Not Enough: Part 2
By Arianwen P.F. Everett
The smell of the ocean and the crashing of the waves upon Maine's rocky shoreline helped to clear Regina's thoughts. Yes the winters could be brutal, but no less so than in some parts of Enchanted Forest, and there was a beauty in this world that her homeland had sorely lacked. It was the beauty of free will. Here people had real choices, at least until Rumplestiltskin had brought magic. Henry had been right; magic ruined everything. Yet no matter how desperately she wished to fix that problem for her son, it was beyond her abilities. Henry's request was like a child of this world asking their mother to single handedly stop global warming. As much as any parent might wish they could, the power to do so was beyond even the Dark one or the combined magics of the fairies.
She had let him down then and she was letting him down now. As soon as Jacob had left the room with the infant she'd birthed yesterday morning, she'd magiced herself a loose fitting pantsuit and flats, and then brought herself to the coastline where she knew nobody would look. She needed a few hours to organize her thoughts and the tiresome procedures of checking out of the hospital would only give those like Jacob who sought to saddle her with the responsibilities of a newborn time to catch her. Right now she needed space and this rock face fit the bill nicely.
"I sincerely hope you didn't toss the wee one into the waves already. Something tells me our dear sheriff still clings to this world's sensibilities enough to arrest you for infanticide," a familiar accented voice broke Regina out of her contemplation.
"It's safe and sound, back at the hospital with Jake," Regina answered simply, her voice monotone and devoid of its usual emotion.
"It… the first time we were formally introduced, you called me an 'it'. I'd have thought that all those years as a politician would have cured you of your pronoun confusion, apparently not," Rumplestiltskin commented, keeping up the banter in order to draw his companion out. As much history as there was between them, he had to be here. He didn't know why, and he could no longer see the future from this realm, but his centuries of finely honed instincts had insisted he find her and his preternatural senses had done the job as nicely as they always had since he'd become the Dark One.
"Your expectations aside, your services aren't required here. I've already contacted a well-recommended family law attorney in Augusta. She's scouring the agencies for potential candidates based on the criteria I selected. Hopefully by the middle of next week, all the paperwork will be in order and the baby can be in the arms of his loving and grateful adoptive mother. You should have written the curse to give you a less shoddy legal education, considering how your work on Henry's adoption fell apart so easily," Regina returned, hoping the blatant insult and the knowledge that this was one baby the imp wasn't going to deal in would be enough to send him on his way.
"I wrote the curse to be broken; my legal skills were just what they were meant to be. However, I'm surprised at your desire to be rid of this child. I'd have thought you'd relish the opportunity to be a mother again. What was it you told a young Snow White once about getting back on a horse?" Rumplestiltskin asked, knowing full well his arrow had hit far deeper than her previous barb.
"No matter what Henry does or where he goes in life, I'm still his mother! As for the infant, you of all people should know that children aren't interchangeable. Each is unique; admittedly, my Henry more than most," Regina replied, a proud smile playing across her lips at the mere thought of her boy.
"You feel loving your new son would make you disloyal to Henry…" Rumplestiltskin surmised, remembering his vow to never love again until he had Bae back. He'd never anticipated Belle coming into his life, but as he'd stood in that clearing so long ago, fuming at the Blue Fairy, he'd meant every word.
"I don't feel anything. That's the problem. Last night in the hospital bathroom, I ripped my heart out just to ensure that it was still there, secure and alive inside my chest. It was. It still is, and yet when I look at that… person, I feel nothing. Without her heart, my mother didn't know how to love me like I needed, but at least she tried as best she could. That baby… he's not… enough. I don't even feel enough concern to try to love him. At the very least, every child deserves a mother whose willing to try, and I can't be that," Regina confessed, the well of sorrow inside her nearly overflowing with each word.
"You're still trying for Henry, or has your present state of maudlin made you give up on him as well?" Rumplestiltskin questioned, a bit of the imp back in his personality. He knew the reaction he'd get and he craved it. Anything was better than this lifeless automaton.
"I will never give up on my son! Henry is everything to me!" Regina wailed, the rage at the immortal being before her overtaking her senses.
"Everything? What about the candlestick-maker, Jacob, or 'Jake' as I believe you call him? He's your lover and the baby's father after all; doesn't he get a say in any of this?" Rumplestiltskin returned, not letting up for a moment.
"Jake thinks with his heart! He doesn't see the damage growing up here will do to that baby because he wants to keep him! I may not love the child, but that gives me the objectivity to discern the difference between what's best for me and what's best for him, and Jake and I raising him in this town is definitely not in that child's best interests!" Regina explained dejectedly.
If circumstances had been different, this baby would be a new start and a reason to celebrate, but they weren't and would never be. When Daniel had collapsed to dust at Storybrooke's stables, Regina had finally understood that her life had truly ended with his. Everything she had done since that night so long ago had been a desperate attempt to deny the truth; life without your true love could never be called living. It was merely waiting for death. She clung to Henry because he still lived; he still had a chance for a full and prosperous future, and she desperately wanted to be part of that future if she was forced to continue existing. She needed him, but she couldn't blame him for not wanting to live in the same house with a walking corpse.
Nodding with acceptance that her mind was made up, Rumplestiltskin chose to drop one more piece of the puzzle on his longtime student and adversary. "Well, good luck trying to convince your candlestick maker of that. He came into my shop to buy you a birthday gift last week but his eyes kept wandering to the ring case. I left the room for a moment and he went straight to examine the diamonds."
"Fabulous! Now I not only have to steal his child but break his heart as well! Do you need something or did you just come here to mock me?!" Regina turned on her companion and started up the steep rocks in order to escape to the solitude of her Mercedes. She may have used magic to leave the hospital but she'd driven from her home to the shore and now she was glad she'd have the drive back to sort this new information out.
Rumplestiltskin remained and watched the water.