My Metaphorical and literal rollercoaster life
Written by Ghostsammeo
Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Naruto (Or Universal Studios on that matter) and make no money from this story.
A/N Sorry for the long waiting time. I had Dragon Age 2 to play then exams for ages. Then I just couldn't write this story, but after writing another Naruto romcom (yes I'm doing two at the same time... that sounded dirty) I'm back in the mood for writing!
Summary: 'The Jurassic Park ride isn't the most romantic place to fall in love, but at least it will make a funny story' – Sasuke's life turns into some romantic comedy fanfiction when he gets a job at Universal Studios.
"So you finally won her over eh?" Kakuzu questions as he enters the living room with a drink in hand.
The news that I'm going out with Sakura has finally reached the last of Itachi's friends ears so hopefully I won't have to hear, 'So you finally won her over eh', ever again.
Yes, Sakura Haruno said yes to me. It took awhile and involved lots of out of character pleading on my part, but finally she said yes. However, she is calling me her trial boyfriend, which is a little disheartening to say the least.
I'm currently in my brother's house, a week after Sakura became my girlfriend.
"Yeah, he told you that like four days ago hmm," Deidara reminds him.
"I didn't care four days ago," Kakuzu growls at him then turns back to me, "What's she look like?"
"You don't even know what she looks like? You've been working with her for well over a month now," Pein raises his eyebrow.
"I don't care about much except myself and my money," Kakuzu shrugs and sits down on a wooden chair next to the sofa.
As he does we all hear the front door opening then slamming with the words, "fucking idiots!", ringing in our ears.
"What's wrong Hidan?" Itachi calls out.
There's a shuffling then Hidan stomps into the room, drops some leaflets about anger or something onto the floor, then pushes Tobi off the sofa and sits down next to me in a huff.
"Hidan?" Itachi enquires.
"It's this damn anger management thing Orochimaru's got me doing, it doesn't work! All it does is make me more angry, what's the fucking point of that eh?"
After a fight which happened in the park last week, the boss, Orochimaru, has got Hidan doing anger management instead of working for four months. He's only had five lessons, but clearly he already hates it.
"What's so bad about it?" Sasori questions.
"Everything!" Hidan throws his hands into the air.
"What? Did they try to stop you swearing?" I ask sarcastically.
"Exactly that!" He nods vigorously, "Then they got me sitting in a circle forcing me to express my problems to this fucking circle of trust. Fuck the circle of trust!"
"What did you do?" Kisame asks with a smirk on his lips.
"I made up a load of shit about how I was bullied when I was younger," Hidan explains with a nod.
We all stare at him.
"Why'd you do that?" Deidara raises his eyebrow.
"I don't know Deidara! I panicked, as if I have any problems to let out anyway,"
We all share looks.
Suddenly there's a rap at the front door.
"I'll get it," Sasori sighs and gets up.
As we hear the door open there's a shout then... Suigetsu runs into the room?
"Who invited Sasuke's friend?" Zetsu asks on his arrival.
"I tried to stop him but he poked me in the eye!" Sasori appears behind Suigetsu, rubbing his watering eye.
"Sasuke!" Suigetsu barks at me.
"Suigetsu, you know I was just heading home you could have waited and-" I begin.
"No Sasuke this is urgent, I think Ino may be breaking up with me!"
I push open my front door and allow Suigetsu into my flat. He quickly sits on my sofa hugging a pillow. Raising my eyebrow I go to sit next to him.
"So, to clarify, you overheard Ino saying something about 'missing the single life' and 'her relationship is becoming boring'," I check.
"Yes," Suigetsu nods sadly.
"Could she have meant her relationship with her mother or something," Naruto asks from the kitchen, already into the conversation.
"No, she meant our relationship!" Suigetsu cries.
"Oh dear," I sigh, "Are you expecting me to do something about this Suigetsu?"
He turns slowly to me, "Yes please."
"Alright, give me a sec, maybe Sakura can help out," I say as I pull out my mobile.
"Good idea, best friends are good leverage," Suigetsu nods eagerly.
"Sakura?" I say into the phone after calling.
"Oh hey Sasuke, what you up to?" Sakura asks back.
"Nothing, just chillin'," I say flirtingly and soak into the sofa cushions.
"Sasuke," Suigetsu nudges me.
"Oh wait, actually I was just calling to ask you about Ino," I snap into action.
"What about her?"
"Well, I was just wondering ifs she's been acting strange recently or something?" I try.
"No, just same old, loud Ino... why do you ask?" Sakura questions.
I glance at Suigetsu, who nods.
"Well, apparently she's been saying stuff about Suigetsu and how she wants to break up with him," I explain.
I hear Sakura groan down the line, "Yes, yes she's been talking about it, and I suppose you want my help in stopping her?"
"Pretty please?"
"No Sasuke, I'm not going to stop Ino doing anything. It's her choice after all," Sakura barks.
What a bitch of a girlfriend! I would dump her if I didn't love her. But I do. So there.
"Won't you convince her even for me?" I attempt.
"No."
"Convince her a bit?"
"No."
"A little bit?"
"No."
"A tincey wincey bit?"
"Sasuke!"
"Okay, okay!"
I hang up and look to Suigetsu who stares back.
"Well, I tried," I shrug.
"Hold on Sasuke," Naruto says as he comes into the room, "Surely this is the part where you come up with some awesome plan to help Suigetsu here?"
I pull a face. Do I do that? That would be a nice thought if I could, but at the moment I'm stumped. I have no leverage with Ino, there's nothing I can do to stop her dumping Suigetsu.
"Plan?" Suigetsu looks pleadingly up to me, his bottom lip pouting and his purple eyes wide and watery.
"Suigetsu, when did a puppy dog face ever work on me, let alone your puppy dog face," I sigh.
"Come on Sasuke! I'll owe you one, just do something!" Suigetsu moans.
"Alright, okay, tomorrow at work I'll have a plan ready for you,"
The sun is shining bright as I arrive out the staff lockers and into the front of the park. Suigetsu walks up to me, his face pleading.
I smile and nod and his face perks up immediately.
"Plan?" He says when he arrives.
"Yes, and it's the best plan ever!" I exaggerate.
"Really?"
"Well, kinda... this way Suigetsu,"
I pull Suigetsu back into the staff lockers, wait for everybody to leave, and then begin.
"Okay here's the idea, I'm going to phone her up pretending to be her dad, telling her this story about how I met you," I begin.
"Ooh, good," he nods.
"I'll make up the story at the time about how you saved my life or something, but anyway, after that I'll recommend you to her saying stuff like 'this one's a keeper Ino' and-"
"You've got to be kidding me,"
Me and Suigetsu turn quickly round to see Sakura standing there, eyebrows raised.
"Hey babe, I was just-" I start but she shoves a hand in my face.
"Save it Sasuke,"
"Right," I nod and sink away.
"Number one," She suddenly says, "Ino's dad doesn't even talk like that, secondly you shouldn't be messing with people's business Sasuke, and lastly that is quite literally the worst plan I have ever heard,"
I keep my eyes to the floor, "It was alright,"
"No, no it wasn't," Sakura shakes her head. Suddenly she sighs and looks pityingly up at me and Suigetsu, "Do I really need to help you two?"
"Three," Naruto appears from behind my back making me scream with shock in my head... imagine if I did that out loud... haha, "I'm in on it too,"
"Alright, gather in," Sakura says, we huddle around her.
I'm sitting in a restaurant at eight o clock at night. It's one of those very posh ones, candles on each table lighting up the room along with waiters bustling around with French cuisine in hand. Sakura is sitting opposite me and I'm balancing a menu, pretending to read it, though I'm actually watching Suigetsu and Ino on a table a couple of metres away.
Both I and Sakura are wearing our most expensive gear. Her; a stunning black dress (which she looks great in!) and me in a tux.
"Sasuke stop looking," Sakura hisses at me, "Order something to make it less suspicious, if Ino sees us she'll know something's up,"
Okay, so Sakura's plan is a little better than mine. A little. Basically Suigetsu and Ino are having a nice dinner date, staged by me and Sakura. A guy nearby who I've paid off is soon going to pretend to choke and Suigetsu will 'save' him, thus making Ino like him again.
I personally don't know why that would stop Ino breaking up with him. It'd stop Ino dying if she ever happened to start choking on a prawn, but otherwise... eh Sakura knows her best.
I catch Suigetsu's eye and wink. He nods unsurely and continues chatting to Ino.
"Sasuke, did you just wink at him?" Sakura whispers angrily again.
"Yeah,"
"I said stop looking!" she spits.
"Alright," I sooth, "Now, shall we order something,"
A waiter over hears and comes over to us, pen in the ready.
She coughs lightly and nods, "Yes, I think I'll have-"
"Oh wait, no... I gave all my money to that guy to pretend to start choking, sorry babe," I grimace.
Sakura sighs and the waiter walks off shaking his head.
We sit around for another five minutes listening to the music being played from the corner, then Suigetsu nods at me suddenly. I nod back, understanding that the conversation with Ino is drying up, so I turn to the guy on the table nearby who I'm paying, and give him the thumbs up.
"Argh I'm choking!" He roars straight away and falls onto the floor, grabbing his neck as he rolls around on the floor.
"That's realistic," Sakura says sarcastically, sinking her face into her hands as people around us stand up and point.
"Move over!" Some man wearing a fancy suit says and runs over to help the fake choker.
It's Suigetsu's job to save the choker, not this old geezer's!
"No you don't," I mutter and stick out my foot from under the table which he trips on with a cry.
Suigetsu stands up and awkwardly and moves over to the choker as a crowd gathers. He picks him up then does some dodgy Heimlich manoeuvre which even an inexperienced eye such as mine can see that he's doing it wrong.
"Move over child you're doing it all wrong!" a woman wearing a sparkly dress shouts and shoves Suigetsu out the way and onto the floor.
I watch Ino shaking her head shamefully at Suigetsu.
He looks up at her and grins.
"Why did you trip me?" the man in the fancy suit demands of me from his position on the floor, red faced and definitely pissed off.
"You be quiet," I hiss at him then look up at Sakura, "Let's go,"
We quickly leave the carnage hand in hand. Walking quickly down the street we travel a block away from it all.
"So how'd it go?" Naruto appears in the darkness, leaning against a wall as me and Sakura walk down the street.
"Terribly," I mumble as we stop to rendezvous with him.
"It was a good plan," Sakura sticks her nose in the air, "Suigetsu just ruined it,"
"True," I nod, "So then what's next now that's failed?"
"I've got another one in mind," Sakura grins, "and we can do it tonight if we need to,"
"Let it out then," I push.
"Naruto," Sakura turns to the blonde, "You're going to be a robber and you're going to steal Ino's purse as her and Suigetsu walk down the road. Let Suigetsu pretend to beat you up and then run off before Ino can see it's you,"
"Okay, I'll text it to Suigetsu," I mutter, "Though this plan is totally over used,"
"Shut up and start moving," Sakura laughs and nudges me forwards.
We walk back around to the restaurant to see Ino and Suigetsu walking with their backs to us down the street.
Switching into uber awesome epic ninja mode (Which means I'll walk a bit slower than normal), we stalk the two for another block then unleash Naruto.
"Wish me look," he whispers then runs in.
Me and Sakura watch him run up and grab Ino's bag from behind. Somehow though, Ino manages to hold onto it and a struggle erupts, leaving Suigetsu bewildered.
"Oh dear Lord," Sakura shakes her head with embarrassment as Naruto is thrown to the floor by Ino and starts to get wailed on with a rein of blows to the face.
Inside I'm laughing my ass off, but he's failed so badly I actually can't seem to get out even a snigger.
Eventually Suigetsu pulls Ino off him, giving Naruto a chance to speed off. Probably crying.
Me and Sakura turn back around and walk the other way before Ino can turn around and see us.
"Well then, we've failed," I say.
"I know... wanna come back to my place?"
"Sure,"
Back of the net.
The next day as I stand vending a stall, Suigetsu along with Naruto approach me.
Naruto has a great big black bruise on his left eye and his cheeks are still red from the punches Ino leant him. I have already seen his face previously last night when I came home, but I assure you my reaction went something along the lines of me laughing my face off until I was as sore as him.
"Hey guys," I nod.
Suigetsu climbs over the stall and falls to the floor by my feet. Children bend over to look at him curiously as he lies there.
"Something wrong Suigetsu?" I ask sarcastically.
"None of your plans are working," he says dryly.
"Sakura's plans actually, my plan was to pretend to be Ino's dad, remember?" I remind.
And he should remember it too, because when all of Sakura's plans fail and mine succeeds I need him there to vouch for me when I rub it in her face.
"Whatever, nothing's happened, if anything she's acting less interested in me," he looks up at me slowly, "I can feel it coming soon, Sasuke,"
"Well lucky for you," I say as I unhook a cuddly toy hanging above me and hand it to a little girl, "I've got a new plan,"
"Will it involve violence and me again?" Naruto questions glumly as he picks up a ball and starts playing my stall game.
"You've got to pay for that," I hiss at him, then turn smug, "And no it doesn't. Well it was going to involve you and it still involves violence... but this time it will be me in the face of danger,"
"Good, I hope you get beaten up BF," Naruto comments.
"Don't call me BF!" I rage.
"Is he your boyfriend?" a small little boy suddenly asks as he appears in the line behind Naruto.
"No! Go away little boy!" I demand.
"So what's the plan?" Suigetsu says from below me as the little boy runs off to his mother sitting on a bench nearby.
"I'm going to go downtown and hang around the rooftop car parks," I begin.
"What? Where all those rough gangs hang about?" Naruto says, smiling slightly at the thought.
"Exactly!" I nod, "I'm going to piss them off and get them to chase me and just when they're about to catch me, Suigetsu zooms in the way with his car! Obviously Ino's got to be with you Suigetsu, and of course you've got to hand the punks a few harsh words before you drive off,"
Suigetsu sits there for a while then nods, "Hey, that doesn't sound half bad,"
"I came up with it in like five minutes," I lie, as I actually spent the whole of last night in bed writing down plans in my notebook.
"And have you run this through with Sakura?" Naruto points out.
"Why would I?"
"Well she's your girlfriend, she won't want to see you hurt," he goes on.
"Right, right," I nod, "But you missed the part where Suigetsu saves me... you know, that really important part?"
"Shaddup," Naruto shakes his head with a chuckle.
"When's this going down then?" Suigetsu asks me.
"After work, five o clock," I decide, "Could you get Ino to go out with you then?"
"Yeah we were going to go to the movies but I'll just take a wrong turn," Suigetsu grins.
"Great, you'll need to save me at the car park entrance, ground floor. I'll call you as a reminder and when you see me running get in their way,"
"Awesome," Suigetsu grins for the first time in a day, "And once I've saved you Ino will be interested in my exploits once more!"
"Yeah sure, now go away I'm working,"
I push open the doors and arrive at the top of the building, cars parked all around as the wind blows in my face.
Now to find a group of... Oh dear.
My eyes are drawn immediately to the end of the car park where I see four figures scratching a car with their keys.
Red hair, a pair of twins, big fat guy... I just ran into Tayuya, Sakon, Ukon and Jirobo; the thugs from before.
They glance up when the door opens and narrow their eyes when they see me. Their eyes narrow even more when they remember who I am.
Okay, calm down Sasuke. Suigetsu's still going to save you; they're just like any other gang... except these ones have a personal vendetta against you.
Well at least they've got Jirobo with them, he'll slow them down.
"Hey you!" Tayuya roars.
I freeze then manage to shout, "Fuck off whore!" though it comes out very stiffly and robotic.
Tayuya growls so loud I can hear it from across the car park.
"Let's get the weasel and give him what he had coming to him last week!" Sakon or Ukon (I really need to learn the difference) exclaims.
Suddenly all four of them are running towards me.
Go Sasuke's body, go!
I'm not moving.
I said go me, go!
I turn as they are just an arms-length reach from me and speed through the doors and down the steps.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I mutter as I run down the stairs, their stomping footsteps coming closer and closer with each second.
I pull out my phone (which slows me down a bit... ahhh!) and ring Suigetsu.
"They chasing you yet?" he says straight away.
"Help me!" I cry as an answer.
"On my way," he chirps.
"I hope you are!" I scream as I run.
This was such a bad idea; I really should have consulted Sakura, she would have talked me out of it!
Eventually I make it to the ground floor. Running through the door I see the lights to the outside directly ahead of me and Suigetsu's silver car driving in slowly.
I'm about to keep running, when suddenly a hand grabs me back and pins me against the wall.
Jirobo has hold of me, smirking evilly into my face.
"Suigetsu!" I yelp out.
Tayuya laughs, "Alright, ladies first right guys?"
They all laugh and suddenly Tayuya lands a punch to my guts... which hurts... a lot.
"Bitch," I mutter when she does.
I honestly don't know why I just swore at the person beating me up, when I'm hurt I just instantly swear. Honest.
Tayuya's face goes as red as her hair, "What? That's it,"
She beckons Jirobo forwards as I hear a car door open and Suigetsu calling my name.
Jirobo places a blow into my cheek.
Moaning in pain I try to escape and go pretty far. After hooking Jirobo's leg and pulling him to the floor I punch one of the twins in the face, but before I can go further Tayuya and the other twin has me pushed back to the wall again.
"You'll regret that!" Jirobo says as he stands up.
"Sasuke!"
Suigetsu appears behind Tayuya and is suddenly raising a big fat book above her. He swings it down, hitting Tayuya on the head and... yep... I'm pretty sure she's unconscious.
"What the fuck?" Is all I can say.
"It's a dictionary, I found it in my car," Suigetsu explains, wide-eyed.
Suddenly, as he is looking at me, one of the twins lands a blow on Suigetsu who falls backwards with a shout.
Taking my chance I wriggle out of Jirobo's grip, push past one of the twins and help Suigetsu up.
He swings out immediately, catching the twin that hit him and then he turns to me, "run?"
"Run," I confirm.
We speed towards the car, where I see Ino looking bewildered out of the front window.
We dive in, me into the back and Suigetsu into the driving seat.
As he pulls away in the car with the gang shouting abuse at us, Ino turns to me; eyebrow raised, "Sasuke... why were you being chased by that gang that chased you last week?"
I go to answer but she turns to Suigetsu quickly, "And how do you know how to save him... was it him on the phone a couple of minutes ago?"
Suigetsu keeps his eyes on the road. I sit up from my lying position and strap in, "Erm... yes, it was, I called him," I admit.
"And?"
"And then Suigetsu bravely came to my rescue!" I say weakly.
Ino looks at Suigetsu then at me, "I'm not stupid you know, you two planned this,"
She studies us both once more, mostly looking at out bleeding noses and bruised cheeks.
"But it went wrong didn't it?"
Me and Suigetsu stay silent as we drive.
"And Suigetsu, you ended up having to actually save Sasuke?"
Oh... that's a good conclusion she's came up with. We might as well use our chance.
"Yes, that's it! We planned all this to impress you because we heard you were thinking about dumping Suigetsu," (Suigetsu turns to look at me, gobsmacked) "but then it went wrong, so Suigetsu saved me," I ramble, "Great guy Suigetsu, great guy,"
Ino pouts. The feeling in the car is very, very awkward.
Suddenly she breaks into a smile, "Suigetsu you're a hero!"
"Wha-"
Suigetsu looks at me in confusion, I nod, eyes wide.
"Oh, I guess so," He supposes.
"And it's so sweet you were trying to impress me, I can't believe I ever thought about leaving you!" She gushes.
Well, that's their relationship safe.
"And so, my plan worked," I finish telling my story grandly.
It wasn't the whole story, in-fact it was much more, I added some bits for extra effect. You can't blame me, I am with my girlfriend after all.
Sakura comes back from her kitchen and snuggles down onto the sofa next to me.
"Really?" She asks sceptically.
"Yep, I don't know why you didn't trust me in the first place," I joke.
"In the first place you were planning on pretending to be Ino's dad," she smirks.
I laugh slightly and start on another topic, "Look at us, going out one week and we're already saving others' relationships as if we're happily married,"
"Not quite married yet Sasuke, but I'll tell you what, I'll stop calling you my temporary boyfriend if you want," She giggles and kisses me softly on the lips.
Well, it's a step forward from being her temporary boyfriend I guess. Next step, to announce that I love her!
Wow... that's gonna be harder than I first thought.