I felt stupid right after it had happened. I realized that I was in a haystack and that Ezio had somehow emerged right beside me.
"What were you thinking?" I cried.
He did not reply as he lifted me from the haystack and carried me towards a horse. I looked at the roof of the clock tower and Cesare stood there watching me. The feeling inside me grew stronger and my insides began to burn. I put my hand on Ezio's chest plate and I truly understood that he would never love me.
"Ezio, please put me down," I quietly said.
"Not until you're away from him," he replied.
Like a child who did not know that flailing their arms and resisting would lead them to fall to the ground, I did the same. Ezio let me go and sighed. I wanted to be on the ground—as he already knew—so I could run to Cesare, who waited patiently on the roof.
"I am trying to save you. Isn't that what you wanted?" asked Ezio.
"I wanted you to save Carla and Bianca. Why didn't you?"
His jaw twitched in anger and he said, "If you go to Cesare, he will kill you."
"You are wrong. He will let me live, he will save my soul," I blurted out.
From the corner of my eye, I could see that Cesare was now at the door of the clock tower, beside the bodies of the dead guards that Ezio must have killed earlier. He was only a ten second run away from me.
"He will save nothing but himself. He is a tyrant, Louise, and in destroying the world, he will destroy you as well," argued Ezio.
I looked away from Cesare and back to Ezio, and daringly said, "I love him."
What happened next was a dream inside a dream. Ezio did not know how to respond, so he cupped my face in his hands and kissed me lovingly. When I pulled away, I looked into his eyes and saw… nothing. Once upon a time, this would have been the moment I would have longed for. I would hold him close and obey him, and when we were back at the Rosa in Fiore he would leave me hanging. He still loved that girl who died a long time ago; there was nothing I could ever wear, say or do to make it otherwise, but this did not break my heart. My attention was still on Cesare.
"I'm sorry," I simply replied as I backed away slowly.
"As am I," he said as he leaned towards me.
I did not understand what he meant by this, until I felt that my stomach was wet. I put my hand to where my corset was and when I lifted my hand, it was painted a bright red. I looked at him in horror and shock, but all he did was walk past me and onto his horse. He gave Cesare one last glance before turning his horse away and riding into the crowd ahead.
I looked at Cesare with pleading eyes, the eyes that begged him to forgive me for kissing Ezio; the eyes that begged him to help me, even though he couldn't see the blood from that far away. I felt weak and dropped to my knees, my dress cushioning my fall.
The sun was setting and the oranges of the sky were the only things I could look at to make the numbing pain less obvious. Cesare ran toward me and held me in his arms, only realizing now that Ezio had stabbed me with his hidden blade.
"That stronzo de merda," he barked, cradling me in his arms. "I should have killed him on that tower."
My pain was battling with the happiness I felt to be near Cesare, and to see him so passionate about this.
"Cesare," I whispered as I tried to form a smile.
"Louise, you are a goddamn idiot," he said as he got up and carried me into his arms, the same way Ezio did, but he was more pleasing to my eye.
"I need to tell you something," I said.
"Not now, you are dying, I need— Guards! Get over here, bring that carriage!"
Five or six guards came running toward Cesare as he walked through the streets of Rome, scaring the civilians and making them move back with fear. I looked at one small girl who hid behind his mother's dress, and our eyes locked for a brief moment. I smiled at her because she reminded me of myself when I was young—so scared and shy of the world, but my smile must have scared her more because she hid her face in the dress and did not look back.
A carriage somehow emerged while I was paying attention the little girl, and Cesare carried me inside, still holding me like a child. He barked at the guard to drive as quickly as he could to somewhere, but I did not hear him well. I felt the pain I always felt when my clumsiness took over: fatigue. I did not want to sleep for fear of losing Cesare, and for losing myself.
"Stay awake, Louise," said Cesare, as if he had read my mind.
"I need to tell you something now," I said tiredly, knowing that I may not get the chance to say it ever again.
"No, don't tire yourself. Just stay awake—just look at me," he said.
"That's the thing, though," I slowly replied, "Looking at you makes me cry."
"But why?"
I felt tears form in my eyes, whether it was from pain or happiness, I could not tell.
"Because I am never going to see it again," I quietly sobbed.
He put his hand on my head and gently stroked it as he said, "You will live, Louise. I will not let the Assassin win, not this time."
I raised my hand and touched Cesare's face, unaware that it was the hand that had blood on it, until it left a mark on his cheek.
"Do you remember the time you wanted me to sleep? After Ezio had hit me on the head that one year?"
"Yes, vaguely."
"It's quite fascinating... Now, it is opposite because you do not want me to sleep..."
"I find the fascinating part being that both times it was the Assassin who had hurt you, yet you still love him."
"He does not love me."
"He had to stab you for you to realize this?"
The carriage stopped but Cesare did not get out.
"We must pick something up," he answered, reading my unspoken question from my face.
We sat in the quiet carriage for a while, and I held tightly onto Cesare's hand to help endure the pain. When the carriage began to move again, Cesare snapped at them for taking so long, and I heard one say, "It was harder to find than you said it was".
My eyes burned and I did not even care to ask what they were retrieving. All I wanted was to sleep, but Cesare knew this.
"Louise, stay awake, only for a while longer," he said, but his voice seemed so far away.
"I can't, Cesare, I really can't," I replied, and I heard my voice echo through the small carriage.
He squeezed my hand and said, "Don't be weak, it is nothing but a mere wound..."
He was lying, and we both knew it. Death and unconsciousness were right around the corner, creeping their way closer and closer to me, so I knew I only had a few more minutes, and I needed to tell Cesare.
"I love you, darling," I sighed.
The carriage stopped once more and Cesare carried me through tall hallways and into a room with a big bed. My eyes began to roll back but I could hear voices and I saw a golden light shine and flash, and a sound so peculiar I have never heard anything like it. Every time the strike of light came, the sound came with it, and with every flash of gold, I felt the pain in my stomach lessen and lessen. When the lights and sounds stopped, the room became quiet. I felt Cesare lie down beside me on the bed, and right before I fell asleep, I swear I heard him whisper in my ear, "I love you, too."