With everything else that has been going on in this story I haven't been able to give you very much Caryl, which is what the whole story is suppose to be about to begin with. I haven't given much Caryl smut either, which is shameful of me as a writer, I know. But I hear you loud and clear so here is some more. It's a little angry. lol But sometimes that is fun ;) Hope you all have a great weekend and stay safe! =)
Chapter Seventy One
Life on the road was wearing everyone down. Almost four weeks had passed since the farm had been overrun. Daryl did what he could to keep everyone fed but there were so many mouths to feed now that no matter how long he hunted, no matter how much food he brought back, it never seemed to be enough. They were slowly starving.
They had fought off smaller herds than the one that had taken the farm. They were always fighting something. They were fighting the cold, the hunger, the ever present fear, the Walkers. They were on the run again, another herd had come through their makeshift camp that morning and they had almost lost several people. Dale and Amy had just been coming out of the woods after a run to a small creek to get water when the things came. It had been Carl who saved them both. It wasn't even something that became a big deal anymore. The boy did what he had too. He was thanked. Life went on.
They had been driving for a while before Daryl pulled the bike over. According to a map that they had grabbed at a gas station they had looted a few days ago there was suppose to be a town up ahead. So far they had avoided places like that, the risk of Walkers was too high, but now they were desperate. They could scavenge through houses if the stores were picked clean. Surely they would be able to find something. Even if it was just clothes or blankets. Anything was better than what they were living with now. Which was basically nothing.
"You okay?" Carol asked as he stood next to the bike. She asked him that a lot now days.
She climbed off the back of the bike and smiled at him. No matter how bad shit got she always had a smile for him. It wasn't having the same effect that it used to have. He was failing her and she still looked at him like he held all the answers. She looked at him like he had it in his power to save them. He looked away. "I'm fine." He lied.
The others were piling out of their vehicles. Rick approached him warily. No one spoke much anymore. It was a waste of energy and no one had anything to say unless they were trying to figure out their next move. They weren't living. They were surviving. Daryl was all too familiar with that feeling.
"Another mile or so to go and we'll hit that town." Daryl said glumly. "Figure we can drive in another half mile and then walk it just in case it's overrun too. Don't need'em hearin' us comin'."
"You think it's a good idea for us all to go at once?" Rick asked as he squinted back towards where the others were hanging back. Merle and Maggie were making there way towards them now.
Daryl shrugged. "I ain't leavin' mine. It's up to you whether you leave yours here or not."
Rick gave him a hard look and then shook his head before turning to walk away. Merle took his place.
"What's the plan, little brother?" He asked without much enthusiasm.
"Drive in about half mile and hoof it the rest of the way."
Merle just nodded and turned to go.
"Merle?" Carol's quiet voice had him turning back to face her. "Go on ahead, tell the others we'll take the rear."
Merle glanced at Daryl who gave a short nod.
"The hell you doin'?" He asked when Merle was out of ear shot.
"We need to talk." She said simply.
He eyed her for a few long seconds and then glanced up as the others started driving past them. When they were all passed he looked back at her expectantly. Her arms were crossed and she was giving him that look that he knew meant he had fucked up somehow. "Bout what?"
"About you." She said, sounding down right angry now.
He snorted. "We don't have time for..." He couldn't finish what he was about to say because she grabbed him around the back of the head and suddenly his mouth was crushed under hers. He'd forgotten that she was a lot stronger than she looked. Especially lately. How long had it been since he had actually kissed her? He wasn't even sure anymore. So much time was spent looking out or finding food or running that this wasn't something they could do like they did on the farm. Her lips parted against his and as soon as his tongue met hers his arms came around her, barely fazed by how much thinner she was since last time he had held her this way. He could feel it even through the bulk of Merle's leather jacket. He didn't want to think about that.
He didn't let her pull away when she tried. He needed this too bad to let her go now. She chuckled low in her throat when his hands slipped into the open front of the jacket and then up her sides. He wanted more, knew he couldn't have it, and trailed his lips down her jaw and to her throat anyway.
She finally gave him a small push against his chest and he gave up. It wasn't smart to get distracted out here anyway. He looked at her expectantly, his lips twitching up in a crooked grin when he saw that same want in her eyes.
"I want you to stop." She said after a few seconds.
"I just did." He frowned.
She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms back over his chest, not letting him look away, even though his mood was coming down quickly and he wanted to look at anything but at her. "Daryl, you have to stop. I don't know what it is that's been in your head these last few weeks but you're building this wall and I can't stand it anymore."
Well, at least this topic was serving one purpose. It was definitely killing the hard on that he didn't have time to deal with at the moment. He sighed and leaned against the bike. "I ain't. Things ain't like they was on the farm. You know that. I lose focus one time and people could die."
"You aren't responsible for everyone, Daryl. We're going to lose people. No matter how careful we are or how prepared we are, people are going to die. You and Rick can't stop that. Merle can't either. It's just how it is."
Her words caused his empty stomach to ache. He knew that he had more of an obligation to her and Sophia than he did the rest of the group, but that didn't mean he didn't try his damndest to help Rick keep the others safe as well. And every time he looked at her or Sophia he felt the weight of failure dragging him down. To know that he was trying his hardest, and failing them anyway. It would be different if he was slacking off. If he was just half assed doing what he was suppose to do, but he wasn't. He was doing everything he could and it just wasn't enough. He couldn't stand to feel powerless and that was exactly how he felt. And she was basically confirming his fears. People were going to die and nothing him or Rick did was going to be able to keep it from happening. "Good to know you got some faith, Carol." He snapped.
Her eyes hardened. "I have more faith in you than anything else. Stop being stupid! You're about the only thing I have faith in anymore."
"Sounds like it. Get on, we're wastin' time." He straddled the bike and looked at her with narrowed eyes.
She glared at him. "So it's already to this point now? You wont even talk to me?"
"We talked. You reminded me that no matter how hard I try, it wont be enough. I already knew that. I don't need you throwin' it in my fuckin' face."
She crossed her arms over her chest once more and didn't make a move for the bike. "That is not what I'm saying at all. You should know better than that. All I'm saying is that this," She gestured towards him, "Whatever this is, isn't working. You act just like you did at the quarry and it scares the hell out of me."
"That man at the quarry saved you and this whole goddamn group. The one on the farm, that man, he got fuckin' kidnapped and almost had to watch his woman get raped by the jolly green fuckin' giant. I think maybe that this shit," now he was the one gesturing around them, "this shit is a job for the man at the quarry. There ain't no fuckin' room for mistakes anymore. You want someone that's gonna try to keep you alive or do you want someone with his head in the clouds? Cause you can't have'em both, Carol. We ain't got time for bullshit."
She stared at him, her face was hard to read. He couldn't tell if he had really pissed her off or if he had really hurt her. Either way, he felt sick. He believed that what he told her was the truth but maybe he could have found a better way to articulate it.
"Get on." he growled.
She shook her head and turned around, storming off towards the small town where the others were surely waiting for them.
"Son of a bitch." He muttered as he got off the bike once more and started following her. "What the fuck do you think you're doin'?" He caught up with her and grabbed her by the arm. She jerked out of his grip and then faced him. He saw it then, she was a little bit of both. Or a lot of both. Either way, she was pissed off and hurt. Angry tears were causing her wide eyes to shine in the sunlight.
She surprised him by shoving him, she couldn't really do much damage but it was with enough force to startle him a bit. He hadn't ever seen her raise her hand to anyone. Not even Ed and that man would beat the shit out of her. It almost made him feel good. She wasn't afraid of him at all. She knew she could do whatever she wanted to do to him and he wouldn't ever hurt her.
"Go to hell, Daryl." She snapped. "You're a real asshole. If I wanted to spend my time with an asshole I would go hang out with your brother. At least he's up front about it."
"Carol, get on the goddamn bike." He grabbed for her again but she spun away from him.
"You get on the bike. I'll make it in good time. Go sulk by yourself, I'm sick of looking at it."
She turned again and started walking away. This time he grabbed her around the waist, spun her around and threw her right over his shoulder. She didn't weigh anything and the fight that she had in her wasn't enough to even break his stride as he carried her to the bike. He was really going to pay for this but he didn't care. He didn't have time for one of her woman fits right now. She could save it for when they weren't right out on the open.
"Put me down, Daryl." She snapped as she wiggled around. Once her elbow even caught him in the side of the head, causing him to grunt in pain.
He was scowling. He walked past the bike and dumped her right there in the grass, she landed hard on her ass. He rubbed the spot on his head where her sharp elbow had actually made contact. "What the hells wrong with you?" He glared down at her, sitting there where she had landed. At first she looked stunned and then she got pissed. Really pissed.
Shit.
"You son of a bitch." She snapped as she quickly stood up and came at him.
He almost wanted to laugh. She was nothing but a little slip of a thing anymore but she was coming right at him with all the fury of a hurricane. He knew she couldn't hurt him but that didn't mean he wanted to give her a chance to do anything to him so he started backing up. "Carol, calm the fuck down."
"You're a jackass." She growled as she still made her way towards him, face set in anger, eyes flashing wildly. He had never seen her like this.
He was still backing up as she advanced. She caught up with him easily but right before she could really get in his face and let him have it he tripped over something in the grass and now it was him on his ass. She towered over him.
"I'm walking. You don't make decisions for me. You don't tell me what to do and you sure as hell don't try to force me to do what you want. Get your own ass on your bike and I'll meet you there."
She tried to storm away but he grabbed her ankle and gave it a quick jerk. They didn't have time for this shit and he was done. He wouldn't let her walk all the way to that town alone, he wasn't going to leave the bike and follow her, she was going to listen to him whether she liked it or not.
She fell when he jerked the ankle. He must have been more rough than he had meant too. She rolled over, growled at him and actually tried to kick him. He grabbed her foot and drug her towards him, leaning over her and trying to glare at her, even though it was hard because he really liked seeing her with this much fight in her. It would have been great if they were somewhere else but they weren't and she had to stop.
"Are you done?" He snapped, narrowing his eye.
"Not. Even. Close." She grunted as she tried to scurry backwards. He grabbed her again and pulled so she was practically pinned down with half of his body. "Get off of me, Daryl." She tried to push him away but he grabbed her hands and shoved them over her head, leaning down so his face was only inches from hers.
"Stop it. Are you fuckin' crazy? You're gonna get us both killed."
She tried to knee him but he blocked it and then moved so now he was holding her down with all of his weight, he just hoped that he wasn't crushing her, but he wasn't going to let her get up. She could fight him all she wanted later. She wasn't walking away. "Get off of me!" She hissed and then dug her heels into the soft soil and actually tried to buck him off of her.
"Goddamn it, stop." He growled. She really wasn't succeeding in making him want to get off of her. What she was doing was bucking against him wildly and that angry look in her eyes and the hard set of her mouth as she kept on trying to fight him was driving him crazy.
"Fuck you." She grunted as she tried once more to buck him off.
That was it. Everything she was doing was bad enough but he wasn't used to her talking like that at all. And for some reason, he liked it. He ducked his head down and bit down on the delicate skin right below her ear, maybe a little too hard because she let out a whimper that had him letting go. He moved his lips up.
"Fuck you, huh?" he growled right into her ear. "That what you want, Carol?" He drawled out her name and then his tongue slid down the outer shell of her ear. He wasn't much of a talker when it came to this stuff. He didn't know where the hell it was coming from but he wasn't shutting up. "Because I can, right here on the side of the road." He kissed the angry red spot where his teeth had been earlier. "All you gotta do is tell me. Tell me you want me to fuck you right here, Carol, and that's what I'll do."
"Daryl..." She breathed and he finally let go of the painful grip he had on her wrists. She wasn't fighting anymore. She pulled his mouth down to hers and kissed him fiercely. He slipped his head down from her mouth back to her throat.
"Is that what you want?" He hummed as he kissed another sensitive spot behind her ear.
"Yeah," she breathed as she dug her nails into the back of his neck.
"Then say it." he growled and bit her once more, lighter than he had before. "Tell me that ya want me to fuck you." Just the thought of her saying something like that just about had him coming in his own pants. And wouldn't that be a real bitch right now.
"I want..." She paused as she panted heavily, "I need you too."
It wasn't what he wanted to hear. He almost felt like some sick pervert, but he had to hear her say it. "Whatch'ya need me to do?" he whispered right into her ear in a slow drawl that had her shivering under him.
"I need you to fuck me." She finally whispered when she realized he wasn't going to do anything until she told him too.
His heart nearly leaped out of his chest and a fresh wave of blood flew south, as if it wasn't already bad enough, now it felt like he was going to rip through his jeans. He pushed himself up onto his knees and yanked her pants off, he glanced around quickly, just to make sure there were no Walkers, as he undid his own, he wasn't even going to be able to take them off at all, as soon as he had himself free, and knew the coast was clear, he was right back between her legs, pushing into her roughly and then buried his head between her neck and shoulder as he drove himself into her harder and faster than he ever dared to before.
She wrapped her legs around his waist and quickly responded to the rough way he was handling her. Crying out loudly when he felt that familiar tightening inside her, gripping him like a vice and seeming to pull him in deeper. He lifted his head and kissed her right when he knew she was about to cry out again. Instead she moaned into his mouth as her body shook under him. And then he was there with her, never breaking pace as he felt all that tension, anger and fear pour out of him and into her with such an intensity that it was actually him trying to stifle his own cries as she kissed him hungrily. He didn't know where all that had come from. He was starting to feel like a real ass for being so rough with her. But he felt like maybe she had needed the same thing. Especially since, after raising his head and finally looking her, she was grinning at him. He felt more himself than he had since the night they left the farm.
He only had a second to gather his wits about him and come down from wherever the hell his head had gone too while he was fighting with her. Jesus, he could have just gotten them both killed. He heard the sound of a car coming from the direction the others had gone a little while ago. He kissed her one more time and then pulled away from her quickly and fixed his pants. She had hers on and was standing up before he could even get his buttoned.
He grabbed her hand and they made it to the bike before the truck came into view. "I'm sorry." he muttered as they stood there waiting. He meant it too. He knew that he had been acting like an ass for the last couple of weeks but the main thing he wanted was to keep them safe. But he understood why she was afraid. He knew how far he had come since the quarry and he didn't want her to think he was going back to that.
"For what? Being a huge asshole or for forcing me to talk dirty?" She grinned and then cupped his face, kissing him with just as much enthusiasm as she ever had.
"For bein' an asshole. You talkin' dirty is just fuckin' hot. I ain't gonna apologize for that one."
The truck came to a stop a few feet away from them and Merle jumped out. Sophia waved at them from the passenger seat where she sat next to a giggling Maggie. They waved back.
"The fuck ya'll still doin' here?" Merle grumbled.
"Talkin'." Daryl grumbled.
Merle narrowed his eyes and studied them for a few long seconds. "You dirty mother fuckers!" He laughed. "You coulda just said you needed time to get your rocks off, baby brother." His laughter died and his face grew pensive as he glanced back towards the truck. "Good to know that at least one Dixon is getting himself laid."
Carol just shook her head and climbed up on the bike as Daryl scowled at him. "Shut up Merle. We'll follow you in."
Merle slapped him on the back and gave him a wink. "Good to see ya in good spirits again." He glanced at Carol. "You need to sneak off and give him a bit more often. Seems like Daryl here has himself a little bad mood spell unless he's getting' him some on the regular." He laughed and sauntered off to the truck.
Daryl just gave her a sheepish smile before climbing on in front of her. "Merle's full of shit." He grumbled over his shoulder before the bike roared to life.
She laughed. "I think he's onto something." She mused as she laid her head against his back.
"Shut up." He muttered before taking off. He knew she could hear the smile in his voice.