Chapter 10: Confession: Egoist

The Uke Flu

Chapter Ten: Confession

When Nowaki awoke the next morning he was surprised to find himself in the bed he shared with Hiro-san and not on the couch. Lifting the sheet that was covering him, he saw he was shirtless and wearing a pair of loose sweats. He didn't remember changing. He supposed perhaps Hiro-san had put him to bed.

The thought made him smile, though he wished he had the pleasure of remembrance. Still, Nowaki thought to himself, at least I have the memory of falling asleep in Hiro-san's arms last night.

He rolled over and saw that that the other side of the bed was empty. Then he looked at the clock and was shocked to see that it was almost noon. He couldn't believe how long he'd slept.

Nowaki stretched.

He was happy it was Saturday and was pleased to find that he was feeling much better than the previous day. He got up and made his way to the bathroom. After a shower and donning a set of clean clothes, he felt even more restored.

Ready to meet the day, although now it was already half way over, Nowaki walked out in to the main room of the apartment.

There he encountered his professor looking entirely too cute.

Hiroki was sitting cross-legged on a chair at the dining-room table grading papers. He was wearing his "lounge about" jeans; they were faded and worn with holes in the knees and a few other intriguing places. Nowaki loved it when Hiroki wore these, though one wouldn't know it, as he seemed to spend most of his time trying to get the man out of them.

Hiroki's feet were bare and unexpectedly, delightfully, so was his torso.

Even after almost nine years, Nowaki still marveled at the litheness of Hiro-san's limbs, the sinewy strength of his body. Curled as he was over the pile of papers beneath him on the table, Nowaki could clearly see the enticing ridges of Hiro-san's abdomen. The man had an amazing musculature, remarkable considering how little time the professor had these days for exercise.

He watched as his lover, with one hand, wielded his red grading pen with fervor. The man's other hand was running long fingers through dark cinnamon locks. Judging from the wildness of his coif, Hiroki had been doing this for a while.

Nowaki walked over behind Hiroki and kissed the bony knob where his partner's neck connected to his broad but tight shoulders. It was one of his favorite spots.

"Hiro-san, you…" He mumbled into the back of Hiroki's neck.

"Yeah, yeah, too cute, I know," Hiroki growled in response.

Unfazed, Nowaki shifted, wrapping a long arm around Hiroki's chest and leaning his head over his professor's shoulder.

"Good morning, Hiro-san."

Hiroki did not seem to be particularly receptive to Nowaki's embrace, but he didn't resist it either.

"Good afternoon, you mean?" Hiroki corrected, not looking up from his grading. "Feeling better, I take it?"

"UmmHummm… lots."

"So it must have just been a twenty-four hour bug or something?"

Nowaki didn't respond. He was truly feeling better, but not so much so that he desired to open that particular can of chaos just yet.

Nowaki stood up and began kneading Hiroki's shoulders.

Hiroki tensed at first.

Nowaki knew that this was always his lover's initial response to touch, though he had never quite figured out why. Still, after about ten seconds the red pen dropped, forgotten from Hiroki's hand. With just a bit more persistence, his muscles began to melt under Nowaki's skilled hands. Nowaki knew he had reached breakthrough when Hiroki suddenly sighed.

"I like this new look of yours, Hiro-san… easy access."

Hiroki shrugged. "I was out of clean shirts, so I'm doing laundry." He motioned with his wild head toward the balcony.

Nowaki could see rows of clothes hanging on lines, drying out in the spring sun.

Hiroki had just begun leaning back into Nowaki's wonderful touch and was disappointed to feel his lover's hands suddenly withdraw.

"I'm sorry, Hiro-san." Nowaki's voice was heavy with contrition. He realized this was another chore he usually did but had failed to do. Combined with last night's absent dinner he felt terrible.

Sensing the other man's chagrin, Hiroki instantly regretted mentioning it. "Nowaki, it's no problem, really. I mean there's no reason you should have to do everything around here."

Hiroki growled uncomfortably. "That's maybe one of the few places where Dr. Kobayashi's right." Then trying to lighten the dark cloud he'd felt engulf Nowaki, he added, "besides, fortunately, I am much better with laundry than I am with cooking."

Hiroki expected his giant to grin, apologize for being a flake, and then continue rubbing his shoulders. That is what his old Nowaki would have done. The new Nowaki, however, the one who had been slowly taking over his partner during the last couple months, simply looked sad, said nothing, and did not return his hands to Hiroki's stirred skin.

Hiroki watched in silence as Nowaki, went into the kitchen and fixed himself a bowl of cold rice with soy milk. Hiroki never understood how the man could eat that, but he knew what it indicated: the dish was a comfort food that Nowaki had taken with him from the orphanage.

Nowaki moved over to the couch and sat down. He picked up the remote, turned on the TV with the volume so low it was barely audible, and surfed the channels until he found some animal program displaying puppies. He began poking at his rice halfheartedly.

Hiroki felt himself getting irritated. God damn it! I have to fix this somehow.

One of the reasons he loved Nowaki, and if he was forced to admit it there were lots, was because the man was the complete opposite of himself.

Because of this, as annoying as it could be sometimes, Nowaki was his perfect complement. Light/dark, patient/impatient, romantic/cynical, hot/cold: Nowaki provided him with the only real sense of balance he'd known in his life. If the dork kept acting like this Hiroki knew it would drive him crazy: it would be too much like living with himself.

Hiroki got up and moved over beside the couch.

Nowaki's eyes widened in surprise as Hiroki snatched the remote from his hands and turned the TV off.

Nowaki set his bowl down cautiously on the table and looked at Hiroki, standing there, arms crossed and brow more furrowed then he had seen it in a long time.

He had observed this posture often enough to have a good idea of what was coming. Nowaki was prepared for Hiro-san to start yelling, to throw things, to gesticulate wildly. What he wasn't prepared for however, was what actually happened.

Hiroki sat down next to him on the couch and asked, in a reasonable tone if he thought they should get a puppy.

"What?" Nowaki was clearly astonished.

Hiroki sighed.

He had meant to say, he had intended to utter, those four words he most personally feared; the words that were the bane of men everywhere: "We need to talk."

Instead however, what somehow came out was: "Nowaki, should we get a puppy?"

Nowaki still couldn't understand what was going on and what alien life-force had invaded and taken over his partner's body.

What had happened to his fiery, irascible Hiro-san? Who was this strange man who suddenly made dinner without complaint when it wasn't his turn; let him hold the remote; did laundry; and now, offered what Nowaki had always believed for Hiro-san was tantamount to the unthinkable?

"What do you mean, should we get a puppy, Hiro-san?"

"Look, Nowaki... Well, you know, now we have this bigger place… and we could lock the office so it couldn't attack my books…"

Hiroki had turned his head away from Nowaki as he'd begun speaking to hide his blush and nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

Nowaki relaxed a bit seeing these mannerisms, because this behavior at least was more like his partner.

Hiroki continued. "Our schedules are finally getting to be kind of settled. I mean, I know I've always said 'no' before, but now things are different, so it might be okay."

"Hiro-san, why are you saying this?" Nowaki reached over and took Hiroki's chin in one of his hands, turning his lover's face towards him. Hiroki's large hazel eyes looked back. Nowaki could see the other man's frustration… and…

Is that fear?

"Nowaki, I... I don't know what's going on with you. You have been behaving really differently recently. I… I don't know how to fix it." Hiroki, to his terrible embarrassment, found his voice sounding increasingly desperate.

"I know you have been really upset about the whole bra… baby thing and the vaccine and I'm… I'm sorry."

Hiroki chuckled uncomfortably. "I know it's not anywhere near the same thing, but I thought if maybe we got you a puppy… you know, something little that you could love… It might make you feel better."

Hearing Hiroki's words and seeing his lover's distress overwhelmed Nowaki.

Now it was his turn to look away. He felt tears coming into his eyes.

Stupid hormones, Nowaki silently cursed.

Hiroki watched Nowaki turn his head, hiding his eyes from him. When the younger man didn't say anything right away he felt his anxiety level skyrocket.

"Nowaki?"

He watched Nowaki's head drop.

"No, Hiro-san" at last came Nowaki's whispered reply.

"No, what?"

"No, I don't think that it would be a very good idea to get a puppy right now." Nowaki sighed, still not looking at his lover.

"God damn it, Nowaki, look at me!" Hiroki's voice was almost frantic with concern.

Is this it? Is Nowaki finally going to leave me? Why else would the idiot say 'no', after he'd been asking for one for ages?

"Why not?" Hiroki asked though he was dreading the response.

Nowaki turned to Hiroki and the professor was shocked to see tears in the younger man's eyes.

"Because, Hiro-san…" Nowaki hesitated and then confessed. "I'm pregnant."

And Hiroki's response is... You'll just have to wait and see... Heh.