Chapter Nine
Keith woke up an hour a half later, facing Lance. Lance was hugging Keith's pillow, mouth was open and he was making a snuffling noise as slept. Keith felt his throat constrict, became more aware of his usual morning arousal, and found himself rising up onto his side to get a better look at his best friend. His head no longer felt like it weighed the amount of his lion, he realized when there was a minimum revolt from his wound, and his back felt fine for the first time in weeks. Lance always had had magic hands, he'd been right Keith should have walked across the hallway and asked; he wasn't even sure what it was that stopped him. He'd never second guessed the thought of asking Lance for a favor before, why was he starting now?
Keith reached out, moving some Lance's dark auburn hair away from the nape of his neck, his eyes on the tattoo. It was a daring tattoo, deep black, sharp lines, running down his spinal column against the palest skin Keith had ever seen, a lance on a Lance, he rolled his eyes. Lance was too skinny, he thought not for the first time, fingers lightly touching his skin, feeling the knobs of his vertebrae. He licked his lips, an impulse pulling at him and he gave into it, something he rarely allowed himself to do, but he couldn't go running, not with his ankle, not after a concussion. He found himself having time to himself and Lance was right here, having stayed the night, taking care of him... A thank you was in order, Keith thought.
He moved, carefully, not ready for Lance for to wake up, straddled Lance putting his ass against Lance's, and bent down and kissed the first knob of vertebra, it was at the tip of the spear of Lance's tattoo. His mouth wide open, he kissed the skin, then dragged his tongue behind him as he moved down slowly to next protrusion of bone, to mouth it as well. He felt Lance shift around the time, he reached the end of the tattoo, the middle of Lance's back, he pressed down with his mouth a bit harder this time.
"Hmm, Keith?"
"Yeah," Keith said, not stopping.
Lance pushed up on his elbows, turned his head back, Keith looked up, loving the sleepy look of Lance's eyes, his face. It suited Lance, lazy, Keith thought. Lazy, sleepy, sated, these things suited Lance like they were terms made for him, he was at his best relaxed. Unlike him. Keith smiled.
"What the hell are you doing to me?" Lance asked, his voice low with both lust and sleep.
Keith grinned wider and went to the next vertebra, mouth open, kiss wet and sloppy, careful to drag his drag slow and precisely over it as he went down to the next one. Lance's face fell back into the pillow and he groaned.
Keith lifted his mouth. "Like it?"
"Hmm," Lance mumbled into the pillow.
Keith didn't like that, he reached up and grabbed Lance's hair with his hand, pulled hard, Lance was staring at him again in a second. "Like it?"
"Yes, shit, yes. More, please," Lance begged, without Keith having to even ask, which was unusual. Keith definitely had to get him to sleepover more often, he thought as he went back to Lance's bony spine. As soon as his mouth hit Lance's skin, Lance's dirty mouth started to talk to him; back when they were younger, and Sven had been Keith's only male lover Keith used to turn red the second it started and feared spontaneous combustion before it was over. Lance never ran out words, bookended with the term fuck, or fucking, about how much he loved Keith's mouth, his tongue, and how hard he was and how he couldn't wait to get his cock into in Keith's ass. It was a stream, with only slight changes to the wording, as it looped around back to the beginning, as Keith moved down Lance's back.
Keith sighed when he reached Lance's lower back and the bony protrusions disappeared, he tongued his way over the skin, down and then back up towards Lance's ass, and then started to pull down his boxers. But Lance turned on him and in an instant he found himself on his back, Lance's mouth attached to his neck, and Lance's hand on his cock. Keith felt dizzy, but he didn't think it was his wounds at all, he laughed, and Lance moved off his mouth and met his eyes.
"Good morning," Lance said, smiling that cocky smile of his and Keith supposed he had a right to do so.
"Not until you fuck me," Keith heard himself say, but he lifted his hand and touched Lance's face, drinking in his features, the shape of his cheekbones, the curve of his mouth that caused the cocky smile. The color of his eyes, brown hazel, with flecks of gold, green, amber, so much more than one shade there, like Lance more complicated than he seemed on the onset. Keith licked his lips.
"What the fuck are you doing, Keith?" Lance asked, thrusting his erection against Keith, to remind him what they were both after, what they were both always after.
Keith felt a surge of something he didn't want to think about, so he laughed and said, "This." And grabbed Lance's face and pulled him in for a hard, tongue thrusting kiss. "Do it, Lance, now..." he ordered the second he broke the kiss, and fumbled out of his boxers.
Lance laughed, turned around to open Keith's nightstand drawer, laughing more. "Really, you bought bin to organize your sex toys into?" he said, as he pulled out the lubrication and a condom. "I pulled this from the ribbed for your pleasure slot..." Lance said with a cock of his eyebrow.
Keith blushed.
"Interesting things in there, I never noticed before, all organized like it is now..."
"I clean when I'm stressed."
"I'm not surprised," Lance laughed, toppling Keith over by lifting his thighs off the bed, spreading Keith's legs and settling between them. "Anymore orders, fearless leader?" Lance asked, rubbing his thumb against Keith's perineum, idly, back and forth and watching Keith like he had all the time in the world.
Keith felt like his heart was pounding to hard, he felt sweaty and nervous suddenly and it made no sense. Suddenly he didn't remember what it felt like to be fucked by Lance, but it hadn't been that long, had it? He breathed in and out, he shook his head and he just said. "Please?"
Lance gave him an odd look but lasted only a second, then he settled between Keith's legs and Keith remembered how good Lance was with his tongue, how great he was with his fingers and then how fucking amazing he was with his cock. Keith grabbed at whatever skin he could get as they slid together, as Lance pounded into him, found himself kissing Lance's shoulders, instead of biting them and then he'd bite down when he'd remembered himself. He made his way up Lance's neck, sloppy, wet, grabbing at his hair to direct his head and neck where Keith wanted him and right as Lance came, right before Keith came himself, he found his mouth on Lance's thrusting his tongue inside.
That was new, he thought coming harder than ever as he kissed Lance, and he didn't want to stop. He grabbed onto Lance, pulling him into the kiss even harder. Lance kissed him back, laughing into it a little bit. When they broke apart for air, Lance shook his head at Keith. "Kissy, kissy, lately aren't you?" he said.
Keith felt like his heart was in his mouth. "Am I," he asked, feeling Lance pulling out of him and he had to close his eyes, bite his tongue to not whimper about the emptiness. What the hell was wrong with him? This was casual sex, casual, it'd been casual and fun for years, why did it keep feeling different now? Just because Lance almost died? Keith knew he was a bit of an idealist and a romantic but he wasn't that soft. Was he?
"Stay off your foot," Lance barked, standing there, naked except for a condom, which he lazily pulled off with one hand as he eyed Keith's foot. "I need to rewrap that before I leave," he muttered.
Keith rolled his eyes. "You aren't my nursemaid."
"Yeah, but you can't wrap your own wounds worth a damn," Lance laughed walking into Keith's bathroom. Keith sat up, to keep his eyes on Lance's naked form for as long as he could but he lost him to the darkness of the bathroom. He heard water and wasn't surprised when Lance came out with a wet towel and threw it at him. "There you go," he said. Then he scrounged around on the bed, and around it until he came back up with his own boxers, and the pair of pants he'd been wearing yesterday. "Where the hell did I throw my shirt last night?" he said to himself.
Keith couldn't stop watching him, he cleaned himself up, got off the bed and pulled out a clean pair of boxer shorts to pull, careful not to put to much weight on his bad ankle. Lance grabbed his arm and gave him a hard look. "Keith, seriously, if you don't start healing up in the next few days, I'm telling Gorma about the ankle."
Keith glared, but he nodded and he felt something else, and remembered all his promises to himself when Lance was in his coma. All the small memories he'd ended up obsessing on, that him begging the Universe and promising himself that he would never take Lance McClain for granted again. "Lance," he said as Lance turned to continue looking for his shirt.
"Yeah," Lance said.
"Thanks."
Lance turned back to him then a large boyish grin on his face. "Are you kidding me, thank you, that was a great fucking way to start the day."
Keith laughed, but he shook his head. "I didn't mean... but yeah, that was," Keith stopped himself from saying the best lay we've ever had, because fuck, he felt himself blushing suddenly and he felt tongue tied and shy. This was Lance, for crying out loud, he told himself.
"Okay, what did you mean?"
"I mean thanks for being an ass and poking me last night, not telling Gorma about my ankle and you know watching my back."
Lance shrugged. "Just doing my duty, fearless leader."
Keith sighed, feeling like Lance was ducking his gratitude, but not knowing how to make him really get it, or how to push it. He didn't even know why he wanted to push it, he had this bizarre need to make Lance see how awesome he was... What the fuck? Keith thought to himself.
"You can borrow a shirt," he said instead.
"Right, walk around with one of your shirts hanging off me," Lance laughed.
Keith rolled his eyes, he sat back down on his bed, started moving the bedding around, they'd made a wreck of his bed, it was time to change them anyway he thought idly. He was looking for Lance's shirt but only halfheartedly he realized, because he didn't want Lance leave. Usually, he pushing the guy out of his space as fast as possible.
"As soon as I find my shirt, I'll rewrap your ankle and get out here," Lance said, echoing Keith's realization.
Keith swallowed the urge to tell Lance their was no rush.
The chime on Keith's door went off, followed by Allura's voice. "Keith, it's Allura, are you awake?"
Lance started to toward the door. Keith jumped up, swore, and sat back down, "What the hell are you doing?"
"What? Letting her in," he said.
"We just had sex in here?"
"And she'll figure out that out how?" Lance challenged.
Keith studied him, wondering what Lance was really thinking, he shook his head. "Hit the button and tell her to hold on," he barked.
Lance sighed. "Hey, Beautiful, hold on a second okay?"
Keith stood up more carefully, he felt a weird pang as Lance referred to Allura as beautiful and shook his head at the same time. "You shouldn't call her names like that," he chastised.
"Why not?" Lance said.
"She's the Princess?" Keith muttered.
"Whatever, she's a person and more than that my friend. I don't treat them different because of their title. Would you like me to stop mocking you, Fearless Leader," Lance asked with a wink.
"I would like you to spray the air freshener," Keith barked as he pulled out a pair of sweatpants and two shirts, he swiftly hopped into the pants, and pulled on the shirt and then tossed the other one to Lance.
Lance looked at it, rolled his eyes. "Right and wearing your clothes makes it look less like I just had my dick up your ass."
"Lance, you shouldn't parade half-naked in front of her."
"Right, because she's never seen either of us without our shirts on," Lance laughed, throwing the shirt back at Keith.
"Guys?"
Lance laughed, picked up the air freshener off of Keith's nightstand by the door and sprayed it, then hit the button. "Just a second, Gorgeous," he winked at Keith. "We're trying to find my shirt."
"You don't need a shirt to see me," Allura said.
Lance grinned cheekily at Keith. "Can, I let her in?"
Keith pulled all the sheets into his arms and then stuffed them into his hamper. "Fine," he muttered, carefully going back to sit on his now naked bed.
Lance opened the door. Allura walked in, smiling brightly at the both of them. "How are you feeling?" Allura asked Keith.
Keith fought the impulse to stand up because his ankle was bothering him, after all the getting up and sitting down. "Fine, I feel fine."
"Great, but you still have to take it easy today. It's doctor's orders, I felt I should remind you. Did you remind him?" Allura asked Lance, turning to face him.
Lance grinned down at her. "I was going to do, right after I wrapped his ankled and reminded him if he doesn't take care of it, I will tattle on him," he said and then he crossed in front of Allura and fell down to his knees.
Keith rolled his eyes. "I'll take care of it, I can take care of myself you know."
"It's okay to let us help you, Keith," Allura said, her voice sincere. Keith couldn't help but smile up at her and nod.
"I know, I appreciate that you both have my back, Allura. But Lance is still healing himself."
"Lance is fine," Lance muttered. "Allura, come down here."
Keith sat up more. "What are you doing?"
"Going to show her how to wrap a sprain, don't you think she should know, Fearless Leader?"
Keith had to give it to him, and he grunted, pissed off he hadn't thought it first. She should be given a course in all first aid, basics and beyond, in their line of work you never knew what might happen in battle. If Lance hadn't gone out there, Allura wouldn't have known what to do, yesterday. He'd have to set up something.
He watched, not really listening as Lance explained things to Allura, but instead finding himself focusing on Lance's calvicle bone, the scar on his stomach, and his long slender fingers as they wrapped the bandage around his ankle, tightly and expertly. He startled when Lance's deep laughter took him out of his trance and made him look up into Lance's mirthful eyes.
"What?" he and Allura said in unison.
"Just the two of you, both of you all focused with your tongues poking out of your mouths, it was cute..." Lance laughed more. "Now where is my damn shirt," he stood up. Allura stood up with him, her eyes scanning the room, and Keith noticed the pink on her cheeks and realized she was blushing. He sighed when he realized she'd probably gotten all caught up in Lance herself...he was acting like a eighteen year old Princess, Keith thought. What was wrong with him?
"Here it is," Allura said, and she bent down, leaned her head under Keith's bed, reaching. Lance looked over, his eyes landing on Allura's butt and Keith cleared his throat. Lance's eyes averted over to him and he shrugged, without any shame but kept his eyes off her butt at least. Allura came up in one fluid motion and handed Lance his shirt, with a smile.
"Thanks, Sweetheart," he said, with a wink.
She blushed again and nodded.
Lance pulled the shirt on, glanced at Keith. "See you at breakfast, Fearless," he said.
"Yeah, we can discuss after breakfast, Allura's first aid education. We need to get on that, she needs to know more than how to wrap a sprain."
He watched as Allura and Lance exchanged a glance, something passing between them at his expense, he'd seen it a million times but this time it really bothered him and he didn't really get why.
"Me and my big mouth," Lance said, walking to the door and opening, but staying back to let Allura leave first.
"I'm glad you are feeling like yourself, Keith!" Allura smiled. "I'll see you at breakfast," she left the room.
Lance was about to follow her when Keith opened his mouth. "Lance?"
"Yeah?" Lance said, turning around the door closing behind him again.
Keith stood up, testing his ankle, nodding at the quality of Lance's work, crossed the room and grabbed Lance's face and kissed him, unable to deny that the rush that kept going through him every time he did this felt like possession. Lance kissed him back, at first but then he pushed at Keith's chest, gripped his shoulders tight pushing him away and looked at Keith.
"You okay? There something your not sharing?" Lance asked.
"I'm fine."
"You're head is okay, everything is in focus, seeing okay?" Lance asked.
"Lance, I'm fine."
"Okay, so you're just fucking clingy in the morning, then that it?"
"You listen to orders better when your half asleep," Keith managed to bite out, feeling caught and vulnerable.
Lance laughed. "Yeah, I guess I do, huh. Okay, yeah, you done plundering my mouth?"
"No," Keith said and he pulled Lance back in, but before he kissed him he barked out. "You don't leave until I say you can."
"Fuck, Keith, you're going to get me hard again," Lance muttered.
Keith felt triumphant.
~~.~~
Allura loitered in the hallway, waiting for Lance to come out, near the doorway to his room. She wanted his take on if Keith was really okay, she knew Keith was likely to say he was when he wasn't. It was his way, to act strong for everyone else and then fall over when he couldn't keep it up any longer. She was angry at herself for not noticing his ankle, for not noticing that the stiff walk was about more than stress from fighting minus one lion, and worrying about his two best friends. Lance had noticed, and he still had physical therapy, he was fighting the urge to run out there and fight with them, especially yesterday, when he knew he was only two days away from being cleared...that he waited until there was a bad crash was amazing she thought. She knew partially he'd only done it for her, because she'd begged him when he was injured and could have caused himself worse damage. It amazed her she had that kind of power over someone like Lance, she shivered at the thought.
She looked at Keith's door and sighed. What had Keith called him back for? She had to go see Coran before breakfast, if Lance didn't come out of the room soon she wouldn't get a chance to talk to him about Keith's health until after breakfast but it sounded like Keith planned to make Lance work. On coming up with her first aid education with him, she laughed a bit at that, though it was a good idea. When Lance had invited her to join him on the floor in front of Keith, to show her what to do she'd thought it a great idea. She'd laughed when Keith grunted, hating Lance thought of an intelligent idea before him, their leader. She and Lance had exchanged a look on the floor over his ankle. His really ugly looking ankle, she wanted to shake Keith for allowing it to happen, and her own guilt rose up at herself again for missing it.
She'd been too focused on Lance alone, thinking him the only one who really needed attention and that hadn't been true. Keith had been hurt too, Keith had almost lost two friends, Keith had the planet, her, and others to watch out for and lead. She should have been supporting him as much as she was supporting Lance. It was her duty to him not only as a team member, and not only as a friend, but as his Princess. He the Captain of her Planet's most important defense system and she was the Princess and she owed him her whole support. Learning how to balance it all, she breathed out and closed her eyes and said a quick prayer to the Arusian Goddesses to help her find a way to balance all her roles.
"That was weird," she heard Lance say.
"What was weird?" Allura asked, loving how messy his hair was, falling in eyes, it made her want to move off his forehead. She remembered how it felt to be on her knees next to him, smelling him, feeling his body heat, his breath on her skin as he explained what to do. She was sure didn't remember at all how to wrap a sprained ankle. She hoped they covered it again, in the real courses they would be planning. She blushed at the thought.
"Nothing, Keith's just... weird."
"Sometimes, most times he's Keith," she said with a smile. "Which is why I was waiting."
Lance laughed, and she drank in the sound. He laughed so easily, always seemed so happy. She knew now that though most of the time it was the genuine truth of him, it could also be a complete front. It could hide things he didn't want other people to know or see, she didn't want him hiding things from her anymore, like he'd hid his fears about Sven from her and only shared them with Keith. He opened his door and waited for her walk in first, she walked into his room, feeling the rush of freedom he always gave her. There was no worry about is this okay, this isn't fitting a Princess, you and I should probably talk in the hallway. It helped the others relax around her as well, she would be forever grateful to Lance for it.
"Is he really okay, today?"
Lance turned to face her, he had a weird look on his face and then he nodded. "I think so, yeah."
She worried. "What is it?"
Lance shook his head. "His head is fine, his eyes are clear, his ankles a mess but that was his own macho act, right. I guess i get it, I like to think I'm not as macho as him but I probably am."
Allura nodded.
"What, no Lance, you are so much smarter?"
"Sorry, I was the only one who put up with you through the worst of your PT, no way you are so much smarter. You were just as bad as him, you even swore at me."
"Baby, I swear at everybody," he said.
Allura blushed, never-ending side effect around Lance she thought, she wondered if she would ever get over it. "So, he's just being a bit weird?"
"A lot, weird, but it's nothing to worry about." Lance said.
"I'm glad you stayed with him last night, took care of him. I was thinking, I let him down. I should have notice his ankle, I should have been watching out for him more, same time I was helping you out. I wasn't..." she looked down at Lance's gray carpet.
Lance's fingers gripped her chin and titled her fingers back up. "He wouldn't have let you in," he said.
"Maybe he would've," Allura said.
Lance smiled at her, his expression changed to something she couldn't read and he nodded. "Maybe, you make it impossible for me to turn you away," he coughed, cleared his throat. "He dodged me for a week about his ankle. He could tell I knew."
"Really!" Allura asked, trying not to blush to hard. Also she was trying to memorize the feeling of Lance's fingers on her chin even though she wasn't sure why she was, but she could feel the pressure, heat and he was flexing them like he might pull away at any minute.
"Yeah," Lance let go of her, he turned around. "I gotta take a shower, don't you have to do Princess things before breakfast?"
"Unfortunately," Allura said, watching him take off his shirt, stopping herself from licking her lips as she saw the tattoo and his scar for the second time today. "I rather not, though."
Lance met her gaze again, his expression soft and she knew the look. His rare, quiet, I'm listening look.
"It's just... I'm tired, there has been so much going on. And hearing about agriculture, is, while I'm glad that Arusian farmers are rebuilding their farms, their lively hoods, as well as the bakers, and the mills, and the tailors, and so on, rebuilding our economy. Listening to reports about it, signing things, it's not where I'm focused right now. I rather be visiting the orphanages, the clincs, the hospitals, I rather be training with your guys much more, and learning more things about the Lions, flying more. I'm so far behind and since Sven came back, I'm more behind again." Allura put her hand over her mouth once she finished, she hadn't meant to say so much. "I didn't realize I had that much inside."
Lance nodded. "Tell him."
"Coran, he won't listen."
"Tell him anyway, he's a softie for you, Allura, can't hurt."
Allura laughed. "He is a teddy bear, but the idea of me learning how to be more like a soldier... He hates that."
Lance nodded. "Only people born to be soldiers like the idea for themselves, the rest of us do it because we have too. Or, in my case because I belong in the sky."
"You're good at, a natural," she said, thinking about flying but also fighting on the ground. "Being a soldier," she clarified.
"Well, I like killing scum like the Drules, I won't lie."
Allura nodded and she stood taller. "I must fight to defend Arus, to defend what my parents stood for, what Voltron stands for. I have too, Lance," she paused and tears started to sting her eyes. "They killed my family, they killed so many families, not just mine...but so many families and I want to stop it, I want to stop them, Zarkon, Lotor, Haggar, I want them all to die, and for it all to stop, to just stop." She gasped for air, she was crying hard now, the feelings had slammed her all of sudden, thinking about it, about why she'd made the decision to fight for right to fly against Coran and Nanny.
Hands were on her arms, she felt herself being lifted like she was nothing and then she was on Lance's bed, and he in front of her, his thumbs on her cheeks, drying the tears but more were still pouring down her face. "Take a breath, Allura," he said.
She breathed a few times, and ended up hiccuping, which made her eyes go wide and she laughed, more tears flying out of her eyes. She was exhausted, she hadn't been sleeping well, for months it felt like. Lance shook his head at her. "You are tired," he said.
"It's like you read minds, sometimes."
"Just body language," Lance said. "And hysterical crying out of nowhere, big clue." he looked around his room. "Now, if I was Keith, I'd have actual handkerchiefs somewhere, Sven too. I swear sometimes those two aren't real," he finally found a box of tissues, and handed them to her, sitting down next to her and pulling her into his side.
Allura grabbed a few tissues, wiped her cheeks and forced herself to blow her nose in front of him, knowing he'd never judge her but the part of her that had a crush on him didn't want too, it seemed so uncomely. "I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to do this, I just wanted to check on Keith, I swear."
Lance ran his hand up and down her arm. "I get it, I mean it Allura, just talk to Coran. Cry a bit in front of him, you crying bring any man to his knees, I promise. He'll do whatever you want," he trailed off with a small laugh.
Allura leaned into Lance, thinking about what he said but more about everything that had come spouting out of her, everything she had been thinking earlier in the hallway. She wanted to focus on her teammates, she wanted to focus on her people, on protecting them, she needed to be a better soldier and friend. She had to find a better way to balance all her duties and all her feelings about everything. She did need to Coran, the decision made in her mind, she breathe easier in relief and felt Lance's arm around her, his chest against her, and the smell of him again and instantly felt too hot. She'd made such a scene in front of him, instantly embarrassed though thankful to him. She stiffened in his arms unsure what to do now that she felt better, what did she do now, about where she was?
Lance let go of her a few seconds later, always reading body language, she thought. He stood up before she moved and he offered her a hand. She took it and he helped her to her feet, then he backed up towards his door, and hit it open with his elbow. "I'll see you, soon," he said letting go of her hand.
Allura walked passed him into the hallway, but then she turned around, went up on the tips of her toes, he was so damn tall and kissed his cheek. "Thank you, Lance," she said, before she turned and bolted away.
~~.~~
Keith
I left my bedroom in time to watch Allura, running from Lance, that look on her face she gets when he flusters her, her cheeks red from the awkwardness she feels around him. Sometimes she blushes around me, like that, dark red cheeks, her usual perfect speech tripped up but not as often, not as much...then again, I didn't flirt with her, I didn't tell her she beautiful, or call her sweetheart. I didn't push her to face her sexual attractions like Lance would when he got in the right mood. That was something for Allura to find at her own pace, her own time and something for us to protect, she's under our protection, I try to remind him of this.
I felt like shouting it to him, across the hallway this time. It bubbled up in my chest, shouting at him that Allura, As the Princess is under our duty to protect, her innocence is under that purview. I wanted to stop him from looking at her, flirting with her, I just want it to stop. That was the real rush. I don't want him looking at anyone but me. It's a dark possessive crush and it hit me in the chest as hard as the crash yesterday had shook my whole body.
And then I saw his face, right before his door slide completely closed. He looked disquieted, ruffled, affected. Something had happened in his room, with her, that wasn't about his attraction to her, that wasn't about him pushing her buttons, her crush on him at just raised up and then she'd run off anyway but whatever it was... it mattered to him, it was all expression, so much more in his eyes than I'd ever seen aimed at me.
It angered me. Too much, my fists clenched and I nearly punched the wall and I was thinking mine.
What good do these thoughts do me? I am not in love with Lance, I can't be? I love him, he's my best friend, it's been casual sex until the coma. Because of Sven, and that was possessive, that was holding onto something I had lost, too hard, much to hard I nearly broke him again - for all I know Sven is irrevocably broken again, lost in his own mind, trapped, thinking he killed Lance.
All my fault. All because I gripped to tight.
I have to stay away from Lance. I can't feel possessive of him, he's not someone that can be possessed not by anyone anyway, he's too kinetic, too blazing and bright. There is nothing dark in Lance, just fire and laughter, the things of life.
I have to stop thinking about him...