More lulz continues and the introduction of my snarking buddy, Frederick the Wary from Fire Emblem: Awakening.
Chapter 2 – Adem and Ev (Frederick: Gods, I can't believe she can't even spell the simplest of words, let alone the easiest names.) (Yes, she's an idiot for not spelling properly.)
Erin: This is mi second chapter, and no reviews. WTF? (Frederick: For a supposed Christian girl, I'm surprised that she doesn't follow the Bible's teachings at all.) (Yeah. This shows she's not really Christian at all.) AShut up you stupid sinnr bitch (Frederick: How rude.) (Indeed.) - YOUR PATHETIC NOT MI. Flaming mi as it is agenst Gods will, four peepole to hate is BAD. And if you do tyou not be aloud in Heathen. So NO FLAMING, CHOOSE LOVE. (Frederick: Not all people like your story.) (You know, Erin, you really need to get a reality-check.) Anyway Edward is much 3 and so is you reedars. Thnx for reeding! also my carroter (Frederick: Isn't it supposed to be spelt 'character?') (Yes, only she doesn't know it.) is named Joan in this not erin :3
Edward dint speak to me for the rest of the clarse (Frederick: What's a clarse?) (I have no idea.) and he nevur looked at me agen. I was abit sad but I new that God (Frederick: I get the feeling that you would treat your God as your slave.) (It doesn't work that way, Erin. He won't give you what you want.) wood help me threw it. I prey to Him that at the end of class Edward will talk to me. But Edward dint, so i gessed I didn't prey loud enoug. (Frederick: You don't have to pray loud enough for God to answer you.) (I think that God wouldn't like you with a vampire.)
It waz lunch tiem so I goed and sat buy miself and red the Bible (Erni: It can be a good reed smtimes). (Frederick: Reading the Bible does not make you a Christian.) (It's what you do in the Bible that makes you a Christian.) I watched as Edwood sat next to a groop of people that had the same looks as him. YOu know, all mystyrous and sex-ah. I wounded who they were (Frederick: You can't wound a vampire.) (I think she meant 'wonder', Frederick.)
I watched them, they dint ate anythink but wern't annarexic loking so i felt more curious, I wanned to go and talk to him agen. I new he would like me (Frederick: He doesn't like you.) (She doesn't understand that she is potentially going to get killed.) because I am hot and a Crhistian. So i walk over and sit next to him. He looks angry but I dint care. "Hi Iam Erin, I waz in Yore clarse this Mourning." I say and they all star at me. (Frederick: Are they throwing stars at her?) (No, it was supposed to be spelt 'stared.')
They were all dressed in Abbacromby and Filtch clothes, the girls in briggt colours and the boys in not bright colours (Frederick: I thought the Cullens wore expensive brands.) (This proves she's an idiot for not researching the whole book.) but not dark either except edward who was in a sexi dark brwn hoodie and blak jeans. I suddenly knew they were a familt (Frederick: How does she know them? Is she psychic?) (She's a Mary Sue. She automatically knows who they are upon meeting them.) and I coulnt believe how hot the hole family are. Rosalie and Alice, the only girls, were perfect and hot like the veronicas but not emo and slutty. (If it wasn't agenst my religion to be homo, I would say they were sexah) (Frederick: And you just admitted that they're hot.) (I thought you loved Edward, Erin.) Then there was Japper, who was too kute and made me fell so clam wen I looked at hymn and he look like Matt Thiessen. Emmett was bigger than eny bodybuilder I had ever seen befour and look like Jon Cooper from Skillet. But no one could compet with Edward. He was the Hottest by far and loocked like Joel Bruyere (,333,##!) (Frederick: What's with the random symbols?) (Her way of telling us that her so-called object of affection is hot.)
"Why are you sitting here?" Edward asked all growly like. I smile at hymn becoz it seemd a good growl. (Frederick: I'll have to try that the next time I see a bear.) (No, Erin. You don't smile at him like it's okay. He's telling you to stay away from him.)
"Because I want to get to now you, silly. My nam is Joan St. Sanctuary Louisa-Smithe. You're hot and i lik you a fuckload" I replied, fluckering my eyelids in a sexy wey. (Frederick: And you just had to introduce yourself in a terrible way.) (Agreed. Why else would she flirt with him when we know that he's a vampire.)
"I'm Edward Cullen." He said not happily. Edward dint look impressed but I new he wood liek me soon. He might of already aktuly. He smelled but then he hiden it with scowl and then they all looked at eachuher for like a minute akwardish like last year when my sis lied that she was gay to evryone and had to go to camp (Frederick: Oh, great. You actually had me worrying about your sister instead of you.) (She's a master at making us feel sorry about a person that is mentioned one time.)
"C'mon, lets go." He said to his family and they all left. I was left sitting at the table. I dint get why he dint want to now mi. I wandered if their was something wrong with me and thats why he dint like me. (Frederick: He probably got scared off from the way you stalked him.) (Or maybe it was the Christian propaganda.) It was time to go to biology so I leave and go there.
Edward was in Biology too. He was sutting buy himself at a table. I walk over in a sexah wey and sit next to him, winning at him. He looked mad at me, i dint no why but ten he didn't look too made anymore. I had been freindly the hole time an mabye it was werking. (Frederick: Gods, he's being pulled in by her bewitching charms.) (Let's hope Edward decides to leave her.)
The teacher started to talk so I listened to him, Edward was still staring at me madly agin but fuck him he'll come arond becoz I love him. (Frederick: I have to admit. You say that you're a Christian, but I don't think you are.) (Good Christians don't swear, Erin.)
SOOOOOOOOOO HOW THAT?! betta I think i'm getting into this quit alot becoz twillielight is an orsum. (Frederick: No, your story is despicable.) (I think that you need to take writing classes, Erin.) I love Edward and the Krillians, even Jacob and them. Thankx for roding and plz review to tle me what you thank!1111 333 xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Stick around for more lulz. I'll be updating this rather frequently. Be sure to review and see what you think.