"Anything goes
When everything's gone
You ain't around
To give a damn
Whether I do right or wrong
So bring it on
Anything goes
When everything's gone"

- Anything Goes, by: Randy Houser

Hourglass:
Chapter 17

-Rosalie POV-

Fear. It's present in every single waking second of my life. Every time Royce gets close to me, my body freezes and fear trickles down my spine.

It hasn't always been this way. There was a time—much earlier in our relationship—where I could see myself settling down with him, marrying him, having his children.

It's hard to think I could have been so trusting, so naïve, and so very blind.

I suppose that's what love is though, blind.

I can never forget what he's done to me; he almost killed me.

The memories get more and more vivid the longer I sit here and think about it. The more I think about what he's done…

I can't stop thinking about him coming home drunk, shouting and accusing me of flirting with random men. Saying he was going to make me pay, and that he'd teach me not to be such a "stupid little slut." I'd always been an "undeserving whore" in his eyes, just a pretty face, too stupid for anyone to actually love me.

I always believed him, though. That's why I never left.

Royce has abused me for years, but it has never gone this far.

It was usually a slap here, a shove there; sometimes he would grab me by my hair or my wrist. I always tolerated it, thinking it was the alcohol and cocaine, and that if he could just get clean, we could be happy together.

I have been trying… Lying. Lying to myself, and lying to everyone around me.

I was wrong to think there was any hope for us—dead wrong.

I lie here in the hospital while my battered body tries to heal itself, and I know I have to get away from him, once and for all, to free myself. I just don't know how to do that and keep myself and my loved ones safe at the same time.

Royce is evil. He's a soulless man with a black heart.

He'll do anything to get his way…I'm terrified that he could even stoop so low as to commit a murder.

I just pray that he isn't that desperate, and he lets this go, so we both can go on with our lives. I pray that he lets me go. That he really believes I'm undeserving of his affection and moves on to find someone else.

Maybe he could actually find a healthy relationship with someone he truly cares about, someone who can help him get help. Someone who could fix him in the way I've tried to for as long as I've known him.

I don't expect him to give me up right away, though. That's why I've agreed to stay with Bella or Jasper. When he gets back to town, I don't think he'll let me out of his sight.

It's been a blessing and a curse to have an older brother. A blessing because he's an absolutely amazing person inside and out—just like his mother.

And it's a curse because I was probably one of the last girls in my class to have made out with a boy.

Jasper always scared off my potential suitors. If any boy even took a second look at me, well, let's just say it never lasted long.

Unfortunately, his senior year eventually rolled around and he became more focused on which college he was getting into and less concerned with who set their sights on his unsuspecting virginal sister. I'm not blaming him for any of this at all, I just wish things would have turned out differently.

In an act of rebellion — and maybe a desperate cry for attention, I began dating Royce. He was the notorious bad boy who every girl fantasized about and every guy hated.

Jasper hated him immediately, and I reveled in it. I wanted him to worry, to care, to notice my existence. I felt like I was in the middle of a crowded room screaming at everyone around me, but yet, no one heard me.

Looking back on it, it really seems petulant, but at the time, it was the most relevant feeling in my life.

I felt suffocated and isolated, forgotten about but still completely dictated.

I hated it.

The only good thing in my life at that time was Bella. She's always been the ying to my yang. The loud to my quiet. The thoughtful to my impulsive. The brave and strong to my weak.

We complement each other, and we're always there for one another. I'm ashamed to say that she's usually the one that has been there for me. There hasn't been many times where she's needed me for anything. And even though I'm a few months older than her, I've always looked up to her.

Bella supported Royce and me in the beginning. She called me the beast tamer, and Royce obviously was the beast.

She often liked to joke about the fact that I went from not dating, to being in a relationship with the biggest bad boy in Clallam County.

Bella was right. Somewhere during that time, as I straddled the fine line of innocent child to blinded young adult, I fell under Royce's spell. I threw caution to the wind and disregarded every single warning sign and ounce of self-preservation I had in me.

I guess in the end, the joke was on me.

A/N: Thank you so much for sticking with me on this! There's still a lot more to go, but I'm writing it chapter for chapter, so it takes time. I'll have another chapter posted within the week to make up for my absence. Chapter 18 will be a bit longer than this one, too. I truly am sorry it's been so long between updates, but we've had a hell of a summer, and as one of my favorite sayings goes; Excuses are like assholes, everybody has one and they all stink. So, yeah, lol. I'm not going to take up anymore of your time.

Take care! I hope you're all enjoying your summer, may it be less stressfull and bullshit ridden than mine. ;)

xxoo,

Missy