I don't own Ashes to Ashes
... Some references that aren't exactly innocent, but definitely nothing explicit (still T!) but if anyone thinks the rating needs upping a little bit to be on the safe side, let me know! :)
They broke apart a while later, interrupted by the loud rumbling growl of Gene's stomach, promptly sending Alex into a fit of giggles that didn't pass by until he'd kissed her thoroughly once again. A few moments later, when she'd calmed herself enough to stop trembling with laughter, he reached with a grunt for the telephone, placing the receiver on the table and punching in a familiar number with one hand, whilst the other arm remained firmly around Alex's shoulders, rubbing gentle patterns into her arm and back as the dialling tone sounded in his ear.
"Italian alright?" He asked, glancing down at her suddenly, as though he'd just considered her presence for the first time; Alex nodded, half smiling with the familiarity, then settled back into his hold, head resting gently on his shoulder. She listened as he ordered two pizzas and a spaghetti Bolognese, muttered something under his breath that sounded alot like 'useless tosser', then placed the phone down, both arms snaking back around her as his lips found her hair.
"It'll be here in half an hour," he told her, grunting slightly as he shifted his body and his leg jarred with pain. Alex concealed her worry, simply moving to settle less dependently against him; if he noticed, he said nothing, simply following her movement and keeping his lips pressed to her skin, even as she began to speak.
"We could've cooked you know," she said softly, toying with the hem of his jumper and looking up into his blue eyes with a tentative smile.
"Not with any of the stuff in that kitchen we couldn't," Gene muttered, ruffling her hair gently. "I've got about as much food in there as a dead tramp in Africa; you're better off eating take-out." He kissed her gently, and then tenderly eased her off him for a moment, getting to his feet and stretching awkwardly. "Drink?" He asked, rasping his fingernails against the stubble that was scattered over his cheek and swallowing slightly as he did so. Without thinking, Alex jumped to her feet.
"I'll get it," she said, moving towards the kitchen with an air of familiarity. "What do you fancy? Whiskey? Tea? Wine? Maybe-?"
"Bols, I'm old," Gene growled, almost angrily; "but I ain't dead. I can get a bloody glass out of the cupboard."
Alex bit her lip, half-embarrassed, half in thought, trying to figure out a reasonable excuse for rushing to his aid that wouldn't insult him and drawing a complete blank. So instead, she said nothing, stepping forwards and wrapping her arms around his waist. He balked slightly in surprise, confusion evident as his torso went rigid, but a few moments later he enveloped her again, lips on her forehead as he rolled his eyes. "You need a drink," he told her softly, resting his chin lightly on the top of her head as she pressed her face into the warm skin of his neck.
"Sorry," she mumbled softly, ignoring his latest comment and sniffing quietly. "I didn't mean to- I just wanted to help, that was all..."
"Mmm," Gene murmured, stroking her back with his long fingers. "I know, Bolly." His breath gently teased through her hair for a few moments, and then he sighed, reaching down for her hand and leading her towards the kitchen without another word.
Alex kept the silence in turn, simply returning the pressure on his hand and watching as he found two wine glasses, pouring both of them a large amount of red, whilst keeping his other hand firmly wrapped around hers. Alex accepted the drink silently, resting her head on his shoulder and feeling him tense slightly, before he downed his own in one long draught. She bit back a snort of laughter, settling for taking a small sip of her own drink before daring to say anything, feeling his throat muscles move as he swallowed, and wondering vaguely to herself about what he was thinking.
"Stop it," he muttered quietly, pouring himself another glass and swirling it smoothly as he glanced down at her, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly as she looked up at him in baffled confusion.
"Stop what?" She asked, frowning. "I didn't do anything!"
"You were thinking," he said, taking a large gulp of his drink without averting his eyes. "And with you, that's always a bad sign."
Alex rolled her eyes, sipping at her wine and shaking her head. "I was just enjoying your company," she answered. "Would you like me to stop?"
"No," Gene said softly, "I'd just like you to stop thinking while you're at it..." The additional answer was teasing, and his lips found the base of her neck for a few moments before she placed her glass back on the side, hand in his hair and a small grin on her face. Gene followed suit, placing his glass next to hers and tugging her tighter against him with a soft groan that was etched with a combination of pain and contentment. Alex vaguely registered his muttered cursing of "bloody arthritis!" before she wrapped her arms around him, lips on his head as he pushed her gently against the counter.
"Gene..." she sighed quietly, pushing back his hair and pressing soft kisses to his scalp. "Do you want to sit down?" she murmured, feeling his mouth grow more insistent as a fresh wave of pain shot through him and his arms tightened once again.
"No," he muttered, drawing back to rest his forehead against her own. "What I really want is twenty-six years of my life back so I can stand up without me legs buckling..." his lips pressed tenderly into her skin before he added, in a soft undertone that showed his reluctance to share the information, "but now you mention it, I've got more pins an' needles in my leg than a dressmakers got in their whole bloody sewing kit..."
He pushed away from the counter, picking up his glass of wine and walking gingerly into the living room, Alex holding onto his hand as she walked along beside him, attempting to disguise the concern on her features as he settled into the creaking sofa, placing his glass on the coffee table. Alex settled gingerly down next to him, her legs folded beneath her and wine in one hand as he absently traced the column of her neck with his long fingers. She sighed contentedly, closing her eyes and leaning into his touch.
"You're thinking again," he said absently, gently twirling her hair around his fingers before leaning in to press a kiss to her cheek.
"I'm not," Alex murmured, moving into his touch and allowing his fragile arms to envelop her. "Really... I'm just quiet, that's all..."
"You're thinking," he concluded. "You're always thinking; it's like a constant bloody stream of intellectual bollucks!"
She shook her head, sighing against him and letting him tug her legs across his lap. "I'm not," she repeated quietly, "promise."
He opened his mouth to answer, apparently about to retort, but there was a sharp knock at the door, and he blinked in surprise. "That was quick," he muttered, pushing her legs off him and reaching over to his overcoat, drawing out a worn leather wallet and selecting a twenty pound note without leaving the sofa.
"I'll get the door!" Alex insisted, moving to get up and stretching a long, bare leg to the floor; Gene pushed her back down with a surprising burst of strength, his eyes flashing warningly as they tracked up her body to her face.
"Not dressed like that you won't," he answered, eyes narrowing slightly. "You look like a bloody porn star!"
"You obviously haven't watched much porn recently," Alex added darkly, but a glance down at herself told her that going to the door would be well beyond risqué; she wore Gene's shirt, which was unbuttoned well beyond decency at the chest, lacy knickers, and bare legs... In the time she'd spent observing her appearance, Gene had got up and reached for the door, and Alex sighed to herself, looking up simply for the sake of watching him, taking in the broadness of his shoulders and the slim length of his legs, the floppiness of his hair...
The door opened, and Alex couldn't quite contain the bubble of laughter that rose in her throat as the delivery boy came into view, dressed in flamboyant pink, with slicked back blonde hair, and a hoop through his ear that was so inarguably feminine that she was surprised Gene didn't punch him into next week for his audacity.
"Bloody 'ell," she heard him mutter, and a moment later she'd forsaken his disapproval of her clothing to intercept the conversation, stepping between Gene and the door to smile winningly at the evidently dumbstruck pizza boy.
"Thank you," she smiled, reaching behind her to take the twenty-pound note from Gene's hand.
"It's fine, sweetie," the boy murmured camply, glancing at Gene almost curiously, then jerking himself upright and smiling, revealing perfectly white teeth as he handed over the two pizzas, and the wrapped container containing the bolognese. "Nineteen fifty, please..." he glanced at Gene again, then, with his hand outstretched in a rather camp manner, he added, "is he alright, sweets?"
"Oh, he's fine," she assured him as she handed the money over, looking pointedly at Gene, who then nodded his head with a jerk, answering with a brisk "fine," before taking the food from Alex's hands and walking into the kitchen. Alex sighed, shaking her head in apology, as the boy glanced at her with an amused look.
"Is it the pink?" He asked, grinning wickedly as he tucked the money into his pocket. "My boyfriend says it brings out the pink in my hair..."
Alex couldn't help but laugh as she heard Gene drop something in the kitchen, following the accident up with a string of obscenities which caused the boys eyebrows to fly up his forehead. "Sorry," she grinned apologetically. "He's a little old fashioned, that's all..."
He smiled back, stepping away from the doorway as he spoke. "Not to worry, honey; I'm sure you'll manage to distract him..." He winked tellingly at her shirt, pushed fifty pence change into her hand, and then promptly strolled down the corridor whilst waving with a noticeably glaring campness. Alex spluttered her bemusement, and then closed the door behind her, walking into the kitchen with a small grin on her face as she saw Gene smoking a cigarette with a look of sincere annoyance upon his lips.
"Could you have been any more rude?" She teased, kneeling down on the floor and reaching into the cupboard beneath the sink for the dustpan and brush, swiftly collecting up the broken plate and dumping the remains in the bin.
"Yes," Gene retorted, his eyes following the sway of her arse as she sashayed around the kitchen, with a familiarity that unnerved him as much as it thrilled him. "I could've told him to grow a pair of bollucks and stop stabbin' his mate's shits, but I didn't." He took a large drag on his cigarette, eyeing her buttocks for a few moments before adding, "You should be thanking me, Bols; was a time I'd 'ave sent the damn pizza back."
"Well, that would be rather petty, wouldn't it?" She teased, unable to stop the grin from gracing her features.
"No," Gene answered stubbornly, his eyes narrowing slightly. ""Arses are for two things, Bolly; you sit on it, an' yer shit with it. You don't stick a ruddy great dick up it and call it sex!"
Alex rolled her eyes, reaching for the boxes of pizza as she took the bait and answered him, rising to the argument with a familiar exasperation. "Really, Gene, the only difference between gay and straight sex is the entrance, and even that's arguable now - plenty of heterosexual couples have anal sex, and it's not-!"
"Bolly," Gene growled warningly, eyes flashing. "Serve the food." He surprised her as he dropped a kiss on her forehead, as though to make up for the order, and remained uncharacteristically quiet afterwards. Alex bit back a feminist remark as she realized he had no desire to continue the argument, instead turning obediently to the food at hand and frowning slightly to herself as she did so.
"You realize that two may have been a little adventurous?" She pointed out to him, placing four slices from the first pizza on each plate before uncovering the bolognese, taking the lid off the container and using a large serving spoon to share it between their plates.
"Better stuffed than hungry," Gene shrugged, pressing a small kiss to her cheek, hand resting upon her waist. "Stick the spare in the fridge, we'll 'ave it fer breakfast."
Alex laughed, selecting knives and forks and placing one pair on either plate, handing Gene his before heading over to the table, tenderly biting her lip as she saw the warm look in his eye. She said nothing as he leaned over to touch his lips to her forehead, then went into the living room, returning a moment later with their wine glasses. He filled them to the brim mere seconds later and placed them on the table, before settling into the seat across from her. She watched him for a few moments as he dug into his pizza, chewing with no semblance of etiquette and forcing her to laugh out loud at the sight.
"You haven't changed that much, you know," she said, cutting a small piece from her own pizza and dabbing it in the sauce from the bolognese as she smiled at him. "I mean... underneath it all... Same old biases, same old opinions, same old habits..." she eyed the way he chomped on his food with a raise of the eyebrows, before putting her own food in her mouth, watching as his blue eyes danced.
"Glad you think so, Bols," he muttered, swallowing his food and taking a swig of wine. She expected a smug reply, but none came, and he tucked back into his food quickly and determinedly. Alex waited a few moments, watching him carefully, then smiled, taking a sip of wine and returning to her meal.
The conversation was easy; it came and it went, but there was no moment of discomfort, and when they gave up the second pizza as a bad idea and migrated back to the sofa, it was with a pleasantly dizzy feeling that had nothing to do with alcohol; Alex sank against his chest gratefully, head resting against the thundering beat of his heart as his arms wrapped around her back. His lips found her forehead, pressing gentle kisses to the warm skin before, buoyed on by the smell of her hair and the unmistakeable warmth flooding his body, he whispered gently and quietly in her ear.
Alex frowned, unable to make out the words that he spoke and lifting her head up with a frown. "What?"
His blue eyes were warm, if nervous as they fixed upon her own, and a moment later he leaned forwards, breath teasing her ear as he spoke again. "Said I love you, Bolly," he murmured, swallowing loudly as he slipped a hand into her hair and pressed another kiss to her cheek.
Alex blinked, looking at him in surprise, but there was a shining, pleased look in her eyes that quelled the nervous swirling at the pit of his stomach. "I thought you never had the chance," she smiled, stroking his cheek. He blinked, and then swallowed, nodding slowly.
"Yeah," he muttered uncomfortably. "Well... I guess I didn't... but I 'ave now... an' I do... Now do me a favour, an' don't tell anyone." He grinned down at her teasingly, avoiding the sentiment of the conversation by pressing a firm kiss to her lips. She ignored his discomfort, cupping his cheek gently in her hand as she met his eyes.
"I love you too," she murmured quietly, echoing his kiss with a tender brush of her own lips to his, feeling him sigh lightly against her mouth. "I'd spend every day doing it if I could..."
"You'd get bored in two," he quipped back, closing his eyes and resting his head on hers. He was silent for a few moments, his hands smoothing over the soft, silken surface of her hair, breathing shaken and uneven before he added, "Wouldn't mind though... Two days are better than one."
Alex looked up at him, her smile sad as she shook her head. "It's a lot easier to love you than you seem to think," she murmured, finding his hand with her own and squeezing gently. "Despite your best attempts to hide it, you're a very loveable person..."
"Course I am," Gene muttered sarcastically. "I'm as loveable as Hitler, as shaggable as Maggie Thatcher, and as useful as a chicken dipper in a veggie salad..." He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead and smirked slightly. "Oh, I can see why you're so hung up on me, Bolly; face of a movie star, body of a porn star, and the sharp wit of a dull axe..."
"Don't put yourself down," Alex teased, grinning and pressing a kiss to his shoulder. "Porn stars are pretty much plastic anyway..."
"You sound like you know what you're talking about," Gene murmured accusingly, grinning as she met his eyes unblinkingly. "Got something you want to share with the class there, Bols?"
"No, Guv," she smiled wickedly. "Just that I was very lonely, and you weren't around..."
Gene rolled his eyes, shaking his head gently from side to side. "Dirty perv," he muttered softly, chuckling to himself. "If I'd known you sat in your flat watching porno, I'd 'ave given you something better to look at."
"It was looking at you that made me want to watch it," Alex replied, face twitching with amusement. Gene's eyes fell to her mouth, and she saw him swallow hard, tongue peaking out to dampen the cracked skin of his lips.
"You really are filthy, Bolly," he murmured softly, leaning forwards and gently taking her lips with his. "If I wasn't so bloody old, I'd see just how filthy..."
She shook her head, stroking his cheek and kissing the tip of his nose gently. "You're not old," she whispered, but her eyes were downcast, tears slipping from her lids, and he caught the desperate, pleading note in her voice that made his heart clench.
"I'm decrepit, Bols," he grinned. "As agile as a dead man in a coffin... But if that's what does it for you then by all means convince me of my youth." He winked down at her with a smirk and added, "You never know; it could be fun..."
"I'm sure it would be," Alex grinned warmly, brushing her lips to his.
"I know it will be," he murmured, drawing her back to him the moment she tried to pull away. Her hand tangled swiftly in his hair, her lips surrendering to his, and not for the first time, the world seemed to fall away.
It was late morning when Alex awoke, feeling Gene's hair tickle against her cheek as his face rested in her neck. Despite the initial intention to remain awake all night, they'd fallen into bed at about five o'clock, Gene curling into her back and holding her firmly to him. For a little while, he'd seemed reluctant to let her sleep, whispering tiredly and nearly incoherently into her ears, until she'd turned gently into his arms, pulling his mouth to his for a sweet, gentle kiss that quieted him instantly.
"You're tired," she'd told him quietly, stroking his cheek as she drew back from him. "Go to sleep."
He'd shaken his head slowly, though his heavy eyelids betrayed him even as he spoke. "Not tired," he'd murmured. "Should stay awake... Only got tonight..."
Fear had darkened his eyes, and it was noticeable even in the dull light of the bedroom as she tangled her fingers into soft locks of hair. "Sleep," she'd told him quietly. "We've got tomorrow..."
Gene had nodded slowly, but he had made no move to settle into slumber as he had drawn her tight against him, his lips moving across her skin almost desperately. His limbs remained heavy with reluctance, and eventually Alex had cupped his face in her hands, eyes sincere and imploring as she gently stroked down his cheek and neck.
"We've got tomorrow," she repeated quietly, pressing a gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth. "Nothing could stop me spending tomorrow with you..."
"A bloody coma might," he had growled darkly, voice bristling with agitation. Alex had felt her heart muscles clench slightly, tears springing to her eyes as his hands tightened on her skin.
She'd shaken her head slowly, resting her head against his neck as she spoke quietly to him. "I won't leave you again, Gene," she'd promised him. "I won't leave you..."
It had taken several quiet concessions, a number of gentle embraces, and smooth, soft caresses of her hand on his cheek, but eventually he'd given in, simply taking her in his arms and burying his face in her neck. She'd been surprised by the ease with which they settled to sleep, shocked by the blanket of comfort that his arms had held as she breathed in the scent of his skin; she'd almost wondered if she would be able to sleep with another person alongside her, but the familiarity of him was overwhelming, and the feeling of his breath on her neck had lulled her into a deep, luxurious sleep such as she hadn't experienced in years.
Now, waking to his warm embrace, she shifted in his arms, feeling him stir as she turned around to look at him, face turned up towards his as her fingers stroked his cheek. The growth of stubble had increased overnight, and she smiled at the feeling of the gentle fuzz that touched her skin. His eyes fluttered open, blinking lazily several times as he looked at her warmly, hand drifting up her spine and teasing her skin as he moved his head closer to hers.
He looked older in the mornings, she realized sadly; without the suit, the combed hair and the bravado, he looked every one of his years... Her heart shattered silently, and Gene reached out to stroke the column of her neck, offering more comfort than he could possibly comprehend.
"Morning," he grumbled, voice rough and rasping before he caught her mouth gently with his own, his kiss tender and tentative as he drew her closer against him.
"Morning," she murmured back, arms snaking tightly around his back, lips not quite leaving his as his hand slid into her hair, holding the back of her head firmly while he kissed her.
"Don't go back to sleep," Gene whispered, drawing slightly away to stroke delicate fingers down her cheek and across her lips.
"I told you," she whispered softly. "I'm not going anywhere... not yet, anyway..."
"You will later," he mumbled quietly, his nose nuzzling at her hair affectionately as he drew her tight. "An' much as I'd love to chase yer, I'm about as nimble as Stephen Hawking after he's 'ad a couple of shandies..."
"You really need to stop saying things like that," Alex whispered, kissing his lips gently.
"Why change a habit of a lifetime, 'ey Bolly?" he murmured, feeling her shiver against him and instantly drawing the duvet tighter around them.
"I meant about constantly insinuating houseless and old you are, actually," she teased quietly, "but I suppose some of your comments are rather mean, too..."
Gene chuckled, gently stroking down the length of her spine as he shifted awkwardly onto his back, limbs protesting against the movement as a low groan of pain escaped his throat. He ignored the look of concern that darkened Alex's eyes, instantly reaching for her and drawing her into the crook of his arm, her hand resting against the beat of his heart.
"I'm right though, Bolly," he mumbled, resting his head against hers. "I am old."
"I'd still shag you," Alex murmured, closing her eyes and breathing deeply.
"You're just a gold digger though, Bols," Gene grinned. "Just after the copious amounts of gold I stash away in the underwear drawer..."
"Oh, you know me too well," she drawled sarcastically, pressing a soft kiss to his shoulder. "My plan is foiled, whatever shall I do?"
Gene paused for a moment, looking at her thoughtfully, and then grinned. "Make me breakfast," he suggested, smirking at the look she sent his way before continuing. "I'm old and useless, Bolly; eggs are beyond me."
She rolled her eyes, shaking her head slightly before slipping from the bed, taking the duvet with her defiantly; Gene chuckled, watching her bunch the large red mass around her shoulders, before reaching into a drawer and pulling out a fresh shirt and trousers, then following her into the kitchen.
The morning passed far too quickly; one minute, Gene was teasing her about her failed attempt at a boiled egg, and the next he was holding her in a fierce embrace on the creaking sofa, his arms tight around her back and face buried in her neck, nostrils filled with the smell of her, hands burning at the feeling of her skin beneath his fingers... Alex just let him hold her, clinging to him as tears fell and minutes flashed by before her eyes. She had no concept of anything, held no grasp of reality outside the safe haven of his surprisingly strong, protective arms. She knew her daughter awaited her at home, knew she should be rejoicing at the knowledge she would see her little girl grow up, but at that moment she couldn't imagine a life where his arms did not envelop her, where his smell didn't consume her totally...
"Don't cry," he murmured soothingly. "Don't bloody cry..."
"I'm not crying," she whispered unconvincingly, wet tears streaming onto his shirt. "I'm just- my eyes are just watering..."
"Ponce," he muttered gruffly, pressing a kiss to her forehead and holding her closer. "You're as wet as a bloody sponge, an' I don't mean that in a good way."
Alex sniffed with laughter, swiping her tears away with the back of her hand. "Sorry," she mumbled apologetically, taking a deep breath and resting her head on his shoulder. "Just being silly I suppose..."
"Yeah," Gene murmured, rubbing her shoulder tentatively. He searched for words, trying desperately to think of something reassuring to say, to find some semblance of feeling that would make her understand the true depth of emotion that the rapidly passing seconds held for him... He knew she had to leave soon – Molly was going to a friend's house for the weekend, and she didn't want to miss her leaving; she'd suggested returning later and staying until Monday, but they both knew it would be far more than either of them could stomach when the time eventually came for her to leave, and he hadn't needed to answer for them both to agree on that matter. He had, however, wondered vaguely if it was the first time they'd agreed to anything without snapping each other's heads off; he concluded that it must have been, and had gathered her into his arms without another word.
She'd booked a taxi for three o'clock, sadly dismissing the offer for Gene to drive her, knowing that at least this way, she could recompose her tear-stained face on the drive home, before curling up in a ball for the next three days; she knew only too well that if he drove her to her house, there would be no facing Evan or Molly when she entered.
The minutes were racing past at a speed beyond neither Gene nor Alex's comprehension, and when the knock at the door came three minutes early, he felt cheated beyond every ounce of reason; with a snarl that would have caused grown lions to quake, he wrenched open the door and demanded that the driver wait in the taxi until they were ready; Alex wasn't sure if it was out of respect for his elders, fear of death, or a combination of the two, but the younger man had scuttled out of view before Gene had even shut the door, and his footsteps could be heard descending the staircase mere seconds later.
Now, Gene found himself stood at the door with Alex wrapped quietly in his arms, his forehead touched to hers as he breathed shakily, feeling the warmth of her own breath on his face and the rasping uncertainty of his own as he tenderly stroked down her cheek.
"Don't make me leave, Gene," she murmured softly, holding his face in her hands and shaking her head desperately, lip trembling as she bit down hard upon it.
"I'm not," he answered, swallowing hard as he covered one of her hands with his.
"Come to dinner," she whispered quietly. "Just- just tonight. Just once, Gene, please – I can't lose you again, I just-"
"You a sadist, Bolly?" Gene murmured, stroking her temple with the rough pad of his thumb and swallowing once again as he watched Alex's brow crinkle with confusion.
She shook her head, opening her mouth to speak again, but Gene spoke over her, his voice soft and teasing, but there was no way of missing the sincerity in his gaze.
"Good," he muttered. "'cause I ain't much into torture meself."
She watched him sadly, her eyes watering, but she nodded in understanding, moving closer and resting her head on his chest, her arms around his back tightly as she nodded her understanding. "I know," she whispered softly. "I know, I just- I don't know how I'm going to be able to lose you after I-!"
"Bolly," Gene murmured softly, drawing slightly back and tilting up her chin to meet his eyes. His warm, frail hands framed her face, and for a moment Alex's trembling subsided as his blue eyes zoned in on her own and spoke quietly, painfully... "I don't want this either."
Her hands dug suddenly into the lapels of his shirt, her face less than an inch away from his as her voice turned desperate, pleading, broken... "Come with me," she whispered. "Please come with me; Molly will understand – she'll understand, Gene... Please, please come with me!" Tears streamed down her cheeks, falling thick and fast, and Gene could do nothing but shake his head, his jaw clenching as he pulled her closer, tighter, breathing in her smell, treasuring the feel of her in his arms...
"I can't," he cracked, swallowing against the iron lump in his gullet. "I can't... You know I can't... Bols, I just-!"
"I love you!" Alex whispered, shaking fiercely in his arms as she cried copiously into his shirt, nails digging into his skin. "I can't leave; I can't lose you!"
Gene drew her closer, his mouth going dry and throat blocking with words he couldn't bring himself to speak. "I know..." was all he could muster, rocking her backwards and forwards as he swallowed repeatedly. "I know..."
"I can't lose you again," she repeated, voice jerking and quaking as she clung to him helplessly. "I can't; it's not-"
"We've been through this," he murmured, though he could feel his own chest clench, taste the acrid, bitter sting at the back of his throat that told him he could change his mind, a taste that told him if he asked her to, she'd stay with him... He clenched his eyes shut, pressing his lips hard to her forehead as he shook his head. "We can't..."
"We could," she whispered imploringly, clinging tighter. "We could, if you-!"
"No," he said softly, pulling her head back and looking deep into her eyes. She blinked away tears, and then tried to look away, but not before he caught the flash of guilt in the depths of her hazel eyes; he pulled her straight back. "Look at me," he murmured when she tried to close her eyes. When she didn't do so, he leaned forwards, breath hot on her skin as he pressed an uncharacteristically gentle kiss to each eyelid; he felt her stiffen slightly in his arms, and then leaned closer, lips brushing her ear as he spoke again.
"Look at me," he repeated softly.
As he drew back, her eyes fluttered open, tears leaking still more as his hands remained firmly on either side of her face. She sobbed slightly, but she didn't try to move, and a moment later Gene began to talk, voice soft and barely above a whisper, yet still his words seemed to crash around her like cymbals and drums. "This is it," he said softly, voice cracking once again. "For me, this is- this is it; there's nothing else..."
"But-!"
He cut her off, shaking his head and pressing a long finger to her lips. "Just listen, Bols," he murmured. "Just this once, stick a sock in it an' listen..." He waited a moment, watching as she quivered with the evident need to retort, but finally stilled, offering a small jerk of the head to acknowledge that she would do as he wished. His hand slipped into her hair, wrapping locks around his long fingers as he swallowed again.
"I waited twenty-six years fer you, Bols," he said, wetting his lips and tilting his head slightly to look at her, taking in the elegant lines of her face and smirking to himself. "An' it was worth it, too... but I can't hold you back; you've got a twelve year old kid, an' I look like the crypt keeper with a constant bad hair day." He stroked a tear away from her cheek with the pad of his thumb, watching her mouth twitch with a mixture of amusement and retort, before he went on, gripping her face slightly tighter as he rested his forehead against hers.
"If I'm lucky I've got ten years left," he murmured, "you've got about fifty, unless you trip off a bus an' twat yerself in the face with a pair of eyebrow tweezers." He frowned slightly, and then added, not entirely jokingly, "Actually, Bols, that does sound like something you'd do..."
Alex sniffed slightly, pushing him in the chest with the flat of her palm and smiling despite herself. He grinned back, gently stroking her cheek and drawing her tighter against him. "You were worth it," he murmured softly into her hair after a few moments, his eyes closed as he inhaled her smell once again. "Christ, you were so worth it..."
Her arms tightened, hands slipping beneath his shirt and seeking the reassuring heat of his flesh, face buried in his neck as she trembled against him. He kept his lips in her hair, breathing unsteady and heart thundering as she remained enveloped firmly in his arms, quivering with palpable grief as she bit down hard on her bottom lip.
The loud, piercing shriek of a car horn broke through the silence, and neither of them questioned who it was; it was plainly obvious to the pair of them, and there was no denial, no question of its intent... Alex looked up at him, clearly about to speak, but it was Gene that made the first move, pulling her up against him and cupping the back of her head in his hands, drawing her towards him as his lips descended desperately and warmly on her own; she didn't resist in the slightest, clinging to him as fervently as he clung to her.
His mouth was demanding and gentle all at once, and despite the tears that streamed down her cheeks, and the thundering of her heartbeat in her ears, she couldn't help but notice the tenderness and emotion that he somehow etched into every movement of his lips. Each whisper, each caress, left a mark on her like none she had yet experienced, and despite the now achingly familiar taste of his mouth, this one kiss felt to her the most potent, the most meaningful; she could feel his desperation, feel his grief, his longing, his love and his compassion, and the intensity of this one moment forced her breath to stop, her heart to skip a beat, and her head to spin...
He pulled back sharply, his eyes glistening as he looked away, the pulse in his neck hammering out its own beat as he swallowed once, and then swallowed again, jerking the door open as his eyes clouded over, hiding the horrible insecurity that raged in the pit of his stomach behind a mask of detachment.
"Go," he whispered hoarsely, gulping again, his hands shaking slightly on her shoulder as he moved to push her out of the door. "Just- just go... I need-"
She cut him off with her mouth on his, hands tangled in his hair as she attempted to cram every ounce of love, longing and passion into one final taste of his lips. He didn't move to resist, instead pushing her back against the ajar door, hands cupping her face as he gave back every emotion ounce for ounce, loving her, needing her as one hand slid to her waist, pulling her firmly against him as he tasted the salt tears that stained her cheeks, felt the warmth of them as she whispered against his lips.
"I love you," she murmured, kissing him harder; Gene's mouth slid to her neck and she felt him nod, felt his breath hitch and his hands tighten.
"I know," he whispered, voice cracking. "I know..." He pressed his lips hard against her thundering pulse, feeling the flesh move beneath his mouth as he took one last, painfully short breath of her scent, taste of her skin, touch of her flesh... "You too," he whispered softly. "I love you too..." Then he jerked away, flinching with physical pain that had nothing to do with his withered limbs as he pushed backwards from the door, his head spinning and mind hurting as he swallowed hard.
"Leave," he whispered softly, voice harsh and dry. "You have to leave..."
He couldn't even bring himself to watch; he felt her come closer again, felt her lips press one final kiss to his withered cheek, and then a moment later he felt the loss of her, heard her stumble slightly into the half... With a pain beyond any that he could have imagined, Gene shut the door behind her with a thud, falling against it instantly and slumping against the wood as he listened to her sobs on the other side of the door, heard the faint, uneven patter of her heels on the floor, on the stairs, before a car door shut, an engine started, and a cold swept over his whole body.
I apologise for the nastiness. It was going to happen – I'm just missing the Galex muse at this point, so please accept my apologies; I still know where this is going, and I hope it was still readable.
Mage of the Heart