Author's Note: So sorry it has taken a while to upload this chapter, the weather in the UK at the moment has temporarily turned my brain to mush. Originally this was part of a much longer chapter but I decided to split it to make it easier to read, so the good news is that chapter five shouldn't be too far behind! Thank to to everyone for all your wonderful reviews, they mean a lot.
Saturday had been fine; after she'd helped Sammy and Orla to finish clearing up the house, they'd sat down to breakfast and discussed their future plans with her. Despite being so young they had thought things through sensibly and Gill could obviously see they were both completely invested in their relationship. Orla had asked how she was feeling and pointed out the colourful bruise on her neck. Sammy had politely but firmly suggested that perhaps his mum hadn't wanted to talk about it again, having already spoken to her about it himself. Gill was touched by Orla's concern and once she had started trying to explain her thoughts and feelings it all seemed to come pouring out. She explained that now the initial rush of fear had subsided, she didn't feel any malice towards Helen, only great sorrow for her awful childhood and how it had obviously blighted her adult life. She was saddened by the fact that she felt she had nothing left to live for at the end. Gill came close to tears as she described her feelings of helplessness when she realised what Helen had done to herself and wished that she could have saved her life. Gill also spoke out loud of her thoughts about going to see Louise to try and offer some sort of comfort to the woman who had been left behind and perhaps, in some way, they could help each other to get some sort of closure on the whole ordeal.
It had been good to talk about it openly but it was emotionally draining and on top of all the stuff with Julie, Gill just needed to veg out in front of the television and chill out for a few hours. The kids barely left her alone, fetching her tea and whatever else they thought would make her feel appreciated and loved, which had been lovely but a bit too much at times. She'd finally flaked out on the settee by late afternoon, keeping half an eye on the Disney film that was on the television while she enjoyed a cuppa. She took out her phone and made several attempts at composing a text to send to Julie. She eventually settled on one that wasn't too neutral but wasn't going to get her friend too worked up in tizzy either.
'Hiya Slap! Hope Manchester's finest criminals are being kind to you today? Kids are looking after me and house finally back in one piece. Miss you already, G xxx' Julie couldn't help her grin at receiving the text. She had told Gill it wasn't necessary but had been secretly hoping to receive one anyway.
'So they should be! Work is the same as usual. Me too, hope you're resting? Jules xxx'
'Bedknobs and Broomsticks on the box, cup of tea in hand and a pile of gingersnaps beside me. G xxx' Julie couldn't help but laugh out loud at image and a warm, contented feeling settled over her for the first time since she heard that Gill had gone missing over twenty four hours ago. Gill was alright; she was at home, safe, sound and was being well cared for. She could relax a little and leave her best friend to heal, taking all the time that she needed to do that alone.
'Enjoy xxx' It wasn't long after she'd received the last text from Julie when Sammy and Orla had come bounding into the living room and went on about cooking her dinner and cosying up with a film and some homemade popcorn afterwards. It looked like Gill wasn't going to quite get that peace and quiet she craved just yet after all.
After such a busy day, Gill was relieved to go to bed and finally have some time alone. The trouble was, that was when events caught up with her and a rush of memories, thoughts and emotions flooded her brain. It all suddenly felt like too much to deal with at once. There was the fact that she'd been left vulnerable enough to be kidnapped in the first place and by someone who she'd never even met. All because of Kevin bloody Lumb's indiscretion with the media. If he hadn't been suspended already and in all probability sacked after his hearing then she'd have had a good mind to do it herself. If he wanted some sort of revenge this was one mighty fine payback. There were the events of the kidnapping itself; what Helen's intent had been and what could have happened on top of what had actually happened. Plus witnessing and being unable to help Helen as she took her own life. It had shocked her to the core and her reaction to it had come from completely left of field. There were all her jumbled thoughts and feelings that had come flooding into her mind when she thought she might never have the chance to see her loved ones again. Sammy of course had been top of the list and she was glad of the chance to have reconnected with him earlier that morning. They had a brilliant relationship, which hadn't always been easy but it was clear that Dave's influence hadn't come between them in the way that he'd intended it to in the early days of their divorce. Then there had been Julie, something undefined and elusive at the time until the altercation with Dave at the party. Gill had been aware that Julie sparked something within her whenever she was around but had no real idea that it was so intensely sexual and deep rooted. Once Dave had confirmed that Julie felt something for her, it was as though the kidnapping had given her permission to throw caution to the wind and take that chance. The problem was that now, in the cold light of day, or at least in the middle of the night, alone and able to think about it rationally it became more of an issue than just feeling something and then acting on it. There were implications and ramifications that needed some careful consideration before they could go full steam ahead with a romantic relationship. Gill eventually fell into a restless slumber, the smell of Julie's perfume on her bedsheets didn't help matters, and dreamed a jumbled up version of everything that she was worrying about. She woke up several times in the night at the tail end of a nightmare and stumbled blearily into her bathroom to try and wash it all away again. Each time she looked in the mirror she was reminded of her battle scars and the process would begin all over again.
The week wore on and Gill wrapped herself up in the never ending chain of thoughts inside her own head. If Julie hadn't been at the core of them she would have probably spoken to her long before now. There was Janet, an old and dear friend but also her direct subordinate and that wouldn't have been appropriate in this situation. She made her plans to visit Louise, Helen's partner, and to see if there was anything she could say or do to help her come to terms with Helen's death and everything that had happened surrounding it. She also hoped that she would find something in the visit that would help her to sort out her own thoughts and feelings. Sammy and Orla continued to stick to her side like glue, which was both comforting and stifling at the same time. Gill stopped texting Julie the more confused she became about her feelings towards her. In fact, that wasn't true, she wasn't confused about how she felt but she was confused about what happened next and if they could make it work. Julie had offered to give her space, which she was truly grateful for, so she knew that she would understand her silence.
It was Friday again before she knew it and Gill had spent a long time reliving the events of the previous week. She had her first counsellor's appointment that day, the first of six compulsory visits arranged for her by the force. She wasn't sure how much good they would actually do her and she certainly wasn't going to be talking to them about what was going on in her personal life, but she supposed there was no harm in at least turning up. Once that was out of the way Gill realised that she couldn't put Julie off any longer, a decision had to be made one way or the other and the consequences faced head on.
'Hi, sorry for taking a while to get back in touch. Did you want to come over tomorrow night to catch up? 7pm? G xxx' Julie had been working late alone in her office when the text came through. She'd become more anxious as the week had progressed and she hadn't heard from Gill. She'd tried to remain rational and calm about the whole thing but this was one situation where her heart overrode her ability to detach herself.
'Hey, it's no problem, you had a lot to think about. It's good to hear from you though. Tomorrow at 7 is fine. See you then. Jules xxx' Gill let out a shuddering breath, there was no going back now the die had been cast. She wasn't looking forward to wrestling with her lingering demons as she was certain another restless night was to follow.