School's keeping me busy! I hope I can update in shorter intervals from now on ;)! Hope you like this one.

mcabby80: Thanks very much for constantly reading and reviewing!

The next day everything was as Jimmy had feared. Thomas avoided him all along. He even refused to look at him.

How shall I talk to him when he's pretending that I do not exist?

The irony in the whole thing was that their roles had changed completely. Now Jimmy was the one who was waiting for a moment to be alone with Thomas while Thomas made an effort to avoid exactly that.

Jimmy had a bad conscience. He knew that he had hurt Thomas. Even if his words hadn't been that hard they had a certain significance. Especially right now.

Jimmy was hanging around in the servant's hall when he suddenly saw Thomas going down the corridor.

That's my chance!

He immediately jumped to his feet and ran after Thomas. When he caught up to him he slowed down his steps. It shouldn't look like he ran because of Thomas.

"Thomas?" Jimmy asked.

Thomas turned around but didn't stop when he saw Jimmy.

"Thomas, wait!" Jimmy grabbed the arm of his friend.

Thomas broke away irately. "What do you want?" he snapped.

His voice intimidated Jimmy. But he pulled himself together and said in what he hoped was a steady tone,

"I need to talk to you."

"Don't you say!" Thomas turned away from him and went on down the corridor.

"Yes, now! And it's important!"

The under-butler stopped, obviously annoyed. "And what is it that you need to distract me from working?"

Our roles are really swapped. He almost seems threatening when he's talking in that way.

"I need to clarify something" Jimmy explained. "And apologize."

Thomas raised an eyebrow, still totally unaffected. "For what?"

"Can we discuss that outside? I don't want-"

But Thomas cut him off. "Why? You want to talk to me? Here I am. Here is just as good as anywhere else. Now then, what's the matter?"

Jimmy swallowed hard.

He's totally different from the way he was yesterday. Last night he was so…weak and sad and today…

Jimmy didn't manage to look at Thomas. There was a vicious gleam in his beautiful blue eyes and the expression on his face almost scared Jimmy.

"I…err…" he stammered. "I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for giving you the cold shoulder. It's not what you think…" His voice trailed off.

"And may I know the reason for your behaviour?" Thomas' voice was a copy of his expression. But Jimmy thought to hear something rough in it. A sad undertone which Thomas couldn't hide entirely.

He sat outside all alone, crying…

"Ehm…I…needed a bit of a distance to come to terms with something. With our friendship to say it precisely."

Oh my God, what am I doing?!

Thomas just looked at him and waited for him to continue.

"The thing is…"

"What?" The under-butler seemed to get impatient.

"I…I can't do that! I'm sorry but I can't tell you! I just can't!" Jimmy suddenly burst out. And with that he turned around and ran away. He left a totally perplex and speechless Thomas standing in the corridor.

"Jimmy!" Thomas called after him. But that was all he managed to say.

#

What was THAT? I thought you were ready! You wanted to tell him and instead you run away! You're such a coward!

Jimmy couldn't understand himself anymore. He really intended to tell Thomas everything and then that! This couldn't be true!

One more evidence for how complicated things are.

It hadn't been easy for Jimmy to accept his true feelings but now that he had managed to do so he actually had considered it to be easy to express what he felt.

But it isn't like that as one can see.

What should he do now? He couldn't look Thomas in the eyes anymore. He was ashamed of his performance in the corridor a few minutes ago and of his whole silly behaviour last week. Jimmy leaned against the kitchen wall. He would have to try again.

But this time I'd be better prepared.

#

(Thomas' point of view)

Thomas stared after him. He first had to arrange his mind to realize what just had happened. What did Jimmy want to tell him?

The reason why he kept avoiding you.

Yes, but he had mentioned something else. He had to clarify something.

What can that be?

Then the scales fell from his eyes. He had mentioned their friendship!

He said he needed some distance to come to terms with our friendship.

With the fact that he wants to end it.

Thomas felt the emptiness taking possession of him. But this time it seemed to deafen any other feeling. Only helplessness and fear remained. He couldn't do anything against it.

It's over. Face it.

Well, he had to accept that.

But not without knowing the reason why!

Where was Jimmy? He had to find him immediately!

#

Thomas didn't see his friend not even once the whole day. They were both so busy that he had not one free minute to look for Jimmy. Only late this evening after dinner they saw each other again. Thomas was ready to stand up every second to run after Jimmy but his friend didn't seem to have the intention to go. Finally only the two of them and Anna were left in the servant's hall.

"I think I'll go to bed. It's very late" Anna announced eventually.

Thomas raised his head to look at her. "Goodnight, Anna" he said.

She smiled. "Don't stay up for too long. You're looking quite tired!"

Thomas also tried a little smile but he didn't succeed. "No need to be concerned."

Anna nodded her goodnight to him and Jimmy and vanished.

Thomas drew his attention back to his newspaper again. He pretended to read it all along but over the top of the page he stealthily watched Jimmy who was staring steadfastly into his cup of tea and appeared to be quite absent.

I wish I knew what he's thinking about.

Despite the whole thing Thomas didn't manage to be cross with Jimmy for long.

I'm very sorry but you're much too sweet for that.

He sighed inwardly. O'Brien had been shooting him strange looks all the time during dinner and afterwards.

She's curious, of course, this bloody old hag. She gets wind of stuff for a new intrigue.

Thomas could barely manage to resist the urge to laugh.

And you were her partner in crime, remember?

He could hardly believe that.

Concentrate!

Thomas conducted his eyes back to Jimmy and let his gaze linger on the young, handsome footman.

Well, that's your problem. You drive me crazy. That's the reason why I can't be cross with you.

Even if you've hurt me so much.

Eventually Thomas cleared his throat. "Jimmy?"

Jimmy didn't move.

"Jimmy? Are you alright?"

Now he looked up, a bit startled. "What? Err…yes, why shouldn't I?"

"Because you're staring into your tea for ages now. It's gone cold hours ago." Thomas didn't know how to start.

Jimmy shrugged. "I've been…thinking."

What's the point.

Thomas asked him directly. "What was it you wanted to tell me this morning?"

Caught off-guard, Jimmy glanced up. He merely looked at Thomas but didn't say anything.

Thomas sighed and folded his newspaper. He leaned across the table closer to his friend.

"Jimmy, what's the matter?" he asked in a gentle, caring voice. "Please, tell me. I need to know it. I can't bear sitting here and doing nothing when obviously something isn't right with you. Why don't you let me help you?"

Jimmy watched the grain of the wooden table intensively. After an unbearably long pause he finally muttered, "I'm fine."

"Well, I'm relieved to hear that. But please explain to me what's bothering you. Jimmy, I'm worried about you. And by the way…Why do keep avoiding me? What did I do wrong? Tell me and I'll try to make up for it, but tell me! Please!"

"You did nothing wrong. No one did anything wrong." Jimmy sounded tired, exhausted. Thomas worries only increased.

"What's it then?"

"It's me."

"Pardon?"

"I am my problem, Thomas."

The more Jimmy said it the more strangely it sounded.

Thomas crinkled his forehead. "I don't understand what you mean."

"You can't understand it anyway." Jimmy's eyes were still glued to the table.

"Then will you explain it to me?" Thomas tried to sound as sympathetic as possible what wasn't an easy task due to the fact that their friendship was at risk.

When Jimmy didn't respond he took a deep sigh and spoke the most difficult and hard words that had ever passed his lips. "Listen, Jimmy. I know that I made several mistakes in the past. I feel honestly sorry for it and you know that. I'm indescribably happy that we're friends now and I…I always thought that…you could manage to deal with my…kind. But if you don't or…if I'm not good company for you then you have to tell me. I can cope with that. It's ok. Our friendship means everything to me but if you think it'll be better when we end it, then it's ok. Really. I only need to know it."

Eventually Jimmy raised his head. When their eyes met Thomas saw to his great horror that Jimmy's eyes were filled with tears.

"Jimmy…" He reached out a hand but Jimmy pulled his arm away. Thomas immediately hung his head, his eyes on his hands. He felt his cheeks blush.

"No" Jimmy said suddenly. "No. I don't want to hear that. Not one word of it."

"What?" With a tiny bit of hope rising in his chest but also cautiously Thomas raised his head. "You mean…you didn't avoid me because…"

Jimmy shook his head. "No. You're my friend, Thomas. My best friend. And that won't change. At least I hope so…"

"But…"

Jimmy cut him off. "I pushed you away because…I needed some time on my own to come to terms with something. I'm sorry if I've hurt you but there was no other way. I just needed to be alone."

"But what for?" Thomas' voice trembled. What was Jimmy talking about?

"I…What you said that's…that's…Damn it!" Jimmy hit his forehead with his hand and let himself droop onto the table. Then he raised his head again and mumbled with his eyes still directed down,

"That's not true. On the contrary. I like being your friend. I feel very comfortable when I'm with you. I…I like you very much, Thomas. That's the problem. I…I suddenly don't know how to feel anymore because…because I think that…My feelings towards you have changed and…I don't know how to say, I…" Jimmy broke off. His features were full of pain but Thomas didn't understand where this pain came from. He carefully touched Jimmy's hand.

"That doesn't matter, Jimmy. I have time. I just don't understand what you're trying to tell me."

Jimmy raised his head in such a sudden movement that Thomas flinched shocked.

"You don't?" he asked. There was a hint of disappointment in his voice.

Pain, disappointment…What's the matter with him?

"You…you don't understand it?"

"No." Thomas shook his head.

"Then there's no point in this." Jimmy scratched back his chair and stood up.

"Jimmy, wait, where are going?" Thomas looked at him in consternation.

"To bed."

"But…Jimmy, I thought…I thought you finally wanted to tell me what the matter is? Why you avoided me?"

"I did already."

"What?"

"I told you. Everything."

Thomas didn't understand what his friend was saying.

"No you did not, you just…"

"I did." Jimmy lowered his head. His voice was but a whisper when he added, "Think about my words, about what I told you. Then you'll know."

"But I –"

Once again Jimmy interrupted him. "Goodnight." And with that he disappeared.

Thomas watched the retreating figure, feeling inwardly puzzled and almost shattered. He had hoped to eventually figure out the reason for Jimmy's cold behaviour towards him, but instead he was just more confused. Thomas sat motionless on his chair staring at the empty space right before him for a while. He couldn't say how long he sat there till he finally shook off the numbness and stood up. Slowly he went up the stairs to the servant's quarters and down the corridor to his room. Not without passing Jimmy's door. Thomas stopped undecidedly whether to knock or not. But then he decided he wouldn't. No, he had to think. He had to do what Jimmy had told him to and think about his friend's words.

Thomas sat on his bed, exhausted. But whatever what way he looked at it Jimmy's words didn't seem to make any sense. The more he thought about them, the more he repeated them in his mind, the more strange and confusing they sounded.

It's exactly the contrary of what I expected. Nevertheless, I don't understand him.

Thomas sighed.

Go to bed. Or at least try to sleep. You will figure out what he meant. Eventually.

Thomas stood in front of his mirror. How tired he looked! There were dark circles around his eyes. He definitely slept too little. He splashed cold water into his face. The sudden touch made him cringe.

But it doesn't make you think clearer.

He felt goosebumps rise up his arms. But finally he gave in and sank into the pillows. He couldn't fight his tired body which was crying for rest for long and his eyelids grew heavier and heavier until he at last allowed them to close. Only seconds later he was fast asleep.