So, this chapter is most likely the second-most confusing piece I've ever written. Beware. It doesn't advance the plot much, but I feel all you should get some answers as to Merlin's condition.
Mimi (si) mwenyewe Merlin! Mimi (si) mwenyewe Merlin!
And, with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer: REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!
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It was hard to tell what was solid and what was not. Sensations drifted in and out of his awareness, through objects that appeared real but were not, around forms that should be false but weren't. Sounds, noises, filtered into him in a jumbled, incoherent mess.
Motions flickered, insignificant so far as he had no idea what they were, inside the drops of time splattered everywhere, shining through first one then another, reflecting and duplicating everything that ever had been, was, and would be.
There was too much, too much and yet so little inside him, warring to gain the upper hand with the speed of thought, and he had no idea which would win, or if he should want one to.
Where is Arthur?
Where am I?
What's happening?
Hello?
What's going on?
I should stop talking.
Calm down, Merlin.
I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation for this. And for the fact that I can't do anything, or see anything, or hear or taste or smell or feel anything.
Don't freak out.
He knew there was nothing left of...something. Something was missing, something that would be able to understand this reality, these incomprehensible images running through his mind - is that what is missing, his mind? - and be able to make sense of the things and noise surrounding him.
Okay, just keep talking...or...thinking...
Is that what I'm doing? Thinking? I can't stop. There's nothing else. Nothing. When I stop thinking, I am nothing.
Is that what it feels like to not exist?
He was alive.
That one, small piece of knowledge glimmered inside him among the swirls of lost sensations.
Did alive mean exist?
It did not. He didn't exist.
But he was alive. There was a momentary flare, a flicker of confusion that wondered for an instant how that could be, but then it vanished among the images that came from a reality that wasn't his own. Or maybe they did.
Alright, stay calm. Calm. Right.
I've never experienced nothing before.
Where is my body?
What? Where did that come from?
Well, I suppose from yourself, Merlin, you're the only one here...in this...place.
Great, just what I need, talking to myself. Or, rather, thinking to myself.
Of course, I already do that. Apparently it's simply more noticeable when you're nothing but thoughts.
It is a good point, though. If I am nothing but thoughts, where is my body?
Am I dead?
Time...
Time was meaningless as it flew by him, decades and seconds the same as they were absorbed into eternity. He breathed in time, exhaling it as it coated his lungs in an attempt to cling to him.
Why?
He felt that was important in some way. Why was time giving him these images, noises, sounds, forms? He didn't know what they meant.
If he existed, he would know, but he was only alive.
If I'm dead, maybe all I am is a soul. Is this what it is like to just be a soul?
I can't be dead. I can't.
What about Arthur? Gwen, the knights, Gaius? Who will protect them? If they die, it will be because I wasn't there.
Arthur isn't even king yet.
I can't be dead.
A feeling ran through him, and he only noticed it now. It was comforting, familiar, as it kept him from too little and stopped him from too much.
There was a name for it, the thing that helped him, but he felt it didn't matter, only that it was there.
Words...there were none. There were only things, the words had become meaningless and he wouldn't have been able to understand them, much less use them. He only felt, and didn't comprehend.
To comprehend, he would have to exist.
The bracelet.
That must be it. The bracelet. I reached for my magic, which is me, and the bracelet tried to stop me from reaching for it because that's what it does, of course, and since my magic is me, it cut me off from my body!
…
…
That confused even me, and I'm the one who thought of it.
Stop thinking with yourself, Merlin.
Okay, slowly, this time. I can't afford to misunderstand this.
The bracelet separated me from my magic.
I am magic.
Therefore, when I reached for my magic, I must have...put myself together with it again and the bracelet...it must have pushed me from my body because I was too closely entwined in my magic.
Well put, Merlin. Mental pat on the back, wherever it is at the moment.
Now, my problem is how to get back.