Chapter IX~ Monday's Are Terrible
Disclaimer~ I do not own Hetalia.
Now, normally what any sane person or insane person would do was rip Hungary to shreds. I propose we revert back to the olden days and have her hanged. Unfortunately, we don't have a noose. Well, at least a good amount of idiots are smart enough to fight back and protest. And who better to start the revolt none other than the Macho Potato, Eyebrows, and heh, naturally myself.
Well... actually, the Macho Potato and Eyebrows were the only ones who tried to break down the fucking door. Which, incidentally, was our only exit for now since the windows were so up high up. So, while the potato bastard tried to take down the door- oh fuck, he's gone shirtless. Shield thy eyes! Feli started shrieking (not sure because he was scared or aroused.) And I just sassed Hungary- I MEAN TOLD HER OFF. Because really who would have the guts to actually hit a girl, not even Prussia would. And I was raised to praise woman, not to pick fights with manipulative bitches. The rest of the fucking world were either being barbaric and trying to break a window or had tiny beads of sweat crawling down their forehead, crying, whining and worried.
... I think Lithuania just passed out.
"If this is just some sick foreplay game to satisfy your yaoi fucking fetish, I'm going to order a restraining order against you." I threatened, with a scowl. Hungary pursed her lips and placed an alarming finger on mine.
"Now, now you should be the most grateful one here. This does benefit you."
"Really how?" I asked with a tint of sarcasm, scoffing.
"Don't you want to spend more time with Tonio-?" The answer... A REDEFINING NO THANK YOU PLEASE. But I was still nervous about answering that particular question.
"Since when did you two get on first-name basis?" I, instead, asked. But I must've looked like a kicked puppy because that's when she cooed.
"Romano, don't be hurt. I've designed this entire game to revive and help fix your relationship with him. Don't you trust me?"
"Hell no! And what if my relationship doesn't need fixing? Ever thought of that?!"
"Tell you what Romano, since you seem so adamant about it or maybe even more uncooperative and stubborn than usual, if you can prove to me you have absolutely no feelings for Tonio then I'll let it go."
I-is that hope I see?
"But for now, considering that tint of red on your cheeks, I'm going to assume you are just dying for affection." She added in.
All that hope down the drain, I tell you. Down the fucking drain.
Crack!
Now, your probably thinking, "Oh wow! Someone finally broke down Hungary's indestructible bullet-proof door! Yay!"
Hahahaha... no.
That's the sound of England breaking his arm.
"Arty! I'll save youuu!" And that, ladies and gentleman, is the sound of his "hero" coming to his rescue.
"Goddammit! Hungary, your gonna get us all fucking killed!"
"No, honey. I'm just waiting for the crowd to settle down so I can explain this game. But you know what, since your being so mature and not trying to tear down my house..." I could hear the annoyance level rising in her tone. "You get a sneak peek at the game." She finished handing me a flyer and storming off to get Prussia down swinging from the goddamn chandelier. How the fuck did he get up there?!
O-oh yeah, the brochure.
Hungary thought of everything. Even the schedule throughout the entire week. Hm... maybe I should read this.
The Dating Game~
There are approximately several trials in Hungary's Dating Game. Each trial will take place everyday until Saturday. Saturday you may take a day off, but must return midnight or else face the consequences not mentioned in the flyer. Each individual must finish each and every trial and if any resists, Hungary has your bosses permission to punish you severely.
Say what?
On the other hand, if you refuse to participate, then it is considered not finishing your job as your country's personification.
Annnd that's when I stopped reading this bullshit. What the fuck?! We all know our bosses only agreed to this because we are a pain in the ass to complain about it. Sneaky bastards that only want us to get off their back.
I don't think I'll survive .
Crack!
Nope, I definitely won't survive til Saturday.
Today is Sunday.
~.Oo0oO.~
(( A/N~ In case you can't tell, Bold means the question asked. Underlined is Romano's answer and Italics is his thinking. ))
Compatibility Questionnaire Form A
Human Name: Lovino Romano Vargas
Age: 22
Country you represent: Southern Italy
Thank you. And welcome to the Compatibility Questionnaire. Please answer all of your questions truthfully to find out who you are most compatible with.
What is your favorite food? Tomatoes.
Wait, what if Spain chose tomatoes? OH FUCK. *erases "tomatoes" and writes:* Pasta. It's Italian, therefore an acceptable answer.
It's a good thing the only other person who'd write pasta is my brother and there's no way Hungary would ever ship us together. Unless... she likes incestual yaoi relationships...
I bet she does.
Ew. *shivers* Okay. Next question.
What do you look for in a relationship?
This is going to be a long exam, isn't it? Maybe I should write "nice" or "can cook" or- why the fuck am I naming Spain's traits?! The last thing I want to do is have him as my fucking partner and shit! That means I'll have to actual spend time with him and talk to the tomato bastard. Fine. *sighs and scribbles terrible traits*
Let's see... Mean, tough, can't cook to save his/her own life, hates tomatoes, and has no friends. Hm... yeah that pretty much sums up the Anti-Spain. Heh, also describes no one I can think of at the moment. Then, I won't paired with anyone. Yes, I'm such a fucking genius, aren't I? Next question...
Any sexual preferences?
Nnng... preferably male, you know that perfectly well. Not that I don't love woman, because I do. Just... not in that way. Besides everyone already knows I'm not straight thanks to Belgium and her stupid brother. So, it would look suspicious. So...
Male.
Sex? (Must be detailed.)
Fuck you, Elizaveta! Don't tell me what to do bitch! *rashly scribbles*
Bondage. Lots of it. And I wanna be the one topping!
Hnnn... I don't know what sick sadistic fucker likes to be tied up, but I highly doubt Spain would.
...
But... I-I'd like to try it someday.
I mean... it's not like I never fantasized about it before. Never fantasized about myself being tied up on the bed, struggling while An- an individual that shall not be named!- kisses down my neck a-and down my chest and... *blushes a flustered red* I-It's completely normal to wonder about! Right?
Right!?
Ugh... wait... why am I bottoming in my daydream? No! Shoo! Go away bottom-dwelling dreams! No one wants you! Okay. Next Question.
Name the perfect date.
Hnnn... Spain would candle lit dinners and shit. Which means I should do... *writes it down*
Working to save my fucking country from bankruptcy. Lazy Spaniard would never write that. Hah! Next Question.
Do you have a crush?
No.
If so, what's their name and country?
No.
Name one person you'd sleep with in this room.
Is Hungary serious? Or mentally disturbed? You know what! I'm writing the most detestable person in the room who I doubt even has a sex life. They won't care.
Austria.
Hungary's gonna get so pissed at me. Oh dammit, this is hilarious. *laughs a little* There's no way she'd pair me up with her husband. Wow. I'm evil! I should receive and award for this or something.
Can you have children?
No, but Id love to try ;).
Describe your Wedding Day.
I'm keeping that one blank. Now wait...I have an answer!
Not in Spain.
Perfect! Now, I'm positive I won't get Spain as my partner. Alright, Next Question...
~.Oo0oO.~
"Hungary." She turned to face me as I waved the questionnaire in her face. "What the fuck is this shit?" She grabbed it hastily, and glanced at it.
"Oh, so you finally stopped throwing a tantrum and finished your questionnaire. Oh good, now here's your room key." She handed me my key with a tag numbered 21. "That is the room where you'll be staying in for now."
"Don't tell I have to fucking share the room, because if I do-"
"Don't you worry Romano. I made sure you'd share a room with your brother. Now now, go on. It's already 2 A.M. Everyone except you is sound asleep. Besides you'll have to be wide awake for tomorrow."
"Why? What's tomorr-ugh!" That was when I was hoisted up from my arms and shoulders by two buff Hungarian men in suits. Most likely her bodyguards. "Hey! Let me go dammit!" My feet was no longer planted firmly on the ground.
"You have a good night's rest, sweetheart." She fucking winked at me, before leaving.
"No! Let me go, you bastards! I can walk! Argh!" I growled and struggled to no avail. They threw me in an elevator and clicked button number two to my floor and left. The elevator doors closed shut before I could grab them my their collars and choke the two to death. I hate elevators. AND I FUCKING HATE ELEVATOR MUSIC!? And to make things worse, it just so happens that France was also on my elevator. Which almost instantaneously reminded me of my blackout in the dark with the creep.
"AGH! IT'S YOU." I paled immediately and distance myself as far away as I could from the sex-driven creep. In retrospect, it might not be the smartest idea to back myself up against a fucking wall in position where I could easily be- ...On second thought, don't remind me. I don't want that mental image in my head. France, on the other hand, looked ecstatic to see me.
"Romano! I've been meaning to speak to you all day. A little birdie told me you were looking for moi." He winked. When is anyone going to realize I don't want to be winked at!? And if that "little birdie" turned out to be Prussia and his fucking yellow bird of his, I'm going to make sure that moron had wished he wasn't a country anymore.
"Yeah-h me too..." I growled as pulled up sleeves and balled my fists, taking a step towards him murderously. I glared up, trying so hard not to commit a crime here and now. Why was the elevator taking so long?! It's the second floor we're going to! "Well I haven't forgotten the rumor you fucking made up."
"Rumor? Romano, you must be in denial now-"
"Fuck you! Don't act like you didn't tell everyone at the fucking party that you banged me!"I screeched at my limit, letting angry puffs of air surge in and out of my mouth. France pondered about this for an irritating amount of time before he spoke once more.
"Hm... is that why Antoine's been so cold toward moi? Seems so... then my questions been answered. May I ask who told you this?"
"Not until you fucking tell me what you did when I went unconscious!" I yelled.
"Stop yelling Romano. No one else is here. And as much as I'd love to tap that delicious Italian ass~, I did nothing of the sort."
"THAT'S A LIE, YOU JACKASS!"
He chuckled sadly. "No, no. I would never ever wound Antonio's already broken heart. He's been through enough, don't you think?" I calmed down, more pissed off at that last comment he made. Seemed like he was implying that I did something wrong.
"Ugh, would everyone please just stop saying that Antonio has a broken heart! If I recall correctly, and as one of the last sane countries, he broke up with me!" I complained, sighing. I turned away, no longer facing him. The bastard didn't deserve my time of day, so I just muttered angry curses in Italian under my breath. I clenched my fists, trying hard not to burst out emotionally.
"Ah Romano~ Just because someone broke up with you, doesn't mean he doesn't want lovely you~" He said, seemingly sympathetically. I cringed at his advice, and refused to take. Why? Because whether or not you say no, he'll still be convinced you are secretly attracted to him. That invalidates his position to give me relationship advice. Especially when I don't fucking need it!
"See! See what I mean!? And you call me the delusional one?" I argued, pointing an alarming finger to myself. "Now, I want to know exactly what happened after I passed out! From the millisecond I blacked to the millisecond I woke up in bed with Spain! And don't lie." I growled.
"And that's all I did, Mon Amie~ I just carried you to Antoine's bed, since it's been quite a while since you two slept so peacefully-"
"SHUT UP! GAHH! I don't wanna hear any more!" I really didn't. I could tell he was telling the truth. I covered my ears in annoyance, trying to block out the Frenchman's words. The elevator doors were finally tortuously opening slowly and I felt a pinch of hope for myself. I could leave without having to speak another word to that asshole!
That is...
Before Fuckface decided to push me back to the ground of the elevator, against the wall and clicked on the buttons to the top floor. The doors... they were closing... before my eyes. Argh, that bastard's probably trying to buy more time with me. Oh fuck, why didn't I see this coming?! I started to stand up to face him and yell in rapid Italian.
I shouldn't have done that.
I really shouldn't have done that.
Because before I knew it, I was backed up against a wall with two of the Frenchman's hands at my side, and my worst nightmares were confirmed.
"Ever heard of personal space bastard! M-move!" Goddammit, my speech is stuttering. I sound like a fucking kid scared of the boogeyman. Or worse..., a molesting Frenchman. If you looked into his eyes, he looked dead serious and frowned for once.
"Romano. I'm just going to let you in on a little secret,..." he whispered in my ear. I shoved my fists against his chest in vain. "Antoine has been devastated for the last century. He hasn't been outside his house as often as he used. He almost always denies having drinks with us, his buddies. And he has been depressed so much as to the point where he never leaves the comfort of his room unless it was absolutely mandatory." Before I could accuse him of lying, "For example: For a World Conference or a chance to see you."
My eyes widened at the confession. Should I easily dismiss it as a lie? France has no reason to lie anyways. Spain looked fine before, or was I just seeing things. There's no way, a cheerful Spaniard such as himself would... just die on the inside. I can't imagine Spain depressed, and not for century. The only time I had ever seen him momentarily upset is when we ran out of tomatoes and it only lasted for two hours. The worse part... France continued.
"As you know depression often affects his economy as well and has driven him on the verge of hopelessness. And don't try to argue that it didn't have anything to do with your breakup. So, unless you stop acting like a child and start acting like an adult, it's only going to kill Antoine. And I can't stand to watch and see that happen. Especially since I can't do anymore that I tried to do already. Just remember that. Keep that in mind, Romano."
I can't say I ignored it and didn't hear because I did. And bit my lip hard enough for it to hurt. That couldn't possibly be... true. Can it? Maybe I should become more aware of Spain's attitude and surroundings to confirm it. There's no way I can't ignore it. No. No. NO.
"Don't blame me! It's his fault! It's always been his fault! I hate him!" Why did those words sting now?
"Ah Romano... my little melodramatic love bird," Once again, I twitched. "There's is a thin line between hate and love. For all you know, you could still have passion for him. And I am a genius about L'amore~, my capital, Paris, is not known as the city of love for naught."
"Heh, genius eh? You know they say the same exact thing about genius and madness?" I said, broodingly. He blatantly ignored me.
"Oh Romano, once you realize how much Spain loves you, I'm sure you'll fine happiness as well. We are all hoping for that."
In the end, I pushed him back away and clicked the elevator button to my floor once more, infuriated. "All? Shut the fuck up! I didn't ask you! Besides shouldn't you be -OhIDontKnow- drinking with Prussia by now!"
"Ah yes, I would love to have another night of mindless drinking and fun. But..." He sighed. "Alas it is not as fun without mon amie anymore, and my darling Matthew is always at unease whenever we do in his presence. Honestly, sharing a room with all of them: America, Austria, and Iggy is not going to be easy." He chuckled sadly. My first thought was how thankful I was not to share a room with the most unpleasant people in the world. But then I realized France was going to share a room of five fucking people.
"Say what?" I barked in monotone. "Five people sharing a room? I thought it was only going to be me and my brother?!"
"Do you know how many countries came to this conference, Romano? More than you can count. Of course, we have to share, besides-~"
"Oi! Do you think I want to share a room!?" I yelled.
Oh thank god, the elevator door's are opening now! About time! Grazie a dio~!
Finally! Freedom!
I raced out of the elevator room as fast as I could, which is like lightening speed to the Room 21, where I was destined to share with my brother, Italia and...
((A/N~ Now, I might have made it obvious but who do you think Romano will be paired with in the Compatibility Questionnaire and who is he sharing a room with? You might be surprised when I say it's two different people. Ciao~! ~Ana))