Ok, for those of you who have been reading my little story I thank you. In my last AN I stated that I may not continue to write this story. The reason I wanted to see reviews of like it or not is because I have only gotten 5 reviews per chapter. With some of the same people reviewing both chapters.

The only way we as writers know you like the story is with your review. For me I put a lot of effort into my stories, my heart and soul. They are time consuming and sometimes you think your story line is going to be awesome and a big hit and you start writing and you get little to no response, like I have with this story.

It makes me as the writer think it must be crap and should I put all my time and effort into a story that most people feel is crap. If you knew it was liked you feel confident that your efforts are well worth it. But if not maybe your time is better spent elsewhere.

SO for those who thought I was just out for the reviews I say not so. I really am wondering if it is worth writing if only a handful of people even like it. I see how it works on FF if the people like the story it gets tons of reviews with out even trying. So my little story here seems to be a flop. However, I like it so I am going to keep writing it. I will probably shorten it up considerably if I continue to see the lack of interest.

So again thank you to my faithful readers.

Here is the next ch it's a little violent in the beginning so if you don't like that skip to the next part.

And just as a personal note my dad used to say that I wasn't worth the powder to blow me to hell. This is where the title of this ch came from and the abuse I suffered growing up. I can completely understand DPOV

~~~Debra

Chapter 3 Not worth the powder to blow you to hell

2 ½ years later Olena's POV

"You little bitch" he says as he raised his hand to smack me across the face. I cower away from him squeezing my eyes shut as the back of his hand makes contact with my right cheekbone. I stumbled backward crying out in pain.

"You do what the fuck I tell you to, when I tell you to fucking do it, you fucking blood whore!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. He took another step toward me and grabbed me by my hair. He shakes me like a vicious dog by the back of my head. His hand fisted in my long brown hair. I can feel him ripping my hair out of my head by the roots.

"Please, don't." I beg in a strained whisper as the hot tears are streaming down my cheeks. I can feel the sting of the bruise that's forming on the right side of my face.

"I'll do what ever the hell I please!" he screamed in my face, I flinched as the droplets of spit splattered my face. His eyes were crazed, enraged, he was not in his right mind. He slammed me into the wall with the force of his whole body. His shoulder ramming into my upper left arm as the right side of my body strikes the wall. The pain is excruciating. I scream out.

"I don't know why I even bother with you. You're not worth the powder to blow you to hell!" He growls out viciously shoving me into the wall one more time and then letting go of me. I can't hold my weight anymore, my knees buckle under me. As I slide down the wall I open my eyes. My sight lands on a little figure at the end of the hallway. His head is peeking out around the corner. I have only enough strength to shake my head at him and motion for him to go away.

I feel my face get intensely hot. I'm so embarrassed that little Dimka just witnessed his father beating the crap out of me. I have tried to shelter them from his violence. But I know the children have seen this before. It started after I gave birth to Sonya.

I had told him I was done. That I would not bear anymore of his children. That I wanted someone who loved me and wanted to marry me not someone who just used me for sex and tossed me aside. It was a huge blow up; he was already drunk when he had gotten here. He was looking for a drunken bootie call, but I refused.

I should have known not to push him that night. I know he has a bad temper, but when he's drunk you just stay the hell out of his way. He turns into a monster. It was my fault for starting all this. That was the first time he had ever raised a hand to me.

Afterward he came crawling back to me with flowers and candy. He said he was sorry and didn't mean it and that he would never do it again. But that was two and a half years ago. Now, almost every time he comes over he beats me, unless I am completely submissive. He never used to bit me either. I never thought he would ever treat me like a blood whore. But I never thought a lot of things.

I am brought out of my thoughts with the slamming of the door. I take a deep breath knowing that was him leaving. He is done abusing me for tonight. Suddenly, I am overcome with emotion, sobbing in a heap on the floor. I don't have the strength to move so I just stay there curled up in a ball leaning against the wall.

I don't know how long I stayed there, but the next thing I hear is a little voice.

"Mama" he said in his sweet little innocent voice. "Mama, wake up, he's gone mama, he won't hurt you no more."

I open my eyes and look at his angelic face. His big brown eyes are looking at me with worry and big drops of tears are overflowing out of them. His little lip is quivering as he tries to blink away the tears. His sad face is heartbreaking and a lump forms in my throat. My mouth is dry so I lick my lips so I can speak.

"It's okay my Dimka, mama's okay. Don't cry baby, its going to be alright." I whispered as I reached my arm out to hug him. Pain shoots through me as I try to move even a fraction of an inch. I cry out involuntarily and I see anger flash through Dimka's face.

"Let me help you mama. I will help you get up." He said in his soft voice.

I let him help me up. I am so angry with myself allowing my 4½ year old son to see me like this, to take care of me! I am the one who should be taking care of him. He helped me to my bed and I lay down. He is so smart; he went to the bathroom and brought me a bottle of pain reliever and a glass of water. He ran off again and when he came back he had a bag of peas from the freezer. He handed it to me.

"Don't worry about anything mama" he said "I'm a big boy I will take care of Karolina and Sonya."

I nodded my head and gave him a weak smile. "Thank you my big boy, I know you will take good care of them." I felt the blackness overwhelm me as I passed out.

1 month later…

"Dimka, get your shoes on, you have to be at school in twenty minutes." I yelled from the bottom of the stair.

I heard a faint "okay mama" from somewhere upstairs.

Today was the first day of Kindergarten for my sweet little baby boy. I sent Karolina on the bus early this morning, but I wanted to take Dimka to school for his first day. He can ride the bus with his big sister tomorrow. Sonya is almost 3 now and she wants to be just like her big brother. It's so cute the way she follows him around.

If he is playing cowboys and Indians then Sonya wants to play it. If he is reading a book she is reading a book. They are like two peas in a pod. So with that said I don't know how today is going to go. All morning she has been getting herself ready to go to school.

I told her that this is a special day for Dimka and that she was going to have a fun day with mama, but it isn't sinking in. I'm afraid it's going to be a rough morning. But I guess I have had worse so I will deal with it.

I'm brought back to the present by a little tug on my shirt sleeve. Dimitri is standing there looking up at me. My god he is so tall! He is pushing three and a half feet tall already and he's not even five yet. His long brown hair hangs in his eyes, but he won't let me cut it.

"Are you ready for your first day of school, Dimka?" I ask with a big smile on my face. But when I take in the look on his face my smile fades. "What's the matter honey, are you nervous?" I asked with concern. He shook his head and looked down. "Dimka, baby, you know you can tell mama anything, right?" I said as I knelt down to his level.

I reached for the clump of hair in his eyes and tucked it behind his ear. "What's the matter honey?"

His little face was sad and pouting. He looked me in the eye and said "Mama I won't be here to take care of you if I go to school."…. "What if daddy comes back?" anger flashing in his eyes.

"Awe honey it's very sweet of you to want to protect me, but I will be okay. I promise." I said as reassuring as possible and then pulled him into a hug. "Okay, sweetie, its time for you to go to school where you will make all kinds of new friends and have lots of fun." I said as cheery as I could. He nodded, but he still looked unsure.

"Sonya, baby, come to mama." I yelled and she came zooming out of her room with a big smile. I wondered how long that would last when she found out that she can't go to school with Dimka.

We piled in the car and drove to school. I went around to Sonya's side and got her out of the car seat. Dimka was such a big boy he only had a booster seat and he could unbuckle himself. I took their hands and we trotted off to find Dimka's new classroom.

The hallways seemed so small. Looking in the rooms I could see the little tables and chairs. I never can get over how small everything looks. When I brought Karolina here only two short years ago, I was a basket case. I didn't want to let my baby go. I'm finding the same feelings coursing through me now. I'm getting emotional just thinking about leaving Dimka here.

A nice teacher with a clipboard approaches me as we walk toward the Kindergarten classrooms.

"Good morning may I ask your child's name?" she asked politely.

"Dimitri Belikov" I reply.

She looks though her list and says "he will be in class 101, that's with Mrs. Petrova, she will be his teacher." I nod to her and say "thank you." We walk down to the class room at the end of the hall. Mrs. Petrova was there greeting parents and students as we came in. She seemed very nice. There were several children in the back of the room playing. I felt a tug on my sleeve. I leaned down to see what Dimka wanted.

He whispered in my ear "Mama, can I go play with those other kids?" he asked shyly. I smiled and nodded to him. He smiled to me and then ran off. I watched as he ran over to a little Moroi boy with blonde hair and blue eyes. The little boy looked up to my Dimka and smiled.

Little Dimitri's POV

I saw a little boy with blonde hair playing over in the corner by himself. I asked mama if I could go over and play with the other kids. She said yes so I ran over there. I wanted to play with a boy. I always have to play with my sisters and I was tired of playing girl stuff. Karolina always made me get married to her doll! Yuck! I was excited that I wouldn't have to play that anymore. When I ran over to the little boy he looked up to me. He had really blue eyes, and he was a Moroi. I knew that because he smiled at me with his fangs showing. But I didn't care, he looked nice anyway.

"Hi, my name is Dimitri Belikov, can I play with you?" I asked.

"I'm Ivan Zeklos; do you want to play cowboys and Indians with me?" He asked hopefully.

I smiled, "that's my favorite!" I said excitedly. He got a surprised look and then smiled really big.

"Me too!" he said jumping up. "Do you like to be the cowboy or the Indian?" he asked eyeing me.

"I like to be the cowboy." I said eagerly.

"Good because I like being the Indian!" he said really happy.

"Cool, let's go play!" I said happier then I have been in a long time.

Olena's POV

I watched while Dimka and the little boy talked. They looked so cute. I smiled as I watched the exchange. They looked like they were happy about something. The little blonde boy jumped up and they said a few more things and then ran off together. Dimka looked happier then I had seen him in a long time. He had a big smile on his face.

I stayed and listened to the teacher do her little welcome to kindergarten speech and then it was time to go. I walked over to Dimka and he smiled at me.

"Dimka honey its time for Mama to go. I will come to pick you up after school today. Okay." I said quietly.

"Okay mama. See you later." He gave me a hug and then ran off again.

I felt a lump in my throat and tears spring to my eyes as I watched him run off. I blinked hard trying to hold back the emotions. This was the beginning of his life. Someday he will be a guardian and leave home for good. That was a hard thought to process. I hurriedly went to scoop up Sonya who was playing with some other little girls and ran out the door to the car. Tears barely contained.

Ok guys I need to see your reviews.