The 502 Stories
By AmboDriver
Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own anything. I'm just playing around with them. They are owned by Shondaland, ABC, and probably a lot of other really rich folks.
A/N: So now we're on to the morning. This is probably getting them a little too far ahead in their relationship healing, but it's my story and I want some serious progress (and to finish this up soon)! Besides, I kind of figure that once they started to break the ice, things moved along pretty quickly up to a point, before it got stuck in another plateau. So, we're in the quick part.
Thanks for all the reviews and follows and such. I'm glad you all are enjoying this story and I love to hear your thoughts. So, keep it coming. Please!
Chapter 11 – In the Morning Light
Callie couldn't help but stare. She knew that if Arizona caught her she risked an outburst. Even before the plane crash, Arizona had never been a fan of Callie watching her sleep. She had once told the story of how she had woken up one morning back in Baltimore to her girlfriend staring at her only to have her announce she was breaking up with Arizona before the blonde could even get the sleep out of her eyes. Fucking idiot. Callie had to admit she owed that idiot everything. Who knew if Arizona would have ever come to Seattle if she hadn't had her heart crushed that morning. And so Callie was eternally grateful.
All those women who let you get away were idiots. How could they have given up the chance to wake up to you every morning? You're beautiful, smart, funny. And my God you are such a fighter. You fought so hard and I think after last night that you might finally be winning. You told me you love me. The huge grin spread easily to her lips at the memory.
"You're staring at me," Arizona mumbled as she reached up and wiped at her eyes. One blue eye slowly edged open and looked up at her. "You know that makes me worry."
Callie smiled gently. "No worry. I was just…" She trailed off as she tried to gauge Arizona's mood, but she realized then that she couldn't trust her instincts when it came to her wife anymore. Arizona had acted so out of character for so long that Callie just wasn't sure what was normal anymore. But then she remembered how things had been improving in the last few days and she just had to trust in that, in the fact that her wife now finally seemed to want things to improve. "I was just thinking how grateful I am that you're here, that we're here together." Her voice caught on the emotion and she felt tears stinging at the corner of her eyes. She shook her head then, trying to cover up the emotion. "You know me, I'm just being silly."
Arizona's other eye opened and she just looked at Callie, her face inscrutable, for what seemed minutes. Finally, her eyes softened and the corner of her lip edged up into the hint of a smile. "Me too," she whispered.
"Really?" Callie winced a little at the uncertainty that crept into her voice. She shook her head and blew out a deep breath. "Sorry, I don't mean to doubt you."
"Yeah, you do." Arizona averted her eyes. "You should."
"Arizona…"
"No," she cut in quickly as she rolled onto her side and looked directly at Callie, her blue eyes filled with pain. "No, Callie, you should doubt me. I've given you nothing but reasons to doubt me."
Callie pushed herself up so that she was balanced on her elbow and could really look at her wife. "No, Arizona," she began, but then the words stuck in her throat. She let out a huge sigh and closed her eyes. "I don't blame you for acting like you have."
Arizona swallowed hard and rolled back over so that she was staring up at the ceiling. She worried at her lower lip, her fingers tapping in agitation on her stomach. "I'm sorry, you know."
"You have nothing to be sorry about."
Arizona shook her head. "I—"
"Stop, okay?" Callie leaned over Arizona so that her wife was forced to look at her. "Just stop it. It's in the past. Yes, we need to talk about this stuff, but not this morning, okay? Last night was good for us and we're waking up together. Can't we just enjoy this morning together?" She let out a quiet puff of laughter. "After all, we've probably got five minutes until Sofia's up and I just want us to have some normalcy, okay?"
Arizona's eyes met Callie's and held them for a few moments. "Okay, we can just enjoy this." She smiled then, an easy smile that Callie hadn't seen on her face since before the crash. "Did you sleep well?"
Callie's smile came easily. "Yes. I never realized how much I love this bed until just this morning. I missed it." She felt a heat come to her cheeks and she hesitated before voicing her thoughts. "I missed you."
Arizona's eyes lowered and she rolled onto her side, which forced Callie to move back and lie down next to her. She watched as Arizona picked at the sheet, her eyes still focused away from Callie. Arizona swallowed audibly and then let out a sigh. Finally, she spoke, her voice so quiet Callie had to struggle to make it out. "I'm afraid, Callie."
Callie sucked in a breath of surprise at Arizona's admission. It wasn't a surprise that Arizona was afraid, Callie was certainly scared as well, but the fact she admitted it really stunned Callie. Callie reached out and put her hand over Arizona's, stilling her fingers from their nervous picking at the sheets. She ran her thumb over Arizona's fingers and waited for Arizona to react, which came in the form of a small yet sad smile. "What are you afraid of?"
"What am I not afraid of?"
"Talk to me," Callie prodded again.
Arizona's eyes glistened in the morning light as tears welled in her blue eyes. She blinked a few times and a tear finally trickled down her cheek and fell onto the sheets. "There's so much uncertainty in my life right now. Can I be the mother Sofia deserves? Can I be my old self?" She took a breath and then she looked directly at Callie, fear and hesitancy in her eyes. "Can I…"
The fear that flashed for a moment in Arizona's eyes gave Callie a very good idea of what she was going to say, but couldn't quite get out. It broke her heart that her wife would doubt herself so much, and worse that she would doubt Callie's feelings for her. But she knew if she jumped right in with the most personal fears, she might scare her off. "First off, of course you can be you again. You're still you deep inside. We all go through times when we don't feel like ourselves because of the shit life throws at us, and you've had more than your fair share. So, I get why you're afraid of not being the same, but I see you in there." She smiled. "The real Arizona is just playing an incredibly good game of hide and seek right now."
That brought out a light laugh from her wife. "That was always my game."
Callie laughed along with her as a memory tickled at her mind. "You want to know something funny?" When Arizona eagerly nodded, she smiled. "When I was little, my favorite place to hide was my parents' bedroom closet."
This brought out a louder laugh from her wife. "God, what a bad pun, Callie."
"Oh come on you know you fell in love with me for my corny sense of humor."
"That was part of it," Arizona said, a slight red coming to her cheeks as her laughter died.
Callie got serious, too. "But, seriously, you're in there. I'm not saying you'll ever be exactly the same. Neither of us will. After the car crash we weren't really the same either. Life changes people little by little, but I just want us to keep changing together, okay?"
There was a pause as Arizona regarded her and Callie wasn't sure what was going on in her head. She was afraid that Arizona didn't want that, even after all the healing they'd done in the last few days. But then Arizona whispered, "Me too."
Callie let out the quietest of breaths, not wanting to give away that she had been afraid of her wife's reaction. "Good. So that's one concern settled. As for being Sofia's mom, that little girl loves you so much. She lights up whenever you come into the room. All she needs is your love. So what if it's a few more months before you can chase her through the park? And who cares if some things require a little more patience or planning? Sofia doesn't, I guarantee that. She just wants you. Trust me, sometimes I think that's all she wants."
Arizona's eyes fell to the bed. "I know. I'm just being insecure. But it's scary that our toddler is going to be running when I can barely walk."
"I get that." Callie swallowed hard as she ducked her head down to try to catch her wife's eye. Finally Arizona looked up at her. "That's not what you're most scared of, though, right?"
"Callie, don't…"
"Let me say something, okay? Please?"
Arizona looked at her for a few long seconds, such doubt and fear playing in her eyes that Callie was sure if her wife could have easily fled she would have. That had to only heighten her wife's unease. But finally, her head lowered in resignation. "Okay."
Callie took a deep breath to settle the pounding in her heart, but it barely worked. "I love you, Arizona Robbins. More and more every day. You are amazing and incredible and smart and funny and kind." Arizona's eyes held hers but there was just a hint of doubt in them, so Callie continued on. "And you're so beautiful. You take my breath away, do you know that?"
Arizona's eyes rolled. "Not anymore."
"Still," Callie countered quickly. "Your leg doesn't change that. Not one bit. Do you want to know what I think about when I see your leg? Do you?"
Arizona let out a long breath and shook her head. "Not really."
"Well, guess what, you're going to hear it, okay? And I know you probably won't believe me, not yet, but that's okay. Because I'm going to remind you as often as I can, as often as you need." She reached over and took Arizona's hand, squeezing it tightly until her wife's blue eyes focused on her and she nodded. "Good. Now you listen to me. When I notice your leg, which to be honest is less and less every day, but when I do, all I can think about is how amazing you are and how lucky I am that you're still here. You could have died, twice, probably should have in fact, and yet you're still here." She felt the emotion strangling her throat but swallowed hard so that she could get this out. "When I think about all you went through out there in those woods—the pain, the fear—"
"I was so sure I was going to die out there at the end," Arizona cut in but there was a faraway tone to her voice as if she were reliving a memory.
"But you didn't. You fought and you got Mark to fight."
"He died anyway," she said, this time louder as her eyes flashed up to Callie's.
"So? You made him want to live. You gave him a shot. We all got to see him one last time and Derek and I got to be there with him at the end." Callie took a deep breath to force the emotions down that that memory always brought on. "What I'm saying is, I almost lost you. I almost lost the one person in this world that I want to spend the rest of my life with. So, yes, your leg does change what I think about you. It makes me so much prouder of you. It makes me so much more in awe of you. And, yes, it makes me love you more and more every damned day. I love your leg, to be honest, because without it, you'd be dead, and I don't think I could survive that." She felt tears trickle out of her eyes and onto her cheeks, but she didn't care. She needed Arizona to believe her, to understand how she felt, and if seeing her tears helped bring it all home, then all the better.
"Callie…" Arizona let out a long sigh before reaching up to wipe away the tears on her face. "I'm not sure I'm really ready to believe that, but not because I doubt you. I don't. I'm just not ready for it all, okay? It's going to take a while to sink in."
"Then I'll tell you every chance I can."
A silence settled between them then. Callie let it linger, not wanting to press her wife too much, and content that they were both still there together, inches away from one another. It felt good to just be able to be there with her, without all the hatred or awkwardness of earlier. There was still a level of sadness between them, and Callie certainly worried about where things would go. But she also finally had some real hope that they would get to the end of the tunnel. Finally, the light was getting brighter even if it still felt a long way off sometimes.
"Callie?"
"Yeah?"
Arizona's face was hesitant and she bit at her lip slightly. It was so clear that there was something warring in her head and Callie had to bite the inside of her mouth to keep herself from trying to fish it out. Finally, her wife's eyes seemed to clear just a little. "Would you kiss me?"
Callie let out a huge sigh of relief as a bright smile spread over her lips. "Of course," she said as she moved closer. She hesitantly reached up to touch one soft cheek, her smile gentling when Arizona's eyes closed in reflex. "I love you," she breathed out as she leaned in and let her lips brush Arizona's. It was a feather light kiss at first and then she pulled away ever so slightly before returning to press her lips a little harder against her wife's. Callie willed all the love she felt, all the hope and want and need, into that one simple kiss. It never got heated, but remained just insistent enough to hopefully let Arizona know exactly what was in her heart.
Callie broke the kiss well before they needed to come up for air, wanting to leave it sweet and caring without becoming too overwhelming. She pulled her head back just enough so that she could focus on Arizona's eyes, eyes that radiated in the light coming from the living room windows. Arizona smiled, causing those blue eyes to light up even more, and she whispered, "I love you, too."
Callie opened her mouth to say something just as a cry came in through their bedroom door. "Perfect timing," she said with a chuckle as she leaned back further. To be honest, she was partially grateful for the distraction. This morning had been about as close to perfect as she could hope, but any longer and things would likely get awkward. Right now they needed to be getting comfortable with one another again, not feeling like they didn't know how to react to one another.
"Impeccable."
Callie sat up and stretched her neck, feeling a slight pop as she did. "I'll get her up and dressed. Do you want to start some breakfast?"
Arizona smiled. "Of course."
Callie got out of bed and started through the door, but then stopped and turned around, marveling at how truly stunning Arizona was. She felt a slight rush of desire hit her and she had to let out a breath to quell it. "You know what?"
Arizona looked at her, a slightly unsure quirk to her eyebrow casting a playful tone to her face. "What?"
Callie let a bright smile come to her lips. "You really are beautiful." She then turned on her heel, not waiting for a reply, and headed off to get their daughter up with just a slight self-satisfied smirk on her face at the momentary look Arizona had given her. "You might not believe it now, but you will eventually," she whispered to herself as she walked into Sofia's room to find their daughter standing in her crib with a big smile on her face. "Good morning, big girl!"
TBC…