READ AND REVIEW…so we find ourselves in a very awkward situation in this update.
"Did you talk to Edward yesterday?" Jasper asked in music class the next day.
"Why?" I asked wary of his question, had Edward said something?
"No reason, he's just been…happy, recently, and that's a little odd, and when I asked him about it…well he ignored me." He laughed.
"Why would he ignore you? Are you two fighting or something?" I asked concerned, I'd never really seen Jasper mad, but I'd seen Edward mad, and if one was like the other I never wanted to.
"I'm not sure if we're fighting or not anymore, he's up and down all the time. He just seems so off lately. I don't know how to explain it." He said shaking his head his topaz eyes narrowed in frustration and confusion.
"Well I did see him yesterday in the Sound Room, he was already in there playing when I walked in, but that was about it. Oh, and he listened to me sing a song, but then he left." I said. "I'm not sure anything would have happened to change his mood that much. He hates me anyway." I cast my eyes to the ground, and I felt Jaspers hand under my chin pulling my face back up to meet his, and immediately I was lost in his beautiful eyes.
"It's his loss if he hates you." Jasper said, then his face moved closer to mine, and my breath stopped in my throat, I almost choked on it, I breathed in his sweet scent, but he never came any closer, he sighed, and backed off.
I won't lie when I say that the situation after that, for the next several minutes was quite awkward. Jasper was messing with his guitar with Conner who also played guitar. Chase was sitting down at the drums looking annoyed. We didn't get to perform today since we did yesterday, we were watching the rest of the bands pass their tests, and get judged.
"Ok class, I know it's kind of strange but we have more additions to our group, Edward Cullen, and seeing how Bella's group only has one singer he'll go there. As long as that's fine with you, Bella." Mrs. Levinski said, peeking over her glasses.
"Oh, well that's fine Mrs. L, I don't mind." I said honestly, maybe I wouldn't have to sing so much anymore.
"We have one more, um…Landon Ryan. Right?" She asked someone I couldn't see so I peeked around Jasper. And there stood Landon, yup creepy stalker Landon.
"Yeah, that's me." He said giving her a smile that would have melted anyone's heart.
"Well, all the bands have equal amounts of members, so you can just pick." Mrs. Levinski said.
His eyes darted over to me, and Jasper stepped in-between my vision of him. It looked like Landon was opening his mouth to say something, but then Jessica broke in.
"He can be in our group Mrs. Levinski, since we have no guys." Jessica said, and I silently thanked her, even though I hated her. She was right. There were no guys in her band, just her, Lauren, Angela, and Ekko, who was kind of gothic but way cool, I liked her.
"There you go Landon, enjoy." Mrs. L said.
He nodded and glanced in my direction a wicked smile on his face, and I stopped breathing, I was so scared, I could feel the tears forming in my eyes.
Then I felt a cold hand take my hand, and I looked up to see Jasper looking down at me with an emotion that I wasn't sure of on his face.
Then I felt another presence on the other side of me, and turned my head to see Edward glaring at Jasper, he didn't look too happy now. A feeling of confusion, and anger swept over me, so much so that my legs began to wobble, and got lightheaded. It was so bad that I started falling backward, but I landed in someone's arms. I had squeezed my eyes shut from the expected impact, and when I opened them to see Edwards face…well I was pretty shocked.
"Thank…you." I said, as he helped me stand up.
"Don't worry, it wasn't your fault." He said looking at Jasper, and I felt that I was missing something.
"Are you alright?" Jasper asked grabbing my arms.
"Yeah Jazzy, I'm fine." I said my voice weak.
His eyes narrowed and he scrutinized my face.
"I don't believe you." He said.
"Trust me, I'll be fine, just give me a moment." I said with a smile, and went to sit on the ground next to the drum-set the Chase was sitting at, I remembered that Chase had seemed down, and it was a perfect excuse to get out of that awkward situation.
"Are you alright?" I asked him, and his red head shot up, his pretty blue eyes tuning in on my brown.
"Um…" His face inched back down, and I scooted closer to him, and took his hand.
"You can tell me Chase." I whispered. I saw his eyes focus in on our locked hands, and I was amazed when he put his other hand on top of mine. So I took my last free hand and added it on top of his, and we both laughed.
He looked back up at me, a crooked smile on his face, but I could see the tears that threatened to fall.
"You can tell me." I whispered again.
He nodded and looked back down.
"It's…it's my mom…she…she has cancer. We had been waiting for her results for a while now….but now it's official." He said.
"But they have treatments now, she'll be alright-" he was already shaking his head at my words.
"They...they said that maybe if it had been a little sooner…if it wasn't in the late stages…" I felt a tear his my hand, and I couldn't stop myself, I was overwhelmed in grief, and sorrow, I dropped his hands, and gathered him into my arms, and let him cry on my shoulder.
"You'll be alright." I whispered. "I'll be right here." I promised. I could feel him nod.
"Thank you Bella, that means so much to me." He said, and he let me go.
"I'll be here if you ever need someone to talk to."
"I might just take you up on that." He said wiping his eyes.
"So how long…did they…uh." I wasn't sure exactly how to ask him how long his mother had left to live.
"They said, about a month…maybe less. They put her in a nice room, she's on medication so she can't feel the pain, she's refused any painful treatments. She wants to go peacefully." He said, and I nodded.
"I'm so sorry Chase." I said, and he didn't overlook the fact that I was crying too now, tears rolling down my face.
"Come on Bella, don't cry…I…I wouldn't know what to do if…" He trailed off, and I tried to compose myself.
"I'm sorry, at least she…she's not in pain anymore." I said.
"She used to be in soooo much pain, headaches, she could barely walk, it was horrible, I just can believe that those headaches and that pain are going to be the most recent feelings she remembers."
"Yeah, but you said that she can't feel that anymore."
He just shook his head.
"Sometimes she forgets to take her medication, and I'll walk in the room and she'll be in such pain, I don't know what to do, I pray every night, but I know it's not going to help."
I felt my chest swelling with emotion, and I started crying again. He didn't tell my to stop, he too had tears coming down his face.
"I just don't understand…how God could ever take such a kind hearted person, she was so happy, so pure." He said his voice breaking on the last word.
I could feel this boy's pain in me, everything that he was I could feel it. I could feel it in my arms, our connected hands, my shaking legs, everywhere, even my heart.
"I'll help you through this Chase. I swear it. We'll get through it together. I'll be here with you through it all!" I vowed staring him straight in the eyes.
"I wasn't ready to talk about it. I wasn't ready to tell anyone, but I'm glad that I told you Bella. I really am." He said and he leaned forward letting out hands disentangle and he hugged me.
Jasper and Edward were both staring over at us, and in just shrugged looking back at them, Conner was smiling. I knew I needed to help Chase. He was a great friend, he didn't need to bare his pain in silence, I'd be there for him.
The next day I was sitting alone with Jasper in band class, our band was unable to perform since Chase wasn't here today, his mothers case took a turn for the worst and he called me this morning to let me know that he wouldn't be coming in.
Edward was god knows where, doing god knows what, he really wasn't even a part of the band, he showed up to learn songs, and practice, and perform but that was it. It really irked me that he thought he could do whatever he wanted.
And Conner was just being Conner, he wasn't bad looking and he was mingling with the other bands that were basically doing nothing as well.. G-r-e-a-t.
"Bella? Did you here me?" A hand was waving in my face, I looked up and the smile dropped from my face, it was Landon.
"What do you want?" I hissed, and Jasper looked amused.
"Can I come over tonight, I was talking to Charlie, and he said that he wouldn't mind-" I cut him off right there.
"I'm sorry Landon." No I wasn't. "But I had plans to go and see Jacob and we have band practice tonight so I won't have time. Maybe in the future you won't ask my father what I'm doing later." I said, and he looked confused.
"Who's Jacob?" Landon said, his blue eyes narrowing in confusion.
"A close friend of mine." You idiot.
"Oh." He said.
"Well see you later, if I don't sing something today I'll probably break down into particles and die." I said standing up.
"Oh, want to do a duet?" he asked hopeful again.
"Nah, I'm good for now." I said, and I watched him walk away disappointed.
"Do you like him?" I heard Jasper ask from beside me.
"Me? Like Landon? Ha!" I said walking away.
Cold hands wrapped around my waist and he pulled me to him, my back pressing against his chest. It was a good thing that we were in the corner of the room, no one could see us.
"You've been avoiding me all week. I don't like it. It doesn't feel very good to be ignored for no reason." He said.
"Q-quit it, Jasper!" I said trying to pull from his grasp, but he was strong. I sighed. "I'm not ignoring you, so just quit it." I said. I could feel my heart about to explode in my chest, I felt like I could die at any second.
"Bella, you know Landon likes you, right?" He asked.
I was unable to speak, I was too confused, sad, angry, annoyed, and scared.
"J-Jasper just leave me alone!" I huffed annoyed, and I finally found the strength to pull myself from his grip, and I stomped off to the sound room.
I looked back at him, his face a mask of anger and confusion that would probably not end well.
I really needed to get these feelings out, and the only way I knew how to do that was sing a song.
I popped my CD into the Boom Box and I was so ready to just sing. I pressed play and went over to the stage and laid down. The music began to flow and all I needed to do was add the words.
"Please speak softly
For they will hear us
And they'll find out
Why we don't trust them
Speak up dear
Cause I cannot hear you
I need to know
Why we don't trust them
Explain to me
This conspiracy against me
And tell me how
I've lost my power
Lately it seems like everything have gone to crap, and I didn't have the power to fix it, and it was totally crap.
Where can I turn
Cause I need something more
Surrounded by uncertainty
I'm so unsure
Tell me why
I feel so alone
Cause I need to know
To whom do I owe
Where was I supposed to go from here? I wasn't sure of anything anymore! I'm all alone in this, and I can't figure out who to talk to about anything.
Explain to me
This conspiracy against me
And tell me how
I've lost my power
I thought we would make it
Because you said
That we'd make it through
And when all security fails
Will you be there to help me through
Explain to me
This conspiracy against me
And tell me how
I've lost my power"
I lay there for a moment just staring at the stage lights, just thinking everything had gone to such shit so fast this year. And I really sucked.
"Did you just write that?" I jumped a bit at the sudden volume in the quite room, but I didn't need to look up to know who it was. I felt my legs dangling ever the edge of the stage, the stage itself wasn't that tall, I mean I was short myself and it only came to about my waist. It was an old room.
But nevertheless that voice…that voice belonged to none other than Edward Cullen. I didn't look up at him, I didn't need to, besides if I looked at him it would give him an excuse to start a real conversation, and who wants that?
I heard footsteps, and then I felt hands on my sides, and I looked forward to see Edward leaning over me, his face in mine. He didn't need to be that close.
"I said, 'did you just write that?'." He said then smiled, his icy breath intoxicating me.
"I believe I chose to ignore you." I hissed then shook off his hold and made my way to the back door, I really didn't want to try and get passed him, I had no patience right now, and I really didn't want to get kicked out of school for punching someone.
There was a loud thump as Edward jumped onto the stage, and a few light pats on the ground as he ran in front of me blocking the exit to the back room. His bronze hair a neat mess on top of his head and his topaz eyes seemed to burn into me.
"What do you want from me Edward? I thought we were both in agreement that you hated me, and that I hated you? Why can't we just not talk and keep up with the normal activity?" I sighed looking him straight in his topaz eyes. His eyes…they were intent, and calculating, as if he were asking himself a question.
Step. Step. Step. Step.
Then he was right in my face, directly in my face, and I turned to leave but he swung us both around, pinning me to the wall next to the door with my arms at my sides. So quickly that I didn't even see it coming, like it was such a split decision his lips met mine. His hands came up, resting on my face.
His hands were both light, and strong holding onto my each side of my face as he kissed me, first lightly, then he deepened it, his hands running through my hair. I would have fought him, would have pushed, would have kicked him, if he wasn't stronger than me. I just shut down and let me finish.
When he did I just looked at him tiredly, was this really happening? I saw his eyes dart down to my lips, then back to my face.
"I don't hate you." He breathed, oh my gosh was his scent intoxicating. And I almost didn't notice his head moving down closer to mine…almost. I shot my hand out towards his chest and gently pushed him away. No I wasn't going to let him kiss me again, I was confused enough with trying to figure out if the person I liked me back, and why that person saw it fit to torture me, I didn't need Edward drama too.
"No." I said, His eyes narrowed, and he began to lean back in, but I stopped him again. "Don't." I said breathless. I could feel myself shaking, this wasn't right, nothing about this was right.
I heard him growl, or grunt or something, and he was leaning into me again his beautiful topaz eyes looking fierce and feral.
"I said to quit it Edward, seriously. I don't see why you are even bothering with me right now, we hate each other." I said. "And besides wasn't it you who attacked me that day in the meadow, I had bruises on my wrists for the longest time." I said bitterly.
His eyes went wide and he just stared at me for a while.
"That was different." He finally said.
I about laughed. "Different how? We're still the same people, your still mean, I'm still angry, and your just gave me bruises on my wrists again." I said looking down at the hold that he had on my wrists pinning me against the wall. He let me go almost instantly. "So please tell me how that is any different." I said.
"It just is." He said and looked away.
"Surreee." I said stretching out the word. "Well if you'll please excuse me I have to go call Chase and make sure he's alright." I hissed and pulled myself from the wall, and out the back door. Why did he have to be so damn annoying?
I almost laughed when I walked out of the room and saw Jasper leaning against the door. I turned immediately around to go in the other direction, but Jasper lurched forward grabbing me by my wrists making me draw in a sharp into of breath and wince in pain.
His eyes flashed down to my wrist and his eyes narrowed.
"What happened?" He asked as he pulled me into him and let my head rest on his shoulder. I just shook my head, how could I tell him that his brother just tried to…I don't even know what he just tried to do. He kissed me. I thought with a twinge of hysteria. Tears formed in my eyes. I didn't want to kiss Edward. I didn't mean for it to happen. I couldn't tell Jasper that.
"Bella, tell me what happened." He demanded as he pulled back from me to look me in the eyes. His sympathetic and angry face turned startled as he stared at me, for a reason that I didn't know. Absentmindedly I reached up and touched my face. I almost wished I hadn't, because once I did I could feel the hot tears that were running down my face.
The fact that I was crying in front of Jasper, after having been kissed by his brother, whom I previously thought was a nice guy, who before that I thought was evil, and now I'm confused about him. Did he like me? Or was he just trying to mess with Jasper? If the second ones true then there's no way I can tell Jasper what happened. No. I couldn't. If the first…then in was scared. Scared that he might try it again, it's true that I spend a lot of time in the Sound Room. It really wouldn't be hard for him to find me.
I was trembling in Jaspers arms when the back door to the Sound Room opened and Edward came walking out. I felt my heart rise in my chest, and the immediate urge to run, but I did neither while I was enjoying the comfort of Jaspers embrace.
"Hey, Bella I can't wait till band practice tonight, see you there." He said smirking and walked away.
"Bella you need to tell me what's going on." Jasper said in a final tone.
"It's nothing." I said pulling myself out of his hold and wiping my tears. "Really it's nothing Jasper, I'll see you tonight at Conner's house Ok?" I said and gave him a small hug before walking away. I couldn't believe I had just lied to Jasper.
But it was for his own good.
Maybe is was for mine.
Either way, I couldn't tell him. I didn't need his family in a fight, much less over me. No I wouldn't tell him. It wasn't necessary. I'd just make sure I'm never alone with Edward Cullen ever again.
I know it's a lot different from the last one! I don't think there's going to be any BellaXChase in here. She's just there for emotional support. I had to subtract part of the drama from this story, it was way too overbearing to think about!
REVIEW!!
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Really please review! I have the weirdest feeling that no one likes it anymore! It makes me want to cry.
So please save my tear ducts and review!!
And press that button we all know is blue!
THANX