So Hermione and I had a nice little chat in the closet, and we decided that she could stage manage instead, and still get extra credit. Then we had to calm down Lily, who was having a major panic attack. All in all, it was a half hour before anybody was ready to start again.
However, just as I opened my mouth to call the cast to order, I caught a glimpse of another familiar scene replaying in front of me, except vise versa. In slow motion, I saw Malfoy take the lion-shaped donut from Voldemort, and give it to a little first year girl, who in turn handed in to Harry Potter, with a charming smile. Before I could scream out a warning, Harry had bitten of the lion's head, the golden lions head. There was an endless second of silence, and then the boom, a scram, and a cloud of smoke that blinded us all. Through it, we could hear the triumphant laughter, the high cold mirthless laugh and her mad cackle tinged with insanity.
"My Lord…My lord..." again, it was Bella, who spoke, but this time her voice was peaked in joy, and when the smoke cleared, we could see her as she knelt before her lord, her hands clasped, dark violet eyes raised. "My lord, oh my lord." His eyes swept around us, silent as we were in shook.
"You see," and his voice was chilly, hard, but no warmer in victory. "I have killed the boy who lived-with a donut." Cries echoed around the room as Harry failed to reappear. "You see, I am not so incompetent, I have killed him!" Bellatrix shrieked with laughter at her lord victory, but was drowned out by the cries from the rest of the cast.
"No!"
"How could you!"
"Not Harry!"
"My Son! Oh god, no!"
"How can this be?"
"What does this mean?"
"It isn't." said a low voice. As one body, we all turned. There stood Harry, unscathed and very much alive.
"Harry!"
"Oh god! Harry!"
"You're alive!"
"Of course I am." Said Harry. " It will take more then a donut to kill me, Voldemort."
"You dare! You dare speak his name! You dare! The dark lord-"
"Yes., I am victorious again." Harry cut neatly against the estranged witches cries.
"Noo!" cried Voldemort. "Foiled again!" he went to a conveniently located window, and shook his fists into the night. " He has foiled me again! I am ruined, ruined! I, who have worked for years…."
We let him get on with his little soliloquy, and everybody gathered around me, for I had an announcement.
" All right everybody-oh, err-nice going, Harry."
"Thanks Andy."
"Right. Well, in light of current situations-" I glanced at the still-ranting Dark Lord "- I have decided we need to practice on a stage."
Everybody was very excited for this, mostly Fred and George. I directed them into the little side door, and we entered into a large theatre. For a while, it was pandemonium.
"Whoa! Look at the lighting booth!"
"Ooh- we can do projections!"
"Cool-it's the mike system!"
"Do I get a mike?"
"Dunno."
"Lets open the curtains!"
"Yeah!"
"Can we go backstage?"
"Its so big!"
"Hey, come here, look at the trapdoor!"
"Oh that's so cool! Can we go down?"
"I don't see why not."
"No!" I called, alarmed, and decided to call everyone to order. With Hermione's help, everyone in 'Lovely Ladies' was onstage, everybody else in the front couple rows, eating Ruffles and Chocolate frogs, watching Spamalot on Deans laptop.
"Lets go!" I call, and after a bit of prodding, everybody was ready.
[The docks. Sailors, whores and their customers, pimps, etc. Fantine wanders in]
[SAILOR ONE]
I smell women
Smell 'em in the air
Think I'll drop my anchor
In that harbor over there
Wait. Are we on a ship?
"I think so…maybe."
"Ok."
"Can I row?"
"It's a sailboat, I'll bet, because its got a mast, and no oars."
"Crap."
[SAILOR TWO]
Lovely ladies
Smell 'em through the smoke
What smoke? Is there a fire?
"FIRE! FIRE!"
"Where?"
"Fire? Where? Was it Fred?"
"Fire?"
"Nowhere, I was just demonstrating the misuse of free speech."
Seven days at sea
Ooh, I'm seasick.
Can make you hungry for a poke
[SAILOR THREE]
Even stokers need a little stoke!
Ew.
[WOMEN]
Lovely ladies
Waiting for a bite
But not from a sparkly vampire!
"Like that idiot Edward Cullen."
Waiting for the customers
Who only come at night
Well, what do we do during the day?
"Learn magic."
Lovely ladies
Ready for the call
Just whistle, anyone can whistle.
Standing up or lying down
Or any way at all
Bargain prices up against the wall
[OLD WOMAN]
Come here, my dear
Over here, to stage left..
Let's see this trinket you wear
This bagatelle...
Wow, it so pretty! Is it diamond?
[FANTINE]
It's a crappy stage prop, but if you want it..
Madame, I'll sell it to you...
[OLD WOMAN]
I'll give you four
[FANTINE]
Four what?
"Francs."
"I'll take galleons."
That wouldn't pay for the chain!
Well, I'll bet it would. I think it's coming apart, actually. I think its made of plaster and tape..
[OLD WOMAN]
In that case..
I'll give you five. You're far to eager to sell.
Suspicious, actually. Is it cursed?
"No."
"Is it meant to kill Dumbledore?"
"No."
"Is it a horcrux?"
"NO!"
It's up to you.
Not really, though. Its in the script, I have no choice.
[FANTINE]
It's all I have
[OLD WOMAN]
That's not my fault
I didn't write it, take up any complaints with the French dudes.
[FANTINE]
"So? It was that stupid mayors fault. I told them-Sirius makes a BAD mayor. He's too irresponsible."
"HEY! I am too responsible. Where's my script?"
[OLD WOMAN]
No more than five
My dear, we all must stay alive!
Wait-i'm not sure I want it, it's crumbling to pieces!
" Not my problem. Now I have to go send this money to my illegitimate daughter, Harry- I mean, Cosette."
"Adios-wait-you have an illegitimate daughter? Ha ha!"
"Not fair, or funny. Victor Hugo forced me."
[WOMEN]
Lovely ladies
Waiting in the dark
Oh No! I can't see!
Ready for a thick one
Or a quick one in the park
Behind a tree, I guess.
Whore 1
Long time short time
Any time,
-Except while I'm singing-
My dear
Because I take my career very seriously.
Cost a little extra if you want to take all year!
But I'd rather you didn't.
[ALL]
Quick and cheap is underneath the pier!
[CRONE]
What pretty hair!
It's so soft, and it smells good
What pretty locks you got there
What luck you got.
God, why does this penniless ex-factory worker get all the luck?
"Because if I'm pretty the audience will side with me."
"Makes sense, I guess. I'd want them to side with me. It gets so lonely in the wings...
It's worth a centime, my dear
I'll take the lot
Let me shear it off! *Brandishes razor* my right arm is complete again!
"Ahh! Javert! Help me, Javert!"
"Tell me quickly whats the story?"
"He threatened me with a-wait, its Sweeny Todd!"
" Him again! Sweeny-you're deported."
"Shoot, not again."
"Ha-ha."
"Wait! My wife! What of Lucy?"
"She's on her own. I guess she'll go mad."
"Noo! I'll go nuts to now!"
"Take him away!"
*Gets dragged away by the judge.*
[FANTINE]
Don't touch me! Leave me alone!
Get that razor away from me!
[CRONE]
Let's make a price.
I'll give you all of ten francs,
Just think of that!
[FANTINE]
It pays a debt
If I don't pay, they'll throw her out. And I'd rather not sell my teeth…
[CRONE]
Just think of that
[FANTINE]
What can I do? It pays a debt.
Ten francs may save my poor Cosette!
My little daughter… My son Harry...
[SAILOR THREE]
Lovely lady!
Fastest on the street
Wasn't there three minutes
She was back up on her feet
[SAILOR ONE]
Lovely lady!
What yer waiting for?
Doesn't take a lot of savvy
Just to be a whore
"Little you know, you old-"
"Can it, you tart."
Come on then, lady
What's a lady for?
[Fantine re-emerges, her long hair cut short]
"My hair! Woe on me! My one beauty! Ohh, I hate this wig!"
[PIMP]
Give me the dirt, who's that bit over there?
Ya know, the one with the ugly wig.
[WHORE ONE]
Oh her? That's the lead, Fantine.
A bit of skirt. She's the one sold her hair.
[WHORE TWO]
She's got a kid. Sends her all that she can
[PIMP]
I might have known
There is always some man
Lovely lady, come along and join us!
Lovely lady!
[WHORE ONE]
Come on dearie, why all the fuss?
You got no pride anyway!
"Yes I do!"
"Hmm."
"Hey!"
"Well, you must need money."
"I do…"
"Well then-"
You're no grander than the rest of us
Life has dropped you at the bottom of the heap
Join your sisters
[WHORE TWO]
Make money in your sleep!
"That's disgusting!"
"It earns you a living…"
"Well, I guess so.."
"You need money, right?"
"For my kid."
"Then go!"
[Fantine goes off with one of the sailors]
[WHORE ONE]
That's right dearie, let him have the lot
I hope she doesn't take my men…the competition is on! Who will be Miss Saigon?
[WHORE THREE]
Good point.
That's right dearie, show him what you've got!
[WOMEN]
Old men, young men, take 'em as they come
Or shove 'em away!
Harbor rats and alley cats
Really? Cats?
"No, of course not."
"Are you sure?"
"Err.."
"Knew it! we bed CATS!"
"That's revolting!"
and every kind of scum
Poor men, rich men,
They're the best, they got purses to steal.
leaders of the land
See them with their trousers off they're never quite as grand
They're all the same under there.
All it takes is money in your hand!
Lovely ladies
Going for a song
Got a lot of callers
But they never stay for long
*Cries*
[FANTINE]
Come on, Captain,
you can wear your shoes
Don't it make a change
To have a girl who can't refuse
But only because I need the money, not because I like you, grease head.
Easy money
Lying on a bed
Or up against a wall.
Just as well they never see
The hate that's in your head
If they did, they'd deserve it. God, I hate men
"HEY, what about me?"
"You are a stag, not a man, James."
"Oh yeah…."
Don't they know they're making love
To one already dead!
or one that will be dead by the end of act one…
BAMATABOIS (James)
(a well dressed gentleman)
Here's something new. I think I'll give it a try.
Come closer you!
Yeah, you with no hair!
I like to see what I buy…
I already have you, Lily Potter!
The usual price
For just one slice of your pie.
"Ew! James!"
" Sorry dear."
FANTINE
I don't want you.
I mean, darling husband, don't buy me!
No, no m'sieur, let me go.
Let me go, I say!
BAMATABOIS
Is this a trick? I won't pay more.
You cost far too much already..
FANTINE
No, not at all.
Just leave, I hate you! (not really, James)
BAMATABOIS
You've got some nerve, you little whore,
Sorry, Lily, I don't mean that!
You've got some gall.
It's the same with a tart
Or that! I swear-don't divorce me!
As it is with a grocer
The customer sees what he gets in advance
Wow, I'm really rude in this.
"Like in real life, James."
"Not funny Sirius."
"I'm the mayor-you have to listin to me!"
It's not for the whore to say "yes sir" or "no sir"
Not for the harlot to pick or to chose
Or to lead me a dance!
FANTINE
I'll kill you, you bastard, try any of that!
I won't really kill you, so don't look at me like that!
Even a whore who has gone to the bad
Won't be had by a rat!
That's what I used to say before I fell in love with you…I'm not sure what happened.
"Me neither." Muttered Snape.
BAMATABOIS
By Christ, you'll pay for what you've done
You ruined my hat! The one you got me last Christmas!
"Sorry! Sorry!"
This rat will make you bleed you'll see!
I'll use that bloody Secrensemptra spell if you annoy me! (Not really, Lily, I promise! I didn't mean that.)
I guarantee, I'll make you suffer
For this disturbance of the peace
For this insult to life and property!
FANTINE
I beg you, don't report me sir
Please, James, don't report me. If you do, I'll-I'll-I'll
"You'll what?"
"Report you as an unregistered amimagus!"
"No! you wouldn't. would you?"
"If its a threat to my Harry-er, Cosette"
I'll do what ever you may want...
"Well. Not 'whatever', it has to be within reason
BAMATABOIS
Make your excuse to the police!
"Not Javert! No! Not Snape!"
JAVERT (Snape)
Tell me quickly what's the story
Who saw what and why and where?
Did you abuse Lily Evens, you scum? You'll be punished!
Let him give a full description
What did you do to her?
Let him answer to Javert!
And to Snape!
In this nest of whores and vipers
Not you, Lily, never you!
Let one speak who saw it all.
Who laid hands on this good man here?
Wait a second-whose side am I on?
"His."
"Never! I'll support lily to the end!"
"But Javert must arrest her!"
"I'll never arrest her! She is my love!"
"You must!"
"No!"
"Well- Valjean steps in and saves the day, so you don't arrest her. "
"Fine. This sucks, all I wanted was to be Eponine. Oh-Nothing ever goes my way!"
What's the substance of this brawl?
BAMATABOIS
Javert, would you believe it
I was crossing from the park
Well, not really, but I don't want to tell you what really happened.
"I'll bet you don't."
When this prostitute attacked me
You can see she left her mark.
"No! I'm innocent, I swear!"
JAVERT
She will answer for her actions
When you make a full report.
Where is Valjean? I'm gonna have to arrest her now. Dang it all!
You can rest assured, M'sieur
That she will answer to the court.
No she won't-not if I can help it!
FANTINE
There's a child who sorely needs me
My little Harry-
"What? What about me? Am I sick again? Noooooo!"
"I meant Cosette."
"Oh her, my little half sister."
"Sure Harry, whatever you say.
Please M'sieur, she's but "that high"
Up to here, see? She's so weak and little!
Holy God, is there no mercy?
If I go to jail she'll die!
No, I won't go.! Not to Askaban!
JAVERT
I have heard such protestation
Every day for twenty years.
But I love you Lily, I'd never send you to jail!
Lets have no more explanations,
Just let Valjean in to save you, if I can't.
Save your breath and save your tears
"Honest work. Just reward. That's the way to please the Lord."
I am the lawr and the lawr is not mocked.
VALJEAN (emerging from the crowd)
"Finally!"
A moment of your time, Javert
You greasy worm, picking on my BFFs wife.
"I wasn't!"
I do believe this woman's tale.
JAVERT
But, M'sieur Mayor!
VALJEAN
You've done your duty
Let her be
She needs a doctor, not a jail
She's gonna die, you can't send her to Azkaban.
JAVERT
But, M'sieur Mayor!
Again, I'd never arrest her!
FANTINE
Can this be?
Its Sirius Black, come to save me! That's something I didn't expect.
VALJEAN
Where will she end-
This child without a friend?
Not really a child. And I know where she'll end.
"Where?"
"Dead."
"That's harsh dude."
"But true."
(to Fantine)
I've seen your face before
Hey-aren't you James's wife?
"Yup. Now get me outta here before you-know-who ends his rant and comes to get me!"
"Sorry, you'll have to go to Peter on that one."
"Nooooooooooo! Harry! Cosette! My babies!"
Show me some way to help you
Let me Save you from You-know-who!
How have you come to grief
Without the invisibility cloak.
In such a place as this?
FANTINE
M'sieur, don't mock me now, I pray
Its your fault that he killed me!
It's hard enough I've lost my pride!
And my son, and husband. Your fault!
You let your forman send me away
You let you-know-who find the house!
Yes you were there and turned aside
I never did no wrong!
All I did was love my husband and support the order!
VALJEAN
Is it true, what I've done?
Did I really kill you, Lily Potter of the Green Eyes?
FANTINE
Yes! Because you let Peter become the Secret Keeper…
My daughters close to dying...
VALJEAN
I should have known!
To an innocent sole?
FANTINE
If there's a God above.
He'd kill Voldemort!
VALJEAN
If I had only known then.
You'd be alive, and James to..
FANTINE
He'd let me die instead
Of Harry.
VALJEAN
In his name, my task has just begun.
I will see it done.
I will!
JAVERT
But, M'sieur Mayor!
I love her!
VALJEAN
I will see it done!
I think I said that already…
JAVERT
But, M'sieur Mayor!
VALJEAN
I will see it done!
I'm sure I've said that….
HARRY/VOICE
Look out!
It's a runaway cart!
Harry ran on stage, followed by the cart, which wasn't stopping and hitting Colin like it was supposed to. Instead, it kept chasing Harry all around the stage…