BitterSweet Chapter 6: Hurt but Protected.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters etc. etc.
Snape POV:
"So what can I do for you?" Dumbledore asks, looking at us through his half-moon spectacles. How do I begin?
"It seems… we have an enemy at large…who happens to be….recruiting army members…" I say cautiously. Lily starts to choke, and I rub her back with my hand and summon a glass of water.
"Severus, perhaps tell me what happened from the beginning?" Dumbledore suggests.
"My Slytherin friends always hated it when I was spending time with Lily because of her…bloodline." I sigh and close my eyes. "Anyway, the issue began when I refused to help Lucius. I realized how cruel they were and I tried to get away from them. He noticed my behaviour and that I was spending more time with Lily." I open my eyes and find two pairs of eyes staring intently at mine: A sparkling blue pair and a beautiful vibrant green pair.
"And?" Dumbledore prompts.
"I was given an invitation from Voldemort telling me I was going to be recruited – or I'll die. I ran and took Lily to the Owlery to tell her when Malfoy, Avery and Mulciber entered." I grit my teeth, and stop talking. Dumbledore turns to Lily.
"Did they hurt you?" He asks her.
"No, Malfoy held me hostage, threatening to kill me if Sev didn't join." She replies. I decide to finish the story.
"In the end, I distracted Malfoy and sent Lily off." My cheeks redden slightly as I remember the kiss, and I continue the story hoping no one noticed. "and I dealt with them." I finish.
"It seems we have a problem. The only punishment I can offer is a separate detention for the lot of you for being in the Owlery without a reason." Dumbledore concludes. I stand up in fury.
"What! They threaten to kill Lily, attempt an Unforgivable and are in league with Voldemort and you do nothing!" I yell. Dumbledore's eyebrows rise at my outrage.
"Severus, I understand your anger, but understand my position. Although I believe you, in everybody else's mind, you are guilty – the only evidence we have of the incident is the fact Mr. Malfoy is in a critical condition because of your spell." Dumbledore lowers his voice. "It is best we do not make enemies so soon."
"And what do I do? I am under threat of death!" I say, furious at the over-optimistic grandpa.
"Do not turn up; Voldemort won't attack yet, but it will put you and those you love in severe danger and make you a future target. I am afraid that will be unpreventable." Dumbledore says sadly. "Nonetheless, for as long as you are here at Hogwarts I can protect you from Voldemort." He finishes.
"And yet we were attacked under your care." I mumble, sitting back in my chair. Lily suddenly stands up.
"Headmaster, if I may be excused, I need to go to my classes." Lily asks sweetly.
"Of course." Dumbledore replies.
"Meet you by the river at lunch?" I whisper, and I see her head nod as she exits the room.
"There is another matter to be solved; it is not wise for you to be sleeping in the Slytherin dormitories." Dumbledore states, bringing my mind from thinking of Lily back to the many matters ahead.
"Slytherin is where I belong!" I yell, getting angrier.
"Yes, but you don't want to sleep in the same room as those who are planning to hurt you, do you?" He asks. "I thought not." He says after seeing my blank expression. "There are two vacant positions: Ravenclaw or a room in Professor Slughorns' private rooms down near the Potions room." He offers.
What is worse? Having to sleep with a bunch of know-it-all dorks whose greatest worries are their marks, or sleeping in Slughorns' apartments? Despite his annoying character, he isn't completely unbearable considering I am one of Slughorns' favourite students and I will probably be able to do whatever I want…
"I would prefer the room in Slughorns' apartments." I answer. It couldn't be any worse than Ravenclaw, I argue to myself.
"Excellent! Your bags shall be there by lunch and you're excused from classes for the day." Dumbledore says, and I take it as my cue to leave. I stand up and turn to walk to the door, but he speaks again.
"Severus, does she know you love her?" He asks quietly. I feel the blood drain out of my face – I knew he could see right through me.
"What makes you say I do?" I turn around to ask.
"I can see it in your eyes. Do not be ashamed of it Severus, love is a marvellous thing. But I warn, you are in for a long road ahead; you are both now in extreme danger." Dumbledore warns. I start feeling lightheaded and I walk through the door.
I begin walking to the lake, deciding to wait for Lily, and I think of all the things that have just happened. By just being friends with Lily, I am risking her life. I am putting her precious life in danger. I am putting everything she has ever loved in danger. For as long as I continue to treasure her, she will remain a major target. I can't do that to her. I won't do that to her. I have to save her, even if it means saving her from me. And it feels that no matter what, I am fighting a losing battle – through the prophecy's future or my present one, I am the reason Lily is in danger and dies. If I am destined for this fate in two futures, it must mean I'm not meant to be with Lily, I realize with a pang.
I'm so absorbed in regret and anger that I don't even realize that I had sat down by the lake until Lily comes and sits beside me.
"Hey, Sev." She greets, with a smile on her face. I just stare straight ahead of me, trying to imagine a life without her. No life.
"Sev, what's wrong?" She asks as she reaches out for me.
"Lily, we can't be friends anymore." I blurt back.
"And why not!" Lily retorts angrily, clearly hurt. I turn to her, and grab her wrists.
"You must understand this: By being my friend you are in mortal danger. You will forever be a target for Voldemort and so will your family. I am not going to risk that! I am not going to lose you!" I say and let go of her.
"Sev, I don't care about Vold- " I cut her off.
"I CAN'T BE THE REASON YOU DIE! I WON'T BE!" I yell at her, standing up. She stands up and looks into my eyes with tears, then turns and runs away.
I slide down against the tree, and can't help a tear run down my cheek. So what if I look like an idiot? I've just lost the only thing worth living for. As her teary face enters my mind again, I can feel my heart shredding itself to pieces.
After I gather myself up I stand up and decide to check out my new room, considering that is were I will be spending the rest of my time now that I am basically friendless. I walk down the dungeons, and bump into my last Slytherin friend.
"Hey Narcissa." I mumble. Her face as an unfathomable look on it, and the next thing I know she punches me.
"How could you! You knew that I was going out with Lucius! And what do you do? Attack my boyfriend because your conversation was interrupted!" She yells while pounding against my chest. I don't bother to correct her. "He has scars on his face! I thought you were my friend!" She yells.
I take hold of her hands and push them towards her and swiftly walk away. I am too weak to deal with any more emotional roller coasters. I walk into Slughorns' apartments. I pick up the note left on the door, and it directs me to my room. As soon as I enter the room, I yell. I scream. Because every part of me seems to be on fire, every part of me is torn.
I have lost my last friend in Slytherin, for a lost cause.
I have lost the only one I have ever loved, for her safety, which whenever I am involved, is also a lost cause.
I sit on the bed, not noticing my surroundings. I collapse and start crying. I try to sober up, try to look for the positive side but the gloom is too deep to ignore, grief taking full control.
"You tell me baby
That you can feel me
I sent a message out into the dark
When I kiss you
That's the real me
I've gotta find my way to your heart"
-Into the Dark, Ben Lee.
Sneakpeek into next chapter:
"Get your filthy hands off Lily!" James yelled at me.
"Ah, but she doesn't mind my filthy hands on her, do you Lily?" I mock - the words are out of my mouth before I know what I said. She looks up at me and grins.
Don't hate me! I know that was a really bad chapter, I'm not happy with it, but I had to write something. I tried to rewrite this chapter soo many times but I wasn't getting anywhere so I decided just to get it over and done with. And I know it seems Severus just keeps getting into trouble etc. but I promise it will all gets tons better soon :)
The song lyrics I have posted through-out the chapters is a song that everytime I hear reminds me of Severus - see what you think!
Hope you'll be able to bear with me a little longer! Please read and review, it makes me happy :)
I will attempt to make the next chapter somewhat more satisfying!
(P.S. Sorry it's been a few days since I've updated- school has started again and I've been busy with homework.)
Missteque xx