Better Days

"Okay. Easy breaths, in and out." Garrus's soft, rumbling voice was close to her face. His breath tickled her ear.

"Breathing. Got it," Shepard replied. She sucked a mouthful of air into her lungs, causing the scope of the sniper rifle to shift suddenly.

"Hey! I said easy." Teaching the commander his sniping secrets was proving to be much more difficult than Garrus had anticipated. They were supposed to be watching for a stealth geth patrol that had been sighted in the area a few times, but after sitting around for hours with no sign of the geth, neither of them could take it any longer. They climbed out onto the hood of the Mako, laying side-by-side on their stomachs and getting some long range sniping practice. Shepard's area of expertise was shotguns, but she'd jumped at the chance to learn something new. But even with Garrus as her teacher, she was having a hard time hitting the targets he pointed out to her nearly two hundred meters away.

"Okay, okay. I got it." She squeezed the trigger. The rifle bucked against her shoulder, and Garrus traced her shot through the scope of his own rifle. It didn't land anywhere near the intended target. He put his gun down, laying it next to him.

"First of all, don't rush it. Second, didn't I just correct your grip? It's not a shotgun, Commander."

"Oh. I know that," Shepard said sheepishly. Sighing, Garrus leaned over to adjust her fingers. He reached across her back, sliding her elbow forward and pulling it out a centimeter or so. Placing his hand over hers, he guided her arm into an acceptable support position.

"There. Okay, I'm gonna hold your hands here, and you just pull the trigger."

"Alright." Shepard was suddenly aware that both his arms were wrapped around her, helping her hold the gun steady. She felt her face flush as Garrus moved closer still, his chin hovering just above her shoulder. She couldn't ignore the way his knee pressed into the back of her leg when he looked over to check her right hand.

"You look perfect." Shepard bit her lip and reminded herself that he was talking about her grip. "Whenever you're ready, Commander."

Two easy breaths, then boom. This time, the gun stayed in place when she pulled the trigger. The round hit their target, dead center.

"Impressive!" Garrus cheered. He accepted the commander's high-five. "Not bad, for a rookie."

"Rookie? Pshh. I'll take you down, Vakarian."

"You're on."

But before they could begin their competition, Shepard's comm link burst with static. "Commander, we got incoming geth! They're approaching twelve degrees west of your position." It was Ashely Williams, stationed at a post four kilometers over with Urdnot Wrex. They had the high ground, and Shepard didn't doubt her report.

"Roger that, Williams. We'll take care of them," Shepard told her, unwaveringly calm. Garrus was about to hop off the hood of the Mako and into the passenger seat, when he realized that Shepard wasn't moving. She had her sights trained on the geth patrol of about a dozen troopers that had just come over the hill. "How far away do you think they are?"

Garrus grabbed his rifle and made a quick guess. "A bit less than half a kilometer?" He glanced over at her. "You want to, uhhh, snipe 'em?"

"Hell yeah."

The stealth unit began dropping like flies. Under the fire of both Garrus and Shepard's rifles, they didn't stand a chance. They tried to return fire, but none of the geth were equipped to retaliate at such a long distance. The assault lasted less than five minutes.

"Targets neutralized," Shepard told the other teams over the comm link. "Let's go home, guys."

Garrus couldn't help but smile. He slid off the hood of the Mako, offering the commander his hand as she also made her way down. She landed on the ground with a thunk. She didn't release his hand. "Well, that was fun." She noticed his expression. "Something funny, Garrus?"

Of course, his commander would think that taking out a bunch of geth was fun. So typically Shepard. But he shook his head. With his free hand, Garrus reached up to wipe at a smudge on her cheek. She looked startled, but not entirely displeased. She was sure he could hear her heart pounding louder. With an impressive degree of nonchalance, he said, "You had some dirt on your face."

The memory was like a warm, sunny day to Shepard. In her dark cell, as she was beaten mercilessly by Tayir the krogan, her only refuge was her mind. She retreated into it deeply, immersing herself in her recollections of better days. She had no idea how long she'd been tortured for, but as her past replayed itself in the movie-screen of her mind, the physical world blended and blurred, fading into the background. Some part of her brain registered the pain, but she no longer payed attention to it. And that was how she liked it.

"She's completely withdrawn," Kamala said to Varick. She'd drawn a chair up to the one-way mirror, watching Tayir beat Shepard. However, once Varick arrived, she'd immediately stood up.

"How long has he been at it?" Varick asked, jerking his chin towards the room.

"Eight hours, with four minute breaks every hour."

"Vitals?"

"Stable."

"Response to outside stimuli?"

"Minimal."

Everything was going according to plan. Actually, Varick had initially thought that they'd only need four hours to break Shepard down, and even that had been a generous estimation. If she'd been in there with Tayir for eight hours... well, the commander was full of surprises. Ones that Kamala would soon discover. "Good. Now do your job."

But before Kamala could put her hand on the door knob, Varick seized her by the arm, his fingers digging into her soft skin. "If you ruin this, you're through, Nasar. Is that clear?"

Kamala wanted to wrench away from him, grab him by the throat and suck his soul out through the mouth. However, with practiced docility, all she said was, "Crystal."

Commander Shepard was vaguely aware of the cessation of the beatings, and the krogan's departure. Her head lolled forward and she drew a rattling breath. She hadn't screamed in a while, but her throat felt as raw and bloody as the rest of her. No matter. She closed her eyes and tried to slip away, but a voice stopped her.

"Hey there, Shep." She tried to tune it out, but the voice was insistent. "Oh come on, I'm not going to hurt you." Shepard didn't show any sign that she'd heard. Kamala forced herself to remain patient. She crossed the length of the room in a few easy strides. As she drew closer, she got a better look at the damage Tayir had done to her. The wounds in her flesh weren't deep, but they covered her entire body. Even the skin that wasn't gashed and torn was covered in blood. Kamala reached out and placed a hand on Shepard's stomach.

Her eyes snapped open, and the sharp intake of breath made her abdomen muscles contract. "Relax, it's just me."

One of Tayir's redeeming qualities was that he hadn't spoken a single word to Shepard. It made him that much easier to tune out. But the asari was talkative. Shepard couldn't ignore her. She took to her secondary defenses.

"Finally your turn, huh?" Shepard said.

"I wanted to see how you were... holding up," Kamala said, gesturing at the chains.

"You're going to have to try harder than that to get anything out of me," Shepard said. She wondered if they had a psych profile of her that explicitly stated her fondness of puns. Still, Shepard wouldn't be won over that easily.

Kamala circled around Shepard, letting her hand trail over her back. Her hand was warm. "Trust me, I plan on getting a lot out of you." She paused behind her. She gathered Shepard's hair in her hands and braided it back, gently working through the knots. Shepard couldn't deny how good it felt. That put her on her guard, though. All the pain and now... hair-braiding?

"You're screwing with me. Stop," Shepard said, calling Kamala out on her tactics.

"What makes you say that? Don't you like being screwed with?"

"No. Get on with it already. There's torture stuff on the back table over there. The krogan likes the heavy things, but I'm guessing you're more of a whip kind of person." Kamala sauntered back into view, fingers ghosting over Shepard's ribs and up towards her collarbone. "Don't tickle me. I swear to God I'll break free and beat you to death with these chains."

Kamala sighed, almost wistfully. "You humans have such narrow minds."

"Uh-huh. How do you figure?"

Her features warped into a sneer. "Physical pain is not the only means I can use to hurt you. Pleasure can be just as deadly."

"Oh, really? You're gonna kill me with warm, fuzzy feelings? Actually, right now, I would die for a cheeseburger."

Kamala rested her hand on the side of Shepard's face, gently caressing her cheek. Shepard turned and tried to bite her finger, but it just looked like she was sort of nuzzling her palm. "Wanna know something, Shep?"

"Go for it."

"I'm an Ardat-Yakshi."

Shepard twisted uncomfortably in her restraints, her broken wrist shifting painfully. She had barely survived her last encounter with an Ardat-Yakshi. Morinth, Samara's daughter, hadn't quite been able to put Shepard under her spell, but Morinth could have easily knocked her out with her biotics. And, although she'd never admitted it to anyone, Morinth's influence had nearly overpowered her. Her usually unbreakable will was like a twig in Morinth's hands, ready to snap if she pushed hard enough.

Shepard got the feeling that Kamala could push a lot harder than Morinth.

"Gesundheit," was all she said.

Kamala laughed. It sounded like a bell ringing. "Don't play dumb with me, Shep. I know a lot about you. But... well, there's so much more to learn."

"Sorry," Shepard said. "My lips are sealed. I'm sure you'll find some good stuff on the extranet, though. Or you could ask your buddy the Shadow Broker."

"I don't need you to talk," Kamala said, shaking her head as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Like I said, I'm an Ardat-Yakshi. I can get inside your head, see your thoughts, your memories. The process reduces most to a quivering sack of skin, but you, Shepard, you will survive this. Your mind has endured the imprint of the Prothean beacons, and so it will withstand my presence."

"Why?" Shepard asked. "What's the point of going through all this trouble just to sift through my thoughts?" Then, to her own horror, Shepard blurted out, "Just tell me what you want to know!"

That smile, sweet and slow like molasses, spread across Kamala's lips. She found a great deal of satisfaction in Shepard's submission. She wanted to take advantage of it, to twist and bend the great Commander Shepard to her will like an obedient slave. No one would ever doubt her power again... but that was not her purpose. "All in good time, Commander. Soon, all will be revealed."

Shepard laughed loudly, the noise rebounding in the bare space. Kamala jumped up, startled by the sudden volume spike. She stared at Shepard coolly as her laughter subsided. "What utter bullshit. Fine! Go through my thoughts." Then, with heated venom, "You'll never find what you're looking for."

Kamala went over to the lever and lowered Shepard several inches, so that her toes brushed the ground. The asari turned around, approaching slowly. "Is that a dare, Commander?"

Shepard narrowed her eyes. "A promise."

Kamala took another step closer, her nose almost touching Shepard's. "Well, you've never been very good at keeping those."

She was about to thrust her head forward and headbutt Kamala when the asari's hand shot out, fingers wrapping around Shepard's throat. "Try to keep your intestines from liquefying, will you?" She released her grip ever so slightly, allowing Shepard to gasp for breath. When her lips parted, Kamala leaned forward and kissed her. The last thing Shepard saw before everything went dark was the amethyst eyes of the Ardat-Yakshi turn blacker than deep space.

The memories came in bits and pieces as Kamala tore through them. She was a kid, learning how to ride a bike. She fell down and scraped her knee, but she got back on and kept riding anyway. Then she was a teenager, the first time she went on a spaceship. Space was beautiful, and she found her love. Eighteen: she enlisted and was shipped away from home. Her parents were proud and they cried. They showed up at her promotion ceremony to Systems Alliance Commander. They cried then, too. And then she was assigned to the Normandy. The first time she saw it, she fell in love again.

Shepard pulled back, fighting Kamala. Her memories were her own, not to be tainted by some outside force. She resisted, trying to close the mental link between the two of them, but Kamala hung on, digging deeper into Shepard's memory bank. Kamala went on to see her romance with Kaidan Alenko. Shepard tried desperately to kick Kamala out of her mind, prevent her from seeing anything else, but she pushed on relentlessly. And before she could stop her, Kamala had seized Shepard's experiences with Garrus.

After Kamala had gone through every happy moment Shepard ever had, she withdrew from her mind. She took a few steps back, eyes slowly returning to their usual pink.

"You bitch," Shepard whispered. "I'm going to kill you." Kamala was wearing a smug grin. "I'll kill you!" Her gaze never leaving Shepard, she retreated towards the door. And then, she was gone.

Shepard broke down sobbing. She was exhausted and hungry and tired and thirsty, and the one place she thought she was safe had been violated without a second thought. She tried to retreat back into her mind, to remember those happy days in their full glory, but it was as if someone had cast a shadow over her past. Everything was twisted around inside and it was no longer truly hers. Whenever she tried to recall her memories, all Shepard could think of was the Ardat-Yakshi, poisoning everything she touched. Kamala had taken away her garden of refuge, her oasis in the dry, infinite desert, leaving her stranded and vulnerable. Her chest felt heavy. The one defense she found from her enemy had been taken away from her. She closed her eyes and let the tears fall, powerless to staunch their flow. For the first time in her life, she felt hopelessly defeated.