Chapter Two-

"I don't want to see her. I don't want to see anyone. You understand me?" The frightened nurse nodded her head, and left Kate's room before she threw something again. She was still hunched up in her bed.

She didn't want this anymore.

Why had Mike and Pete been at her place? Why had they found her? She'd had enough of life, enough of losing out. She felt like the one failure to all women – guys just didn't seem to want her anymore.

She'd loved Mike.

Once upon a time she'd loved Mike. They'd thought they'd be perfect together. They'd even managed to keep the entire relationship a secret. And then it didn't matter anymore. They had married and divorced two months later; probably the quickest marriage in the history of NAVCOM. She'd tried to convince herself that it was Mike's fault, that she wasn't to blame…

But that was where the first seed of doubt had begun to burrow in.

She'd loved Dylan.

Hell, she still did.

Dylan was her rock in her ever turbulent life. He'd been through everything with Mike and the baby, dealt with her mood swings and her problems without even so much as a complaint. He'd waited for her to be ready before proposing, before even suggesting the kind of commitment she and Mike had before. Then her father had turned everything upside down like he always did, and Dutchy had ended their engagement and their relationship in the interest of her safety. He felt that she had moved on to quickly from Mike; to be honest, he was probably right.

The doubt of herself intensified.

Pete had been like a brother.

And she had ruined that friendship in one night. She felt hot tears course their way down her face as she realised how inconsiderate she had been towards Pete. He'd been like an older brother to her for all the years they'd worked on Hammersley together, and even after he left he still came by when she was in port to have a coffee and catch-up.

How much had she hurt him by leaving that morning?

The doubt couldn't be held back anymore.

She'd been a self-harmer for a while; it was the only way she had found to cope, to be in control. Unfortunately, it had come to a point where it wasn't enough.

And now she was trapped in a hospital.

Alone.

Leo knocked on Spider's door at the hospital. He was being discharged today, and Leo needed to make amends.

Scratch that – he wanted to make amends.

"Come in," called Spider. Leo entered.

"What are you doing here?" Asked Billy, annoyed. He pulled on his shoes, lacing them quickly.

"You're being discharged today, and Emily is Bec's place. I want to apologise for everything that happened, and I need Bec and Emily to know I did it," said Leo. Billy nodded, picking up his bag.

"You can drive me to see Bec and Em, and if you haven't apologised by the time we get there, don't waste your breath." Leo nodded; Spi was giving him a chance. They walked out to Leo's car, and climbed in. Leo revved the engine before pulling out of the carpark.

"I didn't realise you knew my sister so personally. I thought you were only just starting your relationship. She's told me and Bec most of it now; congratulations on your engagement. I didn't mean to attack you on the dock; I can't even begin to explain what was going through my head," said Leo. He pulled up in front of Bec's house and killed the engine.

"I'm sorry Spi. I really am," apologised 2Dads. He felt like he'd been apologising a lot recently, but it was necessary; he'd caused a lot of damage lately. Spider glanced over at him.

"You're forgiven mate, but only because I need a best man at the wedding," said Spider, grinning.

"Seriously? Best man?" Asked Leo. Spider nodded.

"Course. Come on, I haven't seen my fiancé much this week!"

"Mummy, where's daddy?" Asked two-year-old Lukaia Little. Belle Little kissed her son on the head before picking him up, making him squirm and giggle as she picked him up.

"Never you mind. Show me what you were making 'Kaia."

Tiny hadn't realised how distracted she was until her 2IC came to see her.

"Ma'am, I've been calling you for a while," said Lieutenant Noah Keller.

"Is everything okay?" Asked Tiny as she whipped around, concerned. She nodded.

"Everything is fine, I just wanted to make sure everything was okay. How's 'Kaia been?" She asked. Lukaia had become somewhat of a mascot for the Lawson crew. He was named Lukaia instead of Luke only because Belle wanted a more interesting name for him. He loved all the extra attention the crew gave him, loved being the centre of everything.

"'Kaia's good. He is asking about his father again though. How do you break it to a two-year-old that his father doesn't even know he exists?" Asked Belle. She was close to Noah; she may only be stepping in as a substitute for their regular XO Lieutenant Liam Ford after he'd requested shore leave to be with his heavily pregnant wife in her last weeks, but she was friendly, and was always concerned for her crew.

"You'll find a way to do it Tiny. Do you know who 'Kaia's father is?" Asked Noah. Belle nodded. Noah waited, knowing she'd find out sooner or later; if she had it her way, she'd find out sooner.

"He's the charge on HMAS Victory. We met two years ago at a NAVCOM Christmas get together, when the Hammersley and Kingston crews. He was so nice, and we ended up drunk. Nine months later, you know the rest of the story…"

She remembered grabbing the pregnancy test from the chemist, silently freaking out. She couldn't be pregnant, she hadn't slept with…

Wait.

Jamie Patterson had spent the night with her when they were both drunk as skunks.

She paid for the test, and drove home in a haze, nearly mowing down a pedestrian.

The test was positive.

Her parents were as supportive as parents could be. She told them she knew who the father was, but he didn't know she was pregnant. She didn't want to leave the Navy, and with Maxine's help, arranged for medical and personal leave. She did it without Jamie's help.

Now 'Kaia wanted to know who his father was.

"You'll find a way to tell him. Even more so when I tell you what NAVCOM just called about," said Noah.

"What did they want now?" Asked Tiny wearily.

"Jamie Patterson will be joining us for a patrol whilst Greenie takes a patrol off for compassionate leave. His grandfather just died, and NAVCOM decided that Jamie Patterson can join us. HMAS Victory and HMAS Hammerlsey aren't leaving anytime soon, so we get him. And your mother called to say that 'Kaia misses you, and if you are in port for a few minutes, he wants a hug." Tiny nodded, and let the tears fall.

"I'm such a horrible mother; I'm not even home for my little boy." Noah rubbed Belle's back gently.

"You're not a bad mother. You're trying to do what is best for him."

"I need to see her," demanded Dylan.

"She's asked to be left alone…" stammered the young nurse.

"And you're leaving her by herself? After what she did this week?" Asked Dutchy, incredulous.

"I… uh.. I…"

"Didn't think," finished Dutchy. He strode past her, and pushed Kate's door open. She was curled up on the bed, sobbing. Dylan could feel his heart breaking a little.

"Oh Kate, I am so sorry," he said quietly. Kate looked up at him with wounded eyes. He crossed over to her bed, and she allowed herself to be embraced by his good arm.

All she wanted was to be loved, and he destroyed that.

She sobbed into his shoulder, crying out her pain. He just let her be, understanding that she just needed to be held. After a while, she seemed to go limp, and Dutchy grew concerned. She fell back, and Dylan realised she had cried herself to sleep. He hated himself for what he had partly caused. He still loved Kate, more than he'd care to admit.

Problem was, he was falling for Charlie…

Nikki sat in her car, feeling tears roll down her face. She was feeling so conflicted about everything, Kate, ET, Dodger. She didn't know where to go in her life, what to do. The only thing she knew is that she didn't want to end up in the same position that Kate was in currently. A knock on her window startled her, and she remembered she was still parked at the local mall.

"Dodger? What are you doing here?" Asked Nikki, winding down her window.

"Picking up some groceries ma'am. Are you okay?" He asked. She could hear the concern in his voice, and it reminded her so much of ET that her heart cracked again, and the tears fell faster.

"God, X, I'm sorry, what did I say?" Asked Dodger. Nikki shook her head.

"Nothing, really." She looked the steering wheel, and broke down again.

"Get in the passenger seat; I really don't think you should be driving," said Dodger quietly. Nikki nodded, and moved seats. Dodger got in the driver's side, and turned on the engine, pulling out of the carpark. He headed for the coastline, and pulled into a carpark near a beach. Nikki glanced up, looking at the waves.

This was Josh's favourite place.

"Dodger, what are we doing here?" Asked Nikki.

"Please, we're not on duty. Call me Jono. I brought you up here, maybe help you clear your head?" He asked. Nikki nodded, getting out of the car.

"Call me Nikki then." Jono's groceries were forgotten as he locked the car, tossing Nikki the keys. He walked with her down to the secluded beach, and they walked along the sand.

She spilled about everything.

Kate.

Josh.

And finally, Jono.

He was speechless. Granted, anyone would be with the amount of information that Nikki had just given him.

"So the reason you were rather… cool towards me for a while was because I reminded you of your fiancé?" He asked, trying to get his head around it all. Nikki nodded, the memories of Josh still bringing tears to her eyes.

"You look so much like him it's not funny." Nikki pulled out a picture from her pocket. It was crumpled from all the loving it had received, the corners dog-eared, the edges slightly tattered. Jono took the picture and whistled softly.

"He could be my brother." Nikki nodded.

"Could be."

"Did you know I was adopted?" Asked Jono candidly. Nikki shook her head.

"No. How did you find out?" Asked Nikki quietly.

"My mum told me. She said that my parents were young, weren't ready for someone as special as me, and that she and Dad stepped up to the plate. They only told me a few weeks ago; they thought I was ready. They gave me my real birth certificate as well." Jono was quiet.

"Have you thought about meeting your real parents?" Asked Nikki. Jono shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know. Would James and Anna Holiday really want a visit from a son they weren't ready for?" Asked Jono. He kept walking, head down, hands in his pocket. Nikki stopped, hand covering her mouth.

No. It couldn't be the same.

He realised she wasn't following him, and he doubled back. He noticed she was pale and shaking.

"Nikki, sit down. Are you okay?" Jono asked. Nikki shook her head.

"Jono, what were those names?" She asked, her voice cracking a little.

"James and Anna Holiday. Why?" He queried, confused. She held a hand over her mouth, trying to retain her senses.

This was important. He had to know.

"James and Anna are Josh's parents. You're related to my deceased fiancé."