Chapter 23

Somehow between them they'd managed to get a small fire going under the strip of shelter they were all sharing for the night. The warmth and light it gave off was as miserable as the weather they were cowering from, so it was no surprise to him when the others decided to huddle together and attempt to get some sleep. As tired and cold as he felt, Tristan just wasn't ready to join them yet. Several things were really starting to bother him and he was finding it difficult to get his brain to switch off.

His hand reached for the key hung around his neck and he began twisting it in a pensive manner. Yesterday, last night, this morning, he'd been so certain about his own feelings they were literally painful at times. Painful because he too afraid to act on them and then when he had they just became a source of uncomfortable uncertainty for him. But even when he was dreading the consequences of his mindless confessing, he'd still be certain of how he felt. The feelings didn't go away. They didn't change. They didn't suddenly become conflicted. At least not until Kaiba had thrown himself at him like a frightened little child. In that single moment he felt as though someone had reversed time on him.

This... confusion and uncertainty he felt now, was exactly what he'd experienced months ago. It had taken a lot of hard work and determination for him to come to terms with who he was and how he felt; to suddenly feel this confused and uncertain about it again was just wrong. And a part of him couldn't help but wonder if it had something to do with Kaiba now having the memory problems which should have been his.

Almost as soon as he began thinking about Kaiba's memory-less state, his friend appeared next to him. For a few long moments there was silence, during which Kaiba rested his head against Tristan's shoulder causing an uncertain spike of fear to move through him.

'Aren't you tired?' Kaiba's voice was small and child-like.

'Not really, aren't you?'

Kaiba shook his head and for a few moments there was silence.

'Your friends are weird,' Kaiba kept his voice low.

'You're telling me,' Tristan gave a soft laugh.

'I don't understand Joey at all, being pregnant isn't a bad thing, is it?'

'Err…' he could feel himself blush slightly, 'yeah, it kind of is when you're a guy.'

'But not when you're a girl,' Kaiba frowned, 'and Joey is a girl.'

Tristan lowered his head and smirked slightly. Kaiba might not remember who he was, but his sense of humour was definitely still there. A part of him understood a little better now what Kaiba meant when he talked about still being able to see his own teenage self in the child-like state.

'If I were you I wouldn't say that to him, he'd probably kill you for it.'

'Why?' A confused look crossed Kaiba's face. 'It's true, she is a girl. I know you keep acting weird around her, does she like to think she's a guy or something?'

'Hang on wait, are you being serious about this,' he frowned.

'Mm,' Kaiba nodded. 'Joey is a girl and so is Yugi, but you treat her like a guy too. Is there some reason why you do that?'

'Err…' Tristan was almost too stunned to think clearly. 'Okay, I... I know you're memory is gone and everything, but that shouldn't affect your eyesight too. Yugi and Joey are both guys.'

'No they're not,' he shook his head, 'they're both girls and they're both blondes too.'

'Wait, what?' He laughed in surprise.

'Am I saying something wrong?'

'N-no,' Tristan shot him a serious look, 'just answer me this and please be honest, when you look at Yugi and Joey what do you see, two guys or two girls?'

'I told you, two girls.'

'Are you sure?'

Kaiba nodded.

'I know this might seem a little... confusing for you, but... when I look at them I see two guys.'

'But they're not guys,' Kaiba stared at him as though he was the one who'd lost his mind. 'I don't see guys, I see girls.'

'I'm not saying you don't, I'm just a little confused is all.'

'I'm sorry,' his face took on a miserable expression, 'I shouldn't have said anything. I didn't mean to upset you Seto.'

'Huh?' Tristan's heart stopped dead in his chest.

'I didn't mean to upset you,' like a little boy Kaiba simply repeated the words.

'No, what… what did you call me?'

'Seto,' he grinned, 'your name.'

'But…'

'It is your name,' he nodded insistently, his face rapidly filling with the look of a lost and frightened little boy. 'Your name is Seto. It's the only thing I can remember.'

Kaiba didn't need to say anything else, Tristan knew instinctively he was begging him not to take away the only piece of information he had. It felt weird and uncomfortable, but no more so than anything else to do with this situation.

'Yeah,' Tristan forced a weak smile, 'my name is Seto, it's just that nobody really calls me that.'

'But I do, right?'

'Yeah... you do.'

'So what does everyone else call you?' Kaiba carefully curled himself into him.

'Tristan.'

'But why?'

'Because that's what they believe my name is.'

'Why don't you tell them it isn't?'

'Because…' he swallowed hard, 'because I like being called Tristan.'

'But I don't want to call you Tristan,' Kaiba's voice was small but insistent. 'I want to call you Seto, because that's your real name. Plus, if I'm the only one to call you it, then it makes it special.'

'Okay,' Tristan hesitantly placed an arm around him, 'you can call me Seto, but the others can't know, alright?'

'Why not?'

'Because then they'll want to call me it too.'

'But I don't ever want to call you Tristan.'

'Then don't call me anything. At least not when they're around,' Tristan tried to keep his voice as calm and level as possible. 'Can you do that for me?'

'Uh-huh,' Kaiba nodded.

'Do you want to get some sleep now?'

'Mm,' he gave a heavy and weary sigh as his eyes closed.

For a few long minutes Tristan found himself studying Kaiba. He knew from his own experience there had been times where he'd been able to remember the word Tristan but hadn't known it what it meant, let alone been able to identify it as his own name. Likewise he could think of several occasions where he'd mistaken something for something else because the information he had was scattered and sketchy at best and his empty mind had to make some kind of sense of it. Having said that, there had never been a single occasion where he'd mistakenly called Kaiba by his own name. But considering Kaiba remained his one and only stable memory it would have been a strange mistake to make. Even when he couldn't remember Kaiba's name, he knew it wasn't Tristan. Because Tristan became too meaningless and nonsensical to him to become someone else's name.

But that wasn't the only thing Kaiba had said to make Tristan feel even more uncomfortable with the whole situation than he already was. Slowly his eyes went up towards the others and he found himself studying them as closely as he could. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't see Yugi as anyone other than Yugi or Joey as anyone other than Joey, so why was Kaiba so insistent they were girls? What would anyone have to gain from confusing him like that? That's if he were somehow confused by what he was seeing.

Tristan found himself squirming as even more uncomfortable thoughts began to move through his head. What if Kaiba wasn't the one confused about what he was seeing? After all, he had no memory, no perception of himself and no idea who the others were regardless of what they looked like. There was no need or reason for anyone to show him a falsified image because what he was seeing would make no difference to him. But it would make a huge difference to everyone else. So what if Kaiba was the one seeing things as they really were?

Without him really wanting it to, Tristan's mind filtered back to early thoughts he'd been having. Thought related to the strange and inexplicable back step in his emotional resolve. People didn't go through everything he'd been through just to become confused about what they felt all over again; or at least Tristan hoped they didn't. So if he wasn't the one feeling this emotional confusion, then maybe this was really how Kaiba felt. But did that mean he really was Kaiba or...?

He knocked all thoughts aside and forced himself to look deep inside the confusing mess of emotions in search of the one thing which would make him certain these were his own. It might have been buried beneath everything else, but it was there. Unfortunately for him finding it failed to make him any more certain about who he was. Instead he gave a heavy sigh and leant his head back against the stone behind him. There was definitely something going on here beyond the obvious, but exactly what it was was currently beyond him. It was time for him to get some sleep and hope the light of a new day revealed what was really going on.

Exhausted and quivering with fear, Mai fell onto all fours. Her challenge had taxed her both emotionally and physically, leaving her feeling completely and utterly drained. But at least it was over now and even though she hadn't won her daughter back just yet, she had passed.

'Congratulations,' Piida's voice held some warmth to it as the Howling Wolf card landed just in front of Mai's hands, 'it's just a shame your friend didn't have such good luck.'

'What do you mean?' Mai eyes lifted towards the goddess.

'I'm sorry, but he lost his challenge,' Piida held up the Laughing Hyena card for Mai to see.

'No,' she shook her head, 'but… but how?'

'That doesn't matter.'

'Where... where is he? Where is SK?'

'He's somewhere safe.'

'That's not an answer.'

'I know you think I'm being cruel and cold about this,' she knelt down in front of Mai, 'but I promise you, my uncle doesn't want to hurt any of you. He simply wants to prove which of our villages is best suited to raising Mortal Immortals.'

'By playing games with us?' Mai gritted her teeth. 'How does playing games prove anything?'

'You have to think outside of that little box you're in,' she shook her head and half turned away from her. 'Think about what your challenge got you to face. What this situation is making you face. All this, it's all about something; you just have to figure out what it is. And once you've figure out the point to this game of my uncle's, then you'll have proven your village is better than ours.'

'And when we do you'll put my daughter back where she belongs?' She met and held the goddess's gaze.

'She already is where she belongs.'

'What's that supposed to mean?'

For a few seconds there was silence, then the goddess simply vanished from sight. A mixture of fear, anguish and frustration moved through her as she stared into the space Piida had formally occupied. Then she gave a heavy sigh and picked up the Howling Wolf card from the ground in front of her.

'Joey,' Mai's voice was low as her figures carefully traced over the card, 'I really need you right now,' tears rolled slowly down her face. 'I miss you,' with the card still in her hand, she wrapped her arms around her empty stomach. 'I miss you.'