Chapter Ten

Allura stepped outside of the Castle, the sun had dipped below the horizon mere moments ago but already the heat of the late summer day had lowered considerably. She breathed in the fresh air, she'd been stuck inside all day, in meetings with Coran and Advocates chosen from nearby villages, to discuss what the towns needed, how the Castle could aid them in the rebuilding of Arus and protect them - how they could protect themselves. Those meetings, Keith had set in on and it'd been her favorite part of the series of meetings, but it'd been hours ago now, since she'd had the one bright spot of listening to Keith's common sense, but also his idealistic nature at work.

Also, he was nice to look at, she thought with a small smile. She'd had to keep reminding herself to listen to what he was saying, so she wouldn't miss anything important, instead of watching his lips move for purely aesthetic purposes. When he wasn't speaking, she'd spent a long time staring at his left forearm and wrist, he was wearing a red shirt and had pushed up the sleeves due to the heat. The lines of his arm muscles even at rest were like marble, and they pointed right toward the black dragon on his wrist. At least that is what it felt like to Allura. The dragon fascinated her, it was so detailed for a small tattoo, her curiosity about it's meaning had still never been sated and she wondered if she were to lick like Lance had that one time if Keith would make the same squawk.

He could do with a squawk, she thought, worrying about him as she walked toward her favorite location in the garden, where she planned to settle under the lights from the Castle and the twin moons of Arus, to write in her diary. Keith's ankle had healed, he'd been fine after the crash only bad that first night but Lance had made sure he made it through. But something was still wrong, he wasn't himself at all. He still had that look he'd had in the room with Lance, when he'd been in a coma.

Allura had been too mad at him at the time to care, to terrified at Lance slipping through their fingers, her fingers, to worry about Keith's pain, his own feelings but now with time between them and having forgave him ages ago, she was worried and wondered if he had forgiven himself.

He was avoiding Lance. He was walking around with his back too straight, and when he thought there were no eyes on him, he was rubbing his own neck muscles and his own back muscles. Keith was holding things inside, and Allura felt that someone had to do something. She thought that by now Lance would've gotten through to Keith, figured it out and helped him through it. Their friendship was something rare, she envied their closeness, she knew they could say things to each other that no one else would dare say to them. She envied it, she wished she had someone like in her life, someone who would give her that blunt open raw honesty and never hold back. Someone who would take her hand, offer dependable, strong, solid strength, at all times. The truth was she wanted it to be them, Lance's unadorned truth, Keith's honorable inner strength.

Only she was worried about Keith right now, it seemed something inside of him had been shaken, his inner strength had taken a tumble. Not professionally, he was brilliant still when they were out there facing a robeast. He kept them all alive, he was there if she found herself over her head, pulling her back up above the water. He was on point in the meetings today, he was supportive of the men and women from the villages, civilians their whole lives, who'd hidden in caves for months, before he came here. He told them they brave, he supported them, he treated them as equals while they looked at him in awe.

There was a crossroad of paths coming up, she would go straight toward the corner of the garden where their was bench, but if you turned to the right it would take you down toward the lake. As Allura walked toward it, she spotted Keith standing by the lake still as could be, head down. She paused in her step, her thoughts had been on him and here he was and she didn't believe in coincidence.

Allura was beside Keith a moment later, she side eyed him. Keith didn't move a muscle, but she didn't believe he didn't know she had arrived, he was too good at what he did, too aware of his surroundings.

"Did I ever apologize, specifically, for being so horrible to you when Lance was in his coma?" she asked.

Keith raised his head up and looked over at her. "You weren't horrible, Princess."

"I needed someone, something to be angry at. I picked you, it was very unfair."

"No. No, it wasn't."

"Yes, yes, it was," Allura said.

Keith shrugged.

"I really don't think the crash was your fault, what happened to Lance wasn't your fault. Or, Sven's. It was Haggar's, Dooms. I don't know why I didn't put my anger there in the first place, it's where all my other anger goes."

"Haggar, yes. Zarkon, Lotor... Never Sven," Keith said.

"Lance says he's better shape than ever," Allura said.

Keith let out a small laugh, there was something perplexing about it to Allura's senses. "I know," he said.

"I'm sure we'll hear something about Sven soon," she said, hope infusing her voice.

Keith sighed. "Your cousin doesn't seem to want to speak with us."

Allura sighed, because it was true. She'd send a message to Pollux every week, it made sense that Keith probably had as well. Asking after Sven, asking after her cousin Romelle's well-being as well. There wasn't any answer. She wasn't sure it meant there was no good news on Sven, it might only mean that Romelle's feelings for Sven made her angry at them, for breaking him more.

"You couldn't have known he'd..."

"Yes, Allura. I did..." Keith said.

"Keith..."

"He was too quiet, he wasn't himself. Even you must have known it," Keith said.

Allura said nothing. She had known it, she'd felt it. When she spoke with Sven, he'd been distance, faraway, he never looked her right in the eye, or even the face. She'd begun to believe her resemblance to Romelle made him uneasy, reminded him of what he missed in Romelle. About why Sven missed Romelle. Because he was the most alive, the most centered when he was speaking with her, when she was visiting and when her visits stopped.

He'd become even more quiet, and more distance. Allura had hoped and prayed it was time and patience that was needed for him to come back to himself and his friends. He'd been through so much. Being with the team, being a part of the team; she fought not to begrudge him his place in Blue Lion because she thought it could be healing. Yet she had fretted. Especially when she saw Lance and Keith start to argue more often.

"I should've listened to Lance."

"You couldn't have foreseen..."

"Lance did. He just thought it'd be me in the coma."

Allura didn't want to think about it, she wanted no one in a coma, no one she loved hurt ever again. She didn't want people bloody and broken and near death. It was bad enough she only knew her father as a spirit.

"Keith, you need to forgive yourself," she said.

"What I need to do is make sure I learn from the experience," he turned toward her then and she felt pinned by his dark eyes. He was the most emotional she'd ever seen him, yet he was hiding so much. He always kept so much locked away inside of himself where no one could reach in and see. It made her want to probe his mind, her intuition reached out to try to read him better. All she felt was fear though and his following words revealed it and guilt.

"I made a mistake letting him back on the team. I knew it soon after he was back with us. I should've told him then he wasn't ready. I should've told him that it was okay to go to Pollux, because it obvious that is where his heart was, with Romelle. It was clear that she was where his healing would lay... But I ignored the signs, Allura because he kept insisting his fine, that he wanted to fly with the team. I knew better as the leader but as a friend I let things get the way. I must learn from my mistakes. I must never make the same mistake, or a similar mistake again."

"You're frightened of making a similar mistake? Now? How?" Allura asked, confused because how could there be a similar mistake lurking around the corner.

Keith nodded but didn't answer her.

Allura stood there watching him fall back into himself again and she didn't know what to do. She grabbed his hand in hers, he looked back at her. "Keith, whatever you're afraid of you don't have to face it alone. You have me, you have everyone else," she smiled and she hoped he felt her friendship, her genuine fondness for him and she squeezed his hand.

Keith smiled, it wasn't a big smile but it was a real smile and she felt better, because it was sincere. He understand she cared, that she'd be there for him like he'd always been there for her and impulsively she flew at him and hugged him. Allura wrapped her arms around his neck, her nose fell into his silky hair and she was against a wall of solid muscle. She blushed as she hugged him, thinking she'd squashed her breast against his chest and that wasn't really becoming a princess but it felt nice, and God, she was always putting herself in bad positions like this. She pulled away as quickly as she'd flied at him, hoped that in the moonlight reflecting off the lake he couldn't see her blush. She gave him one last look, her mind suddenly blank of words and things to say so she went with, "Bye." And left him alone by the lake.

~~.~~

Breasts, Keith thought, they rarely did anything for him. It truly depended on the woman attached to the breasts. The Princess was beautiful and he wasn't thinking about her features, or her body, he was thinking about her soul. She was truly the most beautiful person from the inside out he'd ever met. She was the definition of inside beauty that radiated outward, and she'd been blessed with superficial beauty and therefore it made her radiant. Her name being Allura, so close to the earth word alluring seemed a rare gift of fate and truth. This meant he reacted to her beauty, he reacted to her breasts squashed against his chest, her arms around his neck and more than the genuine love and care she'd been beaming out at him the whole conversation.

Lance was highly attracted to women, maybe he should be more understanding of Allura's effect on Lance, Keith thought as the tingle of arousal still flowed through him. Along with with the unwelcome stab of jealousy that kept coming whenever he thought about Lance and anyone else lately. Lance had gone out drinking with Harry three times this week, he kept inviting Keith with them, but Keith couldn't bring himself to go. Lance came back late, clothes rumbled and he knew that met Lance had gotten some type of action at the bar they'd gone too, man, woman, Harry. Yet, Keith couldn't stand to think about it and he hated himself for it. He and Lance were best friends, they'd always had a perfect give and take situation of casual sex... He'd never thought he could do casual sex until Lance, and granted Lance had always been the only one. But it was Lance, he made it easy, it was no big deal. Keith kept telling himself, it was that he'd realized he'd been taking his friend for granted that had made the sex seem more important than it was him. In time all these weird feelings would fall away and he could go back to occasionally being with Lance without feeling like he wanted to keep him forever.

He'd wanted to keep Sven forever, that had turned out a nightmare. For Sven. It'd been almost six months, Lance was lucky that Arus, despite being a more medieval planet than Earth in many ways, was also a more medically and scientifically advanced planet. It'd cut weeks off of Lance's healing time, he'd still be in PT right, he'd still be healing, the rest of them would still be fighting robeasts a lion short and possibly running out of steam because of it. Somehow they always got lucky, it was if something or someone was always watching out for them. Keith wasn't going to take prayer for granted any longer any more either. Especially in a place where he'd seen magic, spirits and things beyond explanation happen.

It'd been almost six months without a word about Sven. It scared Keith. Had he broken him beyond repair. Had his need to keep Sven, his jealousy over Romelle, his need to believe that when Sven said he was fine, not only almost cost him Lance, but cost Sven his sanity and Sven's chance at happiness. He'd cut down his communications with Pollux, once every two weeks now but still nothing from Romelle. Keith sighed, he just wanted some news, any news. Allura had sounded so hopeful, so sure that soon they would hear something but even Allura knew her cousin wasn't speaking to them.

Because of him, Keith thought. Allura was forgiving, beautiful, wise and he appreciated her words, her touch, her fondness of him. He turned away from the lake, after he stopped hearing her feet against the loose cobblestone path of the Castle garden, and made his way back toward the Castle. Allura had a point, though she hadn't said it out loud. He was brooding to much, spending to much time worrying about making the same mistake twice that he wasn't doing himself any favors. Lance knew something was up with Keith, he knew Keith was avoiding him and he didn't know why. Keith didn't know how to explain it, not that Lance would ask for an explanation. The issue was the last thing Keith wanted to do was go hang out and pick up guys, or girls with Lance and his knew pal Harry. What was worse, Lance seemed to want to hook him up with Harry and Keith wasn't interested, he wasn't attracted to Harry at all. Keith sighed, if he was at least attracted to Harry he might try. It'd be a way to get Lance out of his system, Harry seemed the relationship from what little he'd picked up when around him and Lance. It might help get the weirdness about Lance out of his system.

It brought him back to Allura, picking up he was scared, he was, he didn't want to do to Lance what he'd inadvertently done to Sven. He didn't want to cause damage to anyone he loved ever again. However, he couldn't keep beating himself up about it either, not if Allura and Lance both kept giving him looks about it. Not if Allura was walking up to him and giving him a third apology for blaming him at the peak of her fear about Lance's life. Not when Lance kept trying to corner him and Keith had to use all his skills of avoidance and stealth to hide from him. Hiding from his best friend would do him no good. Especially since they had to work together, they had a team to run together, Lance was his second in command. In fact he had report to file about the meetings today and orders to give Lance, to implement about what was decided.

He couldn't forgive himself for Sven, though, like Allura had told him he should. She meant well, he loved her a little bit for suggesting it. Yet, if he forgave himself for the mess, it'd be easy to forget the lessons learned. He couldn't forget the lessons learned, it could cost someone else too much. Walking into his office, he decided once he finished his report, he'd try to track down Allura to thank her for the talk, because he did feel lighter and he knew it had been because she'd seen through him enough to help out, even if she didn't understand the truth of the issues.

~~.~~

(Bold) Lance

I got a letter today, Space Mail. My grandmother is the only person who writes me letters, she refuses to email, or communicate with me via other space communications. Grandma McClain rather write to me, long letters about life back home, bake me cookies that somehow manage to never go stale on the way here. And I have to say, I do love opening the letters, she sends three at a time, written in succession, over the course of one week. They come in a normal pattern, I always know when they will arrive, so when the guy who delivers the mail from Earth to Arus, knocked on my door, I was surprised to see him.

He handed me a letter. It was thin, not thick like hers, and there was no box of cookies. I looked at it, muttered a thank you and felt a bit dazed when I saw the postmark. Pollux. I looked at my name on the envelope and recognized the handwriting. It was Sven's small print, his uneven lettering, I almost fell to the floor but managed to get my butt on my bed.

Sven and I, are close, we are. Our friendship is a strange thing, it really is. When I met him, I already knew he'd messed with Keith's head, that Keith had fallen hard and Sven had been experimenting like so many people do and then called the experiment a failure. How, or why they managed to become friends I'll never quite know, Keith's possessive. Sven cared about him, I saw that, he threatened me not to hurt him too when he realized we were casual about the sex. I told him and Keith had clear set rules... And we do, have for... Shit, not doing the math, will make me feel way too old and I'm not over twenty-five, won't be twenty-six for another few months. I found it funny when he threatened me, considering he was the one who'd broken Keith's heart, and I told him so. He'd looked ashamed then, and sighed. He said he hadn't meant for that to happen, they were supposed to be casual too. He said he hadn't known Keith would turn up at the Academy too.

It was a mess for a long time, somehow he and I became friends and trust me, it never would have happened without Keith in common. I'm too loud and Sven too quiet. We never would have sought the other out as a friend, but he's family to me now. I go to him when I need grounding. He's the one I first went too when I realized that Allura had burrowed under my skin like no other girl, woman, person, ever had. How uncomfortable, awkward, terrified it made me for me, for her. He'd had squat for advice, but he'd listened.

It took me awhile to open the letter. It was one page when I did, printed out like my name on the envelope. My throat tightened when I read the words, my heart pounded in my ears and one of my hands started to stroke the scar, still bright pink, on my stomach without even realizing. Some new unknown nervous habit I've managed to create, I suppose.

Lance,

My brother, my friend,

Romelle and my doctors felt today that I was well enough to tell me the events that led to me coming to home to Pollux. I have many holes in my memory, of my time with you, and the rest of my family on Arus. It is strange to me to think that with you and Keith I somehow wasn't all there. What I must've put you both through...Him through.

Romelle told me everything, quietly, quickly, and bluntly. She is a rock for me. I was appalled, to think I could screw up in such a way to nearly take your life. Your life. What that must've done to Keith, he loves you so. To Princess as well, she relies so much on you, you know.

I am writing this to apologize but I do know mere words cannot make up for you losing a chunk of time of your life, for being lost away from battle when your friends need you so. I am sick with it. Forgive me, min bror,

Sven

Nothing more was said and I had to shake my head at him. He not ask me for forgiveness, he not worry about me. I looked up from the letter, my head looked toward the wall where I knew through the rock and plaster, was the hall and then Keith's door. He was the one who needed to know Sven was finding the pieces of his mind again. Maybe Sven wasn't ready for that, for that letter, for those emotions. I wondered who much Romelle knew and didn't know.

I'm wondering if I tell Keith about this.