed against his back. Maybe, somewhere deep within, he knew she was still there… but now, she could no longer even feel their magic connection tugging at her mind. He was starting to feel cooler to the touch… but it wasn't a good sign. His body was shutting down.

But within his chest, his heart was still beating… an irregular, fluttering vibration against her ear… while his breaths were getting shallower…

"Please…" she whispered into the darkness. "Dear Lord… just let it be over soon… Just take him out of this pain… I beg you… don't let him suffer no more…"

With a deep, quivering breath, the room was suddenly spiraling downwards, and she felt herself being swept away, deeper and deeper, into a bottomless, exhausted sleep.

Gradually, she became aware of a pulsating light, rolling toward her through the darkness, encircling her before it came into focus; bright red flames, stretching towards a dark sky while swaying in slow-motion like patterns.

And suddenly, Howl was standing in front of her.

The firelight was casting glowing shadows over his naked skin, and his raven hair was flying in an unseen breeze.

God, he was beautiful.

But what really mesmerized her was his eyes. He was looking at her, without blinking, the intensity of his gaze freezing her to the spot. All of a sudden, however, he lifted his right arm. Clasped in his hand was the dagger that used to be one of the items pinning his wizard contract to the dartboard. The emerald like gems on the handle were glowing with an intense green; a sharp contrast against the fire.

Seemingly making sure that Sophie was following his movement, Howl put his left hand on top of his lower ribs on his left side, indicating a certain spot, just where the angry, red mark had been. Removing the hand again, his right arm was sweeping down in a swift motion, aiming the dagger at his ribs.

Screaming, Sophie tried to reach out and stop him, only to find that she really was unable to move. But just as the blade penetrated his skin, the room imploded into a swirl of colors and sound. Screaming on top of her lungs now, Sophie was certain she was about to wake up from another nightmare… when the scene changed, and once more, she found herself standing in front of Howl. He was holding the dagger again, just like before, and his glowing eyes were seeking hers. As soon as her beating heart was slowing down enough for her to focus, he lifted his arm anew… and stabbed.

By now, Sophie couldn't hold back another scream. But just as the first time, at the very same moment the blade touched his skin, everything burst, swirled, and returned to the way it was before. This time, however, the unspoken question in Howl's eyes was even stronger.

Suddenly, Sophie knew… and at the same moment, she felt herself being able to move again. "I understand…" she heard herself whispering, meeting Howl's eyes as he was starting to dissolve in front of her.

"Yes… but will you…?"

"…will you…?"

"…will you…?"

Then, another piercing scream shot through the air… and at the same moment, she found herself looking into what appeared to be a gigantic crystal ball. From deep within its core, a blurry form was coming into focus–Heen's furry face, his eyes locking with hers for a moment, as he gave a silent nod…

Suddenly, she became aware of that she was sitting up on the bed, breathing hard. Howl was still beside her, and had not changed positions. She lifted a trembling hand, carefully placing it on the side of his throat… and drew a sigh of tremendous relief as there was still a pulse.

A weak light was filtering through the curtains, and as she turned around, her gaze fell upon the dartboard above the bed… the wizard contract… and there was the dagger, one of the items that were pinning the contract to the board. Maybe it was only her imagination, or the lack of sleep, but the emeralds of the handle still appeared to be pulsating with a faint glow, as if reflecting an unseen fire.

Maybe it had just been a dream… maybe she was going insane… Still…

Almost mechanically, she rose to a standing position on the bed, reaching for the dagger… and found that she was just tall enough to get a firm grip around the handle. Surprisingly, she didn't even have to pry it out… it almost slid into her hand. Sinking down on the bed again, she contemplated the situation for a few moments. Well, if she were to do it, there were a few other items she needed to bring… and she was quickly running out of time…

A heap of fresh towels from the bathroom. Hot water… and some antiseptic solution, and probably… Dropping the rest of the stuff on the bed, she turned around and walked out of the door, towards the stairs… as if in a trance... the flapping sound of her nightgown around her feet creating a counter rhythm to her beating heart.

I promised myself that I'd never ever do this… whatever should happen to me, or the family…

Walking through the kitchen, she heard Calcifer calling out to her, several times… but she didn't answer. She just kept walking… until she stood in front of the kitchen bookshelf.

And there it was. His oldest book of magic, its cover so black and forbidding… It wasn't the first time she'd held it–she'd occasionally brought it on request from Howl or Markl… but she was surprised to find that it, too, slid out of the shelf very easily, and didn't even feel remotely as heavy as she remembered it.

Once again ignoring Calcifer, hugging the book to her chest with one arm, she made her way back through the kitchen, and up the stairs. She didn't reflect on it right there and then, but for once, Calcifer didn't even attempt to follow her.

–––

Standing in front of their bed, she was once more overcome with self doubt. What if it was all in her imagination? What if the lack of sleep and the emotional turmoil really had made her lose her mind? And what if… what if Howl would die from… her actions, because she was about to get involved with something that would be far too complex for her to handle?

And yet… what were her options? Howl would die anyway… and if there actually was anything she could do to prevent it…

She sterilized the knife blade, using the antiseptic solution, its strong smell bringing tears anew to her drying eyes. She grabbed the book. She already knew the spell by heart, since she had seen it performed many times by Howl and Markl. But she knew she had to read it aloud from the source–just to make sure.

No… I can't do this…

Yes, you can…

No, I just… can't…

Gently, she turned Howl over, on his back. She pulled down the blankets to his feet, and rolled up the nightshirt to his torso. She was surprised to se that the red mark underneath his ribs was now a distinct abscess, a red-bluish… almost pulsating mass…

Carefully, she poured some antiseptic solution over the abscess as well. There wasn't even the slightest reaction from Howl.

She grabbed the dagger. The handle was burning like ice against her fingers.

I just can't do it…

Do it!

I just can't…

You have to!

Closing her eyes, she aimed for the center of the repulsing mass, lifted the dagger… and stabbed.

To be continued...