Chapter 7: Secrets: Egoist: Romantica

The Uke Flu

Chapter Seven: Secrets

By the time Nowaki reached his and Hiroki's apartment he felt exhausted.

Blessedly and unexpectedly the house was quiet: Hiro-san wasn't home. Nowaki thought this was strange until he looked at the calendar on the side of their refrigerator and saw his lover's furious scrawl indicating a faculty meeting that afternoon.

At the top corner of the date, Nowaki had drawn a tiny pink heart. These pink hearts were serious business to him. At the start of each new year he would sit down with a clean calendar, going through it painstakingly, month by month, and marking all of his and Hiro-san's various anniversaries.

These included the day he met Hiro-san, the day of their first kiss, the first time they held hands, the first time he took Hiro-san's hand in public, the first time Hiro-san took his hand in public, The first time they slept together, the first time they fucked, the first time they made love (none of these happened on the same day), their first bath together. Nowaki's list of significant moments went on and on.

Today though, staring at that tiny pink heart, Nowaki, for the life of him, simply could not remember what it was for.

Preoccupation or mild cognitive disturbances, typified by memory loss and or mild confusion, symptom number five, third stage, first trimester MP3REG36, his doctor's mind droned.

Nowaki shook his head, he just wanted it to be quiet for a little bit.

If it wasn't, he knew that he would never be able to make it through the next few days or even the next few hours with Hiro-san, once the other man returned home, without his lover knowing that there was something seriously wrong. And despite Dr. Suzuki's admonition that he tell his partner as soon as possible about his condition, Nowaki wasn't prepared to have that conversation yet.

Nowaki rubbed his forehead as he looked around their compact kitchen. It was his turn to make dinner and he knew he should get something started, but he just didn't have the energy at the moment.

Instead, he staggered into their bedroom and sank down onto the futon. He pulled Hiroki's pillow off of his side of the bed and used it to cover his head.

Moderate to severe fatigue, symptom number three, third stage, first trimester MP3REG36.

Nowaki had hardly finished thinking this thought before he was fast asleep.

Hiroki had lied to Nowaki: he did not really have a faculty meeting. Instead, he was standing rather nervously outside the door of Akihiko and Misaki's newest condo.

Akihiko opened the door. The author's hair was slightly mussed, his tie askew, and the lower half wrapped around the tiny fist of the wriggling boy he held in his arms.

"Ah, Hiroki, fifteen minutes early, as usual I see," was Akihiko's silky salutation.

"Yeah, well one needs to come early to get through all the blasted security in this building. That aside, I'm surprised you answered the door, Akihiko. It's only four-thirty in the afternoon. When did you become such an early riser?" Hiroki shot back.

Akihiko gave Hiroki a rare smile and ushered him into the apartment.

As soon as Hiroki had started speaking, the baby, Aki, had become completely still. He was regarding the newcomer with considerable suspicion.

"Come in and sit down a minute," Akihiko invited. "Misaki is sleeping upstairs but I know he set his alarm, so he should be down in a few minutes."

Hiroki slipped out of his shoes and into the slippers Akihiko kept reserved for him in the entry hall. After hanging up his coat and setting his work bag down; Hiroki followed Akihiko out into the large front room. He moved over to one of the room's twin sofas and took a seat opposite his friend as Akihiko sat down on the other.

Aki continued studying Hiroki silently from the safety of his father's lap.

"Your bra… uh, your kid is getting big." Hiroki offered this more for politeness sake than anything else.

"It is amazing how fast they grow." Akihiko looked down at his small son with obvious pride.

Pinned under Aki's startlingly sharp green gaze, Hiroki felt himself becoming increasingly nervous. Without really intending to, he scowled at the boy.

Aki scowled right back.

Akihiko surprised them both with a barking laugh. "Hiroki, you're a natural! I can tell Aki-chan likes you already."

Seeing his father smile Aki broke into a furious grin.

"Would you like to hold him?"

Hiroki's brow furrowed. "No, thanks, I'm fine."

Akihiko shrugged and set his son down. The two men watched the tyke waver on his thin legs a moment and then toddle over to a small pile of toys on the floor a few feet away. The tiny boy sat down hard in the middle of these and began quietly amusing himself.

"Aki really is an amazingly congenial child," Akihiko noted. "He takes after Misaki that way, not ever wanting to cause anyone else distress." He leaned back into the sofa, but his lavender eyes kept close track of the small figure on their periphery.

"So, Hiroki, when are you going to catch the baby bug?" Akihiko teased.

"Ugh, never," Hiroki growled. "Men were not meant to have babies. I'm taking the vaccine."

Akihiko's brow went up. "I would have thought that Kusama-san would have insisted, knowing how much he likes kids."

"First, Akihiko, unlike you, Nowaki is not one to insist on anything. And besides, I will tell you the same thing I've told him, if he wants one that badly he can carry it himself. You've seen the size of the man, I can't imagine how big that giant's spawn would be.

"To be honest, this whole thing seems backwards to me. Outside of the issue of who's on the receiving end, I don't see why the ukes should be the ones to carry in the first place. After all, you semes are so much bigger generally; it seems that you're naturally better equipped to handle that kind of burden.

"Anyway, it's bad enough that we're getting married."

"What do you mean?" Akihiko wondered if this was part of what had been amiss with Kusama when he and Misaki had seen him in the park earlier.

"We're having to do all this moronic couple's counseling. It's ridiculous, there's nothing wrong with our relationship. Besides, it's just not natural for two men to sit around talking about their feelings." Hiroki snorted with disgust.

"Don't you want to go through with the ceremony though?"

"Look, Akihiko, Nowaki knows how I feel about him and I'm not going anywhere. If I were, I would have left a long time ago, the same for him. No, I'm not at all opposed to commitment… It's just the ceremony and everything around it seems so conventional."

An amused smirk pulled at the corners of Akihiko's mouth as he listened to his friend complain. "It's going to make your mother very happy."

"Yes, I know and Nowaki too…" Hiroki sighed. "What is it with you semes and marriage? You know that Miyagi proposed to Shinobu last month."

"Oh?"

"So…" Hiroki studied his oldest friend, his voice became cautious. "What about you and Misaki?"

"I ask him every day."

"And?"

"Every day he very kindly tells me 'no'." Akihiko shrugged again, but his pale eyes were tinged with pain. "I can't force him to marry me, Hiroki. Before everything happened, I might have been adamant, but I think it's important for Misaki to feel he has a choice after all he's been through, some sort of control over what happens to him."

"Speaking of which…" Hiroki tried to deflect the conversation. "I fianlly read your book."

"Ah…" Akihiko's normally cool expression suddenly became slightly disconcerted. Though he published a number of new works he knew from Hiroki's tone, just exactly which work his friend was referencing. "You know, Hiroki, I am sorry that I didn't ask you to proof it. It's just you were in the midst of finishing your own book at the time and…"

Hiroki waved the other man's concern away. "No worries, Akihiko. Like I want to be bothered with you and your constantly missed deadlines."

Akihiko's eyes twinkled though he said nothing. He knew how important the act of Hiroki's editing was for both of them.

Hiroki's eyes narrowed a bit at Akihiko's subtle response. He fought not to smile himself: they knew each other so well.

"It looks as though you really didn't need me for it anyway. It's quite good. Terribly difficult to read when you know its source, but excellent as usual, really. I have no doubt you'll be up for a number of awards again."

Now it was the author's turn to be dismissive. "Bahh, all that dog and pony show nonsense is unimportant."

"So..." Caution returned to Hiroki's tone as well as curiosity. "Has Misaki read it yet?"

Akihiko's the novel "Days Without Sun" was essentially an account of He and Misaki's nightmare in South America. It followed the hideous incarceration of one of the main characters at the hands of a deranged criminal and the agonized attempts of the abducted man's lover as he struggled to find him.

The whole piece was unlike anything Akihiko had previously written. The scenes in the madman's dungeon in particular were dark and incredibly brutal. Given the autobiographical origins of the story, the novel had been quite controversial and wildly successful.

"I gave him a copy, but I don't know." Akihiko looked at Hiroki with sober eyes. "You know, Hiroki, he asked me to write it. Every night for a month he would tell me something about what had been done to him while he was in that monster's lair and then cry himself to sleep in my arms. He said he couldn't carry it alone inside himself any longer.

"I was surprised when he asked me to consider turning our experience into a novel. You know how shy he always was before about even the most casual thing, but he said he didn't want to keep anything hidden anymore.

"I still think at times he asked me to write it as a way of protecting me from everything he told me. That he didn't want me to have to carry his story alone either. Though he's denied this, it would be just like him.

"Of course, you know that I'd already used him in so many of my other novels, perhaps unjustly, that it only seemed fair for once to write about Misaki in the way that he wanted."

Hiroki reflected on all of this information silently for a few moments. He had some experience with dark secrets. He knew the fear of letting others into these, and he could not imagine revealing the kinds of things that were said in that novel. The courage to even begin speaking about such events demonstrated to him that Takahashi had some serious balls.

Hiroki's estimation of the young man had just risen immeasurably.

"Oh, speaking of your propensity for using people in your works of fiction…"

Hiroki watched warily as Aki picked up a plastic panda head and began teetering his way towards him.

"Thanks for sending that newest Hiroki/Nowaki Boy's Love novel to my house, Akikawa."

"Do I detect a note of sarcasm in your voice?" Akihiko's serious face could no longer contain itself and broke into a subtle smirk.

"Well, Nowaki reads them."

Akihiko's smile widened at this. "And...?"

"One, it's a waste of his time. I keep trying to throw them out but Nowaki just digs them right back out of the trash. He says he's keeping them for posterity. So that we can lie in bed together when we're old and wrinkly and read to each other and remember how it was when we were young.

"It's so embarrassing.

"Two, I still don't know how you do it, but some of the scenarios you describe... well, they hit a little too close to home, so then the ones that don't… Nowaki of course wants to do them to keep things consistent… The first week after he gets one, it's a little exhausting for me really."

Before Akihiko could respond, Hiroki's attention was diverted. A tiny pale-haired person was now standing beside him, mildly pounding his knee with the panda head.

Once he had Hiroki's attention Aki stopped. The professor and the infant regarded each other seriously for a moment.

"Is this for me?" Hiroki's tone was surprisingly mild but not at all babying. He gently reached for the panda head.

Aki quite freely gave the Demon Kamijou both the hard plastic bear and an amazing smile and then wobbled back over to his other toys.

Hiroki turned the open-mouthed panda head over between his long-fingered hands. A slight smile crept up into his mouth. "Hey, wait a minute. Isn't this one of your ashtrays, Akihiko?"

"Not anymore." Akihiko rolled up his sleeve, displaying what was obviously a nicotine patch.

"How long?"

"Four weeks."

"Bloody hell!" Hiroki exclaimed, his eyes widening with shock. Akihiko had been smoking since they were fourteen.

"You don't know the half of it," Akihiko sighed.

Just then, both men looked up. Misaki was coming down the stairs. His dark mop was wild. The young man was yawning and rubbing his eyes as he descended.

Seeing his younger father, Aki emitted a squeal of delight. Akihiko got up quickly, scooped the baby up, and the two moved over to Misaki.

As Misaki took the giddy infant from his lover, Akihiko leaned over and planted a rather chaste kiss on the young man's forehead.

"Kamijou-san!" Misaki smiled and bowed in greeting to the professor. He found himself doing quite well most days now, as long as he was in the sanctuary of his home.

It had been some time since Hiroki had seen the young man. Though Misaki still looked slightly fragile, even in his sleep-disheveled state, however, his appearance was much better than when the professor had last seen him.

"I hope you haven't been waiting long?" Misaki asked, concerned as Hiroki returned the bow. He did not want to have caused the man any inconvenience. He shifted his green gaze over to Akihiko. "Why didn't you wake me, Usagi-san?"

"You were sleeping so well, I didn't have the heart. Besides, it gave Hiroki and me the chance to get caught up."

Misaki gave his small son a brief cuddle and then handed him back to his older father. Aki did not seem particularly pleased about this, but the baby did not complain.

"Well…" Misaki smiled a bit timidly at Hiroki. "Are you ready for your cooking lesson, Kamijou-san?"

Hiroki blushed and fidgeted a moment, it was strange seeing Misaki like this. When Nowaki had been attending Misaki during his pregnancy he'd had little contact with the boy, the whole thing making him terribly uncomfortable. Now it was still weird, but with the rest of the world succumbing to the flu, not as much. Hiroki moved and began following Misaki into the kitchen. "Lead the way, Takahashi-kun." There was a note of trepidation in his voice.

Akihiko regarded Aki gravely as he watched the two leave the room. Knowing that his friend's culinary acuity was not that much better than his own, he said to his small son, "I think it might be best if you and I stayed out here."

Whether he fully understood his older father's words or not Aki nodded solemnly in agreement.

New AN:

Ashley Tangerine, thank you again for your reviews. I hope to begin re-uploading "On Another Path" soon. This editing thing is taking some time though. Hopefully you and my other readers find the improvements worth it, however.

My dearest BF101, you have no idea how much your reviews make my heart sing... Well, okay, maybe you do. Still, thank you so much, Love. Your recent slough of reviews made my day! Motivated me to start re-loading "Days Without Sun." Kisses to you!