I'd like to thank Breaking Benjamin (the band) for making the amazing song, So Cold, which has inspired me to develop Lucrezia's character the way I have.

If you find your family, don't you cry
In this land of make belief, dead and dry
You're so cold, but you feel alive
Breaking Benjamin

Chapter 16:

"Lucrezia?"

Jane's voice trembled in fear. What should she do? She had no idea how to proceed, no idea how to calm her. Lucrezia's eyes were still staring at their own reflection, cold and emotionless. Jane took another step into the room, closing the door behind her as silently as possible. "Lucrezia?"

"I thought Cesare was coming?" Her voice was light, careless, as if it was carried by the wind. Jane could feel her eyes tearing up; if she could speak this calmly and happily now, how could she not have been feeling on all the other days, in the gardens, speaking to her father.

A lump had formed in Jane's throat, making it unbearable to speak. "He… He had some business to attend to."

Lucrezia kept staring into the mirror, then smiled. "Well, that's okay. It'll just be us then."

Jane swallowed. "Lucrezia. Your hand is bleeding." She slowly moved towards the girl.

Finally, Lucrezia reacted. She look over her shoulder to meet Jane's eyes. "I'm sorry about that. I just… the baby kicked and I just hit the mirror to get some relief from the pain."

"Relief from the pain? Lucrezia, your hand is not a relief from any pain."

She looked down, blonde hair falling over her face and partially hiding it; Jane could still see the furrow that had been created on her pale forehead. "Some pain, yes."

"What pain?" Jane moved forward again, kneeling beside Lucrezia. She didn't answer; instead she reached for a handkerchief, washed her hand free of blood and put it on the table.

Lucrezia stood up abruptly. "You are quite right; it is rather painful and now I have broken the convent's mirror. I will have to ask my father to buy them a new one."

Jane stood up as well. "How will you explain that it broke?"

Lucrezia turned around, smiling. "What do you mean?"

"Are you going to tell him that you broke it by hitting it with your bare hand?" Jane narrowed her eyes slightly at her.

"Why not?" Lucrezia shrugged quickly, her beam widening. Jane looked at her, inspecting her closely.

"Why did you do it?"

"Smash the mirror?" She raised both her eyebrows in question, as if she had just said something as normal as 'the weather is good today'. Jane didn't answer; it wasn't needed. "Have you never had the urge to do something, something you know that is stupid, but you just wanted to do it?" Lucrezia moved towards Jane slowly as she spoke. "Have you never just wanted to make a mistake because it was fun or just because it did not matter? Why did I do it? I did because…" Suddenly, her voice shook uncontrollably and she took a break to take some breaths. She didn't continue talking.

"Lucrezia?" She had moved her hands up to touch her stomach which was now slightly showing.

"I am fine, Giovanna. I just need to sit down." As she said that, she let herself sit down on the bed, grabbing the headboard. "I rather like masquerades," she said all of a sudden. "Have you ever been to one?"

"We were to one together." Jane was now entirely still, just looking at Lucrezia for any sign of sickness.

"Ah, that is right." She smiled reminiscently. "I remember now. Masquerades are my favorite parties, did you know?" Her eyes gleamed happily when she looked up to see Jane shake her head. "A lot of women like them because of the romance, the intensity, the mystery – the idea of the life they never got. It is an illusion of a world that never existed, where everything is permitted and nothing is left to your imagination."

Lucrezia closed her eyes, smiling as she remembered some night, some ball. Then, she opened them again to look at Jane. "I like them more than any of those women, though. Because I do not only love the evening itself. While the women spend their next day mourning the loss of the freedom the night before and realizing that it was only a lie, I revel in this pain. Do you know why?" Jane shook her head quickly, staring at the pale face. The line of her lower lash was turning red from the suppression of tears. "Because it makes me feel alive in a world where living has been forbidden."

Jane heard Lucrezia let out a breath, of shock or relief or sadness, she didn't know. It could have been without meaning for all she knew. Lucrezia was leaning forwards, tucking her hands beneath her thighs on the bed while her eyes were on the floor, searching for something.

"Did you…" She choked on her words. "Did you know that they killed Perotto?"

Jane sat down beside her, touching her upper arm lightly with her finger tips. "Who did? Your father?"

Lucrezia shook her head. "No, not my father. Not that he is not capable of it, of course. But no, my father did not kill Perotto because he did not know about Perotto."

Suddenly, she began trembling, letting out a sniff and a little moan before her right hand flew up to cover one of her eyes. Tears began streaming once more, but they were quickly dried away. "I only told a few about him."

Jane found herself afraid of saying anything, unable to do so. Instead, she watched silently as Lucrezia put her right hand above her thigh, all fingers except the one in the middle touching her dress like the legs of the creature that was her hand. "I told Cesare and I told you."

"Cesare killed him?"

Lucrezia chuckled, shaking her head. "And neither did you. So who is it?" She raised one eyebrow as she watched her created crawl across her thigh. "He taught me this." Jane looked at Lucrezia's right hand once more.

"Taught you?"

Lucrezia smiled, actual happiness in her eyes. "When he was little, he had no toys to play with. So he played with his hands; like this." She licked her lips, making the creature nod with its finger of a head. "I had toys when I was a child, though I never played with them." Lucrezia tilted her head in thought.

"Who killed him?" Jane's voice was full of desperation to change the subject as quickly as possible.

Lucrezia looked at Jane, surprised, but at least her hand was now lying motionless against the skirt of her dress. "Juan." The word was without any emotion of any kind. "And I will never forgive him."

Juan was in danger, that was for sure. "What will you do?"

"What can I do?" She sighed, looking away. "I am a woman."

Jane found herself angry with the society that she had loved for the past years, a society that would make a girl, no, a woman like Lucrezia feel that way; she almost wanted to tell Lucrezia all of this, what she could do, all that Giulia had ever taught any of them and more. But then, a smile spread across Jane's face. "You will not do anything."

It was a statement, yet Lucrezia answered as if it was a question. "No."

"Because... Cesare will do it for you?"

"Yes." The answer was so simple and her voice so ordinary that Jane found it unbelievable how easily it cut through the air.

"What will he do?"

"Nothing yet."

Yet. One word that could mean so much, was it only put in the right context. "You must promise me to be better than him, Lucrezia, or you will never forgive yourself."

Lucrezia now turned her head, once more facing Jane. "Did you not hear what I said? He will do nothing. Juan only did what he thought was right, which was protecting my image. However hard it is to believe, he wished only to help me."

"But he did not help you."

Jane sighed, smiling a small smile for a second. "No, well. He tried, which is a big thing when it comes to Juan."

Jane's gaze wandered back to the mirror. "So you broke it because Perotto was killed?"

Lucrezia's eyes followed Jane's. "No. His death did not sadden me that much."

"What do you mean? Did you not love him?"

Lucrezia sighed. "For a time, I loved the illusion of him, yes. But I did not love him."

"What then?"

She stood up from the bed, walking to the table and beginning to collect the largest of the pieces of mirror. "Losing my family."

"You have not lost them." Jane now rose and walked over to Lucrezia, once more putting a hand on her arm. "They are still there, they still love you."

"As I love them." She put the pieces that she had collected down, creating a pile. "But we are all lost, or at the very least we will be." She picked up a piece, watching how the light reflected as her hands spun it around. "Swallowed in our ambition."

There was a knock on the door. "Yes?" Lucrezia let the piece of the mirror fall.

A nun entered, not the same as before. "You have another gues, mi… Milady, what has happened?" The nun entered quickly, lifting Lucrezia's arm to inspect the wounds.

"Do not worry about that, Sister Margret. It was an accident, I tripped in my skirts and fell into the mirror." Lucrezia laughed breathily as she would have done had it been the truth. "I can be so clumsy at times."

The nun didn't let go of Lucrezia hand right away. "I will have someone clean it up."

Lucrezia smiled gratefully. "And the guest?"

"Your brother, milady."

"Which one?" Jane noticed a slight sign of anticipation in Lucrezia stature.

"The cardinal."

A bright smile spread across Lucrezia's face. "Thank you, Sister. Send him in."

The nun nodded and walked away, her steps resonating through the halls and in through the open door to Lucrezia's room. The room stayed silent until, a minute later, steps could once more be heard approaching the room.

"Lucrezia?" Cesare looked at his sister, the rests of the mirror behind her and then at her hand. "What happened?"

Lucrezia took a single step forward. "Do not worry, brother, it has been sorted out. How fared the meeting?"

Cesare sighed, stepping further into the room. "Well. Machiavelli has agreed to help us bring down Savonarola."

"That is good news." She swallowed. "And our brother? Has he left for Spain yet?"

"He leaves tomorrow and will return in time for the birth." Cesare looked at Jane, then at Lucrezia. "On the same subject, can we speak alone?"

Jane took her cue, already on her way out of the room as she said, "I will leave now." Once outside, she closed the door, leaving only the smallest of gaps open. She truly had decided on leaving them alone to speak, but curiosity got the better of her.

"How does Father think that Juan can stay Gonfalonier of the Papal Arms when he is in Spain?" Jane heard Lucrezia say.

"I do not know, my love." Jane walked closer to the gap, which was too narrow to see through. Soundlessly, she brought her fingertips to the door, opening it just a bit more. "He is blinded."

"I am sorry, Cesare, so sorry."

"Don't be." He reached out his right hand, touching her chin. "Those words seem to have a habit of coming out of your mouth." Lucrezia smiled as he let his hand fall. "I will change that, I promise you."

"I wish I could believe you, but you cannot change it as long as you still play this game."

"Then I will stop." He took her hand. "I give up. I will no longer fight for our Father's acceptance or respect."

"And you will no longer be a cardinal?"

"I never was." Lucrezia smiled sadly. Then Cesare surprised Jane by leaning forward, placing his lips against Lucrezia for a second, two, then pulling back a bit. "I love you, too much."

Lucrezia nodded even though her next words denied it. "There is one whom you must love before you can love anyone else, Cesare."

"You?"

"No. Yourself." Then she pulled back.

"Would that not be arrogant?"

Lucrezia smiled but shook her head. "No matter what you think, you are worth loving. I know that, Father knows that, all but you know it."

Jane turned away from the door. She shouldn't have seen that and now she had; and she was filled with conflicting emotions. While she knew how wrong the last piece of morality that she had thought this was, a part of her could not let go of the feeling that it was right.

She didn't turn to the door again. Instead she went to where she was supposed to be; outside and far away. Of course it would never be that easy to run away.

"Giovanna, what a pleasure it is to meet you again." Jane's eyes found the owner of the voice standing in the shadows of the colonnade, leaning against a pillar. "It has been too long."

"You are brave to stand so close to a cross, taken your long list of sins, Micheletto."

The red-haired man smirked. He looked at lot better than he had last time Jane saw him; his face was dusty but generally clean, his hair had been washed within the last few days and his clothes were, while still common, clean.

"I would say that you are brave to stand so close to it." Jane's heart sank.

"Whatever do you mean?" Jane made an effort to look normal, untouched by his words.

His eyes gleamed, though not in an evil or sinister way. "I mean exactly what you think that I mean."

Jane sighed, struggling to find the right words. "You figured me out, then?" Of all people, it was him who had had the wit to see through her.

"Yes." In fact, it didn't strike her as that strange at all. His sharp dark eyes and crouching figure; she should have known that nothing would stay a secret for long when he was there.

Jane was about to say something, perhaps defend herself or just accept it, whichever she never knew, but was interrupted by Cesare and Lucrezia who now exited the door to the corridor.

"Giovanna, Micheletto, are you ready to leave?" Cesare looked from Jane to Micheletto, who both nodded. "Very well." He turned to his sister, embraced her and said, "I will see you soon. I promise."

Lucrezia smiled and let him hold her for another second or two before walking over to Jane. Micheletto had already gone to take the horses and Cesare now followed him, both of them mounting the horses.

"I hope to see you soon, and in good health," Jane began. Lucrezia nodded. Her head turned and her eyes met with Jane's for a moment before whispering, "The masquerade is over."