A/N: Having Gone through Miyazaki Nodoka's entry in TvTropes, I now dearly want to write a scene where Nodoka defeats Batman. She could.
Daidouji Tomoyo's mind is a very dangerous place…
TvTrope it, dettebayo!
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Takamachi Nanoha of 2814
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Chapter 6: And Now, For Something Completely Different…
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story.
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Nanoha thought she was just getting a handle on things. Granted, there was some strain with her relationship with her friends and family, who were all becoming worried about her, especially when she showed up slightly hurt because she missed some detail for Ring-chan to remove to cover up the fact she'd been in a fight– whether with Fate, some giant monster that she'd run into before Big Science Action did, that seemingly-renegade magical girl Kuro Illya, a random ayakashi with a taste for human flesh and not much sense, common garden variety criminals, uncommon special order variety supercriminals mostly working as Yakuza muscle and whatever else the day had involved– but Superman and the most everyone she'd talked to had warned her about that well in advance, so she'd been able to brace herself, though it still hurt. All in all, she was finding a rhythm to her life
And then the TSAB showed up.
She wondered what form she had to fill up for this…
...
It had been a nice, normal day. Get up, get dressed, admire how saccharinely close her family was, meet her friends at the bus (though Alisa seemed agree and avoiding her today), go to school, briefly transform into Green Lantern ad fight crime/evil/giant monsters, head home, not hear mysterious voice calling her name…
Bliss.
She'd even partly expected the fight with Fate, giving it her all, as usual, while Ferret Lantern dealt with Arf. There had been that dramatic Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny moment…
And then a boy had appeared out of nowhere.
Nanoha almost wished for the voices in her head…
...
"I am a government official from the Time-Space Administration Bureau, Chrono Harlaown," the boy who had appeared oh so dramatically said. "I will need a detailed explanation about this from the two of you! Firstly, withdraw your weapons!"
Hilarity Ensued.
"Could have told you that wouldn't work," Green Lantern said sympathetically, patting the boy on the shoulder.
He threw her hand of him, glaring at her angrily. "I'd have had her if you hadn't put yourself in between us!" he said.
"You might have killed her," Green Lantern said. "As a law-enforcement official, I could not allow that to happen."
Chrono narrowed his eyes at her. "You? Law enforcement? Wearing that?"
Nanoha said nothing, merely giving his clothes a pointed look.
An image suddenly appeared out of nowhere, and Green Lantern jumped, her left hand rising to aim her ring before she realized what it was. "Chrono, good job," the woman in the image said.
"I'm sorry. I let the other one get away," Chrono told the image apologetically, though he cast sideways looks at Green Lantern. She just stared at him coolly behind her mask.
"Well, it couldn't be helped," the image said. "Oh, I'd like to hear their story, so I was wondering if you could bring these two to the Asura?"
"Understood. I will return momentarily," Chrono said.
"No," Green Lantern said, as firmly as her father when telling her that she couldn't know what an Image Club was. She felt Ferret Lantern's weight shift uncomfortably on her shoulder, but she pressed on. "Sorry, but I have no intention of going strange places with strange people–" now, her thoughts said, chagrined, "– most especially people who seem to have powerful magic. If you want to talk to me, then we do so here."
The two turned to her in surprise, and in the boy's case, a little anger. "Are you refusing to come with an official of the Time-Space Administration Bureau?" the boy said.
Nanoha resisted the urge to cross her arms stubbornly, keeping her hands free for ring and staff. "Neither Earth nor the Green Lantern Corps recognizes the legitimacy or authority of this Bureau. I, however, am a dully appointed law-enforcement official, whose area of responsibility you happen to be standing on."
The boy's mouth twisted, but the image, in a placating voice, said, "Ah, I apologize, officer. That was presumptuous of me. However, we do need to speak about these… Jewel Seeds, and what must be done about them."
"And I must contact my superiors and inform them of your presence," Green Lantern said. "There's paperwork that needs to be filled out."
Green Lantern watched closely as the woman winced at the latter words. "I understand. That will certainly take some time. There is no choice then. When can we arrange for a meeting?"
"Now," Green Lantern said, and the other two blinked in surprise.
"Now?" the image said, not yet having recovered.
Green Lantern nodded. "I'm sorry, but I had to test your sincerity. Anyone who shows the proper respect for the correct filing of official documentation–" inwardly, she giggled at knowing such big words! "– while still seeing them as a necessary evil–" which she really didn't understand, herself, but there it was, "– is most likely to be a person of integrity. I'm sorry, but I had to know. Since you seem to respect the fact that your presence must be reported and the paperwork filled out, I suppose I can extend enough trust to go with you. But!" she raised a finger. "If you try anything, I will respond in kind."
The woman in the image tilted her head. "That sounds reasonable. And thank you. Chrono, if you please?"
Green Lantern quickly sent a packet report to Oa in case she went missing as light congealed around her, and she arrived at another place…
...
"EH!" Green Lantern cried, her cool hauteur– at least, she'd like to think it was cool hauteur if she knew what hauteur was– breaking into teeny tiny tinkling pieces as Yu– er, Ferret Lantern– changed. "Y-y-, er, Ferret Lantern! You're a boy?-!-?-!-?-!"
"Uh, N-, er, Green Lantern, when we first met, I was in this form, wasn't I?" Ferret(?) Lantern said.
"No, no, you definitely were not! You were a ferret to being with! Ring-chan, was he like that when we met?"
"No, he was not," Ring-chan said.
"See, see! Ring-chan can't be wrong!"
"Hmm…" Ferret(?) Lantern said, tapping his head in thought, then paused. "Am I… still wearing a mask?"
Green Lantern nodded. "It's standard Corps procedure," she said.
Ferret(?) Lantern looked down and sighed. Well, at least he wasn't wearing the Corps' idea of a standard body suit.
Chrono looked on, already putting together a not very flattering list of observations on the people of Earth…
...
Nanoha listened carefully, her ring completely recording the helpfully expository words of Captain Harlaown. Even though the way she kept adding so much sugar made Nanoha twitch.
Outrageously sugary sip. "So, I'd like to inform you that the Time-Space Administration Bureau will be taking over the search for the Lost Logia, the Jewel Seeds, and it would be best if you two just forgot about what happened, returned to your separate worlds and continued to live your lives," Next to her, Chrono was nodding in agreement. The captain smiled brightly, "but somehow, I don't think that Officer Green Lantern will be agreeing to that."
Nanoha nodded. Chrono turned in protest. "Captain! This incident involves dimensional interference! It's not a simple matter that we could let civilians get involved with!"
"Well, isn't it convenient I'm a law enforcement officer and not a civilian," Green Lantern said. Despite herself, she tried to figure how the girl Fate would act in this instance. Nanoha had certainly been the target of her frustrating resolve and stubbornness to emulate it. Quickly, but concisely, she explained the concept of the Green Lantern Corps. She had to wait a while as the enormity of the areas involved hit them. From what she'd gathered, by implication at least, the places they patrolled were relatively close together, possibly easily fitting one sector. She saw the moment when they realized she was basically doing, all by herself, a job that comparatively needed their whole bureau.
She turned to Chrono, who seemed to be the biggest source of objection. "Let me put it simply. These Jewel Seeds are causing chaos in my area of responsibility. It is my job– no, my duty to do something about them. If your intention is to see to it that these Lost Logia no longer pose a danger, than I am willing to cooperate with you to accomplish that. And if you truly represent some sort of dimensional police force, than I am sure my superiors will wish to speak with you regarding future cooperation and at worst, jurisdictional restrictions. "
The Captain gave a slight wince at that idea. Clearly, cross-dimensional bureaucratic haggling didn't appeal to her. Nanoha didn't see what her problem was. A little paperwork never hurt anybody.
Legions would wish to disagree with her.
Chrono frowned at her, but before he could say anything, the captain intervened. "It appears we both have much to consider. Why don't we think about it overnight and speak of it again in the morning?"
Nanoha nodded in agreement. "Agreed. Can you please drop us off where you found us? I still need to continue my patrol."
The captain blinked in surprise. "Your patrol?" she said.
Green Lantern smiled, a small smile compared to her usual expansive ones. On her, it was still technically big and bright. "No evil shall escape my sight," she said. "It's part of our Oath. I'm no good if I don't go around and look for trouble. Yu- uh, Ferret Lantern, come on. According to statistics, three giant monster attacks already need foiling."
The Harlaown's blinked. "Monster attacks?"
"Earth. It's a tough neighborhood," Yuuno said apologetically. "I recommend big guns, heavy spells and power suits."
...
"So… you're really a boy?" Green Lantern said as they stared out over the water while the ring repaired what little damage the Jewel Seed battle had caused. "You look about my age…"
Yuuno reddened slightly. "I'm sorry I never bought it up. I honestly thought you knew. I'm sorry."
Green Lantern patted him on the shoulder. "It's all right. Just don't do it again."
Yuuno couldn't help smiling. "All right. Next time I meet you after being attacked by a Jewel Seed dust bunny, I'll be sure to tell you I'm really a boy instead of a ferret."
"From the time-travel incidents logs I've been reading, that's not so far-fetched," Green Lantern said.
Yuuno blinked. "Seriously?"
Nanoha nodded. Yuuno whistled.
The two looked out over the water again.
"So… they're probably recording us, aren't they? I can't change back, or they'll know," Green Lantern said.
"Most likely. You'd be the best judge of police procedure," Yuuno said.
"Then they're watching," Green Lantern said thoughtfully. She looked up in the air. "Captain, you really should cut down on your sugar! It's bad for your teeth, and gives you diabetes! Think of poor Chrono-kun! What sort of example of dental hygiene are you setting!"
Yuuno laughed. Nanoha grinned at him. "So, what can we do?" she said.
Not so long ago, Yuuno would have been very hesitant about even considering this. Now, after getting ferret-napped at least seven times for bait and at least twice as lunch, and getting out of those only by Nanoha's timely rescue, he didn't hesitate. "I think I can modify the Barrier I use into an anti-scrying effect," he said thoughtfully. "I'll have to run the calculations. I'd use Raging heart for that, but truthfully, the two of us never synchronized as well as you two did. It might take some time. An hour or two."
Nanoha tapped her cheek thoughtfully. "What if…" she said, "What if you relayed whatever it was you need to send Raging Heart through me? Would that work? The ring can do a sort of elementary telepathic link. That might work."
Yuuno stared at her. "You never told me you could do that!" he said.
"Technically, the ring can do anything," Nanoha said. "It's having the imagination to think of those things that's the hard part. Basic training tends to concentrate on simple, reliable constructs, will-power exercises, strategy, tactics, procedure, determination and endurance rather than experimentation. It tends to get glossed over."
Yuuno stared at some middle distance thoughtfully. "We can try," he said.
Green Lantern took his hand and concentrated.
A few seconds later, the monitoring station at the Asura was showing static.
"Hmm," Lindy said. "Impressive. And paranoid. Justified, but still paranoid."
"Mother," Chrono said solemnly. Lind turned to look at him. "She's right. You use too much sugar. It's not good for you."
Amy nodded. "He's right. I'm officially cutting you off, captain."
"Eh? Now wait just a minute, who's the captain around here?-!"
...
Despite what Nanoha had said, she didn't immediately go on patrol. Big Science Action and Super Young Team both had her number, and the magical girls she knew all knew how to contact her should they need any help. Mostly it was reconstruction and getting rid of the evidence. Sakura-chan was her biggest customer there, a fact that made the nice, well-spoken girl very apologetic. She was actually the one Nanoha was on best terms with, if only because she saw her in a non-combat situation the most. The Sailor Senshi usually contacted her when one of them was a bit too careless with there attacks, but also when they needed help with, say, a years-old monster by one of their old enemies.
It was disturbing how many of those had been left around. Apparently, sometimes they'd thrown the monsters around like seeds and allowed them to evolve. Depending on conditions, this meant it might take months or even years before the things woke up, meaning some days, long after the enemy had been befriended or destroyed, they were still dealing with Black Moon Circus Freaks, Dark Kingdom Youma, or any number of things. Still, they managed.
The less said about those Kaleido girls, the better. And Nanoha was still to traumatized by Evangeline to consider talking to her. Though she should probably continue her efforts to contact those flying maids and that cute girl on the flying stick…
So, it was with less than full professionalism that she'd gone to visit Sakura and her friend to ask them a favor.
...
A slightly dazed bodyguard knocked on the door to interrupt tea time. "Oujo-sama, I'm sorry to interrupt, but there's a magical girl here to see you."
Tomoyo blinked over her teacup, then looked around. "But Sakura-chan's right here, Ino-san."
Sakura gave a sigh. It went "Hoeeeee…"
Ino resisted the urge to sigh as well. The rich sure could be weird. Wait, no, you didn't call them weird, you called then eccentric. "Different magical girl, Oujo-sama. Green Lantern-sama and a masked boy say they wish to speak to you."
The girls at the tea party exchanged looks. "Well, I better see to this. I'm sorry for the interruption."
"Not at all," Tsukimura Suzuka said, putting down her cup. "I'm actually quite curious to see Green Lantern-sama. We see her flying over Uminari often, but she always seems to be in a hurry."
"She came to my school once," Yukihiro Ayaka confided. "Or so I heard. Something about potential super-villains in the university science labs."
The other girls nodded sagely (well, except for Sakura). They'd heard of those things.
"Please send her in, Ino-san," Tomoyo said, taking a delicate sip of her tea. "I will meet with her and her companion here."
"Were there?" Luviagelita Edelfelt asked, continuing the line of conversation. Behind her, her maid Miyu stood stiffly at attention, despite Tomoyo's repeated attempts to get the young girl to relax and join them.
"None that I heard of," Ayaka said, taking a cookie. "Still, it's quite possible my classmate Chao left just in time. Not that I'm saying she'd have anything to do with such things. Quite the opposite! Why, before she left, she helped make our school festival end in quite a high note, purely as something for us to remember her by!"
A few moment's later, Green Lantern strode into the parlor holding a masked boy who looked to be about her age by one arm and paused. She seemed to blink a couple of times behind her own mask. "Ah, I'm sorry Daidouji-san, I hope I'm not interrupting anything."
"Just the regular meeting of the little ladies who lunch," Tomoyo said. "Well, take tea, anyway. How may I assist you, Green Lantern-sama?"
Green Lantern was silent for a moment, seemingly staring at the other girls present. Miyu, the poor embarrassed girl, was blushing and seemed to be trying to hide by holding a tray in front of her face.
Finally, Green Lantern seemed to come to herself. "Sorry," she said. "It's been a long day. Daidouji-san, I was wondering if you would do me a favor."
"Oh?" Tomoyo said, interested. The other girls, equally intrigued, leaned forward slightly.
Green Lantern nodded, then patted the boy on the shoulder. "You remember my Deputy, Ferret Lantern, don't you?"
The boy sighed as the other girls turned to stare at him. "N– Green Lantern, we really need to think of a better name."
"Eh? But Ferret Lantern's so cute."
"It's hardly appropriate! What sort of superhero goes around named after an animal?"
"Batman?"
"That's different! Bats have mystique! Name one superhero named after an animal that wasn't intimidating!"
"Robin?"
The boy wilted. "I give up…"
Green Lantern smiled brightly, patting the boy again as the other girls watched on, amused. Even Miyu looked behind her tray. "To continue, Daidouji-san, I wish to make a request of you. I want to ask you to design a new uniform for my deputy here."
Tomoyo blinked. It was a small gesture, but it did not do justice to the titanic clash of opposing ideas in her head. On the one hand, she only made clothes for her precious people, such as, say, for the sake of an example, SAKURA-CHAN!-!-!-!-!-! It was her way of showing she cared. She wasn't as crass as to do it with money, but with tender loving care, effort, blood sweat and tears. It was a private, personal thing for her to make clothes for someone. Taking a long, pointed needle and sticking it into the soft, delicate folds, drawing it in and out again and again…
Error code 34, rule. Reset.
On the other hand, she was also an artist. Everything she did, she did as an art form. Singing, drawing, cooking, sewing, martial arts (she made a mental note to spar with Ayaka-chan again one of these days, to see how much they'd both improved. She'd been working on her Musabetsu Kakutō Ryū), sharp-shooting (that half-Puerto Rican mercenary mother had hired to teach her had said she was one of the most promising she'd ever seen. Mr. Wilson, the one in the eye-patch, had half-jokingly asked if she'd be willing to be his apprentice), interpretive dance, track and field, video-editing, erotic yoga, tantric Sakura-stalking… it was all art to her, a means of creating beauty. And life most artists in it for the art and not the money, she enjoyed her talents and works being appreciated.
These two concepts warred within her at the seemingly simple request. On the one hand, clothes were for, say, for the sake of an example, her SAKURA-CHAN!-!-!-!-!-! On the other hand, a superhero, a magical girl (who clearly wasn't as magical or as girly has her Sakura-chan, but no one but Sakura-chan was perfect, after all) was asking her to design a uniform for her. Technically her deputy, but still!
"Oh, Tomoyo-chan, this is wonderful! Finally, an opportunity for you to show the world how good you are! Pleasesay you'll do it?" Sakura said.
After that, there was no contest
Tomoy suddenly stood, her teacup perfectly level in her hands as she pointed in a dramatic fashion. It was at the corner of the ceiling, but it was suitably dramatic. "Ino-san!" she said. "Fetch my sewing kit!"
The girls all cheered. Ferret Lantern's head drooped.
"I'm in trouble…" he muttered, surrendering to the inevitable. He knew better than to argue. Earth girls, magical or not, were crazy!
...
Green Lantern found herself having tea and cookies with one of her best friends– who she hoped to the Guardians didn't realize it was her– some older girls, a fellow magical girl, with another magical girl acting as a maid, while Tomoyo measured Yuuno out so she could design a new costume for him. Nanoha had told her she only needed the design for her ring to make, but Tomoyo had been adamant about actually creating the thing, and Nanoha had agreed. After all, she was the one asking the favor.
She wondered if Superman ever found this secret identity thing to be normal.
She made small-talk, such as she could. It was kind of embarrassing to hear Suzuka gush at her about her. The Ayaka girl seemed intent to make sure Nanoha had no intention of arresting her classmate Chao, and Luvia seemed satisfied with drinking her tea and making cryptic comments, while Kaleido Sapphire– Miyu, rather, she wasn't sure if she was called Kaleido Sapphire, or if that was her wand's name– looking embarrassed. Sakura was wisely staying out of the way.
Tomoyo promised to deliver the finished uniform in a couple of days, and had also agreed to make a selection of designs for Nanoha to ring into existence herself, at Sakura's urging after Yuuno's embarrassed looks. Tomoyo had sketched off some preliminary designs for the deputy to wear. They'd been surprisingly plain and simple, if no less elegant than Tomoyo's other designs. They were certainly no Da Vinci-designed Swiss Guard uniform. They were better.
They gone their separate ways, and Tomoyo thought no more on it, except to deliver her creation when it was finished.
A few days after that, however, Super Young Team sent her a request asking her to redesign their uniforms…
...
Oa, Nanoha was surprised to learn, had a file on the TSAB.
It would have been good to know when she'd met Yuuno. They really needed some sort of analysis department on Oa was her thought. Though the rings could access all information they had, sometimes Lanterns didn't know what questions to ask.
It was outdated, and spoke of Belkans and some sort of semi-religious sect, but at least it meant the Guardians know of the group's existence, or at least where they came from. She'd been ordered o assist them as so far as it did not interfere with her duties, and to establish the basis of a working relationship with them for the future. It seemed simple enough.
Only Nanoha could possibly think it was that easy.
...
Jewel Seeds were collected. Giant monsters were fought. Crimes were foiled. There was a close encounter of the tentacle monster kind that had the Senshi screaming in fear and Sailor Uranus over reacting. Nanoha resolved that whatever was going on between Miyu, Illya and Kuro illya, she'd stay out of it until they actually caused trouble for someone else. It was too confusing. Superman was able to earn people's trust back after the Darkseid thing. Nanoha, despite much pleading with the Guardians, was still not allowed to go to Apokolips and hit him for being A VERY BAD MAN!
Then Arf was found…
When they located the Garden of Time, it took Green Lantern's ring precisely 2.2846761859 seconds to completely dismantle the thing from around Precia's ears. Chrono nearly had an aneurysm, a heart attack, and a seizure, all at the same time.
"Precia Testarossa, you are under arrest for multiple counts of child abuse, negligence, and being a BAD MOTHER!" Green Lantern cried. "Oh, and the TSAB, the JSDF and Oa want to talk to you about reckless use of Lost Logia, destruction of public property and illegal research or something. And we'll probably give you medical attention somewhere along the way, because we're nice. But we'll be surly about it!"
...
- To be continued...
...
A/N: the tree monster from 1st season episode 7 was the most disturbingly Freudian thing I'd seen on the series to date. Anything else before that was passable: that thing was squicky!
Something to remember: Green Lanterns are essentially cops. They have maximum authority in their jurisdiction. Nanoha knows this. The meeting with Chrono is a bit more confrontational than I wished, but GL!Nanoha, unlike Canon!Nanoha, has responsibilities, and is highly conscientious about those responsibilities. See her paperwork?
Though Canon!Nanoha should really know better than to let herself be kidnapped by strange people claiming to be police. Sure, Yuuno might have known about the TSAB and told her it was OK, but he should have asked for some ID first…
Really, you can just see Nanoha freaking out every time Lindy adds sugar to something…
I'm addicted to ellipses. Help me…
In case you missed it, I'll spell it out: Tomoyo. Is. DANGEROUS! Thou shall not Sakura-steal. The hypotenuse will experience death.
On that note, Syaoran just became so much more badass.
Yuuno is wearing Kyle's Post-Ion outfit. Yes, with all the belts and dog collars. Though the mask he's wearing is the crab mask.
Chrono. Carrying around a can of hair spray and a brush. Amy's always had him whipped…
The fight where Starlight Breaker is first used. Say it with me: "Whoever losses has to Put Out…"
...
Epilogue
...
In the end, the rather insane Precia was to be handed to the TSAB. Oa, however, was insistent that she be tried by them first, on behalf of Terran law– which was more than amendable to foisting off the insane mage to someone else– and so that she could be healed of her physical ailments well enough for her to serve out what was sure to be a very long sentence.
Lindy, as a mother, was more than willing to see her cured so she could rot in jail for the rest of her life.
And on Earth, Green Lantern and Ferret Lantern– "Nanoha, a new name! Seriously!"– did their duty, and waited for their friends to come back to them.
...
End First Season
...
Please review. If you don't… THEN I'LL JUST HAVE TO CUT ALL THESE PEOPLE UP!-!-!-!-!-! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.
The Blackest Night falls from the skies,
The Darkness falls as all life dies…