I am Vita, the Crimson Iron Rider. Iron Knight of the Wolkenritter ,the soldiers of Our Most Beloved Lady, the Queen of the Night Sky, Mistress of the Book of Darkness, Yagami Hayate. There is nothing I cannot destroy. For our Hayate-chan. I would break the world a thousand times over. For our Hayate-chan, we would challenge the upstart gods who would claim to be her superior. For Hayate-chan, we would dry the oceans and turn all mountains to dust. For my Hayate-chan, I would wrest the stars from the sky for her to wear in her hair. For my beloved Hayate-chan, I would storm the heavens themselves so that she may have a throne worthy of her…
Sankt Kaiser, I sound like some kind of frickin' blood fetishist sparkly elf-wannabe.
I hate this world! It's like everyone we meet, even those we're not trying to steal the Linker Core of, is some kind of mage! The people the TSAB have evaluating these places are obviously on crack! This hole has giant monsters that stomp through its cities on a regular basis, insane genetic mutations flying around doing what-the-hell, and it's most public mages think it's a good idea to walk around wearing only enough cloth for a towel.
But this is Hayate-chan's home. This is her place. So we're going to stick it out. Our enemies are legion. Our battlefield, a madhouse. Yet all this we brave for the promise of our most beloved Hayate-chan's smile…
...
Takamachi Nanoha of 2814
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Chapter 13: The Linker Cores War, Part 7: Enemy's Mind or 'Vita-chan's Ero-Ero Purple Diaries!'
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story. If I did… well, this would all be canon. WARNING: MAY CAUSE HEAD EXPLOSION! The phrase "blood fetishist sparkly elves" coined by Ryuus2. WARNING! THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER CONTAINS TROPE OVERLOAD, WANTON ABUSE OF THE COMMON EXCLAMATION POINT, ALLITERATION, AND PARODICAL PURPLE PROSE! ANYONE WITH VIOLENT REACTIONS TO ANY OF THIS MIGHT WANT TO WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
Hi again to: Jorlem, Drakensis, Paladindythe, yesilmavi, Rob Kelk, Florin, Stephen Mann, Foxboy, Necratoid, LilFluff, Bob Schroeck, sweno, blackaeronaut, Acyl, Manytales00, nocarename, Timote, werehawk, Cobalt Greywalker, M Fnord, CattyNebulart.
...
Singum and Vita's heads rose slowly like periscopes, looking over the wall of Hayate's house as Zafira, in wolf form, looked around the corner, Vita balanced on his back so they could see. The two non-Signum knights grumbled at the indignity of it. They waited, watching.
Behind them in the street, a little boy pointed at them. "Mama, what are those crazy people doing?"
She tugged him away and patted him on the hand. "Hush, Ranma-kun. It's just Hayate-chan's crazy relatives. Pretend their not their." They hurried away.
Vita glared at their retreating backs. "Takahashi-san is nuts and her son is an ass," she declared, and went back to watching the front door. They couldn't go in before getting cleaned up, or else Hayate-chan would worry about them.
The front door opened and they all drew back slightly, eyes barely seeing over the wall as Shamal came out pushing–
The fading sun of coming Twilight shone down, pouring like liquid honey golden creamy oil upon the beautiful Hayate, her earthy bird's nest brown hair tresses a billowing curtain of supreme majesty as she sat upon her wheeled throne of heavenly glory, sapphire cobalt aquamarine cornflower silk lily midnight blue ocean orbs sparkling with inner beauty! The light enfolded her, blazing like the light of the sun, but it was a New Moon Eclipsed by the Breaking Dawn that was the luscious divine divinity that was Hayate-chan, whose very skin sparkled with her own inner light! The lowly scullion Shameall, with her homely features and deformed form finished locking the door of the front door of heaven. She began to push the wheeled throne of heavenly glory containing their most beautiful and divinely divine queen away…
"–ita," Signum said, slightly annoyed. "Belka to Vita, come in Vita. Zafira needs you to get off him so we can go into the house now."
Vita blinked, watching as Shamal and Hayate-chan turned the corner. Shamal said they were heading to the store to buy ingredients for tonight's dinner. "Yeah, yeah," she said huffily, getting off the Guardian Beast. The three began to sneak towards the door on tip-toes.
"Signum," Vita asked.
"Yes?"
"Why are we sneaking? We live here, we have a key, and Hayate-chan's already left."
Signum considered that and straightened, walking towards the door like a normal person and trying not to feel like an idiot. They headed inside, making a beeline for Shamal and Signum's room. Zafira, as the least injured, knelt down and reached under Shamal's bed for their stash of medical supplies as Vita helped Signum undress, revealing her injuries. They dealt with the rose stem in her leg first thing, drawing it out while Signum clamped down on her urge to scream and disinfecting the would before patching it up. Thankfully, they healed fast, but these injuries meant they'd have to lie low tomorrow to recover. Vita and Zafira tended to their own wounds as Signum, to her annoyance, had to make due with a– horror of horrors!– sponge bath to get cleaned up. The travesty!
When she finally came out, Vita was on the phone, her voice in the slightly dreamy mode that said she was talking to Hayate. "Yes, chocolate ice-cream," Vita was saying. "And, um, this kind of black sludgy thing that was really sweet… yeah, I suppose that was chocolate syrup. And there were these little dark things that kinda looked like turds… Chocolate chips? Really? Funny, they really did look like tu– OH, and these square blocks that said 'Hershey' on them. Really? Okay. Okay. Yeah, we're all fine. Okay, bye Hayate-chan!"
"What was that about?" Singum asked, frowning.
Vita gave her a wide smile. "Something that's almost better than baths with Hayate-chan."
"Nothing is better than baths with Hayate,"" Signum said. "You're being silly."
...
By the time Shamal and Hayate-chan came back home, there was almost no trace of their fight on them, which was currently being shown on the evening news, although Signum turned it off as soon as the door opened. It was mainly showing the collateral damage and the huge spell Shamal had used to pierce the barrier, but best not to excite Hayate-chan.
Vita perked up as the door opened, and–
The gate of heaven opened, and in stopped the goddess herself, the divinely divine Hayate-chan, with her earthy bird's nest brown hair tresses a billowing curtain of supreme majesty as she sat upon her wheeled throne of heavenly glory, sapphire cobalt aquamarine cornflower silk lily midnight blue ocean orbs sparkling with inner beauty! She came forward, the wheels of her throne turning as the endless wheel of time, grinding away eternity beneath the indomitable presence of Hayate-chan and as if crushing kingdoms beneath her! She smiled when she saw the knights, her dirty, unworthy, insignificant servants who were eternally blessed to be in the radiant presence of goddess among goddesses that rolled among them blessing them with her unearthly beauty with skin so radiant it seemed to sparkle!
"Ah! Hello Zafira!"" the goddess blessed the dark sapphire cobalt aquamarine cornflower silk lily midnight blue ocean Guardian Beast, deigning to touch him with her thin, narrow fingers of such delectable tactility. Zafira arched into the touch, making a pleased sound as the goddess turned to the pale-blood Twilight sky Barbie-toned haired knight, who smiled back that the girl and was clearly unworthy of such lofty, divinely divine acknowledgement from their most heavenly Queen of the Night Sky under whose presence they all basked in as a fundamentally paramount cornerstone of the foundation of all existence, for Hayate-chan WAS LIGHT!
Her heart started pounding in her chest as she felt faint and also swoony but with great resolve and will and determination buried such things and rushed up to greet their most holy beloved wonderful sexy Hayate-chan. She coolly and with much poise and also nonchalance declared, "Oh wondrous goddess of my heart without whom my like would be for naught, thous hast finally returned to our sweet abode of secret lovemaking! Hast thou in your infinite beauty and infinite, endless wisdom doth purchased the Cream of Ice that I, in my moment of blasphemous weakness thought might have been half your equal, as well as the numerous accessorial paraphernaliae of which thou, in thy infinitely endless wisdom and knowledge identified to my unworthy self? "
"Hayate-chan! Did you get the ice-cream and other stuff you told me about?"
Her beloved Hayate-chan, that most divinely divine goddess upon this mad, mad Earth whose toes she was not worthy to suckle upon nor cleanse with her saliva whilst using her tongue as a cleaning implement, laughed tinkling bells of chimes made of glass blown by the finest artisans in her shape and hung upon the doorway of heaven to catch the winds of time! "Indeed, my most faithful servant whom I bestow the great honor of allowing you to lie with me in my boudoir, though thou art of course unworthy and are a mere speck of worthless dust to me, I have in my infinite generosity deigned to purchase these trifling mortal turds with which you would consume that you had the audacity to demand of me, you miserable little, worthless excuse of a knight who is not even worthy to touch herself whilst thinking of me…"
"Hai, Vita-chan! I got you everything you asked for!"
Madness came over her, and she dared touch the divine divinity that was her most beloved lovely goddess Hayate-chan, in a bold move reckless throwing her arms around Hayate-chan's soft, perfect, lush, squishy, pert, perky perfectly developed form, longing to scandalously press her mouth against those sensuous berry lips and suckle upon the source of all life, to have her tongue rupture the hymen of midnight and bring about the climactic ecstasy of delirious pleasure… she bravely restrained herself from giving in to her baser, not-knightly instincts, restrained herself from hitting Hayate-chan so hard that whoever pulled her out of Hayate-chan would be crowned the next King of England. She kept herself from conquering this whole mad world to build an Empire for the manpower that would build the machine she wanted to use to tap that ass. She wished to tap that ass. She wished to tap it hard. But she restrained herself, calling upon iron reserves from inner vaults guarded by ninja doctors armed with chainsaw nunchuks, kept the contact chaste even as she wanted to rip Hayate-chan from her throne right them, to cast her to the ground and defile her with her own base body, to enter her pulsating fingers between Hayate-chan's firm globes and use them as meat pistols, to ravish her then and there…"Oh, my most beloved goddess, thou art the most fundamentally paramount of them all, above all others, the foundation of all virtue!"
"Wah!" Vita cried as she threw her arms around Hayate and hugged her, taking maybe a bit too long in rubbing her head against the girl's own. "Hayate-chan is the best!"
...
They had stew for dinner. Shamal and Hayate had worked the kitchen, except for when 'Trope-tan Organization the TV' was on and Signum volunteered to do the cutting while Vita and Hayate watched. The Wolkenritter's leader was slowed down, however, as she spent most of the time just holding the knife and watching from the kitchen while Shamal looked on with amusement at their fearless leader.
Hayate sat curled up in the sofa, clutching at Vita's arm as the climactic moment of the episode approached!
Trope-tan faced the Evil Overlord Byg Bahd, holding before her the Can of Evil Sealing she and her Five Man Band of companions had Fetched Quested for. "Thy tyranny is at an end, thou varlet most foul!" Trope-tan declared as she brandished the ancient and venerable weapon against evil made by the ACME corporation. "Though companions mine hath fallen in battle against thy Quirky Miniboss Squad, they hath bestowed upon I the opportunity to rid thee from thine throne, and bringeth about a new time of Beauty and Justice for All!"
The villain facepalmed. "You accidentally activated the Purple Prose trope, didn't you? And you're using those words all wrong."
Trope-tan blushed as she held the Onmitropetenomicron in her other hand , the mythical tome that allowed her, as the Chosen One, to wield the limitless Crack powers of the Troper-verse simply by reading it. she flipped some pages and activated another trope. "Trope-tan sorry. Me still How Do I Shoot Web. Ultimate Showdown of UltimateDestiny now?"
The Evil Overlord's evil theme music, complete with Ominous Latin Chanting rose as he posed ready to stat Kung Fu Fighting as his Them Music Power Up began. "For my Mother, Who I Love!" he cried, charging at Trope-tan, who Held Back her Phlebtonium as she Drew her trusty Holy Handgrenade-launching BFGun/Sword…
TO BE CONTINUED!
"Ah!" Hayate cried. "What happens next, what happens next?"
"Will Trope-tan ever master the power of the Onmitropetenomicron? How will GundumM react when he finds out? Is Ruin to follow, or will Mileage Vary? Stayed tuned for next week's episode, 'Trope-tan's Crowning Moment Of Awesome Battle Royale With Cheese!'"
Vita sort of missed most of the show, distracted as she was by her beloved Hayate-chan's grip on her arm that partially pressed it to the side of one of Hayate's nice, soft, squishy, developing bosom.
"Oh, I have to continue making dinner!" Hayate-exclaimed, and Vita blinked, before realizing this was her cue to pick Hayate up and put her on her wheelchair. She slipped her arms under the girl as best as she could, marveling at the feel of Hayate's soft, firm, rounded ass as she gently picked her up and put her in said wheelchair.
Next to them, Zafira rolled his eyes and scratched at his nose from the overload of purple and hormones.
...
After Vita had put everyone but Hayate completely off dessert with her one-girl rendition of a loli doujin, they brushed their teeth and went to bed.
Vita lay beneath the covers, holding tightly to her little bunny plushy– who she called De Sade– just staring at her beloved Hayate as she slept. How could they be so blessed? Through uncountable years and decades and scores and centuries, what had they done to deserve her, their most precious Hayate? And what sick evil would be so cruel as to exact it's vengeance upon them through her, cursing her with this paralysis, forcing them to disobey her, to betray her trust? Vita knew that they must have done something to desrve this torment a thousand times over, but not Hayate! NOT HAYATE! She was as innocent as the driven so, and as pure. She did not deserve this.
And that was the point exactly. That was why Vita and her fellow knights were working their asses off, fighting every over-powered god-child on this mad, mad world. Because Hayate did not deserve this, and they were freeing her the only way they had. Even if it meant stealing the Linker Cores of gods themselves.
Hesitantly, Vita raised her hand, gently lowering it to stroke Hayate's hair. "Oh, my Hayate-chan…" she whispered, the words almost nonexistent, yet the echoed in her heart. "We'll find a way to get the power. We'll save you… it's what knights in armor do for beautiful girls, isn't it? Save the day? We'll save you, Hayate-chan. We promise…"
Vita clenched her eyes shut, willing herself not to cry herself to sleep. Hayate-chan would worry…
...
Vita woke up, her pajama top partly unbuttoned and mostly off to find Hayate snuggling against her bare chest.
"Hmm, so soft…" Hayate murmured sleepily, nuzzling her nose next to Vita's heart, or at least where it would be.
Vita stared, closed her eyes, and sighed happily, holding her beloved Hayate-chan closer…
...
It was such a small wish. The desire for this peace and tranquility to never end. To be with Hayate-chan until the end of their days, just normal people living out normal lives and having nothing to do with the extraordinary events caused by demi-gods and occasional actual gods-walking the Earth.
Somewhere, some sadist with an overly-dramatic and slightly pointless and kinda outdated name must really hate them.
...
- To be continued...
...
A/N: I realized that according the Narrative Causality, I'm focusing on the wrong side as Main Characters. This chapter bought to you in Vita-Vision©, using the latest in 'Highly Adjectivised Blue-Red Colouration Expository Narrative©' technology!
I have come to the conclusion I'm too good a writer to be able to write Purple Prose. On the upside, it means I'm too good to write anything as horrible as Twilight. On the down side, it means I'm too good to write anything as marketable as Twilight. It was an actual labor to write it. I had to read SO many bad fics to even try to get it down. I couldn't stop laughing at how stupid it all was. Anyone who can do this and KEEP doing it for more than a thousand pages has… well, not talent, but some kind of anti-talent. Purple prose is HARD! Though I have also discovered, to my horror, that I have my own personal brand of Purple Prose. I need to lie down…
Shamelessly stole some lines from Gregg Landsman.
Set up a Forum for this on my profile, so please check it out. Need Power Ring Corps volunteers! Also having fun with Polls. Please check those out too…
Please review, C&C welcome. Next up: What happened to Nanoha?
Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.