…."No! Help!" screamed Harry, as he dashed around the stage, his arms flailing and legs pumping, being chased by the ramshackle cart, which was bumping around over the ruts in the stage, rolling its hardest to keep up with Harry, and growling.
"Ahhhhhhhhhh!" screamed Harry, he leaped over a random red flag, and skidded to avoid the edge. The cart trundled along after him, nipping at his heels and shooting rusty nails at him, which he dodged easily, thanks to a couple years of rigorous Quidich training with Oliver Wood. Everybody watched in amazement, staring at the stage with wide eyes, goggling unashamedly at the spectacle of the Boy Who Lived being chased by a rattletrap wooden cart. Harry, too absorbed in the chase to notice much else, did not spot the movement at the side door, although he was the only one who could have; everybody else was facing him.
"Hit it with a spell!" Hollered Ron, his face flushed. Hermione shot a very annoyed glace at Snape, and mimed setting him on fire. He smirked, and stuck out his tongue at her. Ginny groaned, muttered something that sounded like
"Not again." and buried her flaming head in her arms, peeking out every so often with narrowed brown eyes.
Me? I was seriously considering putting my head in my arms like Ginny, but decided that that wouldn't be very responsible behavior for the director. (LAST time I was being the director, I swear it.) I took a breath, and squinted up at hHarry, who was now dodging small bursts of fire in addition to rusty nails. I pointed my wand at the curtain, which was cheerfully blazing. I muttered a spell, and water shot from my wand, extinguishing the fire. I glanced at Harry, who was shooting stunning spells at the cart, being cheered on by all the male cast members. The girls were all hiding their eyes. I sent a stunning spell and a reducto spell into the fray, but to little avail; the cart persisted relentlessly in chasing Harry, who was sweating profusely, still having to dodge fire and nails, and now scraps of burning wood.
What on earth was going on? I wondered, casting my glance around the room and looking, on a hunch, for a snakey pale face and a mess of black hair. As I suspected, there they were, although my eyes missed them at first. He stood in the wings, unseen to anybody but me, his wand tracing movements in the air, which, I deduced, followed the movement of the cart on the stage. Ah-ha! I directed my wand at the dark lord. "Expelliarmus." He cursed as his wand flew out of his wand, and was caught by a certain black haired which, who handed it back to him before I could confiscate it.
"Hey!" he pointed the wand at me.
" Voldemort,-"
"That the Dark Lord to you, blood traitor."
"Err-fine, whatever. You can't do that."
"What?" he asked innocently.
"Making a cart chase Harry Potter."
"Just another minuet and I would have had him!"
"Well, thank god I stopped you."
"Bah. I almost got him! I came this close, and here I am, foiled again."
"You're going to have to wait to kill him until book seven."
"But that's so far away! I need to do it now, to fulfill the prophecy."
" Not in my theatre you won't. Now go rant out the window or something."
"Fine." He stomped away in a huff, and joined Bellatrix, who was slouching at the back of the room, where she began to talk to him animatedly, no doubt telling him that he'd succeed someday in killing the boy.
I glanced at the stage, and I saw that the cart had fallen on Colin, just like it was supposed to. He grinned and waved at me, and I looked to see that everybody else was ready to begin, the straggling group of ensemble-ers clustered round cart, Sirius in the background flexing his muscles. Harry was shooting daggers at Voldemort, who was pointedly ignoring him. But we didn't really need him for this scene, so if he wanted to huff in a corner, that was OK with me.
"Alright guys, since you're ready-lets start!"
[VOICES]
Look at that!
Look at that!
It's Monsieur Fauchelevant!
Who is really Colin Creavy! At least its not Harry.
Don't approach! Don't go near!
Or the enchanted cart will hit you too!
At the risk of your life!
Because He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named put a curse on it! If you go near it, we'll all die!
He is caught by the wheel!
He is caught by the spell!
Oh, the pitiful man!
Stay away, Turn away!
There is nothing to do!
We're not powerful wizards yet.
There is nothing to do!
[VALJEAN]
I will help you! I am a very powerful wizard.
"Sirius-you do realize that they are muggles, right?"
"Yeah, but its more interesting if I'm some all-powerful wizard who flies in and-"
"Enough, Sirius."
"But, you see, if I could do a spell to save Colin, I needn't get my pants dirty."
"Costume takes care of that."
"Yes but still-"
"Sirius, I'm warning you."
"Fine. But I refuse to get my pants dirty."
Is there anyone here
Who will rescue the man?
Because I don't want to!
Who will help me to shoulder
The weight of the cart?
Well, I don't want to, but I have to. It's in the script. And I'd rather not touch a cart that you-know-who enchanted.
[VOICES]
Don't go near him, Mr. Mayor
The load is heavy as hell
Its been enchanted by a dark wizard!
The old man's a goner for sure
if the cart doesn't kill him, you-know-who will!
It'll kill you as well.
"Fine, if you insist. Windgardium Leviosa. There-problem solved. And don't look at me like that, Andromeda.
[FAUCHELEVANT]
M'sieur le Mayor, I have no words
You come from God, you are a saint.
You saved me from the clutches of you-know-who
[Javert takes Valjean aside]
[JAVERT]
Can this be true?
I don't believe what I see!
He did magic! He's not supposed to do that..
A man your age
To be as strong as you are!
With a wand..
A mem'ry stirs...
In my pensive..
You make me think of a man
A wizard…
From years ago
A man who broke his parole
He was in Azkaban and he escaped..
He disappeared
He looked a bit like you….
Forgive me, Sir,
I would not dare!
Well - I sort of am daring.
[VALJEAN]
Oh no! He recognizes me! He was my arch enemy-er-prison guard in Azkaban!
Say what you must
Don't leave it there...
Oh, where's my look alike when I need him?
[JAVERT]
I have only known one other
Who can do what you have done
He was at Hogwarts with me,
He's a convict from the chain gang
He a convict from Azkaban
He's been ten years on the run
But he couldn't run forever
No, not even if he' a dog
We have found his hideaway
And he's just been re-arrested
By me. Ha-ha, and you said I was incompetent. I am the lawr and the lawr is not mocked.
And he comes to court today.
Before the Wizengomat.
Well, of course he now denies it
But I'll feed him Veritaserum until he spills.
You'd expect that of a `con'
But he couldn't run forever -
No, not ever Sirius Black!
[VALJEAN]
No! The amazing coincidences of the modern musical! Damn Victor Hugo!
You say this man denies it all
Who is this dude anyway?
And gives no sign of understanding or repentance?
Well duh. Oh hey - Did you say Peter Pettigrew?
"No - but it is! How'd you guess?"
"Just a hunch."
"He blew up a dozen people."
"Oh my!"
You say this man is going to trial
At the ministry? Will Umbridge be there?
And that's he's sure to be returned
To serve his sentence?
In Azkaban, with the dementors?
Come to that, can you be sure,
That I am not your man?
Wait - I don't want to provoke him. I shouldn't have said that.
[JAVERT]
I have known the thief for ages
We were enemies in school.
Tracked him down through thick and thin
Watched him down my beaky nose!
And to make the matter certain
There's the brand upon his skin
Wait - why does he have the brand? I never understood that.
He will bend, he will break
He IS Sirius Black! I am sure of it!
This time there is no mistake.
God, I really love to tempt fate, huh? I'm just setting myself up for ridicule.
"Ha-ha."
"I am the lawr and the lawr is not mocked.
[Javert leaves. Valjean is alone]
[VALJEAN]
He thinks that man is me
That silly Pettigrew.
He knew him at a glance!
That's kind of odd. Peter looks NOTHING like me. I'm so handsome, and he's so….
"Moving on, Sirius. We don't need a lecture on how awesome you are."
That stranger he has found
Not a stranger. One of my best friends, actually.
This man could be my chance!
To be FREE!
Why should I save his hide?
He's jut a mangy rat. A traitor, a lowlife.
Why should I right this wrong
I don't care about him, its not my responsibility.
When I have come so far
All the way from Toulon. By thestral. Never again…
And struggled for so long?
If I speak, I am condemned.
To that hell. Azkaban.
If I stay silent, I am damned!
Oh well. I mean honestly, who care? This Valjean guy is an idiot.
I am the master of hundreds of workers.
I love power…
They all look to me.
Because I am awesome.
How can I abandon them?
That would just be cruel.
How would they live
If I am not free?
If I speak, I am condemned.
If I stay silent, I am damned!
Oh, enough with the damnation. I really, truly, don't care. Surely my fabulous life is more important?
Who am I?
Sirius Black. Or jean Valjean. Or Snuffles.
Can I condemn this man to slavery
To Azkaban?
Pretend I do not feel his agony
From the dementors
This innocent who bears my face
He's not innocent, and he looks nothing like me. Javert must be blind. Must be the greasy hair….
"HEY! I WILL HAVE YOU THROWN IN JAIL. I am the lawr and the lawr is NOT MOCKED!"
Will you PLEASE stop saying that?"
"No. It's fun."
Who goes to judgment in my place
Before that awful Umbridge..
Who am I?
I must have a personality disorder of something. Its fairly obvious that I am John Owen Jones.
Can I conceal myself for evermore?
Yup!
Pretend I'm not the man I was before?
And must my name until I die
Be no more than an alibi?
Actually, I find that kinda cool. The fake name. Although Madeleine is a girls name. That rots. Can we change it?
"Absolutely not. Its French."
"So is Fleur, but does that make her a boy?"
" You are making no sense whatsoever."
Must I lie?
Its no biggie, Jean. Lying is fun.
How can I ever face my fellow men?
Urgh, I am so dis-self-satisfied. THEY WON'T CARE. All men are skiving sneeches. They all lie.
How can I ever face myself again?
My soul belongs to God,
Nu-uh, it belongs to ME
I know
I made that bargain long ago
So its rotten by now. Yay! my soul is my own again! on my own…
He gave me hope when hope was gone
He gave me strength to journey on
Uh-oh. I have a feeling I'm not going to like whats going to happen next…
[He appears in front of the court]
Knew it!
Who am I? Who am I?
John Owen Jones!
I am Jean Valjean!
No! You big headed idiot! What the hell did you do that for? I'm doomed!
[He unbuttons his shirt to reveal the number tattooed to his chest]
That's cool! Oh! I like that...
And so Javert, you see it's true
You were right.
"YES!" *does victory dance* "I am the LAWR and the LAWR IS NOT MOCKED! I knew it! I knew it! Yay me!"
That man bears no more guilt than you!
Maybe he should be in jail then…
Who am I?
24601!
Sirius looked around with pride on his face. "That was fun." He said. " Although Valjean is a dunderhead. Can I keep the tattoo?"
"No-" I began, but I heard another scream, this time from Ginny, high and girlish. I groaned, and turned around, thinking of Voldemort, or snakes, or a cart or the barricade or a revolutionary's gun. However, it wasn't what I expected, not by far. I spun around to see most of the cast clustered around the laptop. All the girls were shrieking, and clapping each other five, the boys were looking semi embarrassed, but everyone was smiling, and cheering, and hugging one another spontaneously. I tried to ask what was the matter, but nobody heard me over the dim, which was quickly escalating. What had happened? Donuts? Exam results? Quidich finals? A revival of Sweeny in New York? What could it be? I was very confused. I saw lavender hug Hermione, and I knew something was up. I was about to scream something, but then I heard music boom from the laptop, and the girls started to do a conga line, laughing and shrieking in glee. As they danced by me, I pulled on one of them-Padma Patil- and asked her what the heck was going on.
"Haven't you heard?" She said. "They haven't cast Taylor Swift as Eponine after all!"
I gasped! This was amazing!
"Who have the cast?" I asked, praying to the theatre gods that it wasn't Scarlett Johansson.
"Samantha Barks!"
"You mean- she's the one with the dimple that was in I'd Do Anything, and did Eponine at the O2? She's great!"
"Yes! It's so wonderful! Long live the REVOLUTION! LONG LIVE LES MIS!"
"OMIGOD!" I almost screamed, excitement bubbling out inside me. This was the best news ever! It called for Donuts! Maybe there was hope of this movie after all!
"This calls for celebration! And Donuts!"
And true to its name, the room of Requirement produced yummy Les Mis character shaped donuts, fresh butterbeer, and chocolate, and we all pigged out and listened to the OLC and sang along crazily. We danced and ate (The Enjolras donuts were the best! However, the Cosette ones were really sweet. The Eponine ones were surprisingly good, Jelly filled but kinda lumpy. But it was funny when you punctured one, and it bled. The valjean ones were creamy perfection with sprinkles. ) And laughed with relief at how close Cameron Macintosh came to failure! It was a night to remember, as On My Own played, and Bellatrix and Voldemort danced together, (!) and Harry and Ginny kissed, and Red and Black balloons fell from the ceiling, and the cast went crazy. Surely, surely, surely, there was no group of people who were as relieved as we were at this much better casting decision. We would uphold our dignity as Mizzians after all!
LONG LIVE LES MISERABLES!
A/N- I'm really sorry for the lack of update. I've been busy studying for various tests, and reading 'Love Is A Mixed Tape', which is the best book ever. If you haven't read it yet, you should. It's amazing! I'd give anything to be as carefree and in the moment as Renee and Rob were. I seriously believe I was born in the wrong time. Anyway, oh joy! I am thrilled with the Samantha Barks development! I guess either Cameron Macintosh or Taylor Swift saw the light. Good for them! I fell a bit bad for her though, after all this hubbub; everyone'll want to know why she's not Eponine. However, she never could have done it. She' good at what she does, which is country, not theatre. Now-take HBC out of that Mis-cast role (Don't get me wrong-i love Helena, but Madame T is not her role) and put Frances Ruffelle as Madam T, and we've got a cast. Oh well, Helena Bonham carter will be fine as Madame T. Oh well, I can imagine…..But I can't wait to see Frances and Colm in cameos. They should put JOJ, as the guy everybody thinks is Valjean. That'll be funny. Or they could- Ok, I should stop here; this is an authors note, not a rant.
Ok, so Yay! for Samantha, and I promise I'll update more. Happy? Now review. :)
*Does Happy Eponine Is Samantha Yay! Dance!*