Two chapters in a week, go me! The only reason I've actually written another chapter this week is because I'm at home sick and wasn't able to go out, so I guess that's a good thing for you guys. I just wanted to thank everyone who's reviewed- it means a lot. And hopefully this chapter is long enough because I know the last few have been on the short side and I apologize for that! Hopefully you guys like chapter six enough to leave a review! Also, there will possibly be another chapter up this weekend which is where all the good stuff starts!

This City Is On Fire

The ride back to the apartment felt like a lifetime, and each breath I took seemed to hurt more than the last. I'm terrified, of losing Emma and losing myself, because I'm not sure I can ever forgive myself if that happened. I'm scared that in the end I'll have to choose between my loyalty for Michael and the team or Emma, and as bad as it sounds right now I'm not sure which I would choose.

I owe Michael so much, for taking me in and giving me a place to stay with Maddie after I was burned. I owe him my life after he helped me with the whole Khan situation and in return I've done nothing but make our job more difficult. At the same time though, I've never felt this way about anyone before, and Emma brings out a side of me I didn't even know existed. I feel like I can relax around her and not have to walk around wondering if someone's going to make a move. Either way, this will be the hardest decision I've had to make.

Finally, I pull into the lot outside Emma's apartment and I notice her car is there. I hesitate at first, because I'm still not sure what to say, or if I should even say anything at all. In the end though I decide it's now or never and I walk up the steps until I'm standing outside her door. I rap my knuckles against the wood and wait, running a hand over my face as I notice I've begun to sweat. When the door opens she's standing there, in plaid pajama pants and a white tank top while her hair is tied into a messy bun. She's absolutely beautiful. But when she sees me her face hardens and she begins to shut the door, but not before I catch it.

"Em, please. We need to talk." There's a firmness in my voice, one she hasn't heard before and I can tell she's surprised because her eyes widen the slightest bit and she releases her grip on the door. She doesn't speak; she just stands back and waits for me to walk inside before she softly shuts the door and walks back to the couch. I take my spot in the easy chair and clasp my hands together as I purse my lips, wondering which one of us will have to break the silence. Surprisingly, Emma speaks first.

"I'm sorry." It comes out as a whisper but I hear it as though she'd yelled it from the rooftop. I stop and I look up at her but she refuses to meet my eye, instead she stares at the floor and I can the tears shining in her eyes. Suddenly everything I had planned to say disappeared from my mind.

"Me too," is all I can think to say and once again we're launched into an awkward silence that seems to consume us. Emma wrings her hands and brushes a few strands of hair out of her face, while I sit and watch her, entranced in her every movement as I'm afraid I'll miss something. When she finally looks at me I bite my lip to stop myself from gasping. From this distance I can see every defining mark on her and I can see that there are dark circles under her eyes and her face is pale, she looks like she hasn't slept in a while.

"You want a beer?" she asks suddenly, standing up and moving towards the fridge. Her movements are jerky and I can see how tense her muscles are.

"Yeah." I tell her and after a moment she comes back with two beers and immediately twists the lid off of hers and takes a swig. I do the same, savoring the taste and the fact that after a few more of these I won't be able to feel anything.

"You said we needed to talk," she says after a few minutes, picking at the label on her bottle. I nod slowly and set my drink on the coffee table, resting my chin in my hands.

"Yeah, we do." I pause, take in a deep breath and finally I let go. "I work with Michael Westen; he took me in after I was fired from my old job. I was never an accountant.." she rolls her eyes but lets me continue. "I used to be counter intelligence, but someone hacked my files and I was blacklisted. I had nowhere to go and I had heard Michael was still in Miami so I looked him up and basically he saved my life." Emma still looks unconvinced and maybe even a little disappointed, and for some reason I feel angry that my explanation may not be good enough for her.

"What?" I ask when she still hasn't spoken and there's an uneasy look in her eyes. Her had snaps up and she shrugs her shoulders before setting her bottle down and standing up.

"I don't know Jess; I guess maybe I'm a little uncomfortable with the idea that I was dating a complete stranger that had no problem lying to me?" She's pacing the floor now and I can tell she's angry, I can hear it in her voice and see it in her movements. But her accusation hits me hard and I stand up to so we're face to face.

"I said those things to protect you, and last I checked you weren't exactly honest with me either." She lets out a sarcastic, dry laugh and her eyes narrow towards me. I can tell this isn't going to end well. She's stubborn and she'll fight for what she want, but what she doesn't know is that I am too and there can only be one winner here.

"I may not have been specific about my job but I did not create a fake life and sell it to you! I didn't tell you I was a cop because some guys can't handle it, and I already cared about you so much that I couldn't bear to lose you." After that the air is so thick I feel like I can't breathe, and guilt is beginning to weigh me down. Our intentions were the same but for some reason I can't acccept that as an excuse for what I did.

I take in the woman in front of me, the one I'm almost positive I love. There are tears streaming down her face and her arms are wrapped around her slender frame. She looks so vulnerable and all I want to do is take her in my arms and make it better, but the only way I can fix this is to do the one thing I've been afraid of all along.

"Emma, look at me." I say, walking towards her until we're just a few inches apart. She raises her head and she meets my eye, I can see her lips trembling and her long lashes have tears clinging to them. I cup her cheek with my hand, wiping away a tear with my thumb, unsure if I can really do this. But when I look at her and I see how much she's hurting I know that if I really am the man I think I am, I'll let her go.

"I'm sorry," it comes out as a whisper, and my voice is broken. I kiss her cheek and taste the sweet taste of her skin mixed with salt, feeling tears burn my own eyes, although I would never let them fall in front of her. I step back and her eyes are blank, she's no longer looking at me but at the floor instead. I take a last look around the apartment, trying to memorize the place that was beginning to feel like home before I turn around and walk out the door and out of her life.