Disc.: Borrowed world.

Disc. #2: Not spell checked or editor or anything.

Chapter Fifteen

Lily sat in a chair, pulling on her sneakers. At least these were more her style. Draco had brought a suitcase of Lily's clothes from her apartment to prepare Lily to be released from St. Mungo's. She had dug through the stash of clothes he'd brought until she came across a well worn pair of dark jeans and a tee shirt that was close to the color of her eyes. She'd been disappointed to see so many skirts and dress shirts in the mix, and Lily had been horrified by the high heel shoes.

"Almost ready to be discharged?" Marshall asked her.

"Still against it?" Lily retorted.

"Yeah," he nodded once. She grinned.

"You did insist that you'd personally do house checks and things, so I'm sure I'll be fine," Lily told him. He raised an eyebrow at her but said nothing more. Draco entered the room, a slight look of annoyance on his face as he looked at Marshall.

"Healer Clocks, physically Lily is picture perfect, you said so yourself," Draco told him coolly.

"And she is, but I still need to say that it's against my professional opinion that she go home alone," Marshall explained. "Even with regular check-ups with her health care providers."

"I'm sure the provided helpers will be fine," Draco retorted.

"She doesn't even have a wand!" Marshall protested.

"You won't sign off on her being wanded," Draco snapped back.

"I don't believe that she's whole enough," Marshall growled.

"Hey, hey guys, I am right here," Lily intervened. "I get it, really. Marshall, you're worried for my safety and what's left of my sanity, and I get it. I do remember enough to not let in murderers in my apartment, to not set the place on fire, or to take a bath with a toaster. Draco, you worry about my ability to defend myself and to my ability to do magic and stuff, and I get that. I already agreed to the ministry provided help."

"That's what worries me most," Marshall grumbled but didn't elaborate.

"I've been in this hospital for nearly a month. I don't feel ill or broken. I'm not even sore anymore, my muscles are strong, and frankly, I'm not getting any better mentally," Lily clicked the suitcase closed, leaving it for Draco to deal with. "My being here, it's not helping. Maybe if I return home, if I'm surrounded by my old life, some of it will start coming back."

"I hope you're right, Lily, but it typically doesn't," Marshall reminded her needlessly. He'd taken her to meet Gilderoy Lockhart, a wizard that had suffered much the same affliction of a memory charm, who after nearly forty years had just recently regain simpler memories. Lily frowned at him and she could tell that he immediately felt bad.

"Ready?" Draco asked her, whipping his wand out and flicking at her suitcase, that seemed to disappear in to thin air. He offered his arm to her. Lily nodded.

"I'll be by to check on you," Marshall promised but Lily couldn't help but think, memory or not, it sounded like more of a threat directed toward Draco. She took Draco's arm and glimpsed once last look Marshall as she aparated for the first time since she could remember. It was an awful experience, the pull from behind her stomach, the squeezing feeling until she was certain that she wouldn't be able to breathe again.

"I should have warned you," Draco apologized as the sensation rushed away. They were in the hallway of her apartment and she wondered if that was normal protocol. It seemed that it'd be likely to be witness by any old person if they just popped up here and there without any warning. She debated asking but decided that since she wouldn't be aparating, it didn't matter much.

"This is my apartment?" Lily asked as Draco opened the door and the two of them entered.

"Yes," Draco nodded once as she walked in slowly, trying to take it all in. She frowned slightly. "Is there a problem?"

"I kind of just always expected that when I grew up, I'd have one of those grand pianos," Lily sighed. "I guess I didn't grow up like I expected."

"You did, for a time," Draco explained. "I don't know when or why you removed it, though. Maybe after you left for a time."

"Why my dad died?" Lily asked.

"Maybe," Draco glanced around the place. "I honestly didn't really come around a lot. Often, Theron and you would come to the manor."

"Theron. My... son," Lily hesitated.

"Yes," Draco nodded. Lily wandered around the apartment, touching things as she tried to make herself remember things. Sometimes, depending on what she touched, she could feel the slightest, faintest breath of something she could only hope was a memory.

"I must have been a very boring person," Lily commented as she flipped up the flap to a leather case. Draco chuckled.

"I doubt anything about you was ever boring," he murmured. He gave her the grand tour of her own apartment, touching the doors as he went through rather than opening the rooms. They had agreed that Lily should be alone when she opened the rooms, to see if it would trigger any memories.

"I'll contact you if I need anything," Lily promised, nodding at the caged owl by the window.

"You probably won't see them, but there will be ministry guards around just until we can make sure that you're out of danger for another attack," Draco mentioned as he headed to the front door. "Don't worry about work right now, or anything else. Just rest, relax, and try to heal okay?"

"Okay," Lily nodded. He paused, then fished a plastic card out of his wallet.

"It's a muggle credit card, since you're probably going to have a hard time getting in to Diagonally or any of the other wizarding establishments without a witch or wizard's help until we get things situated at the ministry."

"Thank you," Lily took the card and looked at it. It had her name on it already. "Um, how do I..."

"Use it? You just swipe it at the registers," Draco explained quickly. Lily laughed.

"No, I know how to use a credit card, but I assume at some time a bill will come and I'll have to pay it," Lily explained. Draco grinned.

"You're the mother of my grandson, your dad and I were pretty good friends those last years," Draco explained. He lowered his voice an octave. "Lily, I would do anything in my power to help you. I love you as if you were my own flesh and blood. I would give you the world if I could."

"Thank you, Draco," Lily replied.

"Think about what I offered you in the hospital," Draco whispered as he started to walk away. Lily couldn't help herself. She launched herself at him, embracing him. Draco was thrown off guard. Lily hadn't been a physically affectionate child toward him, or anyone really, that he'd seen growing up, or as an adult.

"I'll think about it," Lily promised as she released him. Draco couldn't respond, the lump in his throat forcing him to leave without another word, closing the door behind him as he went. Lily stared at the door for a minute before she decided to take a tour of the apartment. She pushed open the bedroom, to what she assumed must have been her bedroom.

She tried to remember, but she didn't even know what she was trying to remember. Maybe, she wondered, it would be best not to remember. She had read the articles, under the eyes of healers, of what happened to her mother, the unclassified version, and her father. Her cousins visited, her aunt and uncle and grandmother as well, all older than she remembered. She spent hours staring at the reflection, her reflection, moving her mouth and making faces that were reflected in a thirties-face unfamiliar to her.

She had lost a lot, she decided from what she was told, the pain was probably unbearable. Maybe, she wondered, someone had done her a great favor, wiping away all that pain. She glanced up at a portrait of her, cuddling a tiny fisted baby while the blond haired man that look so much like Draco, so much like the man she didn't remember. She stared up at it for a long time, watching the tiny fists waving back and forth from under the blanket, the way she looked so content with him in her arms, and the way the man looked at the both of them like they were his world.

Lily wiped a single tear from her face. There was no way that not remembering this could be preferred. She was once so in love, so completely in love with this baby and this man. They were once her whole world. She glanced around the room, her eyes falling to thick bound books at the bottom of one of the very full bookshelves. She walked over, pulling them all off the shelf and stacking them up on the coffee table. She sat down on the sofa, looking at them. These were her memories in these, the ones that had been taken in photograph form.

She pulled the first of many books toward her, balancing it on her lap while she took a big breath and opened the page. The first few books were early pictures of her when she was a child. These pictures, she remembered easily, the memories still very much intact in her head. She laughed remembering different events in each of them, thankful for them. She flipped through the pages slowly, tracing the edge of pictures where she was laughing with her brothers, being hugged by her parents.

The second and third books showed her the progression of her aging, with some of the memories starting to get hazy just before she started school. She remembered things like her brothers' first days of school, when they heading off to ride the big crimson train. There were some hazy edges, and she realized that she must have remembered something of her brothers, both of them, if she could remember their first days. Excitement bubbled in her, maybe should could remember on her own.

She closed her eyes, remembering her first day of school. It was the first experience with memories with huge holes in it. She wanted to ask someone who had been there with her, someone who would know and be able to fill in the holes, but she drew a blank. She remembered her mother hugging her and Lily remembered dragging her trunk towards the train. She could picture it clear as day, the weight of the handle in her hand, the smell of the coal in the air. Lily closed her eyes, remembering in detail standing on the step trying to get it aboard.

She remembered a shadow falling across her, a hand coming down on hers to help her hoist the trunk. She could almost remember the heat from his hand. Lily remembered turning her face, looking up into... nothing. Nothing was there. It was hazy and lost to her. Lily opened her eyes, frowning and snapped the book shut. Whoever he had been to her, he wasn't now. She knew he had to have been important, though. Her head hurt and she felt like she needed to get some air. She abandoned the book on the table and headed toward the door.

"Miss Potter?" a voice jerked her from her reverie as she walked outside her apartment door. Lily jumped to see a stranger standing there.

"Can I help you?" Lily asked.

"I was about to ask you the same," he replied.

"You're the guard?" she asked realizing that the ministry would probably be very thorough. He nodded once. "Well, I'm fine, really. I'm just going for a walk."

"I'll walk with you," he told her. Lily frowned. "It's my new assignment."

"You're an Auror, huh?" Lily asked. He grinned. "You must have done something pretty bad to be assigned to me. Usually Aurors have more interesting assignments. Or at least, I'd think they would."

"I don't know," he shrugged. "I can think of worse assignments." Lily blushed. She didn't know why, but she was flattered and looked at him. He was young, and she had to remind herself that she wasn't in her teens or twenties, like this man walking beside her down the stair, but in her early thirties now.

"You don't have to be so polite," Lily whispered as they passed one of what Lily assumed was her neighbor, with his dark hair and being easily a head taller than her. She felt something twist in her stomach in the briefest moment that their eyes met, but he quickly looked away and continued past them without hesitation. She pushed aside the thought that there was something about him; chalking it up to being her neighbor.

"Believe me, I know that Miss Potter," the guard said with a smile.

"Please, call me Lily. I already feel old enough as it is," Lily made a face and he laughed.

"I'm Brody," he offered stretching his hand out to her. Lily shook it quickly. "And for the record, you're not old. You don't look a day over twenty. I'm going to bet it's those great Potter genes."

"Have you seen my brother, Albus?" Lily snickered. Brody the guard laughed.

"Yeah, I trained with him. Obviously, he's didn't get the Potter gene on aging," Brody offered. "But that might have to do more with stress."

"He's got a big family, yeah?" Lily asked. She could vaguely remember lots of small children.

"Yes, your nieces. There might be some nephews in there, but I don't know for sure. I know your other brother had a son, too," Brody explained as they hit the street.

"I have cousins, I remember that," Lily continued. "Rose and Hugo, both Aurors."

"Rose retired to stay at home with her children, but yes, they were both Aurors," Brody explained with a nod. Lily hesitated.

"How come they didn't have someone I know be my guard?" Lily asked. Brody frowned for a second.

"I don't know. They didn't tell me. I suspect that they want you to remember on your own, or maybe it was a concession that the healers made the ministry make," he responded after a moment. "A lot of people have been discussing you."

"Are you sure you're supposed to tell me that?" Lily teased as she stopped in front of a coffee shop that seemed almost painfully familiar. She could remember her and Rose going there for something, Rose was pregnant but Lily didn't remember why the place would trigger an unhappy panic in her.

"Do you want to go inside and have a cup of coffee?" Brody asked her.

"I don't know," Lily frowned at the door.

"Does this place bother you?" he asked. Lily glanced inside.

"I don't know, I'm sure with it being as close as it is to my apartment, I've been here a million times, but something about it makes me feel... guilty, almost sad. I don't know why," Lily murmured. Brody opened the door and held it for her.

"Now sounds as good as any to face your past, huh?" he smiled at her gently and ushered her inside. Lily stood in line with him, trying to figure out what to order.

"Lily, it's been ages! Same ol' same?" the barista's voice was bright and her smile seemed genuine.

"Sure," Lily replied uncertainly. The barista looked at the guard beside her.

"And you?" she asked.

"I'll have what Lily's having," he replied with a wink that made the girl giggle.

"How's TC? Enjoying boarding school?" the barista asked as she moved around behind the counter making coffee.

"TC?" Lily whispered. Brody dropped his mouth to her ear.

"Your son, Theron," Brody explained.

"He's good," Lily lied. In truth, she had no idea if he was or not. She hadn't seen him since that first time. Draco had sent him back to Hogwarts.

"Coming home for summer holiday, soon, I suppose," the barista chattered as she placed two cups in front of them with a few biscuits.

"Hm," Lily murmured distractedly passing over the plastic card. Brody carried the cups to a table that felt almost unbearable for her to sit at, to sit across from him. Her stomach twisted painfully and she had the feeling of fleeing.

"What are you thinking?" Brody asked her.

"I'm thinking that I have a kid that I don't remember with a man I don't remember, and this place reminds me of something I can't remember," Lily sighed, dropping her head into her hands for a moment.

"What do you remember about this place?" he asked.

"I came here with Rose at some point, she was pregnant," Lily felt like she was searching in a dark room with her eyes closed, her hands clamping down but just missing with the brush of her fingertips. "It doesn't make sense. I remember Rose clear as day, with only chunks missing. I remember she had a daughter, Tabby, and I remember her just fine for the most part, though I forget her birth. I know I was there, I have a picture of me holding my niece just born, but for whatever reason I can't remember why I would have felt sad being here with Rose."

"Why don't we call her and ask?" Brody suggested after a minute.

"Am I allowed to?" Lily asked.

"I can't see why asking your cousin to meet you for a cup of coffee wouldn't be allowed," Brody winked at her and stood. "I'll ring her and see if she'll meet you. Plus, this coffee is dreadful, I think I'll get something else to drink." He patted his breast pocket as he stood and Lily watched him step just outside. She only glanced up with the rare ray of sunshine glinted off of something silvery metal that he was storing away in his pocket. It triggered something, almost a memory of a far-away place and another guard that was supposed to protect her, but it was gone almost as quickly as it was there.

"What did she say?" Lily asked as he came back in, a bottle of water in his hand. He didn't look pleased.

"She said that she wasn't allowed to right now. The minister has forbidden her, and a long list of people, to visit with you until it makes its decision on what to do with you," he frowned. He checked his watch. "We should probably start heading back now. You need your rest, Miss Potter."

"I rested for four months, and was captive for another four weeks," Lily protested. Still, she stood and threw away her barely touched cup and biscuits, following him out of the coffee shop. "I hoped she could shed some light on things. Who'd have thought that a coffee shop would have been so taboo to the ministry."

"Hm," Brody grunted. He wasn't the same jovial person she'd walked to the coffee shop with. Whatever happened between him leaving to call Rose and returning had been bad enough that he had returned to rigid formalities. Lily walked along side him all the way back, but had never felt more alone... well, that she could remember.

He didn't say anything to her when they arrived at her apartment. He tapped on her door with his wand, the door swinging open to allow her entrance. She walked in and the door closed before she could say anything more to him. She glanced at the tomes of pictures, but turned away. She didn't want to look at pictures of a life she didn't remember completely. She thought about checking out the other two rooms in the apartment but opted instead to shower and head to bed. She suddenly felt exhausted, drained, and she couldn't imagine why.