Hearts Divided

by ChiefPam

Previously: Lord Nor is vanquished, and Ching is taking Zara back to New Krypton. Kal wants Lois to come to New Krypton with him... as his concubine. She did not react well to the suggestion.

Lois avoided him for most of the day, Kal noted, and he was willing enough to be avoided. There weren't many ship duties to attend to, so he spent the day recording his version of the events aboard Nor's ship for use at the trial. The Council would have to judge this case fairly speedily, but they couldn't begin without him - apart from anything else, as Zara's birth-husband, he qualified as her nearest male relative. She was the main victim in the case, and he would have to speak for her in court. At any rate, he wanted his accounting of events to be as complete and concise as he could manage. The whole narrative reminded him of how much he had come to rely on Lois.

The subterfuge that had gotten them all onto Nor's ship had grown from one of her comments, and between them, they'd worked out the details - trading ideas as if they'd worked together for years. Her insights and ideas would be invaluable to him as he struggled to change New Krypton, although he knew that wasn't the main reason he wanted her to accompany him. He simply needed her, the same way he needed air and water.

By evening, he was becoming twitchy. He had eaten an early dinner alone on the bridge, but he'd been aware of her all day. He knew her friends were protecting her, keeping her busy with self-defense and dance classes, in between bouts of raiding the food supplies. He'd felt flashes of anger from her during the morning, but he hoped she was calming down enough to be rational.

Restless, he left the bridge and began walking. When his supposedly aimless wanderings led him to the Terrace, he was not surprised to see that she was already there. He stood in the doorway for a long moment, studying her. She was once again facing the wall of stars.

Luckily, Zak had provided him with a fairly innocuous way to begin a conversation. Or at least it had seemed so, until he was in her presence; now every possible way he could phrase the request seemed fraught with dangerous double-meanings.

Just as he was growing disgusted with himself for this inability to come up with a simple sentence, Lois turned. "We have to stop meeting like this," she commented, seeming unsurprised to see him.

There was a thread of wry humor in her voice and Kal smiled, grateful she wasn't on the attack. "Lois, I'm so very sorry for upsetting you last night; I didn't mean to insult you."

She sighed, and her voice was oddly sad. "I know. It was just your cultural programming. I should have remembered that."

Her words had such an air of finality about them that Kal couldn't quite bring himself to pursue the topic. "Zak came to me a little while ago," he said instead. "He wanted me to ask you if it was okay for him to ask Melanie to marry him."

Lois blinked. "That's a little ... convoluted."

Kal shrugged, feeling a little embarrassed at having to explain the tradition. "Well, I'm his commanding officer ... Zak just wants to go through all the proper forms. It's his way of showing respect."

Her mouth thinned, and Kal wondered what he'd said. She was hard to read tonight, even telepathically, now that she wasn't broadcasting strong emotions.

"I guess we used to do things like that on Earth," she finally said. "I must be the closest thing he can get to Melanie's father."

"Something like that, yes," Kal agreed, pleased at her comprehension. Zak had been a little worried about how to proceed; well-brought-up Kryptonians were not expected to pick their own spouses willy-nilly.

"Well, in that case, we have traditions of our own," she said, looking grimly amused in spite of herself. "Are his intentions honorable?"

He frowned, unfamiliar with the phrasing. "Zak is an honorable man," he said cautiously.

"That's not always enough," Lois said acerbically. "Is he really going to marry her?"

"That is his intention," Kal assured her. In fact, once Kal became First Lord of New Krypton, it would be within his power to compel the marriage, but he thought it wiser not to mention that. Besides, he was confident it wouldn't be necessary. "If Melanie accepts him, he'll always treat her with honor and respect."

"Yeah, he'd better. Next question - can he support her in the style to which she'd like to become accustomed?"

Kal blinked. "What?"

She grinned at his confusion. "Sorry, that's just the sort of phrase I've always wanted to say. What kind of money does he make?" she translated. "Will she have lots of food and clothes, a nice big house - that sort of thing."

"Ah, yes. Well, at present he's a junior officer, but I think I can arrange at least one promotion for him. He should be able to take good care of her."

"That's good." Her amusement faded, and she searched his face. "Will she really be okay there? I guess she must be in love, but people in love aren't always thinking clearly, and she's only known him a few days..."

Kal was aware of the irony as he answered, "For some people, a few days is all it takes."

She caught a breath at that, then persevered. "But what about his family? Will they accept her?"

"He believes so," Kal answered slowly, trying to get to the root of this anxiety. "We're not such a closed society as you might think - there are several sentient races that we trade with; Melanie will seem very familiar compared to some of the others."

Lois nodded. "Okay, physically, I can see that ... but let's face it, Melanie's not gonna blend in culturally. She'll expect to have more freedom ... more liberation than most New Kryptonian women have ever thought of. There *will* be a backlash; there always is when someone challenges the status quo."

Kal nodded. Melanie would certainly be a shock to the collective NK system, as would Lois. Maybe this was part of the reason she didn't want to go. "I agree ... but I'll protect her, I promise. And remember, I'm going to be shaking up the system, myself - Melanie will be the least of anyone's worries. Besides, I'm sure Zara will appreciate having an ally."

"Sort of a two-pronged cultural attack, from above and below?" Lois asked with a ghost of a smile. "Well, if you're sure..."

"She'll lack for nothing," Kal promised, wishing he were discussing Lois rather than Melanie.

"Well, Zak might want to check with Brenda and Francine, too," Lois said cryptically, "but he's got my permission. Assuming Melanie's interested, of course."

"Thank you, I'll tell him." Hesitantly, he ventured to add, "It will be a different culture for her - we don't always do things the same way as she might be used to on Earth ... but just because it's different doesn't make it bad."

Lois looked him straight in the eye. "Are you trying to tell me I don't understand the role of concubine, as played on New Krypton?"

Kal smiled ruefully. "I can't fool you, can I?"

"I understand you better than you think," she replied quietly.

Kal closed his eyes for a moment, focusing on their bond. Before, he'd glimpsed her as a shimmering shower of sparks, lively and passionate. Today's sadness had dimmed her aura, but she remained beautiful in his mind's eye; a glimmering fall of water droplets, still reflecting tiny sparkles of light. **We are one,** he sent telepathically, not sure whether she would hear him or not. He opened his eyes.

She was gazing at him thoughtfully, and he could sense that her emotions were in turmoil. "Okay, Kal. Tell me about concubines on New Krypton."

"Um, okay." He took a moment to gather his thoughts. "It's sort of ... well, New Krypton society is very structured. There are nearly one hundred noble Houses - the Houses are ruled by the noble families, the Lords and Ladies. Marriages are a good way to form alliances between the various houses, so they're all arranged - usually at birth - and don't have much to do with personal choice. None of us are supposed to mind that, you know; it's all supposed to be for the greater good. But it does mean that the only true relationships are ... less formal."

Lois nodded slowly. "I guess that makes sense, in a warped way. Given the premises, and all. But I'll bet there's one heck of a double standard - Zara expected you to go ballistic when you found out about her and Ching."

Kal winced, wishing his society didn't always sound so awful when Lois described it. "Yes, there is - or at least there was. It was the only way to ensure the bloodline." He found himself blushing slightly, anticipating her reaction to this next part. "Reproduction has been ... disassociated with personal contact. We have technology - well, it's similar to your in vitro fertilization clinics, with sperm and egg donations, except that we've taken things a step further. Women are not expected to endure a pregnancy; we have birthing matrices that nurture the fetus until it's mature enough to be born."

Lois's eyebrows arched at that. "Amazing. Unreal." Her gaze sharpened. "So you're saying that you and Zara ..."

"Will never need make, um, contact," Kal said, immensely grateful that she'd understood that so quickly.

"Uh-huh. But you could-" She stopped herself, taking a deep breath, and he could feel her anger damp down. "So you're saying that your relationship with Zara would be all for show."

"Yes, exactly."

"Fine - so how much 'show' are we talking about?"

He eyed her warily. "What do you mean?"

"Do you make a joint appearance once a year, three times a day, or what?" she clarified, looking entirely too calm for his comfort. "I want to know what your schedule would be."

"Oh - well, I don't know exactly. The previous First Lord was fairly busy with Council meetings - but that was because the colony was new then, and everyone was scrambling to survive and to maintain our traditions."

"But you say you want to change some of those traditions," Lois pointed out. "Won't that take considerable time?"

"Yes, perhaps ... but not all in Council meetings."

She shrugged. "I'll have to take your word for it. Do you plan to include Zara in those meetings? She was clearly interested."

"Yes, I'd like to," Kal agreed, more uneasy with every question, but unable to see any trap. "She should be there, for both practical and symbolic reasons. They might protest a bit, but I think we can persuade them - after all, she will be the First Lady of New Krypton."

Lois smiled sweetly. "And how about the First Concubine?"

Kal stared at her. He'd had vague notions of keeping her at his side at all times, working with her and getting her advice, the way she had joined him and Ching in discussing strategy against Nor ... but now the mists of fantasy were parting, and he could see that reality would not be remotely like that. "The Lords would not ..." He trailed off. There were certain older Lords who would be apoplectic about the idea, and a possibility that if he insisted, they would escalate matters to a civil war. He could not provoke that.

Lois nodded. "They'd have a fit, wouldn't they. So, no council meetings. How about private meetings?"

"Perhaps, eventually - New Krypton is rather hidebound," Kal offered, his defense sounding weak even in his own ears. It would be difficult enough to induce the Lords to value Zara as an equal. "But that's one of the things I want to change! And I would always want your input and advice; it would just have to be in private. At first."

"Right, just the first fifteen years or so." Lois shook her head. "Kal, I can't play that game ... always hiding back in the back room, only seeing you for a few hours of the day. What would I do the rest of the time? I'm not the domestic type, and there *are* no other options, are there?"

"You don't know that," Kal shot back, growing frustrated ... and a little desperate. "You did intelligence gathering for your country, you could do it for mine - go out and talk to people, to let me know how they really feel about the reforms I'm proposing. I'm going to need support from the lower classes because the Lords won't want to let go of their privileges. And I'm going to need accurate information."

For a moment, she wavered - he could feel the leap of hope. But then it died, and she shook her head. "Kal ... I can't live my life undercover. I managed it for a few days, but ... not forever. That kind of job would require me to keep my opinions to myself - even to pretend to sympathize with people that revolt me. And that's assuming I could do anything at all, because everyone would know I'm your c-" She stopped herself, then continued, "That I'm on your side."

Kal's heart ached as he saw her shoulders slump. Without a second thought, he reached for her and drew her into a warm embrace. Slowly, he reasoned through what she had said.

She wasn't worried about her social status, he understood that now; she was far more practical than that. She would be made miserable by the restrictions of New Kryptonian society. Logically, he was back to where he'd been a few days ago - she deserved much more than he could offer - but in far worse condition, emotionally. If she were miserable, he would be too - and worse, he would be guilty of creating that misery. "I'm sorry," he murmured into her hair.

Lois sighed against him, refusing, for the moment, to let him go. "I love you."

"I know." Words seemed inadequate, irrelevant. They stayed holding each other for a long time.

"I can't go back to New Krypton without you, Lois - I want to stay with you on Earth..."

Lois woke with a start, disoriented until she realized that she had only dreamed those words. Her sadness returned, but in bearable intensity. It had been difficult talking to Kal, but she was glad she'd done it. It had been hard to watch the hopeful light in his eyes dim as he'd realized how impossible it was for her to go with him, but at least they had come back into harmony. She had needed that long hug, storing up tactile memories against the long, cold years to come. Perhaps today she would be brave enough to ask for a kiss ... or perhaps not. It might hurt too much when they had to stop.

Some small part of her brain tempted her with a seductive vision of life on New Krypton ... she would be limited as a field intelligence operative, but there was nothing stopping her from running a network of local informants. As a teenager, she had thrilled to stories of spies operating behind enemy lines, collecting information from servants and prostitutes, the lower classes who were practically invisible to those in power, but who had access to all sorts of people and places. In real life, however, it was apt to be considerably less exciting, and she couldn't wish a civil war on a whole planet just to spice up her own existence.

No, the only worthwhile challenges on New Krypton were ones that she was unsuited for. Zara could transform the system from within, and would probably be quite content with a clandestine love. It would be more than her upbringing had ever led her to expect. Melanie would be an inspiration to all the NK women she met, and her enthusiastic sweet nature would buoy her up against occasional barriers. Lois, however, knew that she wouldn't be able to react gracefully to the restrictions she'd face. The necessarily slow pace of change would chafe at her, eating away at her spirit until she had lost herself.

Besides, she had duties of her own. Nothing as world altering as Kal, but she had sworn allegiance to her country, and would not willingly abandon her oath. Earth had no Superman, so ordinary men and women did the best they could to stand in the gap, and Lois was proud to be part of that tradition.

As Kal approached the bridge, he was surprised to see Melanie leaving. She grinned at him, obviously very happy despite yawns, but didn't stop to chat. Kal entered the bridge and found Zak sitting at his station.

"Busy night?" Kal asked, startling the young crewman.

"Oh!" Zak scrambled to his feet and hastily saluted. "Greetings, m'lord, the ship is yours. No, m'lord, things were very quiet all night, no other ships or stellar phenomena at all."

"Thank you, crewman. Your shift is over; you're dismissed." Kal settled into his chair. Even amid his own pain, he was glad to see that someone was happy. "And I've good news for you - Lieutenant Lane gives her permission, so you may ask Melanie to marry you."

Zak had started toward the door, but at that, he turned. With a bit of a guilty look, he confessed, "I've, um, already asked her, m'lord." Then a smile broke through. "She said yes!"

"Congratulations, Zak."

Zak nodded, then slipped out of the room.

Kal stared at the displays, not really seeing them. Zak had been so concerned with following all the proper forms ... but then he'd gone ahead and followed his heart anyway. Kal wished he had the boy's nerve.

It was ironic; Zak was of the lower classes, and that usually meant fewer opportunities or options in life, but in this aspect, he was freer than his lord. Marriages among commoners had to be approved by Lord of the house, and by the families of both parties, but there was some freedom of choice involved. Zak's mother might not be too happy to receive her future daughter-in-law, but she would respect her son's decision.

It almost made Kal wish he'd been born a commoner just to avoid the crushing weight of responsibility he bore. He might still have gone into the military - might even have gone to Earth as an observer and met Lois there. If he had chosen not to return to New Krypton, he would hardly have been missed, and he could have stayed with Lois ... always knowing that he'd deserted his post. A bleakness settled upon him. His sense of responsibility was too engrained; he couldn't escape it even in fantasy.

Kal squared his shoulders. There was nothing for him to feel guilty about because he fully intended to do his duty. He was in a position to do a lot of good for a lot of people, and he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he abandoned that chance. Lois would expect no less of him.

"Hey guys, guess what?"

Melanie's cheerful voice broke into Lois's reverie, and she gladly abandoned it. "What is it, Mel?" she asked, opening her eyes and stretching. Belatedly, she remembered that she had news to share about Zak and his imminent proposal.

"Zak asked me to marry him!" Melanie announced, practically glowing with joy.

That woke Brenda up; she swung her legs over the edge of her bed and stared at her friend in surprise. "No kidding? Well, way to go, girlfriend!" They exchanged a high-five. "But are you sure you want to go to New Krypton?"

Melanie shrugged. "They're a little feudal, but I think I'll manage - besides, I've always wanted to see alien worlds. And Zak said he'd take good care of me - he's such a great guy, you know? Just incredibly sweet, and he *listens* to me. Do you know how many jerks have tried to get in my pants back home? Zak is just as different from them as can be, and it's wonderful."

Lois smiled wistfully. Maybe there was something worthwhile about New Krypton's society, after all, if it produced men like Kal and Zak. Not that they were perfect, but they both seemed willing to learn, and that was saying a lot.

"Mel, honey," Brenda said, "aren't you going to miss your family? I mean, I don't see mine more than once or twice a year, but I'd hate to lose them forever."

Melanie shook her head. "I don't have much family; my mom's gone, and my step-father ... well, I won't miss him." For a moment, her expression hardened, hinting at old pain, before she regained her normal sunny look. "Besides, Zak says we can take vacations on Earth sometimes, so I can see you guys, anyway."

Brenda smiled, and Lois felt touched that Melanie would consider them in the same category as family. "We'll be happy to see you anytime, hon," Brenda said.

"Have you thought about kids, Mel?" Lois asked quietly. She had, at three in the morning during a wakeful spell. For dynastic purposes, Kal would have to have at least one child with Zara, whether or not physical contact was required for procreation. Lois had never particularly thought about kids before, but the idea of seeing Kal have a child with another woman was distinctly unpleasant. And if Kal had children with her, what would their future be? Not that she wanted to raise future Lords and Ladies, exactly, but neither did she want her children to have limited potential, just based on social status. Just another reason not to go. Just another barrier separating her and Kal.

"Zak says he loves kids," Melanie answered, smiling. "And they're trying to build up their population, so mothers are really appreciated by everyone."

"But with their system..." Lois faltered, then started over. "I mean, Zak's a great guy, but he's not exactly in the upper class, either, and that really means something on New Krypton."

Melanie gave her a level look. "Lois, I am - was - a chorus dancer in a gang-run nightclub. You think I was headed for the upper levels of American society? I think, on the whole, I'm trading up." Her smile crept back. "Besides, we'll be associated with the ruling House. I don't know if me and Zara will be friends, exactly, but Zak said Kal promised to look out for us. We could do a whole lot worse. And in another twenty years, who knows where we'll be."

"There you go." Brenda nodded approvingly. "Keep that positive attitude. I think you'll do fine."

Lois envied Melanie her optimism. "I wish you all the best," she said aloud. "Be happy."

"I will be." Melanie gave Brenda and Lois quick hugs. "I just wish you could be too, Lois."

Lois shrugged, pasting on a smile. "I guess we can't all have happy endings."

Kal spent most of the day on the bridge; technically, he was on a twelve-hour shift to split the duty equally with Zak. But mostly he stayed out of Lois's way; he'd seen her earlier, conspiring with Brenda and Francine, and instinct had warned him he ought not to interfere with whatever they were planning. Lois wouldn't let them do anything too destructive. He hoped.

Besides, all of his best conversations with Lois had taken place in the evening, and he was reluctant to jinx that. Of course, all his *worst* conversations with her had also been in the evening, but he dismissed that as irrelevant. Evenings were their time.

When the evening finally came, Kal gave Zak command of the ship and made his way towards the dining area, wondering if anyone would be there. He didn't hear any voices coming from the room, but when he entered, he saw Lois sitting at a table. "Hi."

She looked up and smiled, with only a tinge of sadness. "Hey there. Um, Brenda and Francine are working on some dinner for us." She patted the seat beside her. "It'll just be a minute."

Kal sat next to her, not quite sure whether he should touch her or not. "They didn't want your help?"

"Not when they realized what a rotten cook I was," Lois answered with a self-deprecating grin. "Now that's one thing that might tempt me to go for a feudal society - servants to cook for me."

"Ah," Kal said, thinking it best not to follow that up; the topic was too painful. "So what have you been doing all day?" Now that he was here with her, he was unable to remember why he'd thought it better to stay away.

"We had a very busy day," Lois said, glancing sideways at him with a gleam of humor. "Melanie spent most of the day sleeping - something about being awake all night."

"Yeah, I think she's distracting my crew again tonight," Kal agreed. "It's against regulations, but what the heck."

Lois smiled her approval. "Well, while she slept, Brenda and Francine and I tried our best to organize a bridal shower for her. We didn't have that much to work with, but some of the outfits from that pile that Sev bought weren't entirely horrible." She turned to look at him, her gaze slightly challenging. "We also went through the galley and liberated some small appliances. I was sure you wouldn't mind."

Kal winced. "This is a military ship, you know; all the equipment belongs to the space forces." He sighed. "Lord Mei-An will be annoyed - he's the current Administrator - but I can make it right, somehow." He might have to replace the things out of his personal account, but it would be worth it.

Lois bumped him affectionately with her shoulder. "Thanks, Kal. We just couldn't let her go off to a new planet completely empty handed."

"Don't worry about her," he said, daring to reach for her hand. She twined her fingers with his. "Zak will take good care of her, and I'll keep an eye on her too."

"I know ... I think she'll do fine, really. I'm just slightly amazed at how much I'm going to miss her."

Kal squeezed her hand. "You ladies have become good friends, haven't you?"

"Surprisingly so." Lois laughed softly. "I never thought I was a snob, but I wouldn't have imagined I'd have this much in common with night-club dancers ... I guess traumatic experiences can really bring people closer together."

Kal looked down at their linked hands and found himself unable to reply. She was probably right; the emotion-charged atmosphere might have brought them close in a hurry, but he was unable to believe that he would not have fallen in love with Lois under any circumstances. She was so beautiful, so vibrant, so challenging ... she was his soulmate. "I think desperate circumstances can reveal truths that would otherwise be hidden," he answered slowly, "but it doesn't create anything that wasn't already there. You ladies were all decent people ... you just might not have known it about each other."

"Hmm, maybe you're right. I'll have to try harder to see beneath the surface from now on." She laughed. "Actually, it was my *job* to look beneath the surface, so it's a little embarrassing to find out how much I missed."

Kal shrugged. "Nobody's perfect. Besides, as I recall you caught on to Toni Taylor a lot faster than I did. You were there to look for criminals, not friends."

"Yeah, I guess. Thanks, Kal." She turned to look at him, and he realized anew that she was only inches away. Moving quickly, she reached over and kissed him swiftly on the lips, then pulled back, wide-eyed. Kal reached up with his free hand to cup the side of her face, intending to return the kiss in spades, but before he could connect, the door to the food-preparation area banged open, announcing the arrival of dinner.

"Hey, kiddies," Brenda said cheerfully, "food's here!" She and Francine set two platters down on the table and sat down to help themselves. Kal directed a pained look at Brenda, but she just grinned at him. Kal sighed and withdrew both his hands.

Conversation was general for a few moments, until Francine directed a challenging stare at him. "So, Kal - Lois tells us that you have to go back to New Krypton. Something about how all the other people on your planet are too dumb not to kill themselves without your wise guidance."

Kal frowned, darting a look at Lois.

"Francine," Lois hissed, "that's not what I said!"

"That's not exactly correct," Kal answered. "But our system is rather inflexible, and I do have an important role to play."

"Uh-huh," Brenda said, looking distinctly skeptical. "And you're sure that no one else on the entire planet could fill your shoes? I mean, I know you guys like to feel like you're irreplaceable, but sometimes it ain't entirely true, you know?"

Kal sighed. "Believe me, I've thought about this. Zara's father was the last leader of New Krypton, so according to our traditions, her husband will be the next leader. It's supposed to ensure stability while still allowing some element of merit - Zara has a responsibility to pick the best man for the job. Theoretically, Zara could marry someone else, but our fathers arranged a birth-marriage between us." At Francine's raised eyebrow, Kal explained, "It's kind of like an engagement."

"And there's no one else on New Krypton?" Brenda challenged.

Kal shrugged. "There are a few. Normally there would be more, but the period of our childhood was not easy." In fact, to encourage the people to concentrate on building a world before replenishing it with children, the reproduction centers had been closed for a few years. Besides Nor, few of the Lords older than Zara had put off their own marriage alliances in the hope of supplanting Kal-El.

"And they're all rotten people, right?" Francine asked.

"Well, not rotten, exactly ... not as bad as Nor, certainly, but ..." He hated to sound arrogant, but considering the stakes it would be wrong to be anything less than honest. "None of them, in my opinion, would be good for New Krypton. They're either too selfish or too self-righteous to make good leaders. I have to do what's right for my people, and I think I can do a lot of good."

"Because we think you could do a lot of good on Earth," Francine said pointedly. "I mean, you Kryptonians are positively medieval in some ways, *but* your technology is pretty advanced."

"Now there's an idea," Lois murmured, and he could see that the conversation was beginning to amuse her.

"I don't think your people are ready to meet real aliens," Kal said dismissively. It had been his one fear in the time he'd spent on Earth. He'd seen enough of their popular entertainment to know that the unknown was more feared than loved, and fear could make people do ugly things.

"Don't be so sure," Brenda argued. "I mean, look at Superman! He was an alien, but he helped people out, and everyone thought he was great."

"Well, not everyone," said Lois, "speaking as a long-time fan I have to point out that the bad guys didn't like him much. But she's got the right idea, Kal." Her voice bubbled with suppressed laughter. "I mean, obviously you're not Superman." She grinned, her eyes wandering assessingly up and down his body. "I think you might be too short, for one thing, and your eyes aren't blue - but you could certainly do the benevolent alien act."

"Uh-huh," he replied dryly, grateful that she wasn't revealing his fading powers. It was a tempting picture - he'd always liked the idea of being a hero - if only he could ensure that New Krypton would be safe without him. If there were a way, he sure couldn't see it. "I wish I could, ladies, believe me."

Francine rolled her eyes. "Men."

Lois reached across the table to touch her friend's hand. "Francine, he's doing what he has to." She glanced at him for a second. "I hate that he has to do it ... but I'd hate it more if he ditched it all just for me." There was a surprised note in her voice, or in her aura, he wasn't sure which, as if this were something that had just occurred to her. "There are more important things in life."

Kal recaptured her nearest hand. It helped to know that she understood.

Francine looked stubborn for a moment, then nodded in acquiescence. "Okay, honey, if you say so."

"We just wanted to make sure y'all had explored all your options," Brenda explained. "We won't nag anymore."

"I appreciate that you tried," Lois said gently. "But you can't fix this one." She turned to look at Kal, and for an endless moment he was caught in her eyes, unaware of anything else but her beautiful face.

His trance was broken by Brenda's rude snort. "Geez, look at those two, Francine. We thought Mel had it bad. I'm telling you, it has got to be something in the water."

Kal and Lois shared one last rueful look, then returned their attention to their dinners.

Francine shook her head. "It's the Love Boat in space. Simply disgraceful."

"You're telling me," Lois muttered. "If this is a TV show, I demand better writing."

"Lois, will you ... walk with me?"

Looking at Kal's anxious face, Lois found herself unable to deny him. Her self-respect might not let her abandon all for love, but she had the next twenty-four hours, and she'd be a fool to waste a minute of it. "Sure," she said quietly, linking her hand with his.

She expected him to lead her to the Terrace, but instead they ended up in a large private room. Lois evaluated the Spartan furnishings, then glanced at Kal. "Your cabin?"

"Such as it is," he admitted, watching her with a hint of unease. "I hope you don't mind, but we'll be more private here."

Lois considered that, then nodded. "Good." At the moment, she wanted nothing more than a refuge from reality; this small, contained moment in time would be close enough.

Hesitantly, Kal gestured towards the bed. "That's really the most comfortable place to sit - I don't want you to think I'm making a move, but-"

"Relax." Lois smiled at him, charmed by his earnestness. "It's fine, and I trust you." Playfully, she pushed him toward the bed, then sat next to him, delighted when he responded by putting an arm around her back.

She had wondered, on and off all day, whether it would be a good idea to seduce him. She had never taken sex casually, and after her previous dismal failures, she'd become even more cautious ... but she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this time, she loved and was loved in return. And this would be her only chance. And yet, and yet ... her doubts and nerves were unfocused, but they nagged at her and stifled her initiative. For the moment, then, she contented herself with the feel of his body next to hers.

"Tell me about your family," Kal asked.

Lois looked up at him, slightly startled. "What about them?"

"Everything." Briefly, his arm tightened around her. "Where you grew up, what you did together, your best memories. I feel like I've known you forever, but it's only been a few days. I want to know how you became what you are today - I want to know everything."

"It's all pretty boring," she confessed, then saw the real loving interest in his eyes. "But you did ask, so here we go..." Slowly at first, she began to share her childhood with him; he asked insightful questions and never betrayed a hint of boredom. After a while, she began turning the tables, and teased out details of his own early life.

After her third huge yawn, Kal reached toward his bedside table to view his chronometer. The squiggly symbols meant nothing to Lois, but Kal's eyes widened. "Lois, we've been talking for five hours!"

She pressed in closer to him. "And it was a great conversation, so what's your point?"

"Lo-is." He eyed her sternly. "You need your sleep, you know."

"Well, I could always sleep with you." The words popped out before Lois realized what she was saying, and one hand crept up to cover her mouth.

Kal looked at her, his face bland, for a long moment. Then he bent down, gently nudged her hand aside, and kissed her.

It was a leisurely kiss, as his hand came up to cup her cheek, and Lois reached out to encircle his waist. Exhilaration, desire, and fear went through her in waves. He was gentle, almost reverent, as he trailed kisses across her face and back to her mouth. His tongue probed softly, and Lois admitted him with a low moan. She felt herself moving, and forced her eyes open long enough to realize that Kal had laid them down on the bed.

He pulled back, laying a hand on her waist and studying her face. "Are you sure?"

Lois moistened already-wet lips, and forced her voice to be steady. "It's the only chance we'll get." She ignored the clamor of doubts.

Still, he hesitated, struggling for words. "I wish it were more than that, just a desperate only chance - you deserve so much that I won't be able to give you, and it's killing me."

She reached up to stroke his hair. "We make do with what we have - the universe isn't perfect, Kal."

He sighed. "I suppose. But some things should not be rushed. Besides," he caught her eye with an uncertain look, "I don't think you're entirely ready for this."

Lois bridled at that judgment. "I think I'm capable of deciding what I am and am not ready for, thank you."

"Usually, yes." Kal's smile went lopsided. "But remember, I can *feel* your emotions."

She glared at him for this unfair use of their bond, but before she could open her mouth, his smile faded.

"Lois ... you're not the only one unsure about this."

"Um ... really?"

He nodded, looking slightly embarrassed. "I want to make love to you - believe me. But something about it just doesn't feel right, and I'm not even sure why. I think ..." He swallowed, then confessed, "I think I'm afraid."

That was intriguing, and reassuring. "Yeah, me too. But why?"

Kal shrugged, his gaze sliding away from her. "You know I've ... had sex before."

"Yeah, me too." And most sexist societies had a distinct double standard. "I hope that's not a problem," she added, with a note of challenge.

His eyes widened as he searched her face. "No, of course not! Well, it might have been when I was younger and stupider," he admitted with a wry smile. "But I was on Earth for three years, and I know you have a different system. I mean, freedom can be abused, but-" He pulled himself up short. "No, it's not that."

Lois studied him, trying to open her senses to see if she could read his emotions, too. If she wasn't imagining it, he was feeling ... shame. "Kal, what is it?"

"I was thinking about me," he said quietly, lowering his eyes. "This is the first time - Lois, you are so special to me; I love you! And it's like, all my experience is just *wrong*."

"Kal, that doesn't matter!" To comfort him, and for the sheer pleasure of it, Lois ran a hand slowly down his free arm. "We're finally in the right place, together."

"Maybe." He stirred restlessly, looking at her once more. "But something else scares me, too. It's already going to be incredibly difficult to let you go tomorrow. I'm afraid it's going to get ten thousand times worse if we ... if we find out what we're going to be missing."

Lois caught her breath. She hadn't thought of it like that. "You know, I have this horrible feeling that you may be right. Damn." She struggled to right herself and flee. She was embarrassed by his refusal of her offer, but also weirdly grateful that she wouldn't have to face all her fears and inadequacies. And the cowardliness of that gratitude shamed her further.

"Wait," Kal said softly, refusing to release her hand. "Please stay."

Lois stilled, frowning at the floor. "Look, you're the one who said we shouldn't-"

"Yeah, I know, but..." His voice trailed off. "Please look at me, shey-ana."

Lois sighed, unable to resist the pleading note in his voice. "What are you suggesting?"

"Well, we could keep talking, and then, maybe ... we could just..." His eyes were half-shy, half-hopeful. "Just sleep?"

Slowly, Lois relaxed. "Just sleep. Here. Together."

"It's not that big a bed," he admitted, "but there's room enough to share."

"Well..." she dragged her answer out playfully. "Okay." More eagerly now, she laid back down next to him, and they arranged themselves until they were comfortable. The residual awkwardness gradually leaked away as their conversation continued until Lois could hardly speak for yawning, and they surrendered to sleep.

It was the first time Kal had ever woken up with a woman in his arms. He had shared his body before, but somehow, sharing sleep had always seemed more of a private thing. He was glad to have experienced it with Lois.

She was lying on her side facing him, and he took the opportunity to try to memorize her face, treasuring every feature. He remembered the first time he'd really seen her face, when she'd been holding a fire extinguisher and wearing that ridiculous chicken costume. Somehow even then, part of him had recognized her as his soul mate. He remembered how she'd looked the next night, crooning a love song ... and how she'd looked the morning after being kidnapped. Other women might have fallen apart, but not his Lois; she'd held a gun on him and ordered him around. He smiled tenderly. She was beautiful in any circumstance, not to mention spirited, honorable, and brilliant.

She was still fast asleep - little wonder, considering how late they'd stayed up. It had been a magical evening, seemingly protected from the passage of normal time. He would like to stay here with her forever, but duty called. He leaned over to kiss her. "Wake up, Cinderella."

Lois returned the kiss, then stretched and opened her eyes. "I think you mean Sleeping Beauty."

"Oh, yeah ... well, fairy tales weren't my first priority."

"They're not my favorite either, so I forgive you. Where you really messed up was in not reading comic books."

Kal chuckled. "I don't think the Council would have approved."

"Just goes to prove that they're antiquated fossils," Lois retorted with a light tone. He could tell that underneath the facade, she was aching over their imminent parting, just as he was, but she seemed determined not to wallow in misery. He appreciated her resolve; it made things easier.

"Well, I hate to say it, but it's time I go relieve Zak of bridge duty."

Lois nodded understanding. "It's only fair. I've got to go back to my cabin to grab a change of clothes - but how about I join you on the bridge after that? I could bring us both some breakfast."

Kal smiled. "That sounds terrific." He'd been dreading another day of separation, especially since they would probably be landing on Earth within twelve hours.

Time might fly when one was having fun, Lois thought grimly, but it seemed to go even faster when one desperately wanted it to slow down. She'd spent as much time as possible with Kal, trading stories of their respective military training among other things, but far too quickly, it had been dinner time, then time to land. She wanted to kick and scream, but that was far too undignified for an officer and a lady, so she settled for dogged determination. Do your duty, soldier, and then move on. So here she was, back in her original clothing, with all her possessions in her handbag, waiting for the door to open and expel her.

Brenda and Francine had conspired to pack her things for her, which Lois appreciated as she hadn't wanted to leave Kal a second sooner than she had to. They stood nearby, talking to Melanie in low tones and exchanging hugs. Lois had hugged Melanie goodbye already; much as Lois liked the younger woman and wished the best for her, right now her joy was painful to be around. Lois hugged herself and stared at the walls.

Kal and Zak came down the corridor, signaling that the ship was landed and secured. Kal spoke briefly to Brenda and Francine, apparently giving them something. Then he came over to see her while Zak opened the door. The others moved down the stairs as soon as the ramp was down, leaving Lois and Kal alone for a moment.

"I guess this is it," Kal said in a low voice.

Lois nodded, determined not to cry, taking refuge in flippancy. "Send me a postcard sometime."

"Lo-is..." There was a gentle rebuke in his voice.

"I know, I know." She took a deep breath, still unable to look at him. "I love you, Kal. If there were any other way..."

"Yeah."

She could feel his pain, twin to her own. That understanding helped, somehow. Gathering her courage, she turned to face him. "Think it's safe to kiss goodbye?"

Kal moved closer, wrapping his arms around her waist. "I think it's required." Slowly, he bent and kissed her. It was intense, but more pure than passionate. When it got to be more than Lois could bear, she pulled back, burying her face in his shoulder. A few tears leaked out before she managed to regain her composure.

When she pulled back, she noted that Kal's eyes were damp, too, which almost set her off again. She could handle her own loss, but knowing the depth of his, too, was killing her. All of a sudden, it was too much.

"Goodbye, Kal." She withdrew from his embrace and made sure she still had her bag. "Always remember that I love you."

"And I love you," he replied softly, making no move to stop her. "Be strong, shey-ana, and make a good life for yourself."

Lois doubted that was possible, but didn't have the strength to argue. Grasping the last tattered shards of her composure, she turned and left the spaceship. Her home awaited her.

NOT The End

A/N There's one more chapter, just have to tie up a few loose ends, you know. And if you're read any of my other stories, you'll know that I insist on a happily-ever-after. Any ideas how I could manage that here? :)