The 502 Stories

By AmboDriver

Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own anything. I'm just playing around with them. They are owned by Shondaland, ABC, and probably a lot of other really rich folks.

A/N: When I started this story, I intended on just filling in the gaps and getting them from the American Bake Off scene to Arizona going back to work, but in light of the whole cheating thing I want them to have been happier back in the Fall than we saw. And I want them to have seen and fixed the problems that I think led to that horrible decision by Arizona. But that's the point of fanfic, right? To see what we want but haven't and to fix problems the way we want. So, I'm changing my goals for this story (and it's resulted in this really long, ambitious scene). If this had really happened, there's no way they'd be where they are today.

This one is a little rough in parts (if you're prone to crying you might want some tissues nearby), is incredibly emotional, but is SO worth it in the end. It's the last chapter before the epilogue, so it kind of has to be a microcosm of their journey I think.

Let me know what you think. I've loved all your comments and PMs along the way even though I often don't have time to let you all know individually how much they mean to me. They make all the hard work on this so worth it.

Chapter 13 – Coming to Terms

Arizona looked at her watch and wondered where Callie could possibly be. Arizona had been back from the hospital for over an hour. While she was there, she had gotten the feeling that Callie knew she was there from hints that Bailey had dropped during their consult. But the daycare had never called to ask when someone would be in to get Sofia, so it was clear that Callie had been done with her lawsuit meeting and had picked up their daughter a while ago and yet she hadn't come home yet. Arizona hoped it wasn't because she was avoiding coming home and more so that she wanted to make sure Arizona was home and settled first.

As if her thoughts could make it true, she heard Callie's key in the lock and then her wife and daughter came through the door. "Hi you two," she said to them from where she was sitting in the living room in her wheel chair. "Did you guys have a good day?"

"We did," Callie said. She put Sofia down and pulled the toddler's jacket off just as Sofia started to move off toward Arizona. "At least I know I did. Grace in the daycare said little Miss Sofia was just a bundle of joy today."

"Of course she was." Arizona then looked down to where Sofia was now standing next to her. "You're always a bundle of joy, right? You're our happy little girl." She reached down and pulled her up onto her lap, giving her daughter a big, noisy kiss that made her giggle. "I missed you." Her eyes went back up to Callie. "Both."

"Yeah, we missed you too. How was your day? You seem to be doing well."

It was obvious from Callie's tone that she was a little surprised by that, and Arizona had no doubt why. In the two weeks since Nick's sister had called to tell her he died, she had fallen back into a darker place with only a few rare moments of the hope she had been feeling shortly before that. And she knew that it had taken a toll on Callie to have to deal with that yet again just when it had seemed like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. But now she suddenly was feeling better, and she wanted Callie to really know that. Callie didn't need to be walking on egg shells with her anymore. Arizona looked over at her and then just shook her head, but an amused smile started peaking onto her lips. "You know. Don't pretend you don't."

"Know what?"

Arizona rolled her eyes and looked down at Sofia. "Mommy is a lousy liar, Sofia. I so hope you got those genes so you won't be able to hide anything from us when you're a teenager." She then looked up at Callie. "You know I was at the hospital to consult with Bailey."

"Oh that." Callie waved it off with her hand as if it were nothing. She walked into the kitchen. "Did you eat?"

"Hey, that was a big thing," Arizona said, now kind of hurt that Callie didn't seem to think it was important.

Callie stopped and gave her a full-blown smile that lit up her face. "Of course it's a big thing." She came over and knelt down next to Arizona's chair. "I just didn't want you to think I thought it was a big thing if you didn't think it was." She stopped as if to ponder the words that just came out of her mouth. "I think that makes sense. Anyway I'm glad you went in. How'd it go?"

Arizona shrugged then, feeling suddenly self-conscious about the fact that just going into the hospital was such an important step in her recovery. She felt a heat come to her cheeks as she looked down at Sofia. "It was good, I guess. I mean, it was weird to see some people I knew and I felt like some of them were staring, but meeting with Bailey was great. I think we really came up with a sound treatment plan for her patient."

"That's great. Have you thought about going back to work at all?"

That was a topic they always sort of talked around, mostly in future terms as one of the far off goals of her recovery. But now Arizona was starting to think that it might not be quite so far off after all. "I told Bailey if she or anyone else has any questions, they can call."

"What about actually going back to work? I know everyone in Peds would so much rather work for you than Dr. Florida Tan." Callie got up and moved over to sit on the couch next to Arizona's chair, her eyes never leaving her wife.

"I really can't until I can at least confidently walk short distances without the cane. I can't be worried about falling down all the time and I need to be able to stand and move around the OR. If I can't do that I can't operate." She shifted Sofia a little in her lap when her daughter started kicking at her left thigh, making her feel really uncomfortable. "But that gives me a good concrete goal, right?"

"Right." Callie's eyes sparkled . "What does David say about that?"

"He says maybe two or three weeks and I might be able to go back part time with no long surgeries. I'll need to take it easy and build up slowly." She had to admit the more she thought about it, the more she was looking forward to it, at least parts of it. "I'm just not sure I'm ready for all the attention and whispering, though."

"Arizona."

That tone of voice that Callie used when she was trying to tell Arizona she was being ridiculous was getting a little old by now, but at least Arizona knew she meant well. It wasn't that long ago that Arizona had a hard time seeing that, but now she understood that her wife was just trying to get through to her, especially when she was being a little stubborn or hopeless. It was obvious how much it frustrated Callie and yet she continued to try to buck Arizona up, and that meant so much. Arizona was fully aware she had made life incredibly difficult and sometimes even downright painful for Callie in the last few months and yet she was still there, being supportive, day in and day out. She wasn't sure she could love her more, even if she still found it hard to express that in the way she wanted to. "I know," she said with a quiet sigh. "I know people are just interested that I'm doing better or fascinated about the woman with the prosthetic. I know my tiny humans will probably think it's cool and robotic and all that. But it's all just a reminder of something I just wish I could forget, but never will be able to."

"No, you won't be able to forget it. You're going to have to come to terms with it instead."

She let out a deep sigh as that feeling of being trapped in her life returned. Sometimes she wondered if Callie even really remembered her own reactions to the car accident. It was like that was just a distant memory and she didn't remember how scared she was of being in a car, especially with Sofia, and how any reminder of the accident had caused her stress for months afterward. And she had come out of the accident basically in one piece. She certainly did not have a huge physical reminder that would never heal like Arizona did. And so it frustrated her when Callie seemed to just make it sound like all Arizona had to do was decide to be okay with it all and everything would be fine. "Every night I dream about it, Callie. I remember the terror and the anguish. I remember believing I was going to die and I would never see you or Sofia again. I remember feeling more alone than I've ever been in my whole life, even with the others around. And I remember having all this hope that things were getting better before waking up with my leg gone, with no real warning. That's a lot to come to terms with."

"It is, and it doesn't have to happen overnight." Tears started to prickle at the edge of Callie's eyes and she cleared her throat quietly before sliding a little closer to Arizona. "Will you tell me about it? Please? Especially what happened out there, but just tell me what happened, what you felt. Maybe that will help you process it a little or I'll be able to find a way to help. At least maybe I'll understand what you're facing. I can't help if I don't know."

Arizona's heart started racing as the thought of really sharing what happened out in those woods with Callie sunk in. She had promised her she would tell her on more than one occasion, but she had also always quickly moved on afterward so that she wouldn't have to follow through. Now, as they sat there in the living room, looking into each other's eyes, she knew she really couldn't put it off any longer. Like so much in her recovery, she was terrified to do it, but she knew she had to. They would never move forward until they both understood exactly where they were coming from. She looked down at the toddler on her lap. "Can you put her to bed? It's getting late for her. Then we can talk."

Callie nodded as she stood up. Arizona gave Sofia a few good night kisses before handing her over to her wife and then waved bye-bye to her as Sofia returned the waves before they disappeared into the nursery. Arizona then turned her wheelchair around so she could more easily get onto the couch. She moved over and slid up so that she was spread along half the couch with her favorite throw pillow in the small of her back. If she was going to have this very uncomfortable discussion, she might as well be as physically comfortable as possible.

Callie was only gone a few moments before she came out, shutting the door and then putting the baby monitor up on the kitchen counter. "Do you want anything? Water? Wine? Something stiffer?"

Arizona looked up and gave a much needed chuckle. "Just some water is fine."

Callie reached into the fridge and grabbed two bottles. When she came over to give Arizona her bottle, she seemed surprised when Arizona patted the couch down near her hip. "You sure?"

Arizona nodded. "We used to sit and talk like this all the time." Callie nodded as she climbed onto the other end of the couch, sitting a little more upright than normal. Arizona figured it was so that her legs wouldn't reach past Arizona's knee and she was grateful for that sentiment. Her left leg still hurt if jarred and she certainly didn't need that on top of all the emotional pain that was about to come.

Finally Callie pulled the blanket down off the back of the couch and spread it out over them. "Comfy?" Callie asked.

"Yeah, this is nice." Arizona opened her bottle of water and took a sip before starting to run her thumb over the ridged bottle as she tried to ground herself with the soothing regular motion. She finally let out a shuddering breath and figured it was time to start. "So, we were flying right along and then there were these loud noises in the back of the plane and we suddenly started dropping like rock. Jerry, the pilot, called back to tell us to put our lap belts on and that was when I got really scared." She closed her eyes and tried to push that fear out of her by breathing slow and steady, but her heart still had started to speed up and pound harder. It was likely a losing cause.

Arizona swallowed hard before continuing. "Everything went so fast thing. They always say things like that happen slowly, but for me it was really quick. I was terrified we were going to crash and all be killed. And I just kept my eyes closed and tried to think of you and Sofia. If I was going to die, I wanted you both to be my last thoughts. I was so heartbroken to have to leave you and I was angry, too. Really, really angry. It just wasn't fair, after everything we'd been through." She had felt so cheated as they fell from the sky and had shook with every breath, expecting it to be her last. She remembered everything so viscerally this time, her body starting to shake just as it had then.

Callie nodded and gave the barest hint of a brave smile that Arizona recognized as being for her sake, but the tears welling in her eyes told the real story. "I can't even imagine how terrifying that was for you. It's scary enough for me to think about what life would have been like if you had died. I'm not sure what I would have done, how I would have lived through that. I would have, for Sofia, but it just seems so impossible." She then took a deep breath and Arizona saw her shake on the exhale. "I thank God every chance I get that I didn't have to find out."

Arizona bit at her lip to keep her emotions from overwhelming her. She took a deep breath and then resolved to herself that she would get through this. She went on, first telling Callie about waking up screaming and in pain, how awful it was to see her leg like that and the deep worry when she began spitting up blood. She recalled the despair that crept up over the days and nights in that damned piece of fuselage and felt that hopelessness sink over her for a moment at the memory. She recounted how Mark's heart had stopped at least once every day leaving only Cristina and Meredith to find ways to bring him back, how hard it had been to get him to even want to live without Lexie, how they had run out of water, and how they had been forced to drink their own urine just to survive. And then finally she whispered about the nights, the unending dark and cold without fire and the chilling quiet that would suddenly be broken when the animals would come to rip Lexie's body limb from limb. Callie listened silently, her eyes never leaving Arizona and her face kept in a stoic façade, but as Arizona's litany of pain spilled forth one after the other after the other that control broke down into painful gasps and tears.

She swallowed hard as she looked up into Callie's face, seeing the horror and fear, the pain and sadness under the puffy red eyes and tear-drenched cheeks. She was almost done and she just needed to push the last little bit out, but sometimes she thought that was the worst of it all, because by then she had truly lost hope. "I remember thinking that last morning that it was probably the last day I'd ever see, the last sunrise with all those beautiful colors that glanced through the trees, the last morning dew that made the world sparkle like jewels. It was like it was a sign from nature or God or whatever that that was the last day of my life and so here was this final gift of beauty before it all ended. I looked down at Mark in my lap and he was so pale and barely breathing and I knew he'd likely go first and I doubted this time he could be brought back. By then I kind of wanted that for him, for his struggle to end, because it was just so hard to watch. I looked out to see Derek propped up against a log and the pain he had worn on his face the whole time was gone now as if his body was shutting down and he didn't feel it anymore."

Arizona wiped at the tears filling her eyes and finally had to look down, not able to take the pain in Callie's eyes anymore. "That's what happens, that's what was happening to me. I had been in such agony for days and suddenly it was seeping away. It was a relief, but a terrifying one, because I knew it was just the beginning of everything turning off, of my life ending out there in those damned woods. I'd fought for four days and it was all going to be for nothing. That day was going to be the day I died, I probably wouldn't even get the gift of a final sunset, and the sad thing was no one would have even known. You wouldn't have known what day was my last, how long I'd fought to stay alive just so I could come back. When they found us, if they ever did, the animals and the weather would have taken their toll, and it would have been impossible to know how long we'd all fought to come home. I had given everything I had to come back to you and you wouldn't have even known."

"I would have known," Callie whispered. "You couldn't have done anything else, Arizona. I knew the whole time that if you could, you'd fight like hell to come home. I knew."

The tide of tears she had been holding under a thin layer of control flowed out then, crashing over her in shuddering sobs. She didn't even realize when Callie come over and wrapped her tightly in her arms, climbing onto the couch behind Arizona and rocking her gently even as she sobbed, too. Time stopped as they held onto one another and just let all the pain and fear they had experienced out in waves of uncontrollable tears.

Finally, as they both quieted, Callie tightened her arms around Arizona and placed her lips next to her wife's ear. "You're here. You're here and you're safe now and you made it through. You got a second chance. We got a second chance. We can't let what happened win, Arizona. Keep getting stronger, go back to work, run a marathon or climb a mountain, do everything you ever wanted to do, okay? That's how you beat this, that's how you don't let it have that power over you that you're so afraid of. That is how you come to terms with everything."

Arizona sighed as she felt every word Callie whispered to her like a balm to the cuts and bruises that littered her soul. And with every word her resolve grew. She knew it wouldn't be perfect, there would be stumbles, but Callie was right. She couldn't let that plane crash win, she couldn't stay broken the rest of her life. She would heal what she could and find ways to get past everything else. And she had to remember she had an ally in this fight. She had her wife, who had stubbornly stayed by her side through everything, who had pushed and pulled and yanked her through it all, and who wanted nothing more than to just be there, with her, through their lives, through the good, the bad, and the unimaginable. She had so often taken Callie for granted, but right then it all became so clear that she had the greatest gift right there, holding her and comforting her and providing her all the strength she could.

She turned in Callie's arms and looked at her silently, searching her deep brown eyes for any doubt, any hesitation or fear, but she found none. Arizona's lips turned up into a smile. "I can do this, we can do this. I can go back to work and I can learn to walk without a cane. I can get strong enough to carry Sofia and be confident enough so I can run around with her in the park. I can get up every morning and just be me again with all the good and bad that comes with that. And I can love you. I can love you and Sofia every day for the rest of my life. I know it won't all happen tomorrow and there's still a lot left to fight through, but I can do it."

Callie's smile was dazzling and somehow seemed to grow with every sentiment. "You can. And I will be there to help however I can. I'd do anything for you, okay? We just need to do this together." She got a little more serious then. "And if you can't do it, you pretend until you can."

"Fake it until you make it?" That made her laugh and the break in all the emotion was really welcome.

"Exactly."

"Good advice." She reached up and wiped at Callie's cheeks, drying the tears from them and then smiling when Callie did the same for her. "One thing I won't ever have to fake is how much I love you."

"Me neither," Callie whispered as she pressed forward to give her a short but sweet kiss.

As Callie pulled back and seemed like she was going to extricate herself from the couch, Arizona put her hand on Callie's chest to stop her. They'd both done this so many times. They'd revealed something and then dropped back into their day-to-day lives like that revelation hadn't happened, and that was something that Arizona knew suddenly was holding them back. "No, don't go," she whispered. She waited for the few moments it took Callie to nod and relax, giving in to Arizona's request. "Let's not just act as if our lives are okay when they aren't, Callie. We've done that way too much lately."

Callie swallowed hard and titled her head to the side with a slightly confused look on her face. "We have?"

"Yes," Arizona said with a sigh. "We have these moments where we connect, where we talk for once, and then we both so want our lives to just be like they were, to go back to that time before the crash when life was happy and easy, so we get up and leave that moment behind to make dinner or play with Sofia. I'm not saying our mundane lives aren't important, that we can't just live most of the time, but we can't just have these breakthroughs and then file them away and pretend they didn't happen, that they weren't needed in the first place."

Callie nodded and then let out a sigh as her head fell forward until their foreheads rested against one another. "You're right. We've never been very good about really talking and listening I guess."

Arizona shook her head as a smile crept onto her lips. "Not at all. We need to pull off the band aid sometimes instead of letting it sit there until it just falls off. Because by then we've caused ourselves way more pain over way more time than needed. So, stay here with me and just acknowledge that we're both a little broken at this point and that's okay. Life doesn't have to go back to normal just yet, it may never, but we're here together and we love one another and we'll find our way if we just work together and be honest with one another, even if that hurts sometimes."

"Painful honesty, huh? You're not about to drop a bomb on me are you?"

Arizona laughed quietly. "No. I think hearing about how truly horrible the time out there was for me is enough for tonight. I don't think we need to lay it all out at once. I just want you to know that it's okay to bring up the pain now. I can handle it. Push me a little when I need it and I'll be honest with you about whether I'm ready or not. I'm not going to break, Callie. Not now."

Callie used her fingers to tilt Arizona's chin up so that they were looking at one another again. "Okay. We can fake it with others if we have to, if it gets us through the day, but never with one another."

"Good." Arizona smiled brightly. "Now, ask me what I need."

Callie's smile started hesitantly but then turned a little playful. "What do you need?"

"I need," Arizona began as her eyes moved to her wife's lips and she felt the flush of love and desire hit her. She cleared her throat. "I need to be kissing you," she whispered as she leaned in to do just that. Where their few previous kisses had been gentle, loving, and decidedly hesitant, this time there was no crying child to stop them from moving past that. And this time it was Arizona who pushed it just a little by cupping Callie's cheek and leaning into the kiss just as she let her tongue start to press past Callie's lips. There was just a moment of surprise from her wife before she moaned into the kiss and relaxed as she welcomed Arizona's advance. They took their time, reacquainting themselves with the ebb and flow of the intimacy of their kisses, gently finding the intimacy between themselves again.

And one kiss led to another and then another until Arizona happily lost count. It felt great to finally have left so much on the table, to feel like Callie understood where she was and where they both needed to go well enough that she could trust in their love again and open herself up to it. It was scary and exciting all at once and she wasn't under the illusion that she was ready for any more than this right then. There were still issues to talk out and trust in herself and in Callie to be found. And there was a need to feel comfortable, truly comfortable, in her body. But right then, as she placed a final kiss on Callie's luscious lips and then laid her head on her chest, smiling at the happiness and downright joy she felt in that moment, she felt a peace she hadn't known since before the crash. "That was what I needed."

Callie kissed the crown of her head and let out a light laugh. "I'm more than happy to offer that anytime you need it and as often as you want it."

"And what about what you want and need?" Arizona lifted her head to look at her wife, wanting to really see her wife's face as she answered.

"What do you mean?"

"Callie, don't put your feelings aside for me. Don't do only what you think I need or want. You can ask for things, too. And if I'm not ready, then I'm not ready, and I'll tell you that. I promise."

Callie didn't answer right away, but then finally nodded. "Okay, I can do that. Right now, what I want, is to be right here with you and enjoy that we've made it this far. Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves. We need to enjoy the victories along the way and savor them."

Arizona nodded. There was no need to rush things, as much as there was part of her that just wanted this long journey to be done with. If all the pain they'd gone through—the deaths of Mark and Lexie, the loss of her leg, and the difficulties that resulted between Callie and her—was to have any true meaning, each step needed to be taken in its turn and none before they were both ready. And an incredibly huge step had been accomplished just that evening on their living room couch. "We'll get there."

"I love you, Arizona," Callie whispered as she reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I…" Arizona paused and let a smile come to her lips. There was one last step she was ready to take just then, one last corner of her heart she was willing to open up, and she hoped one last salve to offer Callie for all the pain she had suffered. "I love you, Calliope."

Callie's eyes went wide as she sucked in a quick breath of surprise. Arizona watched as she swallowed before a smile spread onto her lips. "Thank you. You don't know how much I've missed that."

"Yeah I do," she replied with a light laugh to match her smile.

"Okay, yeah you do," Callie said with a nod before giving her a light kiss on the lips.

Arizona gave Callie a knowing nod before going back to lie on Callie's chest, her ear resting just above her wife's steadily beating heart. Callie pulled the blanket up over them and then wrapped her arms tightly around Arizona before letting out a contended sigh.

Arizona looked out over the apartment, her smile growing as she thought about how it had been so important the last few months. It had been their battleground and the cave they could hide in. It had been the solid ground she had learned to walk on again and the walls she could smash dishes against when she was frustrated. It had been the stage that housed the drama and comedy of their lives and the site of their reconciliation. It was the launching point for the adventure that was sure to be the rest of their lives together. At first, when she'd come home from the hospital, it had been filled with the ghosts of the past, of the life she was sure she could never have again and would always resent for mocking the shell she had become. But now, lying there on the couch in her wife's arms, she knew it was filled with so much hope and love. It wasn't just where they lived, it was truly their home.

"I broke the red vase on the couch table today."

"Did you throw it against the wall because it was so ugly?"

Arizona laughed, remembering back when they'd opened it after their wedding and how much she had not been a fan of the gift Callie's sister had mailed to them instead of coming to the wedding itself. Arizona hadn't really hated the vase, she had just called it ugly because she had been mad that Aria hadn't come. If she were being honest, it really was pretty, but she hadn't been honest back then, even though she knew Callie saw right through her. "No," she finally said with a smile on her face. "Bailey told me the chart was sitting outside and I got it into my head that I could make it from the bedroom to the door without my cane. I tripped and knocked it off the table."

"What did you do then?"

"I fought off the tears and got up so I could get to the door. Bailey lied. It wasn't there."

"She's sneaky, that's for sure." Callie kissed the top of Arizona's head. "So, you fell and then you got back up?"

"I did," Arizona acknowledged with a smile on her lips.

"You're awesome." Arizona could just hear the smile in her wife's voice.

Arizona's smile broadened. "I am."

They both just laughed as they snuggled together on the couch.

TBC….