AN: So here is another posting in Thoughts of A Witch. I was alone on the bus to the mall and this song came on my Ipod and I was seriously thinking, "This sounds exactly like Elphaba!" Thus this posting was born. This takes place immediately after No Good Deed but before For Good. If you want, it could be in place of No Good Deed. The song is Far Far Away by Blackmore's Night
I sit here day after day and lately it seems as if they all start bleeding into one, one after the other, each the same as the last. I become blind to the things surrounding me that I once used to see; I don't hear anything relevant anymore. I count the hours until my sorry life is done. It's nothing but a series of failures; one failure after another. So many in fact they all seem rolled into one huge mistake, sealed with Fiyero's death.
When I was young, as bleak as my life was, I looked to Shiz and my future. My eyes took in the beauty of Shiz, a place where promises could be fulfilled, and my heart was full of joy. When did my path twist so out of control? Can the young girl from Shiz and I be one and the same? I don't believe it. That girl dreamed of romance, as farfetched as it was, and dreamed of living in a castle with Fiyero. I was Morrible's prized student and was on track to work with the wonderful Wizard of Oz and be loved by all. I had the world in my hands! And yet no matter how depressing it may be, that dream, that fire burned out a long time ago, now in a time that is far, far away from the emptiness of this mockery of my life.
My mind aches all the time now, making it hard to focus, but why should I focus? My life has been so hard and filled with so much sorrow and heart ache that no girl should ever have to know, but we all know I am no longer a girl, and haven't been since that day in the Emerald City with the Wizard and Morrible, perhaps even before then and I just did not know it yet. My heart aches for the love I had, and for that moment, my life was perfect, but then I lost him. Fiyero is dead and I killed him. He is dead by my hand, even if I did not administer the killing blow. He died, because of me! I loved Nessa, my sweet baby sister, and it's my fault she is dead, killed by that annoying little brat. I could not protect her! It was my duty to protect her, and now she is gone. Dr. Dillamond, Mamma, everyone I love ends at the end of the Grim Reapers scythe. I suppose it is only a matter of time before I end up being the cause of Glinda's death. Some say it's better to have loved and lost, but I disagree, it hurts so much to lose everyone you love. At this point, the pain is driving me to the point of insanity and some would be ashamed of that. Not me. I am done being sane, and nice. If Oz wants a wicked witch, well, they finally have one.
That hopeful school girl is long gone, never to return. And why should she return when there is nothing left to live for?