Lily was sitting in a chair, crying. Not because anything was wring, but because she was sad Fantine was dying.
"Its not FAIR!" she moaned. "I die in real life, and now my starring role is cut short by my characters death! I'm not even on again until act twooooooo!"
Voldemort smirked.
"I get to kill you…if I remember correctly, mudblood. How about a…..reenactment?" I glared at him, reminding him of the "No deaths" contract he'd signed.
"No deaths."
"For the good of the show, Andromeda, surely.."
"No. And anyway, she needs to come back for the finale."
Voldemort muttered something about "Isn't that what the understudy's for…..?" and slouched back to his corner, looking miffed. Thankfully, that had been his first contribution to the conversation, choosing to glare "menacingly" at everybody during vocal warm ups, and when we had to clear the stage, he'd "disappeared" backstage, where he'd spent 25 minuets shredding Parvati's script.
"Lily? Are you ready?"
"No."
"Well come on, we don't have all day."
Fantine
Cosette, it's turned so cold
Somebody must have turned the heat off.
Cosette, it's past your bedtime
You've played the day away
On your little toy broom stick.
"Oooh, I remember that!"
"Yeah, I loved that thing."
And soon it will be night.
Well, not soon, because we just started. Although I wish it would be soon, This is boring.
Come to me, Cosette, the light is fading
Are we having a power outage?
"I hope not."
"Fred, did you do that?"
"No."
"I can't see! Ahhh! Where is everyone?"
"Got a light, Remus?"
"Shut up, that's not funny."
"I think it was."
"Can we please go on?"
"What about the light? And I think that I dropped my stash."
"Ignoring that last bit, Lumos."
"Ah. Clever."
"Thank you, lets continue."
Come to me, Cosette, the light is fading
Why?
"I think you want Harry - "
"COSETTE"
" - to come to you because Voled - "
"DO NOT SAY MY NAME, BLOOD TRAITOR WEASLY!"
Don't you see the evening star appearing?
Although we're inside…..
Come to me, and rest against my shoulder
Or on second though, go upstairs and go to bed.
How fast the minutes fly away and every minute colder.
Ron! Was it you that turned off the air conditioning?"
"No, it was Fred."
Hurry near, another day is dying
Just like me, apparently. Pah, that's unlucky. Gee, Hugo really does have something against happy ending, huh?
Don't you hear, the winter wind is crying?
Wind can't cry.
"Yes, it can."
"No, it can't."
"well, it doesn't in the wizarding world - "
" They are muggles."
"Wind doesn't cry in the muggle world either."
"Well, it does is this show."
"It's a metaphor, Ginny."
There's a darkness which comes without a warning
That means a dementor, darling.
Although you could kind of see this line as a warning…."
But I will sing you lullabies and wake you in the morning.
Unless I'm dead. Which I will be. Because of Hugo's morbid mind.
[Valjean enters.]
Valjean
Oh, Fantine, our time is running out
Voldemort is coming up the stairs!
But Fantine, I swear this on my life
I will watch over Harry –
"COSETTE"
" – until I'm arrested by the Misestry – er – Javert."
Fantine
Look, M'sieur, where all the children play
I'm hallucinating. This is fun.
" Look! It's a flying car!"
"Oooh! I love hallucinating!"
"Me too!"
"Its being driven by a magic marker!"
" That's really neat – I kinda like this show now!"
" Eek! its coming at us!"
"It's a hallucination- it can't hurt us."
" Good point. Moving on!"
Valjean
Be at peace, be at peace evermore.
Nothing to say about that.
Fantine
My Cosette...
Is crying in the crib upstairs while an evil cloaked sinister figure is preparing to cast a life changing spell. So…your down here talking to me? Problem, anyone?
Valjean
Shall live in my protection
Maybe I should go upstairs and deal with that.
"Or not."
"Why?"
"I see Voldemorts soul flying past, Harry's already defeated him."
" I think that's the angel of death…"
"Why"
"I'm. Dying. Duh."
Fantine
take her now
After all this worthless chatter
Valjean
Your child will want for nothing
Ya know, except a mother, a stable life, a father, freedom…
"Shut up, Sirius."
Fantine
Good M'sieur, you come from God in Heaven.
"Well, I come from Dumbledore In Hogwarts, but whatever you say works, Lily."
"Am I dead yet?"
"James, you don't die."
"I don't?"
"No."
"But Voldemort kills me first."
"Not in this show."
Valjean
And none will ever harm Cosette
As long as I am living.
Unfortunately , I'll get sent to Azkaban, so…er….that won't quite work out.
Fantine
Take my hand,
And get your wand and heal me, doofus!
The night grows ever colder.
I swear, this is a heating problem. I'm freezing!
"Fred did it."
"Did not!"
"Well, I like the cold. Its atmospheric."
Valjean
Then I will keep you warm.
That sounds gross.
Fantine
Take my child, I give her to your keeping.
Here's the papers- sign, quick, before the Ministry realizes its just a prop.
Valjean
Take shelter from the storm
What storm? Did it cause the heat failure?
"And the power outage?"
"No, that was Fred."
"WAS NOT. And anyway, I'm George, let me GO, Ron."
"Sorry. Are you Fred, or George?"
"Not Telling."
Fantine
For God's sake, please stay till I am sleeping
Which means dead, which sucks.
And tell Cosette I love her
Though clearly not enough to take care of her…
And I'll see her when I wake...
Which i…..Won't…
"The. End."
"I'm dead!"
"Yeah, and I'm motherless. That sucks. I'm stuck with the Dursleys - "
"Thenardiers."
"Yeah, them too."
" Ohhhh, poor Cosette!"
" Does she get beat up by her cousin?"
"Haven't you read the book Ron?"
" Why would i?"
"I Dunno…maybe to get to know the story."
"Ron would never.."
"Shut it, Harry."
"Ok guys – lets gear up for the Confrontation."
"YES! Finally!"
"If Sirius hits me with that chair, I swear I will sue."
"Nobody will be hitting nobody else with a chair." I said, shooting a look at Sirius. Why on earth did I think it was a good idea to cast them in those roles? What did I think would happen? And although we'd gotten through the first death pretty well, there was almost another whole show's worth of them to go! What had I gotten myself into, I wondered, for the millionth time. Next year, they have got to find someone else. Sirius's shout brought me back from my thoughts.
"Hey, Andy, are we starting?
Well, what have I got to loose?
"Alright, we're starting."
A whole lot, apparently.