I know Carol seems to be in the wrong all the time here lately, but she's scared and she's putting all her hopes on Woodbury. Too bad hindsight is 20/20. XD I really think you guys are going to like where I go with her. And certain other characters. People start really stepping up. Unfortunately it doesn't happen in this chapter. =) But it's coming. Thanks for all of the reviews and the suggestions and the input! Hope you all enjoy and have a good morning! Review and stuff XD
Chapter Seventy Eight
Daryl had tuned Carol out a long time ago. He was pretty sure that Sophia had done the same thing. They were both looking at their feet. He was picking at a hangnail while Sophia nervously fiddled with a charm at the end of a necklace that he had never noticed her wear before.
"I'm sorry. Am I boring the two of you?" Carol snapped.
Their heads came up at once. Daryl sighed. This whole conversation, which mostly consisted of Carol throwing a Dixon worthy fit over something as stupid as Sophia protecting herself, was getting old. "She's got every right to protect herself." He said for the thousandth time.
Carol threw up her hands in frustration. "You're going to apologize to that man." She said to Sophia.
Daryl glanced over and saw the steel in the girls eyes. This was going to be bad and he was going to have to pay for it just as much as Sophia would.
"That's not fair." She said quietly, her teeth were clenched.
"You put a gun to the head of an unarmed man! I understand you protecting yourself and protecting the group. What you did was something straight out of a 'Merle Dixon's guide to irrational behavior' book. That wasn't about protection. That was you letting me know that that town is exactly where you need to be." Carol said angrily.
"Don't put that on her." Daryl said as he felt Sophia tense at his side.
Carol flashed him daggers. "What? Don't put this on her? You can't be serious."
"If we go to that town and it ends up goin' bad. If we get ourselves hurt, I ain't havin' her believin' for the rest of her life that she was the reason we were there to begin with. I'll pack our shit and I'll leave right now, and you wont have a choice but to come along cause I'll take her ass with me. That or I'll go put a bullet in the mans brain right now before I let you put that on her."
Carol's face dropped. He braced himself for more of her fury but it didn't happen. Instead it seemed as though she lost all her steam. She turned and walked away, looking defeated. He instantly felt guilty for what he had said. But it was true. He couldn't have the girl thinking that this whole stupid idea of going to this town was her fault. He took a deep breath before he turned his head to look at her.
"Why do I keep doing this, Daryl?" She asked as her eyes filled with tears.
He pulled her into his side and mussed her hair. "It ain't just you, kid." He muttered as he looked down at the top of her head. "I do this to her all the time."
"I don't want to hurt my mom. But I don't want to be like her either. I can't be quiet when something needs to be said and I can't let myself be put in a position where I can be hurt. And no matter how hard I try to talk to her it's like she doesn't understand where I'm coming from at all."
"I don't think that's true. I just think she's havin' a hard time dealin' with it. You ain't like you was at the quarry. All of a sudden, it was like a switch, you turned into somebody else."
She shook her head. "This is who I've always been. But before I was too scared to show it. Now I'm always too pissed off not to show it. Does that make sense?" She pulled her legs up onto the bench and threw one arm over him.
He was silent for a little while. What she said made perfect sense. More than she would ever know. He knew what it was like to be afraid. To live under the constant threat of violence. When someone had to live that way long enough, once they were free of the fear there was an empty feeling. He knew he had felt it after Merle freed him from their dad. There had been a strange void where all that fear had been and his own void had quickly filled up with anger. She was going through the exact same thing he had went through. He didn't want her to be like him. Not in that aspect but then he had to wonder how much of that anger made him who he was. "You're turnin' into me." He muttered, not even meaning to say it out loud.
"That isn't a bad thing, Daryl. It's a lot better than turning into Merle." her arm tightened around him.
He had to smile at that. He had to figure that he was only the second worst role model for the girl. "I guess that's true." He sighed.
"He called you my dad." She said hesitantly. "And you didn't tell him you wasn't."
He felt his face flush a little. "Do ya want me to tell'em I ain't?" He asked. It hadn't bothered him in the least. He'd have been more than proud to be the kids dad. He figured if he had ever had kids then they'd have been a lot like her. But he hadn't stopped to think about how she might have felt about it.
"You've been there for me more in the last month than Ed was my whole life. Even when you are being a jerk and not really talking to me. You keep me safe. You care. As far as I'm concerned that's exactly what you are. Anybody can have kids but I never had a dad until I had you."
He didn't know how to respond. He hadn't expected all of that. Not at all and it weighed heavily on his chest, but not in a bad way. His throat felt thick too which was another reason he couldn't say anything.
"Is that okay?" She finally asked as the silence went on for a while longer.
He realized then that she was just as insecure as he was. Just as afraid of rejection. "That's fine by me." He finally mumbled. "I feel about the same."
"You do?" She asked as she finally raised her head.
He wasn't looking at her. He was staring at a tree that was a few yards away. When his eyes finally flicked down to her she was studying him intently. The corner of his mouth turned up. "I do."
~H~
Carol leaned against the counter and watched Sophia and Daryl for a long time. She didn't feel like she was spying or invading their privacy. She only felt left out. Like they were their own small family and she kept finding herself set apart from it. She knew it was stupid to feel that way. They both loved her. But it felt like, most of the time, when she went against one then she was instantly going against them both and she hated feeling like that.
She sighed. She didn't feel like she was in the wrong. Sophia was getting out of control. When she wasn't sinking into her own shell she was this intense little creature intent on showing the world that she was strong. She smiled. She was just like Daryl. How in the hell had that happened?
Finally he stood up and pulled Sophia along with him by the hand. When they came in they both saw her standing their and they both averted their gazes.
"I'm not going to bite." She said as she crossed her arms over her chest. This earned her a small smile from her daughter and a knowing smirk from Daryl. She absently brought her hand up and touched the angry bite mark he had left there.
"I'll go apologize to the freak if you really want, mom." Sophia said with a grin.
Carol's eyebrows shot up and she looked from one face to the other. She almost wanted to laugh but she didn't. "When did you decide to do this?" She asked instead.
"When I realized that the two of us managed to hurt your feelings. So we owe you one." Sophia said hurriedly. "So I'll tell him I'm sorry for you. But I wont lie to you and say that I mean it. Because I wont mean it at all."
Carol crossed her arms over her chest and studied them. They both looked hopeful. Like that might be enough to smooth things over. She felt ridiculous for feeling the way she had while she watched them on the bench. Here they were, trying to make things better, in their own callous way. She shook her head. "I don't want you to do it if you don't want too. And I'll try, Sophia. As hard as I can, I'll try to accept the fact that I am, by some miracle, trying to raise Daryl Dixon's child. God help us all." She muttered. "And I'm gonna try to understand why you do some of the things you do, even when it doesn't make any sense to me. You're my daughter. I love you whether I understand you or not." She sent Daryl a pointed look. "You have to do your part too."
He nodded.
"And we have to stop keeping things from one another. Meaning, you two have to stop with the lies. Because I respect you both enough to not lie to you."
"But if you knew everything you would freak out." Sophia said with a frown. "And that is the truth."
Daryl glanced up and started chewing his nail again while Sophia fiddled with the charm on her necklace.
She came around the corner and stilled Sophia's hand with her own as she peered at the small charm. She smiled. This was about the sweetest thing she had ever seen. She glanced up at Daryl. "When did you get her this?"
He frowned and lifted the charm up with one finger. "I didn't. Thought it was somethin' she'd had."
Carol shook her head.
Sophia sighed loudly. "Carl got it for me yesterday."
Carol smiled. "That's real nice."
Daryl growled but didn't say anything.
~H~
"So we're leavin' today?" Merle asked, a not of defeat in his tone.
Rick nodded but it was Philip who spoke. "That would be the smartest thing to do. We can have you all settled in your rooms before curfew."
Merle tensed. "The fuck you talkin' about? I ain't some ten year old kid, I ain't followin' no fuckin' curfew!"
"Merle just ca..."
"Oh shut the fuck up, Rick. Anybody ever tell you that you need to jump down off your high horse. You ain't nobodies goddamn keeper and I ain't gonna have some big shot Governor tell me when it's my bed time. Bad enough I've had to put up with your shit this whole fuckin' time."
"It's just a precaution. Most of the families that's there abide by it. It's just safer that way in case there is a breach." Philip said with a placating smile.
"So, you tell us to jump and we ask you how high, huh?" Duane asked sarcastically. "Mister, I think you done ran across the wrong group for that. We ain't been holed up behind walls. We been out there survivin'. Every day. I be damned if you're gonna tell us what to do. I'd rather take my chances out there than have you actin' as law for me. I answer to that man." He pointed towards Merle. "Not you."
Merle chuckled. "That's my boy!" He said in a booming voice.
Rick just shook his head. Lori looked like she was going to be sick. Daryl, Sophia and Carol made their way in from the dining room. Daryl looked at Rick. "The fucks goin' on?"
Rick sent a glare in Merle's direction but before he could say anything Philip spoke up. "Just a little misunderstanding with the big guy, is all." He smiled.
"You mean my brother?" Daryl growled.
"Yeah, little brother. The Governor here thinks we're gonna live under some strict rules and shit. We'll have ourselves a little curfew and everything."
"You don't tell me and mine what the fuck to do. That shit needs to be made real clear right now. You might be some big shot where you're from, you ain't shit to us."
"Damn it, Daryl." Rick stepped closer. "That's enough."
Philip stood up then, the two men flanking him did the same. "Look, I understand what you two are saying. The truth is, I need men like you. I need people like you just as much as you people need a secure place. It can be a win win." He cleared his throat. "I'm not sure what I've done to cause all this distrust but I assure you, you're group will be safe there. These children seem like they need a bit of stability. It's sad to see such harshness in a child." His eyes raked over, Sophia, Carl and Duane, who were now all gathered around Merle.
"And what do you mean by that?" Sophia snapped. "We need to hide behind walls and pretend like everything is normal? We're kids. We aren't idiots. Remember that gun I pulled on you earlier? That was me being stable mister. That was me in a good mood."
"Jesus, girl." Daryl muttered as he grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her towards him.
Carol made an exasperated sound.
Merle glanced down at her. That kid was made of nothing but spit and fire. He felt his chest swell with pride. He couldn't control the grin that spread across his face.
When he looked back over at the three men they were all looking down at her in shock. Philip, after a few moments, simply smiled once more. "Well, I rest my case."
"You arrogant son of a..." Sophia nearly shouted but Daryl had a hand clamped down over her mouth from behind before she could finish what she was about to say.
"Carl!" Daryl growled, "Get her outta here for five minutes, would ya?" Daryl let go of her mouth as soon as Carl grabbed a hold of her hand. She glared at them all and then let Carl lead her down the hall. Duane followed.
"Look," Rick began, holding up a placating hand, "This is getting out of hand. My wife is pregnant and I think this town of yours is the best place for our group. But I have to say, we've been through a lot. We've been on the run almost non stop. We've created a community of our own and I can't say that I feel comfortable with being told when I can or can't go outside. You have to understand where I'm coming from."
Merle had to admit that he was relieved. At least Rick wasn't bowing down to the man. Which surprised him. Then he had to open his mouth and ruin it for him.
"But I agree. Our kids are growing cold. That has to stop. We can talk about it more once we get there. Right now I just want you to know where we stand. If you need us then we need to be an exception to all your laws."
Philip gave him that creepy smile once more that everyone else probably considered charming. "That sounds fine." He shrugged. "Besides, you men will most likely be the ones enforcing those laws. You look like you have a lot of experience in that department."
Rick just stared at him for a minute and then nodded.
Merle wanted to curse out loud. That sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach intensified once Rick and the man shook hands. He'd given Rick specific directions on how to get to the town. Maybe there was a chance they would still be able to talk the others out of this. Maggie slid her arm around his waist but it did nothing to relieve the tension he was feeling.
~H~
"You alright?" Duane asked an enraged Sophia.
She couldn't keep herself calm. What the hell was wrong with her? She had just smoothed things over with her mom and then she had to go and open her big stupid mouth again. She didn't know why they all compared her to Daryl. It was pretty obvious that she was worse off than he was. He at least had some self control. She had none. Absolutely none.
She shot them both a look. "Did you guys at least get the guns ready?" She asked.
They both nodded and she instantly felt a little better. "Sophia," Carl began hesitantly, "We're all gonna be okay. We have Daryl and Merle on our side."
She wanted to believe him but the truth was, she was scared. She was more afraid of this man than she was of living on the road. She couldn't believe that everyone was just falling for his crap. "Yeah, but around here majority rules. You know that. And a Dixon's opinion has about as much pull as ours.
"You're really gonna have to calm yourself down, Sophia." Duane muttered as he sat down next to her.
She frowned. "Me? I think I heard you giving him a little hell yourself, Duane."
"That was me in a good mood." He mimicked her voice and then him and Carl busted out laughing.
Sophia couldn't help but to join in but she did manage to shove Duane over. "You are such a jerk." She grinned.
"We need to think about this, guys. Seriously." Carl said as he got over his laughing spell. "Sophia, you have to calm down. I know that you hate the guy. I don't trust him either but what if he is this big bad man? All you two are doing is putting targets on your backs. And mine, just for hanging out with you."
She bit the side of her jaw and studied him for a few seconds. She knew he was right. She didn't want him to be right but he was. She had to swallow down all the anger the man sparked in her and smooth this over. With a heavy sigh she nodded. "You're right."
Both boys stared at her, bug eyed. "What did you just say?" Duane asked with mock surprise. "Did you, Sophia, just declare Carl..." He gasped, "To be right about something?"
"Sophia," Carl put his hand to his chest. "I am honored. I really am."
"Oh my God, why do I hang out with you two morons?" She groaned as they laughed at her some more.
"Because you love us." Duane said with a grin, "And your options are pretty slim."
Carl cleared his throat. "So, which one of you is gonna go out there and apologize first?"
"Sophia." Duane grumbled. "She's the one that pulled a gun on him."
Carl smirked at him as he walked to the door. "I think you should have to do it, Duane."
Sophia was surprised that Carl would say that. After all, she was the one that had pulled the gun on the man.
"Why the hell should I do it?" Duane asked as he crossed his arms over his chest and eyed the other boy.
Carl just shrugged and then glanced back at her before his eyes met Duane's again. "I guess I'm gonna take her side this time."
"Why the hell is that?"
"Cause she's way prettier than you." He grinned and then dashed out the door.
Duane and Sophia sat there for a few awkward seconds and then looked at each other. Duane was grinning but Sophia could tell her face was red.
"I can't believe he just said that!" She hissed.
Duane leaned back on his elbows. "I can. He says stuff like that all the time. He has been since the farm."
Sophia knew her mouth was hanging open but she couldn't close it right away. This was the last thing she needed! Carl was her best friend. He couldn't be thinking things like that.
After a while Duane sighed. "I guess we have some apologizing to do, cousin."
She couldn't help but laugh. He was always saying things like that. "I guess we do. And don't worry. I'll go first."
"Then make it good so I wont have to feel obligated to do it myself."
They were almost too late. When they reached the living room most of their group had dispersed, leaving Daryl, Merle, Maggie, Rick, Carl and her mom. The men were already saying their goodbyes in the doorway.
"Excuse me." Sophia said before they turned to leave.
The man raised his hands defensively and smirked. "You aren't going to shoot me, are you?"
Sophia bit her tongue. Literally. "No sir. I came to apologize. I acted horrible. It's just that..." She wasn't sure what else to say.
"Hormones." Carl said helpfully. "You know, puberty and stuff."
She turned her head slowly. She was going to kill him. She was going to kill him until he was dead and then she would give him CPR and then kill him again. When he saw the look on her face he stopped smiling and swallowed hard.
She looked back towards the man. "Anyway, I just wanted to make sure there were no hard feelings. It's been a horrible couple of weeks and I haven't been myself."
Philips face softened. "No worries. I think we'll get along just fine." He winked and she cringed on the inside. He looked up at everyone else who was watching in shock, "We'll see you all shortly. Watch yourselves out there."
When she turned around they were all looking at her. Duane and Carl were both grinning and Carl, in a great show of bravery, came right up to her and patted her on the back.
"You did great." He grinned.
She shoved him so hard he landed on his back.
"Hormones?" She shrieked. "Puberty? Are you insane?"
The room erupted in laughter as she glared down at him, hands on her hips.
"I couldn't think of any other excuse." He said quickly. "Sorry, I was just tryin' to help."
She growled and then stormed off to get the rest of her stuff together. If she stayed in that room for one more second, listening to everyone laughing, she would have killed him for real and then her mom would definitely have a fit.