Friday,
December 28th, 2012
"Hey sista, sista! Hope you had a nice flight, just wanted to check in with you. Anyways, give me a call when you get this. Love ya!"
Beep!
Tori let out a quiet chuckle and tiredly plopped down onto her couch. Yawning, she ran her hands over her face. She let them fall into her lap and started to look around her apartment. Her suitcase from her Christmas trip to her family in L.A. was standing in the middle of the room, her jacket, scarf and hat carelessly thrown over it. With a sigh, Tori decided that unpacking could wait and so did calling Trina back because the thing she needed the most right now, was sleep. Spending roughly six hours next to a crying baby boy who didn't seem to take a break once sure did help to give her a headache. Just as she was getting up, her phone went off on the coffee table, vibrating wildly against the wood. Tori groaned but a smile appeared as soon as she saw who was calling.
Jade.
Over the last three month they had spent a lot of time together. Jade had helped her with the apartment and even after everything was done and Tori moved in, she came by a couple of times a week where they would just watch TV or cook together. They had formed a friendship, much to Tori's pleasure, and Jade had begun to open up a bit. Amelia's name didn't fall once however and Tori doubted that Jade even knew that Tori knew about her dead fiancée. But Tori accepted that – for the most part at least. She was still curious and when she saw a picture of Jade with a blonde woman – Amelia, she guessed – one time when she visited Jade, she had to stop herself from asking about her. Jade would come around, she told herself. If she really wanted her to know about Amelia, she would tell her.
Eventually. Maybe.
Without missing a beat, Tori snatched her phone up and answered. "Hey stranger."
A chuckle rumbled through the line, causing Tori's smile to widen. "Hey. Are you back home yet?"
"Yep. Just walked through the door about… ten minutes ago."
"Had a good flight, I hope?"
"Ah, well," Tori sighed and sat back down, "Not really… there was this baby and… whatever. How was your Christmas? I didn't hear anything from you aside from your text messages."
"Oh. I didn't know if I should call. You were with your family, I didn't want to… interrupt you."
Tori laughed and leaned back. "You wouldn't have interrupted. So, tell me. Did you have a good Christmas?"
…
Monday,
December 31st, 2012
"Hey Tori!"
Cat quickly tackled the brunette with a tight hug before pulling her inside and closing the door behind her friend. Tori laughed at Cat's excitement, unbuttoning her coat. "Hey Cat. How are you?"
"I'm good. Come on," she smiled brightly and didn't wait for Tori to take off her jacket, dragging her into the living room, where the party was already in full swing. "I want you to meet our friends."
Music was playing and Tori saw Robbie standing by the window, glass in hand and laughing at what some guy said before his eyes fell on Tori. Quickly putting his glass down, he strode over to her and gave her a hug before taking her coat and scarf from her, while Cat handed her a glass filled with… alcohol, Tori guessed. Before she could object, Cat pulled her with her again to introduce her to everyone. After meeting about ten people – some of them being colleagues of Robbie – they stopped in front of a curly haired man. "And this one here," Cat happily said, "is Darren. We went to high school together. Okay, well," Cat sighed and turned towards Tori, "Now you know everyone. If you need anything, I'm in the kitchen, okay?"
"Yeah, sure."
Biting her lip and tightly clutching her glass, Tori watched Cat disappear before she turned back to Darren. He smiled at her and she shot him a nervous smile back. "So, you went to high school with Robbie. How was he like? A womanizer?"
Tori laughed lightly and began to share stories about an awkward Robbie in high school. Every once in a while she would pause and look around the room for any sign of Jade, then turn her attention back to Darren. "And you're a vocal coach, right?" He asked curiously. "How's that? It sounds really cool."
"Yeah, um…" She bit her lip and let her eyes roam around the room again. "It's great."
"Are you looking for someone?"
Tori snapped her eyes back to Darren, her teeth releasing her bottom lip. "What?"
Darren laughed. "You keep looking around."
"Oh. I'm sorry," she sheepishly said and shot him an apologetic smile, "I was just… looking for Jade. I thought she'd be here tonight."
His smile suddenly dampened and Tori frowned as he cleared his throat before taking a sip from his drink. Upon seeing the look on Tori's face, the corner of his mouth lifted in a small smile. "Jade doesn't really… come anymore. To parties or whatever."
Tori frowned. "What? Why?"
Darren shrugged and uncomfortably shifted his weight from his right to his left foot. "She just… avoids us for the most part since…" He trailed off, shook his head and took another swig from his glass.
"Since… what? Since," she paused, then carefully asked, "three years ago?"
His eyes moved from the floor to Tori's face, his eyebrows raised in surprise before he sighed and nodded. He lifted his hand, rubbing his neck. "Yeah. I guess she's… too scared of being reminded about Amelia if she spends time with us. I don't really understand it." Darren furrowed his eyebrows and looked down at his glass, his thumb gently running along the rim. "I mean, we could help her cope. But… she doesn't want that." He sighed, looked back up and sent Tori a weak smile. "We didn't just lose Amelia. We lost Jade too."
"I'm… I'm sorry," Tori pushed out in a lack of anything better to say. She knew Jade was pretty closed off and obviously didn't really like talking about Amelia but… pushing her friends out of her life, people who just wanted to help her just seemed… wrong to Tori.
"Don't be sorry," Darren softly reassured her, "I mean…" Tori watched him pause and shrug his shoulders, "Robbie told me that you and Jade spend a lot of time together. That's… I mean, that's good. She seems to like you a lot if she willingly meets up with you." He pushed out a small laugh but Tori saw that the situation of not seeing or talking to Jade was nagging at him. "At least she's not alone. That's the most important part."
Tori returned his smile and nodded her head. Darren excused himself, leaving Tori standing alone with her thoughts about Jade. Amelia's death obviously didn't just destroy Jade. It destroyed her friends, Jade's relationship with them. It made her feel a little guilty that she was… allowed to spend time with Jade, while the friends she knew for so much longer than her were just pushed out of Jade's life by Jade herself. But maybe she could help them, Tori thought as she quickly crept out of the living room and grabbed her coat before disappearing out of the door.
…
She put a smile on as soon as the door swung open and revealed a confused looking Jade. "Oh… Hey. What are you doing here?"
The TV was playing in the background, some old movie Tori couldn't remember the name to. "Well, it's New Years Eve. I thought you'd be at Cat's party."
"Hm. Well you thought wrong."
Tori nodded slowly, her fingers tightening a little on her bag. A weird little silence broke out between the two until a sigh from Jade pushed it away again. "So, um… You can come in, I guess?" She shot Tori a questioning look and stepped to the side, the underside of the door silently scraping against the carpeted floor when Jade pulled it open wider. Sending the pale woman a thankful smile Tori walked into the dimly lit apartment. She stood there, her bag still tightly clasped in her hands while Jade softly closed the door behind her.
"Tori."
At Jade's voice, Tori turned around to face Jade, her eyebrows raised. Jade took a step closer, her arms crossed and her eyes still confused. "What are you doing here? Why aren't you at Cat's party?"
"Um, well…" She trailed off, not really knowing what to say. She wanted to see her, make sure she was okay and not so alone on the last day of the year. "I heard you were alone tonight and… I don't know. I thought that maybe you wanted a little company." Jade's eyebrow raised at Tori's words but Tori couldn't really decide if she appreciated her being here or just wanted her to leave again. "I mean… Or maybe we could go back to Cat and Robbie. Together."
Jade looked at the clock hanging on the wall, shaking her head. "It's almost midnight."
"So? I don't think the party will end exactly one minute after midnight."
She laughed quietly but Jade's face stayed void of emotion. "I'd rather stay in." Jade turned around and walked into the kitchen area. "But you should go back," she called over her shoulder, "Wouldn't want you to miss anything."
"Are you sure? Maybe…" Tori paused and began to bite her lip, taking tentative steps towards Jade's kitchen. "I'm sure it will be fun. I've met some of your friends," Tori saw Jade's back tense slightly, her hands stopping their movements for a few seconds before resuming their task of putting popcorn into a bowl.
Another two steps closer.
"They're really nice," Tori continued with a smile and put her bag on the sofa, but Jade didn't turn around and continued to stay quiet. Tori breathed out a long breath. "Look Jade. I just thought you shouldn't be alone tonight. It's supposed to be a happy day today. And… your friend told me they didn't see you in so long. I mean, it's only understandable that you miss Amelia but that's not a reason to-"
"Wait, wait, wait." Tori's mouth closed and Jade slowly turned around. With her eyes narrowed and glaring at her, Tori felt like she just shrunk two sizes. "How do you know about Amelia?"
"I… Cat… told me… a while ago," she stuttered out and began to nervously play with her fingers. This really wasn't the way Tori pictured the night to go. She and Jade were supposed to go to Cat's party, or even stay here and welcome the new year together. Jade wasn't supposed to get ready to scratch her eyes out just because Tori was so stupid to let Amelia's name slip. The raven-haired woman walked closer, making Tori feel like she was a little rabbit who was threatened by a huge lion. "Cat told you what?" Jade hissed out, her entire body tensing.
Tori had never seen Jade like this in the few short months they knew each other and she had to admit, for the first time, she was a little scared of her. "I'm-I'm sorry, Jade. I shouldn't have…"
As if the realization that she was completely overreacting suddenly hit her and the sight of a frightened Tori registered in her brain, Jade's scowling face relaxed, her shoulders slumped and a sigh left her mouth. In a much softer and much more familiar voice to Tori, she asked "What did Cat tell you about her?"
"Just… who she was. What had happened to her." Tori carefully surveyed Jade, watching on as she nodded and ran a hand through her dark hair.
"I'm sorry," Jade murmured in a low voice and looked up at Tori, "I didn't want to… scare you. It's just a sore topic for me." She tightly crossed her arms over her chest almost as if she wanted to shield herself from Tori. The brunette smiled weakly. "I can imagine."
"No," Jade argued with a bitter laugh, facing away from Tori, "You can't. No one who didn't go through something like that can."
A heavy and really uncomfortable blanket of silence fell over the entire room. Jade was right, Tori couldn't even begin to fully understand Jade's pain but that didn't mean that she couldn't try. "To lose someone you love so much," Tori eventually said, her quiet voice catching Jade's attention. Tori let out a shaky sigh. "I don't even want to think about how bad I would feel. But your friends… they miss you. They want to help you. It's been three years-"
"So what? What are you saying? Because it's been three years I should forget about her and stop missing her?"
Tori sighed. "No, of course not. It's okay if you still miss her but… you shouldn't… push everybody else away just because she's not here anymore."
Jade's eyes hardened again, the angry little flame returning. When she spoke however, her voice was still calm. "I'm not pushing anyone away. And even if I am," she paused and took a few steps closer until she was standing right in front of Tori, "Why do you care? I shouldn't concern you so much."
"You're my friend, Jade," Tori softly said and shook her head, "I may not know you for long but I care about you. I worry about you."
Jade let out a short laugh. "You call yourself my friend even though you practically lied to me?"
Tori's eyebrows creased in confusion. "When did I lie to you?"
"All this time, you knew about Lia and not once did you say anything."
"Well yeah, because I didn't want to scratch up old wounds. I thought that if you trusted me enough you would tell me about her eventually. If anything, I shouldn't be calling you my friend because you kept it from me!" The moment it left her mouth Tori wished she could take it back because she really didn't mean to say that. She knew how much Lia's death still hurt Jade, she could understand that Jade didn't want to tell her right away and found it completely okay, but something about Jade right now made her incredibly angry. Jade stayed silent so Tori kept going. "I just want to help you and so do your friends but you, you make that impossible because you… you… you just hide from everyone."
"I'm not hiding from anything." The calmness that radiated from Jade was almost eerie and brought a stark contrast to the frustration Tori was feeling.
"Of course you are! You… You are hiding from everything! You hide from life!" The laugh that came out of Jade's mouth irked her even more. "You can't keep doing this! Shying away from anything and everything and hiding out in your apartment, just because you're too scared of letting other people in, letting other people get to know you!"
"Okay, I am not scared of letting people in! I don't want them to know me. I don't need them."
"Yes, you do," Tori almost shouted, "I get that you miss Amelia, but you can't keep hanging yourself up on a dead person."
The pain Jade felt at Tori's words was almost too much, but she didn't let it show. Instead, her calm exterior broke and hot anger broke through. "Who even gives you the right to talk about Amelia," she asked incredulously, seething. "You didn't know her, you didn't know us! So back off!"
With the scowl back on her face, Jade swiftly stormed past Tori, grabbing her bag off the couch before thrusting it into Tori's hands. "Jade-"
"Go. Get out now."
"But I-"
"Get. Out!"
There it was again, that really angry glare, but the little sliver of sadness on Jade's face made it impossible for Tori to feel scared. But it wouldn't be wise to stay, she probably would make everything only worse. So Tori sighed and reluctantly turned around, walking out of the door and leaving Jade alone again. But instead of going home or back to Cat and Robbie's apartment, Tori leaned her back against the door, and after a minute or two, she heard quiet sobs filtering through the door.
Outside, the fireworks started.