A/N: Hi again to: Jorlem, Drakensis, Paladindythe, yesilmavi, Rob Kelk, Florin, Stephen Mann, Foxboy, Necratoid, LilFluff, Bob Schroeck, sweno, blackaeronaut, Acyl, Manytales00, nocarename, Timote, werehawk, Cobalt Greywalker, M Fnord, CattyNebulart, Morganni.
I've decided to give this chap a bang…
...
Takamachi Nanoha of 2814
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Chapter 14: The Linker Cores War, Part 8: Fate-chan's Ero-Ero Fantasy Sequences! Or "Negi's back, Mahora Bitches!"
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story. If I did… well, this would all be canon. WARNING: MAY CAUSE HEAD EXPLOSION!
...
Yuuno had never gone supersonic in atmosphere before. It was completely different from reaching those speeds in space. He'd bought Nanoha to Mahora, to the base of the World tree, the most easily recognized landmark on the campus. More importantly, easily seen from the air, and identifiable to those who'd seldom been there. Yuuno had of course gone with Nanoha to Mahora often, but there wasn't time to look for the places Negi mentioned. It had to be the tree.
He'd barely managed to keep himself and Nanoha from crashing into the trunk when there was a shadow and a small flutter of feather, and suddenly that winged girl in the meido outfit and cat ears was there, carrying a long-haired girl wearing red-triangle bordered white clothes. The long-haired girl was just terminating a cellphone call.
She'd stared at Nanoha's bleeding form in horror, at all the blood trickling from her ears, her nose, the corners of her eyes. It was a brief moment, her hand tightening on the winged girl's before shaking herself and drawing out a card. "Adeat!" she cried, and began getting to work.
Yuuno had watched, helpless and in awe as the girl proceeded to make his healing spells look like a dirty band-aid. She'd healed Nanoha in moments, and though the blood had remained, when Yuuno scanned her with his ring, she was completely fixed, restored as if nothing had happened. There was none of the hemorrhaging in her brain, though he would need to drain the blood that had accumulated. He wondered how powerful that spell had been. Constructs had been broken before– Nanoha had broken his a lot of times– but it had seldom resulted in anything worse then a mild, momentary throb as it broke. How strongly had Nanoha been concentrating on keeping those numerous construct reinforced, to cause such a powerful reactive backlash?
And how powerful had that spell been to break them anyway?
Even after being healed, Nanoha still wouldn't wake, though it seemed like normal sleep instead of a coma. The girls– who'd introduced themselves as Magus Alba ("But you can call me Konoka-chan!" she'd said cheerfully, making the other girl smile in amusement) and AngelGARd ("We went to the moon together against that guy without skin, remember? It's me, Setsuna-san," she'd said. "I've had to change my code-name.")– had advised him to take Nanoha to a friend's place to rest. Yuuno recognized the place they were heading from that time Nanoha had asked for training to be a magical girl. The wood cabin looked completely unchanged from the last time they'd been here.
As the two girls had taken Nanoha down into the bottle resort place, Yuuno had connected to the Magical Girls' Association's communications network and the TSAB. He'd reported Nanoha's condition, to much relief on the other end, and got a situation update. The three fallen Senshi had been transported out, and Tuxedo Kamen had had several more square swaths removed from his cape for impromptu masks. Eternal Sailor Moon, or at least a civilian claiming to be her, had gone with them, wearing those disguise glasses Ala Alba had lent her. Chrono was escorting them to the main office for treatment. Fate and Arf were inbound to Mahora. He supposed he'd need to go to Juuban to fix any damage with his ring.
A few minutes later, Fate and Arf came rushing down from the sky, having homed in on the not-at-all subtle big glowing green circle above the log cabin Yuuno had set up to orient them. The other blonde nearly stumbled upon landing on the wooden porch, the first time Yuuno had ever seen her lose her grace. Even in the midst of her old fights with Nanoha, pummeled as she was by green gorillas, chibi-kaiju from various movies, mini-robots on top of magical attacks and Nanoha's simpler but no less effective constructs, the girl had always managed to look good at what she was doing, even if that was getting thoroughly pwned.
Now, however, her eyes were wide and a little wild, reminding Yuuno of some of her more obsessed moments while carrying out Precia's will. He eyed Bardiche, but it wasn't in scythe form, which was good. Though given the general axe-like shape of it, it could still do a lot of damage if Fate was upset. Her eyes locked on to Yuuno as Arf landed more gracefully beside her, the familiar looking worried, and not just for Fate. Not so long ago, she was the only one Arf cared for and now…
"Nanoha! Where is…? Is she…? You said–" Fate said, babbling, eyes darting from side to side as if looking for Nanoha. She was scanning the ground as if she expected for Nanoha to just be lying there. So was Arf, actually. Yuuno tried not to think of why that might be.
"Green Lantern-chan is fine," Yuuno said, emphasizing the name. "One of the Ala Alba managed to heal her up, though she still hasn't woken up. They took her inside to the basement to rest."
Arf frowned. "The basement?" she repeated.
Yuuno nodded. "There's a… well, they call it a magical diorama, in the basement. It's a kind of self-contained space-time anomaly. Time inside moves faster than outside, so a day inside the anomaly is an hour out here. Green Lantern-chan and I once came here to try and get some magical training for her, and I remember it. They put her there to help her recover faster, relatively speaking."
Arf frowned even as she put a hand on Fate's shoulder to reassure her. "Why won't she wake up?" Arf said.
"Well, that was a big construct that collapsed on her," Yuuno hedged. "That sort of thing… well, it naturally takes time to recover from. Right now, all she seems to need is sleep."
"Take me to her," Fate said. "Please!"
Yuuno nodded. "Wipe your feet.
Fate blinked. "Huh?"
"Chachamaru-san has to keep the whole house clean by herself, and we're guests here. Wipe your feet."
The two gave him a flat stare.
He shrugged. "It's what Nanoha would say. Oh, and Fate?"
"What?"
Yuuno pointed his ring at her face. "You'll be needing a mask."
...
Nanoha opened her eyes and found herself face to face with a vampire.
She came the closest to wetting herself since she was six ears old.
"Hmm?" Evangeline said as she looked up from her book from where she was reading it on the sofa next to Nanoha's cot, her voice bored, her expression slightly put upon. "Oh, you're awake. Seriously, why does everyone think they can just use my resort for what ever they feel like? You're been asleep for twelve hours."
"M-McDowell-dono?" Nanoha managed to squeak out as memories of surest terror excavated themselves from her mind like Eldritch Abominations out of the can. "W-we're i-in y-your b-bottle r-resort?"
"Y-yes, w-we a-are," Evangeline said mockingly, jerking her head to one side as she went back to her book. "Your friends are over there, by the way."
Nanoha turned to find Arf and Fate on another couch, the former in wolf form and serving as a pillow for the latter, who was leaning on her as if by gravity and not design. Nanoha giggled at the drool coming out of the corner of Fate's mouth. A little snot-bubble was growing out one nostril. The girl was wearing a mask, and looked like it had been ringed on.
"You should give blondie there a big wet kiss," Evangeline said lightly. "She wouldn't stop keeping watch over when she was conscious. It was so damn saccharine it turned my stomach." She gave Nanoha an evil smile. "So, you here for more… training?"
"NO!" Nanoha cried, nearly falling off the couch she'd been sleeping on as she scooted away from Evangeline, holding the blanket that someone– probably Fate– had draped on her like it was the only thing that would protect her as she waved a hand frantically in the negative. "No, I'm perfectly all right! No need to trouble yourself McDowell-dono! I'm fine! Perfectly fine! Never felt more magical or girly! Really!"
Evangeline just smiled more evilly.
Footsteps outside, and Konoka and Setsuna both ran into the area, both wearing those disguise glasses that Ala Alba had bought so much of in Mundus Magicus. "Green Lantern-chan!" Konoka exclaimed, smiling widely. "You're up! Reaper-chan will be so pleased!"
Nanoha blinked. "Reaper-chan?"
Setsuna pointed at the unconscious Fate, who was muttering something almost inaudible about being someone's wife. "Her," she said, smiling with mild amusement. "Everyone's seems to be really getting into the secret identity thing. Everyone's outside right now trying to pick secret identity names for themselves."
Nanoha blinked. "But… I know most of you!" she said.
"How is that relevant to them having fun picking out names?" Setsuna asked. "We even introduced ourselves to Ferret Lantern like that when we arrived, and he didn't seem to notice. Everyone seems to be getting used to it."
Nanoha laughed a little at this. "And the glasses?"
"Oh, we were just messing around with them," Konoka said as she used her wand to make gestures over Nanoha, apparently ascertaining her condition. She took hers off and tucked it into her pocket. "You seem to be all right, Green Lantern-chan. Does your head hurt?"
Nanoha grimaced a little. "A bit, but it's not much. Like I've been studying for a few hours. Perfectly normal for a day of using the ring."
Konoka nodded. "That's good. We were worried about any possible damage from blood pooling inside you brain, but it looks like that wouldn't be a problem."
"Of course not," Ring-chan said primly from Nanoha's hand. "It might not be full cellular regeneration, but I can take care of a little thing like that with normal life-support protocols."
"Arigatou, Ring-chan," Nanoha thanked the ring, smiling down at it.
"You're welcome ma'm. Shall I take this opportunity to point out power is at one percent?"
"Eh? That low?"
"We did lose a giant robot."
"Oh, right."
Setsuna blinked. "Why does your ring sound like a boy as voiced by Tara Strong?" she said.
...
"Fate-chan, time to wake up! Breakfast time!"
Fate opened her eyes at Nanoha's call, rubbing them free of gunk. "Ahh, sorry Nanoha! I overslept!" she said, turned over… and froze.
Nanoha looked over her shoulder at Fate, a plate of pancakes in each hand. "Eh? Is something wrong, Fate-chan?" she said. She was wearing an apron… and nothing else.
Fate felt her nostril beginning to drip blood. "Nanoha, why are you dressed like that?" she said, voice strangled.
"Eh? Why shouldn't I wear this for my beautiful wife?" Nanoa said, twirling around.
Fate felt her other nostril go. "W-wife?"
"Eh? Don't you remember?" Nanoha said, poking her nose. "Silly Fate-chan. We got married last night, after you helped bring about world peace by killing all the sparkly vampires who were secretly robot pirate ninja and was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, the Oan Award of Awesomeness, the Barney Stinson High-Five of Bro-manship and the Tralfamadorian Order of Good Guyhood. And me, to be your love-slave forever, to do all the naughty things you want to me."
Fate was feeling slightly light-headed from bloodloss.
"That's right!" Arf said, appearing from Nanoha's forehead playing an ukulele. She, too, was wearing only an apron. "This was confirmed by the high Queen Precia, your mother, who is actually Queen of Cosmo Entelekhia! The one you thought was your mother who Nanoha-chan arrested was actually an evil imposter sent by the space colonies in preparation for implementing Project Meteor and turning the world into Tang so that their robot dinosaurs could attack!"
Fate blinked.
"But you managed to beat them using your giant drill THAT PIERCES THE HYMEN OF MIDNIGHT!" Yuuno cried from where he had replaced Fate's left hand. He was wearing a polka-dot and plaid with brown stripes Power Ring on his head. "Because you're the GOD-DAMNED FATE TESTAROSSA, AGENT OF S.H.I.E.L.D.!"
Fate blinked. "Wha?"
All of a sudden, ninja attacked!
"Fate-chan, time to wake up! Breakfast time!"
Fate opened her eyes at Nanoha's call, rubbing them free of gunk. "Ahh! Nanoha! Are you all right!" she cried, pushed herself off the waking Arf, turned over… and froze.
Nanohoa blinked at her through her green mask, holding a small plate of variously barbequed meats, and another bigger one. "Fate-chan? Er, Reaper-chan? Are you all right?"
"N-nanoha-chan!" Fate said, pointing. "Y-you're wearing a swimsuit!"
Nanoha looked own at herself, at the frilly black and green child's two-piece, with a very frilly skirt-like part.. "Well, yeah, we're having a beach party. We can't get out of the resort until a full 24 hours are up, and Ala Alba are always up for some fun. Barbeque?"
Fate blinked, feeling her nose start to drip.
"Yay! Meat!" Arf cried, standing on all fours. Laughing, Nanoha handed her the big plate.
Blushing, Fate accepted the plate of food. She was hungry, she realized, and hesitantly began eating with her hands, burning her fingers at the still-hot meat. Nanoha handed her a fork. She fell to the food with a will.
"Take your time," Nanoha said. "We still have hours. Do you want me to make you a swimsuit?"
Fate blinked. "Swimsuit?"
Nanoha grinned. "Well, it's kind of hard to have fun at the beach in a barrier jacket. Though I suppose all you have to do is leave off the cape, boots and gloves. What you wear is actually enough like a swimsuit. Come on, I want you to meet everyone."
Fate blushed shyly. "I've already met them when we took you to TSAB headquarters…"
Nanoha rolled her eyes at her. How Fate could tell through the mask, she had no idea. "Yes, but this time we meet them properly. Fate-chan, welcome to the United Magical Girls Association…"
...
As it turned out, there wasn't a lot to fix, beyond one store-front window and one wall. Isolation-type barriers were convenient that way.
"You sure you don't want to go back to Mahora yet?" Yuuno asked as they passed a woman with a very large hat asking women if they wanted to be her sobame.
Negi, unmasked and wearing more normal looking clothes again courtesy of Yuuno's ring, shook his head. He'd looked disproportionately happy at the clothes, making Yuuno wonder once again what it was about this planet that drove people insane. And if it already had him. "No. I want to enjoy wearing normal clothes for a while."
Yuuno blinked, turning to stare at the boy as they walked away from the scene of the fight, dressed as civilians for the most part, except their clothes were mainly black and green. "Normal clothes?" he said.
Negi grimaced. "Well, it's sort of complicated. Ever since Green Lantern-chan mistook me for a girl, my class has been teasing me about it. So have several of my co-workers."
Yuuno frowned. "Class– oh, right, you're a teacher. Teasing? That's it?"
"They've been stealing all my clothes and replacing them with girl's clothes," Negi said, expression contorted in misery, though a watching girl would have said he was pouting cutely.
Yuuno stared. "Girl's clothes?" he said, not sure if he heard it right.
"Heeled shoes. Miniskirts. P-panties," Negi clarified, shuddering. "These are actually the first boy clothes I've worn in days."
"That's um, horrible," Yuuno said, torn between wanting to laugh and genuinely feeling sorry for the guy. He sounded like the victim of a joke that had gone too far. He considered his next words as they passed by a store selling lampshades. "You should do something to get back at them with your own prank, like steal their clothes too or something. I mean, I know it's probably not very teacherly– "
"That's it! I should get back at them with my own prank! You're a genius, Yuuno-san!" Negi declared.
"– but it sounds like they– wait, you're agreeing with me?" Yuuno said, blinking.
Negi blushed. "Well, it's probably really wrong, but I know my class doesn't really take me scolding them that seriously. Even I don't take scolding them very seriously. They'll need a big gesture. Will you help me?"
Yuuno's eyebrows knit together. "Well…"
"Please, Yuuno-san!" Negi begged. "I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to go about pulling a prank on someone, but it's got to be a little like committing a crime except less evil, right? And you're Green Lantern-chan's partner, so you'd know all about crimes!"
Yuuno made frantic hushing gestures. "Keep it down!" he hissed. He looked at some people staring at them. "We're rehearsing a cosplay script!"
There were shrugs, and people moved on.
Negi blushed in embarrassment. "Sorry. Please help me Yuuno-san! We token shota's have to stick together!"
Yuuno stared at him as an old lady carrying a lampshade from the store they'd just passed walked by. "What did you just call us?"
Negi blinked. "That's what Arf-san called us, for some reason."
"Ah. That makes sense. Okay, fine, I'll help you."
"Thank you, Yuuno-san!"
"Just stop hugging me like we're a BL couple… not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you."
"Oh, sorry."
...
Bruce Wayne sighed from the back of his car where it was stuck in traffic, impatient. "Magical girls and some kind of demon attack. It had to be magical girls and a demon attack…"
He glared at his watch as if it had personally offended him. He'd wanted to make it to Fukuyi city while it was still daylight, but a meeting with the Queen Iono Mito Archeline of Ibayamia, the infamous lesbian queen of Europe (literally), who of course had taken rooms in Tokyo, had taken a little longer than expected, and they'd been caught in the unexpected traffic caused by a Magical Girl incident.
He looked out the window and twitched as he saw the very same queen he'd just been meeting with out on the side-walk, apparently propositioning dark-haired women. She'd probably walked from the hotel; it was the only way she could have gotten to his area so fast. The idea of walking was very appealing…
Sighing, he went back to his paperwork, already longing for the beatdown he was going to give the criminal scum of Japan …
...
It was after a couple of hours of fun at the beach– which in this case meant horsing around in the water and slowly shifting to combat practice and sparring– with the Ala Alba girls that Nanoha finally popped Fate the question.
"Fate-chan!" Nanoha said on bended knee, looking seriously up at Fate. "Will you train me in magic?"
Fate blinked, while a small part of her brain wailed about it not being 'Will you marry me?'. "W-what?"
Nanoha looked intently up at her as Ala Alba paused slightly in their beachwear-clad training in kendo, unarmed combat and magic. "You're more familiar with the style of magic we use. Raging Heart can give me the basics, but she and Yuuno aren't very good with coming up with new spells. I've only ever made up three. The two forms of Starlight Breaker, and a fast-release shooting spell I haven't been able to test properly yet. But you know all sorts of tricks, like that Phalanx shift thing where you let out a lot of blasts! So I was wondering if you could teach me that? And maybe other things?"
"Um, sure!" Fate said, as her mind drifted off to what those 'other things' might be…
Her nose began to bleed at the thought.
And so the two of them decided to offend the boundaries of the student/teacher relationship and carry on a torrid little tryst! Arf cheerfully sent to her.
ARF! Fate cried back mentally. It's not like that!
Mental snickering was her only reply.
Some days, you just couldn't get any respect…
...
Chamo had never been prouder of Negi.
"Big brother," he sniffled as he picked the lock of the next door they were ransacking. "On his first panty raid. I'm so proud!"
Negi blushed. "It's not like that, Chamo-kun!" he protested. "We'll just be teaching 3-A a lesson."
"That involves stealing their clothes," Yuuno said, keeping an eye out. "Face it Negi, this is a panty raid."
Kotaro, holding the big burlap bag containing the clothes they'd already stolen– Asuna's, Konoka's, Haruna's, Yue's, Nodoka's– grumbled. "This is stupid," he muttered, at least knowing enough to realize this was a stealth mission.
"Kotaro, I dare you to say that after two days of having to wear a miniskirt in the dorms," Negi said.
Kotaro considered this. "So, who exactly are we hitting?"
"Easier to say who we aren't," Chamo said. "Satsuki, Kaede, Chachamaru, Natsume, Setsuna, Mana, Cassandra, Akira, and Ako aren't getting hit, but as for everyone else…"
Yuuno sighed, though he was feeling the illicit thrill of the moment. "I'm not sure I should be doing this. Does this technically count as evil?"
Kotaro considered it some more. "Who's going to be stealing Eva-sama's stuff?"
"Him!" Negi and Chamo chorused, pointing at Yuuno.
Yuuno glared at them. "Cowards."
The door clicked open, and the three boys and one ermine snuck in. It was Makie and Ako's room, and the Pink Albatross was definitely on their list. Chamo was instantly able to pinpoint Makie's underwear and school uniform with his super-perverts senses, and they quickly stuffed it into the bag. Pulling him out of the bag and staying away from Ako's stuff, they made their way to the next room.
They used Kotaro's key to get into Natsume, Chizuru and Ayaka's room and raided the latter two's closets. They left Natsume's stuff untouched, though the actress would later find one of her missing panties stuffed into the pocket of Kotaro's pants while doing laundry.
After raiding the cheerleader's rooms– where they'd found a disturbing number of semi-naked pictures of Negi and Kotaro, which they also took to destroy– they were about to sneak to the next– Asakura's– when they almost ran into Cassandra.
They froze as the for-all-practical-purposes-mute girl blinked at them curiously, dressed in her PE clothes, a towel hanging around her neck. She essayed a hesitant smile, making a small wave.
"Oh, hello Cassandra-san," Negi said. "Uh, this isn't what it looks like."
She raised a disbelieving eyebrow.
"Well, all right, it's a little what it looks like," Negi admitted. "But it's for a good cause!"
Cassandra tilted her head to one side questioningly.
"I'm just teaching some of your classmates a lesson," Negi said. "You know how they've been stealing my clothes, right?"
Cassandra nodded, an expression of commiseration on her face. She looked around, made a zipping motion over her lips, and winked at Negi.
"Thanks, Cassandra-san!" Negi said, leading the way around her as she smiled conspirationally at them.
"Are you telepathic or something?" Yuuno said, staring at Negi, then looking over his shoulder at Cassandra and back again.
Negi shrugged. "Cassandra-san is pretty easy to understand."
...
About two hours after entering the resort– they'd decided to spend an extra day resting, recovering and exchanging ways to make things go BOOM!– Green Lantern and the other girls finally stepped out.
"Eh, look at the time!" Green Lantern said, looking at the clock placed outside of the transport glyph to let people know when they were coming back to. "We have to go back home Fate-chan, Arf-san! My family will be worried, and we still have school tomorrow!"
She grabbed Fate's hand, making the other girl's mind go completely numb and floopy as she pulled the blonde up the basement stairs, a grinning Arf following behind them. "Thank you for taking care of us, ala Alba!" she called back to their hosts.
"Come back soon, Green Lantern-chan!" Konoka called, before glomping on to Setsuna's arm, making her mind go all numb and floopy.
Asuna smirked knowingly. "Anyone else see a distinct resemblance to Konoka and Setsuna in Green Lantern-chan and her friend?" she asked the others.
"Yup," Haruna said, grinning widely.
"Just making sure."
...
Chrono frowned down at the three unconscious women. Well, two women and yet another girl with a single-digit age. Seriously, what was it about this planet that produced ridiculously powerful magic users of one sort or another before puberty? Was it something in the water? Was it some kind of genetic magengineering in the distant past that was now coming out due to lots of the necessary genes now becoming dominant? Was the planet secretly the protective sanctuary of some all powerful life-force entity that had created the stars, plants and life itself, bringing up these mages and other attendant lunatics as some kind of organic protection?
He thought about it. Nah, that just sounded stupid. Next thing you know he'd be thinking of evil super-powered zombie uprisings. Earth's lunacy must really be getting to him.
Fortunately, Yuuno and Nanoha had called him to say they had an idea that might help with the recovery of these and any future victims. The fact that Nanoha seemed almost certain of such future victims was not a good sign, coming from the optimistic girl. This little bit of news hadn't garnered much of a reaction from the short-haired blonde woman keeping watch over her companions while Tuxedo Kamen accompanied Eternal Sailor Moon to her own check up.
Chrono made a mental note to get some more medical gear sent to Earth so they didn't have to keep sending the crazies to the Headquarters for treatment…
...
Night fell. It's a simple pair of words, but it holds a lot of activity.
Tohsaka Rin, magus, looked down at her research. To think she'd be part of the Fifth Holy Grail war! Ha! She'd show that bitch Luvia. A Saber, yes, she'd finally get a Saber, and as soon as she did, the first order of business would be to get it to kick the gaijin bitch's ass!
She felt an evil laugh bubbling up and didn't even try to suppress it as she threw back her head and made like Mark Hamill in a Paul Dini production. The shade of the lamp next to her shifted ominously…
Luviagelita Edelfelt, magus, looked down at her research. To think she'd be part of the Fifth Holy Grail war! Ha! She'd show that bitch Rin. A Servant, yes, she'd finally get a Servant, a real Servant and not just a maid, and as soon as she did, the first order of business would be to get it to kick the Japanese bitch's ass!
She felt an evil laugh bubbling up and didn't even try to suppress it as she threw back her head and made like Neil Patrick Harris in a Joss Whedon production. The shade of the lamp next to her shifted ominously…
Miyu, in her room, looked up in concern as the sound of her employer's laughter echoed through the mansion, sighed, and went back to cuddling her Illya Dakimakura…
Batman posed dramatically on top of the tallest building in Fuyuki city. He was tired, sore from sitting all day, and pissed off at traffic in general. Bruce Wayne had pleaded being too tired to get anything done at the office, and tonight, the criminals of Fuyuki would be paying for that. And because he was Batman, this posing was not only suitably dramatic, being outlined in the sky and everything , but also served to give him the quickest overview of the city.
Drawing out his grappling hook, he leapt, and the last of his 'civilian' thought– whether he'd be able to turn the Batmobile into a transforming robot battlesuit– was subsumed. Tonight, justice would be done!
In the residential areas, Matou Shinji used his little magic book to Bind Rider to his will while his sister locked herself in her room, knowing it was futile, as her own Command Seals darkened and seemed to fade away. Matou Zouken plotted to take advantage of the latest Holy Grail War…
Yes, these assholes will get what's coming to them.
In the dead of night, Yagami Hayate, a mischievous smile on her face, slowly undid the top buttons of Vita's pajamas and lay her head on her knight's bare chest…
...
The sun rose. Day came.
Vita woke up, her pajama top partly unbuttoned and mostly off to find Hayate snuggling against her bare chest.
"Hmm, so soft…" Hayate murmured sleepily, nuzzling her nose next to Vita's heart, or at least where it would be.
Vita stared, closed her eyes, and sighed happily…
Negi Springfield also woke, instantly clapping down on the alarm clock under his pillow. He glanced next to him at Asuna, but the girl, thank goodness, was still very much asleep.
Carefully, he climbed out of bed, putting on his slippers, and grabbed the briefcase he carried his school papers in, and snuck out of the dorm.
A few minutes later, he was on the roof of the dorm, quickly getting changed into the suit Yuuno-san had made for him the day before that he'd hidden there, after their little raid. He looked at the various cuts of molecular-modified cloth and grinned happily. Then he started to SUIT UP!
It seemed oh so serious. He could almost imagine a soundtrack slowly going "dun, den, dun, den," as he got dressed.
He buttoned the shirt slowly, relieved at the buttons that were finally on the right side. Down going up, not the other way around…
He pulled on the pants, allowing himself to marvel at the fit and feel of the material. Button, then fly. His hands slowly did the buckle as, in his head, the imaginary soundtrack got a bit louder…
The jacket went next, then pulling on the cuffs so they stuck out as they should. His plain black wristwatch joined then near her hands…
The tie went around his neck, and he secured it slowly and methodically, looping the length of dark silk in the more elegant manner that had become second nature to him. He adjusted the fit of his jacket, then reached down and picked up the pair of glasses he'd put on top of his case suit, slipping them on, deliberately putting them on a little low. A slow smile began to creep over his face as he looked at the rising sun.
He was ready. Impulsively, he winked. In his head, the soundtrack rose to a crescendo and fell.
A chill suddenly passed through all Mahora, jerking several people awake. The leaves of the World Tree ruffled as the cosmic event locked into place.
Negi took a page out of Chao's book, threw back his head and laughed.
Negi Springfield was back, Mahora bitches!
"Daddy's home…"
And down in the dorm's yard, Cassandra Doe began her morning exercises…
...
Class rolling in found a 3-A that was far from it's usual enthusiastic self. Except for a few, the girls all sat stiffly, feeling very conscious. They discussed the problem in hushed tones, glancing or glaring jealously at the one's who apparently hadn't been victimized. Setsuna was feeling very conscious of it all, and tried very, very hard not to think of how this had affected Konoka. So far, she'd already ground down five pencils into little more than nubs as she Freudianally used the pencil sharpener for displacement activity. Even Evangeline found herself highly annoyed at the theft. She was a slut, but she was a slut on her own terms, darn it!
To cap it off, all of their clean uniforms had also apparently been stolen, so they'd needed to come in wearing the previous day's wrinkly, slightly stinky uniforms. But they had hope! Negi-sensei would take care of this! After all, Negi-sensei had never let them down! He'd see whoever had done this would be brought to justice! After all, he was Negi-sensei!
The door opened and the class tearfully came to it's feet, letting out a cry of despair that would certainly tug at all the right heartstrings as Negi walked in…
Negi walked in…
Negi walked in…!
They all just stood, staring, as their sensei, wearing a dark green suit, casually walked into the room. At least, it seemed casual. He looked like he'd just walked out of a deodorant commercial, as if his every movement was in slow motion.
Everything seemed to stop. It was as if the imaginary soundtrack going "dun, den, dun, den," had restarted, only louder.
Shining black shoes, practically glowing with the sheen of new leather…
The class all turned to stare. Ayaka's mouth dropped to the floor, her eyes bugging out.
Slim, perfectly creased legs…
Misa, Madoka, and Sakurako began to fan themselves as heat began to rise. Suddenly, their not having any panties on didn't seem like such a bad thing.
Hands casually pulling on one cuff, then another…
Evangeline felt her libido, firmly quashed these last fifteen years, slowly making itself known as a rising wave of magma about to erupt in an earth-shaking event. "Empty Night…" she breathed.
One hand reaching up to adjust the tie, only underlining how perfect it already was…
Setsuna felt a chill run through her as, for the first time in years, her libido screamed with straight thoughts.
A quiet, confident, 'devil-may-care' smile that only hinted at what other things it can do…
Konoka put a hand to her chest, feeling her heartbeat rising. She felt flushed, feverish. Oh, wow…!
Glasses glinted sexily in the light…
Several desks creaked as several pairs of hands suddenly tightened.
"Daddy's home, class," Negi said. One eye winked. The imaginary soundtrack once more climaxed, and was quiet. "How you all doin'?" he said, with just the barest hint of an italian accent.
Cassandra yawned and wondered what all the fuss was about. At least Negi-sensei seemed to be feeling better, though why her classamtes were being more perverted than normal, she had no idea. She'd long learned to stop wondering about that.
"N-Negi-sensei," Setsuna managed to force out of her mouth, when all she really wanted to do was renew her Magistra Magi vows and slam her lips against those soft, perfectly formed… She concentrated. "N-negi-sensei, something horrible has happened to the class!"
Negi put on a concerned face that, had they all been of a clearer mind, would have recognized as fake. "Oh dear! What happened, Setsuna-san?"
No one spoke, suddenly realizing they didn't want to admit that–
"Apparently, last night, someone or several someones broke into the dormitories and residences of several of the people here and absconded with all their underwear and clean uniforms, N-negi-sensei," Chachamaru reported, and even she had a hitch in her voice.
A hand snapped up to cover Negi's suddenly gasping mouth, and many of the girls wondered how well he'd be able to use it for… other things. "Oh my, how terrible!" Negi said. "I know just how you feel! Over the past several days, some black-hearted villains have also stolen all my clothes, leaving me with nothing to wear!"
There were some guilty squirms at this. Others looked on expectantly. This was it, this was when their heroic Negi-sensei would come forward and volunteer his help to them, his precious 3-A students!
"Please open your books to page 69, section 34," Negi said, turning to the board and grabbing his chalk.
Jaws dropped in disbelief.
Asuna, not knowing what the heck was going on with Negi, called out to him as he wrote. "Hey, Negi-chan!"
He kept on writing.
"Hey, Negi-chan!" she yelled.
Write, write, write.
"Negi-chan!" the cheerleaders all cried.
Write some more.
Haruna rolled up a Megaphone out of paper, as most of Ala Alba had found they were also missing their Pactio Cards that morning. "NEGI-CHAN!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!"
Very important, writing.
"Oi, Girla!" Evangeline called from the back.
More writing.
Evangline narrowed her eyes and said, in barely more than a whisper, "Boya."
"Yes, Evangeline-san?" Negi said, turning with a smile and manner so reminiscent of Albeiro– er, Ku:nel Sanders!– that Evangline was scared out of a hundred years of her life. She almost expected him to call her "Kitty". Some part of her libido really wanted him to, to have him call her a naughty little cat, and to punish her by banging her quite severely…
"Aren't you going to do something about it?" she demanded to cover the fact she was leaving a stain on her skirt.
He shrugged helplessly. "Sorry, Evangeline-san. If I can't even find out who stole my clothes, how could I possibly help you find out who stole your 23 different thongs, 9 of which are made of leather, hidden in the left hand drawer of you closet on the left, next to the one you keep you Elegant Gothic Lolita clothes in? They are as lost as Ayaka-san's 8 sets of matching black lingerie, complete with garters, or Yuuna-san's 9 sets of bras. There's only so much I can do…"
He went back to writing as the class stared at him in horror, united in one terrible thought. He'd done it! He'd stolen all their underwear! He'd broken into the rooms and gone through their things! Him! Their very own saintly, innocent Negi-sensei!
Ayaka fainted, a happy goofy smile on her face at the thought of Negi-sensei personally handling her underwear, as a couple more left some serious stains, while the rest blushed in utter mortification.
Chisame in particular paled in deepest, darkest, purest terror. "Oh, crap," she whispered. "He's hit puberty! We're all doomed!"
"Believe me, I know what you're going through," he said, not turning around as he kept on writing. "I really wished I had my clothes returned to me as well. The depths these thieves would go, to utterly ruin someone's day, just for the sake of a few cheap laughs that are ultimately not worth it in the end. It is such a cutting betrayal…"
He turned to them, still wearing that Albeiro– er, Ku:nel Sanders!– smile. It chilled 3-A– except Cassandra, who didn't really get what was going on except Negi-sensei was getting back at the class for being mean to him– to the core. "Well, I suppose all that we can do is hope that the thief, or thieves, has a change of heart and brings all the stolen clothes back. I really miss my clothes, especially my hats and shirts. Konoka-san helped my buy them for our field trip to Kyoto, so they hold great sentimental value, and those are some of the clothes I wore to some very precious memories, such has when I went to see the Light, Fire and Water show during the school festival. So many precious memories with my wonderful students…"
Konoka and Nodoka burned with shame as they heard this. So did a lot of other people
Negi gave them all a look, and Setsuna could have sworn his eyes had, for a split second, gone evil-Shinmei-Ryu gold-on-black. "Really, all we can hope for are our precious clothes being returned…"
...
- To be continued...
...
A/N: And so we prove Negi IS related to Nagi.
Lots of teasers in the forums. Ever wondered why the Senshi REALLY keep coming back to life? PreciaxLindy smut, anyone?
Yes, Ring-chan is voice by Tara Strong. Because her voice is HOT! Even when it's voicing Ben Tennyson, which is really confusing for me. Batman, of course, will be voiced by Kevin Conroy and not Adam West. Kevin Conroy is also confusing for me…
Yes, this fic crosses over with Iono the Fanatics. To find out what that means, go to tenmanga dot com. It is the BEST yuri manga EVER! It's about a YURI HAREM! WITH NO COMPETITION OR JEALOUSY!
Am I a yuricon? Well, DUH!
Hayate is definitely not, in any way, shape or form, related to Light. That is all. Seriously. In no way is she at al related to Light, nor is the Book of Darkness actually a mutated Death Note! These are definitely not Suspiciously Specific Denials! (*blinks innocent eyes*)
The Trespasser and the Ultimate Marvel version of the Phoenix Force share a LOT of similarities…
Yes, I think Nodoka and Yue WOULD get in on the Girl!Negi joking. Maybe a ribbon here and there…
Please review, C&C welcome.
Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.